Don't own yyh, please review. Thank you.

I hated her. I used to despise the way she was always so happy. Who was sincerely that happy all the time? No one, that's who. I absolutely abhorred her complete clumsiness. My nerves were greatly tested by her constant bugging and meddling. To me she was the devil incarnate. I loathed everything about her, from her cheery pink eyes to her bright blue hair. I scorned her because she didn't, couldn't, fight. In my world, anyone like her would be dead.

But she was dead. She was the deity, the goddess of death. Never in my wildest dream had I imagined death like her. I detested her with all my heart, being with her used to be the worst punishment Koenma could inflict upon me.

I no longer hate her like that. I have learned to tolerate her. Maybe even... Like her? No! Impossible. I am the darkness, the center of all evil. How could I do anything that is not detesting, or at the least, barely tolerating her? How, when did this change occur? I have no idea. Me, with the all knowing jagen eye, cannot even answer this simple riddle.

Perhaps it is not me that must hate her. Is it possible that it is her that must hate me? Yes, I realize now. I've hidden my liking because she is similar to Yukina. Pure, true. Both are untainted by the world's evil. Or perhaps, in the onna's case, just to naive to see the worlds evil. To see me. If they could, neither would be able to bare looking at me, much less speak pleasantly. They are chaste, moral, honest, virtuous. Me? I am wicked, corrupt, evil, sinful. How could someone like her ever love like someone like me? Impossible.

Maybe that's why I caused myself to believe that I hated her. For deep down, I loved her. Many think I'm to heartless to have this emotion, but in truth, I am to weak to not have it. I love my sister, enough to want to keep the condemned truth from her. For even I would not want a brother as unrighteous as myself. I also love her, which is why I must vanquish this emotion. Keep it hidden from her. For having to tolerate such emotion from me would only bring shame, distaste.

We are opposites. She is the fresh peony, found only in the safest place in heaven. I am the fallen dragon, doomed to live a world of hatred. We are too far apart to ever come close. Close to what, I wonder? This is another mystery that I have no answer for. All I know is that she is as close as I will ever get to heaven. As close as a forbidden fruit can get to ambrosia. It is most unfortunate that I have had the bad luck to fall in love with her.