Chapter Thirty Seven: Happy Ending

Disclaimer: I don't own Shaman King, Elfen Lied, Bleach, Bokusatsu Tenshi Dokuro-chan or Rozen Maiden.

Author's Comment: The final chapter has been uploaded, at last! This is where we will all see whether Hao will achieve his ultimate goal or perish miserably! Please, review when you are done reading! I am eager to read your opinion on the final chapter!

Dokuro-chan lead them to the Holy Ground of Stars. Usually, they would have been stopped by pissed Patch shamans, but Anna, Manta and the Diclonii had slaughtered everyone in the Patch headquarters. When the group entered the green forest, Hao took a deep, relieved breath, inhaling the pure air of this sacred place, filling his lungs with the mystical energy that took away all his fatigue and replenished his strengths, fueling his will to continue in his goal for world domination.

- I love the smell of wild nature in the afternoon! – Hao exclaimed while stretching his body, completely ignorant to the fact that no one was paying attention to his meaningless statement. – The refreshing odor of herbs and forest flowers sprouting from this untainted ground, this nexus of arcane energies which overflows a person's veins with hope and dreams of new, brighter and more glorious sunrise, always brings felicity to my whole being!

Just then, Peyote turned around, walked near a tree, unzipped his pants and peed on the roots, ruining the moment and Hao's mood.

- PEYOTE! – the Asakura screamed in fury at the Mexican. – How could you defile this hallowed place in such a disgraceful way!?

Peyote finished with his business, zipped his pants, turned around and muttered:

- Sorry, Hao-sama.

- Good lord! You are such a simpleton, Peyote. – Ashil scolded his comrade. Peyote retorted:

- What the hell did you expect me to do!? March together with Hao-sama towards global conquest with my bladder ready to burst!? And what are you all worried about 'defiling' and 'sacred places'? You litter all the time! Why would you…

Peyote's jaw hung open when Ashil casually spat out the bubble gum in his mouth right on the ground.

- YOU JUST SPAT THAT GUM ON THE GROUND, YOU LITTLE BASTARD!

- What gum? – Ashil shifted his eyes around and carefully moved the gum behind him with his foot. Peyote, on the other hand, noticed all of this.

- Don't screw with me, you little bugger! – Peyote roared and waved his finger at him. He lunged at him and tackled him on the ground, then started strangling him. Hopefully, Dokuro-chan was near the scene to stop the two from murdering each other. Machi was watching the show from a safe distance and Suiseiseki was trying to catch up with them. A minute later, she made it, all sweaty and panting, and leaned on a tree near Machi. The redhead glanced at the other girl and murmured gloomily:

- Oh, it's you.

- Hey-desu! – The living doll exclaimed. – Why are you treating me so disrespectfully-desu?! You've been hitting me with many things since the moment we met-desu!

Machi took a sorrowful look at her broken broom and said:

- It's a shame my broom is broken…

Suiseiseki looked extremely offended. Unfortunately, Machi didn't give a shit about it.

- Why are you so mean to me-desu!? – The heterochromatic girl squealed out in indignation.

- Because you are an irritating doll and also an extremely sickening internet meme. – The redhead explained passively. Suiseiseki's jaw hung loose.

- I'm… I'm… a meme-desu!? – She squeaked in horror. Her face turned pale.

Ashil strode by, sat on the ground, pulled out his laptop out of nowhere and opened a site on the internet. He beckoned the living doll. Suiseiseki took a look in the screen. Her expression was now even more appalled.

- Wh… wh… wh… - She stuttered while pointing a shaking finger at the most hideous, scandalous site she had ever laid eyes on. – What the hell is this-desu!? It's horrible-desu! No, 'horrible' is not powerful enough to describe this-desu! I can't find the proper words to describe this atrocity-desu!!

- And the people around here are really 'nice', too. – Ashil said sarcastically. – Listen to this: 'Lol, newfag. This tread is epic fail.', or 'Anon owned them hard lol.'

He raised his head, eyebrows bent in bafflement and with a brooding countenance.

- Some idiot has posted 'DESU' 2000 times-desu! – The doll exclaimed and pointed at some guy named 'Anonymous' who had posted the aforementioned word 2000 times. This was obviously the deed of someone who didn't have a life of his own.

- Sooo what's the name of this site? – Machi drawled and took a look at the logo.
It was saying '4c…

Hao pulled the laptop out of Ashil's hands and closed it.

- What are you idling around? – He exclaimed angrily. – Have you forgotten that we have a mission to complete!?

Suiseiseki's eyes had turned blank in derangement and shock. Never before had she beheld a view so unsightly and repulsive. Her tender, verbose, air-headed nature could not bear the cruel, harsh realization that such immoral, obscene morons with no life could have actually created a site such as this. The immense pressure on her mind resulted in a temporary blackout, meant to preserve the remnants of her sanity from downright annihilation.
Machi and Ashil, on the other hand, weren't that affected. They both blinked, stood up, looked around, let out a pitying sigh and strolled forward. Hao waved a hand in front of Suiseiseki's face. There was no reaction from her.

- What is wrong with this idiot? – The pyromaster grumbled in irritation. He snapped with fingers and ordered: - Peyote! Get your ass over here!

The Mexican approached obediently.

Ten minutes later, the group was walking through the forest path, going deeper and deeper into the forest, nearing the core, where the Great Spirits were hiding. The only one who wasn't walking was Suiseiseki, who was carried under Peyote's stinky armpit and held like some sort of cardboard.

Hao was leading the group, striding with calm determination. He could feel the importance, the drama of everything that was happening around him, the sensation of a crucial event drawing closer with every passing second was overflowing through every fiber of his body. This time he wasn't going to let anything detain him from reaching his goal. This time he wasn't going to be stopped!

Now there was no one who could oppose him. There were no X-Laws…

…Marco stopped rubbing his sore posterior and looked through the small window of his cell. The sun was slowly setting down through the azure, cloudless sky. Shivers ran down the X-Law's spine when he felt that something was wrong. Just then, the guard announced that Marco had a visitor and Jeanne, the Iron Maiden, approached his cell…

…no annoying Patch priests…

…Silver tripped in a rock and fell prostrate on the hard soil. His luggage was spilled all over the ground. He took a sitting position and looked sadly at all of the things he had to pack up again. But for some reason, he didn't feel like running anymore. Silver gazed at the sky and the sun, slowly descending downwards. By the spirits, what has he been doing up till now?...

…no characters from other Anime universes, except for Suiseiseki and Dokuro-chan, who happened here for no reason whatsoever…

…Grimmjow pulled a nasty bugger out of his nose and threw it behind his back. Unfortunately, the bugger slapped straight in Ulquiorra's face. A loud brawl ensued, but it was completely neglected by Aizen, who was staring at the crescent in the obsidian sky from his palace in Hueco Mundo, feeling that something, somewhere was going to happen and it was going to be of importance to everything. Probably even including him…

…no bothersome goody-goody self-styled protagonists to screw everything up…

…Yoh was staring melancholically at the campfire when all of a sudden it started burning more intensely than before, rose up high in the sky and sundered. The area between it was pitch black. It was a portal. The same portal that brought them here was now open and leading straight to their homeworld. Yoh stood up. Tamao and Faust did the same…

…not even Anna…

…Two demonic eyes opened in the darkness. The evil aura radiated around them…

…nor Timmy…

…Another pair of eyes opened in the darkness. They were a lot more humane than the others…

…no one. There was no one who could stop him.

Hao's smirk widened dangerously.

They were approaching the locus of their goal. Hao could feel the air becoming more dense, imbued with divine energies. He looked up in the sky. The sun was slowly setting down, the firmament was going to turn orange any time now.

- Everyone, stop here.

The group stopped and looked at their leader.

- This is the right spot. – He said and turned around. Everyone was staring at him expectantly. – From this point, we will summon the portal to the Ground of Holy Stars!

The shamans groaned out. Not another portal summoning!

- You should not feel displeased! – Hao insisted. – The method I will use to open the portal is guaranteed to work, but it will take me half an hour or so to finish.

Dokuro-chan waved a hand while hopping at one place, much like a schoolgirl who had found out the answer to Question 5. Hao sighed and looked at her.

- Yes, Dokuro-chan? – He drawled in boredom.

- I know how to open a portal for less than a second.

Everyone gaped at her.

- You do!? – Hao inquired. – Then we will make it to the Great Spirits sooner than I anticipated! Dokuro-chan, get over here and get to work!

- Oh-kaaaaaaay! – She chirped out and strode towards Hao. The angel suddenly pulled out Excaliborg and swung it at the shocked Hao, knocking his head off (SPLAT!!). Gushes of blood spurted out of his neck.

- DOKURO-CHAN, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!? – Everyone exclaimed in horror.

- Um… - She drawled, placed a finger on her lips and mulled for a while, completely ignoring Hao's bleeding corpse. – Sorry, I forgot what I was doing.

Everyone gave her the facepalm.

- You were supposed to open a portal that will lead us to the Holy Ground of Stars, you dimwit! – Machi roared out while waving a hand at her furiously.

Dokuro-chan slapped her head and laughed out nervously:

- OH! I see! I'm sorry, I completely forgot!

Peyote's jaw was going to fall off any moment now.

- You can revive Hao-sama, you know? – Ashil rolled his eyes and suggested sarcastically.

- Okay! – Dokuro-chan nodded and swung her weapon, then said the magic words that reincarnated Hao in a lot less than 500 years.

Hao rubbed his head and whined:
- You did it again! Didn't I tell you before not to hit me like that?!

- Soooooorryyyyy! – The angel chirped out care-freely, as if crushing people's heads was some sort of a harmless prank.

Hao brushed off a few strands of hair on his forehead and ordered:

- Open that portal now!

Dokuro-chan nodded, grinned and swung her weapon above her head. Hao recoiled and ran behind Peyote, just in case the huge maul slipped out of her hand.

- Ding! Dong! Ding! Dong! Ding! Dong! Ding! Dong! – Dokuro-chan sang out while spinning the huge maul. – Ding! Dong! Ding! Dong! Ding! Dong! Ding! Dong! SPLAT!!

Hao screamed in fright and climbed on top of Peyote's sombrero like a cat. Dokuro-chan had smashed her weapon in the ground, causing a small earthquake. Nobody understood why the maul had made a 'splat' sound, when it should make a 'slam' sound. A huge pillar of light burst from the earth and soared in the sky. Everyone was staring with awe.

Dokuro-chan turned around and saluted:

- The portal is open, Hao-sama!

- Excellent! – The Asakura exclaimed viciously. – Everyone, enter!

His minions obeyed and went in the light. Suiseiseki and Dokuro-chan went after them, too, just so that they won't miss the show.

- Since when do you address him so respectfully? – The doll asked the angel curiously before they entered the pillar.

A minute later they went out of the pillar of light. They looked around and found themselves in the so familiar barren land with high rock spires projecting at random places.

Hao smiled:
- I still remember this place. It feels like yesterday when I last went here.

Peyote mused for a few seconds and said:

- To be precise, it was actually a few weeks ago.
- It's not something important, Peyote. – Hao murmured quickly without paying much attention to the Spanish, who was also a Mexican, a Chilean and slightly Brazilian at the same time.
Hao strutted and blenched out another order:
- Everyone, move your asses faster! We're approaching our target!

Just then, the earth quaked dangerously. Hao shrieked like a little girl and climbed on top of Peyote's sombrero again. Everyone turned around and gazed angrily at Dokuro-chan. She was standing still, completely dumbfounded.

- What!? – She exclaimed. – I'm not doing anything!

- What the hell is happening? – Suiseiseki pondered worriedly.
The ground in front of them split open. Peyote lost balance and fell on his back with a shriek. Fortunately for him, Hao softened his landing.
A swarm of bats and flies soared from the hole. Dark clouds were emerging.
- What is that!? – Suiseiseki and Dokuro-chan panicked and embraced each other.
- That demonic aura… - Hao murmured under Peyote's back.

- It can't be! – Machi exclaimed and clutched at her broken broom.
The clouds dissipated. Someone crawled out of the hole. It was a small, child's body, with ragged clothes and blue eyes, looking at them with a frown.
- No way… - Ashil murmured with wide eyes.

- It's Timmy-sama!! – Dokuro-chan and Suiseiseki screamed out like fangirls. They lunged at him and fell straight in his feet and started licking his feet. The reincarnated godlike entity didn't seem stunned at all. He moved towards Hao, completely ignoring the fact that there were two girls attached to his legs, and pointed a finger at him. Timmy yelled out:

- You! I need your help!

Hao blinked confusedly.

- Me?? – He pointed at himself.

- Yes, you! – Timmy shook Suiseiseki and Dokuro-chan off and continued. – Anna is going to emerge from that hole any moment now! We've got to stop her!

The stupid smile on Hao's face turned upside down into an inverted grin of stinky teeth that had not been brushed for weeks. His pupils shrunk to the size of dots. The instant transformation from confusion to sheer dismay that took place on Hao's countenance was very entertaining for anyone who wasn't Hao at this moment… and was looking at the scene from more than three miles.

- NO! – He roared out. He collapsed on his knees and clutched at his hair. – HOW IS IT POSSIBLE!? I DEFEATED HER!!

Peyote rubbed his chin pensively.

- If I recall, you kicked her in a bottomless pit. – The Mexican ventured a guess, but Hao was far too shocked to hear anything.
- Damn you, Author! – Hao screamed and waved his trembling fist at the sky. – Damn you!!
- You should shut up and start thinking of a way to save all of us! – Ashil stepped forward with a frown on his face.
Hao, who was about to plunge in insanity, turned OOC and chirped out happily:
- Oh, yes! That's right! I have an idea! How about we all go out and eat popcorn together?!

Dead silence.

- You really are getting carried away, aren't you, Author? – Ashil murmured under his breath and made the facepalm. Machi slapped Hao mercilessly and he snapped out of his idiotic trance. He shook his head and then said:

- Sorry about that… - He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. – So it seems I cross paths with the demon-like Anna once more! I must discover a method that will dispatch her irretrievably!

- How come you suddenly became so literate? – Machi and Ashil asked surprisedly.

- Like I know. – Hao shrugged and grinned goofily. Everyone fell over.

Timmy intervened:

- You already have a power that is strong enough to take her out in one shot!

Hao blinked. He was completely baffled. Throughout the course of this story, he had been bitten, kicked, punched, smashed, squished and burned countless times, and inflated once, and it seemed that no matter what he did to prevent tragedies from happening to him, nothing helped. Hao should have probably discovered this great power the moment his life was threatened.

- I have!? – He exclaimed in surprise. – That's impossible. I've gone through so much and I still haven't discovered my true power.

- That's because you don't believe in yourself! – Timmy insisted. – All you do is bitch around and expect your minions to do all of your dirty work! Can't you see the huge difference between you and me?! All I do is believe in myself and before I know it there are sexy chicks falling for me and kissing my feet!

Hao looked at Timmy's feet, which were passionately pleasured by Dokuro-chan and Suiseiseki. When he raised his gaze, his eyes were really wide in astonishment.

- It's only up to you, Hao. – Timmy patted the dumbfounded Hao on the shoulder. A small wound healed in a second when Timmy's hand touched him. – Only you can undermine the walls of your limits!

Hao's face turned expressionless. Memories rushed back to his head in the form of bright, blinding flashbacks.
"…Hao-sama, I love you so much!..."
"…Never mind, just checking!..."
"…You can't transgress the laws of TV productions like that!..."
"…are with Yoh-sama now…."
"….breaking the Fourth Wall again…"
"…Eres correcto! Actually, it's peyote, Hao-sama!..."
"…Stupid Mexican addict!..."
"…You've got to be kidding me!..."
"…Cactus Dance of Doom!..."
"…LATIN CHORUS…"
"…Less talk, more work!..."
"…You have a spot near your lips…"
"…The weed of the peyote has always been my guide!..."
"…It's a café, you asshole!..."
"….Looks like really painful…"
"…My dignity is least injured!..."
"…That was Yoh's wife, right?..."
"…Why did we come here?..."
"…Rumors that Silver is running low on products…"
"…Heard that girl has Shikigami blood in her veins…"
"…I still remember what you did…"
"…Maybe you should've used the door…"
"…I CAN SMELL HIS BLOOD!..."
"…SINCE WHEN IS ANNA KYOYAMA ALERGIC TO ANYTHING!?..."
"…Flying through walls rules!..."
"…That was a gift from my grandmother!..."
"…I must complete the 21 Sacraments!..."
"…YOU KILLED YOUR WIFE!?..."
"…I zaid tzat I am getting rheally pissed…"
"… The Scarlet Majordomo had in mind that beings accumulate more Idiotic energies as they grew in age…."
"…Damn you, spoon! Damn you, Author!..."
"…YOU ARE NEXT, DORKHAIR!..."
"… and waited. Ashil glared furiously at Hao, who had grown a beard and was still rubbing the two sticks together with a bloodthirsty determination and bloodshot eyes…"
"…OH, SHIT! IT'S HOT!...AAGH, SHIT! MY WEANER!..."
"…All he must do is get over it! He must get over it, get a grip of himself, fix the mistakes he has made and just keep going…"
"…THERE IS NO TOILET PAPER IN HERE!..."
"…WHERE THE HELL IS THIS CHORUS COMING FROM!?..."
"…Impress you with my amazing knowledge of German language…"
"…I don't give a fuckin' nickel 'bout yo…"
"…VIVA LA FAN SERVICE!..."
"…THIS IS BLASPHEMY! THIS IS MADNESS!..."
"…THIS…IS…SHAMAN KING!..."
"…I will censure my speech whenever I want to…"
"…Time to destroy Yoh!..."
"…Say hello to my little friend!..."
"…Love is gonna get you!..."
"…Oh, merciful Mother of Lord!... Oh, sweet Mashed Potatoes!..."
"…It appeared that the Arrancar were willing to accept anyoneas an Arrancar as long as he spoke Spanish…"
"…I – AM – NOT – A – JAR – OF – PICKLES!!..."
"…Destiny still awaits you!..."
"…What!? Just one page!?..."
"…The fuckin toothbrush has to go there!..."
"…We will be your judges, Hao Asakura…"
"…I am Suiseiseki-desu!..."
"…Does that somehow involve cookies and pot?..."
…cookies and pot…

…cookies and pot…

…ies and pot…

…and pot…

…pot…

…ot…

…

The memories whirled around Hao and wrapped around his mind. He blinked. He snapped out of his reverie. Ashil was staring at him.

- Were all of those flashbacks really necessary? – He pondered out loud.
- Yes! – Hao said with a serious face. His dramatic, determined gaze could easily win him an Oscar. – I know now what I must do!

Ashil rolled his eyes. Machi gasped in awe.

- Hao-sama, I knew you'd think of something!

Hao smirked smugly. His complacency was easily outmatching Ren's own stuck-up behavior.

- Of course I would. – He stated majestically. – I am Asakura Hao-sama, after all.

Just then, a familiar malicious force erupted from the hole behind Timmy. Hao just gazed at it calmly.

- I understand now… only I can stop her. – He uttered thoughtfully.
He took out the small cactus he was keeping hidden all the time. Everyone felt his Furyoku flaring up and backed away. The great Onmyuji of the Asakura clan strode forward. His movements were overflowing with his reborn powers. Ashil felt it - it was the old Hao-sama: the all-knowing, omnipotent, merciless shaman who would not turn back or run away. The kid took one more step behind.

- Show yourself! – Hao roared out.

Poison-green light shone from the depths of the hole. A winged figure flied out from the abyss and stood fluttering in the air. Hao looked up.

It was Anna.

- Hello again, Asakura Hao. – She said coldly.

It seemed that she had undergone a dreadful transformation during her sojourn under the earth. Two ebony horns were projecting from her forehead, large crimson dragon-like wings were flapping behind her back. Her hair had grown considerably, as it was now reaching her waist. Her body had matured a lot, as well; Peyote noticed with delight that her breasts had increased in size.

- We meet again, Anna. – Hao said with a small smile.
- Yes. – She agreed. – Hopefully, it will be for the last.

Hao raised his eyebrows.
- You do know that today one of us is going to die, don't you?

Anna snorted.

- Is it really necessary to say that now? – She asked with disdain. The succubus stretched her fingers and long, sharp claws popped out. – I will tear you to shreds for what you've done to me.

Hao laughed light-heartedly.
- Oh? – He drawled. – You are still holding a grudge against me?

Anna lunged towards him. Her countenance was showing pure rage.

- As if I could ever forget, HAO!!

A small smirk formed on his lips.
A split-second before Anna's claws impaled him, he vanished.

- What!? – She gaped with wide eyes. – He disappeared?
- You are as slow as always! – Hao's voice yelled from behind. Anna turned around, frowning.

Hao was pouncing on her with the Spirit of Cactus in the form of a sword, raised high above his head. The blade swished down on her. Her wing stretched in front of her face and blocked the attack.

- You fool! – She hissed. Her wing swung forward and pushed the sword away. – Are you planning to kill me with this idiotic spirit!?
- Why not? – Hao asked while taking a step back and preparing for another attack. He looked like he was sincerely enjoying himself. – It's far better than anything you can come up with!

He lunged at her and swung his weapon at her. She was forced to dodge this attack. She fluttered in the air and dashed at him. Hao could not reach in time and was pitched backwards by her powerful punch. He smashed into a tree and collapsed.

- Hao-sama! – Machi screamed.

The Asakura slowly stood up. His head was bleeding, but he smiled, nonetheless.

- You should've used that chance to tear my heart out, not just injure me. – He lectured her with a grin. – You won't get another opportunity like this one again.

He disappeared from his spot and a moment later he was standing in front of her, his blade swinging in a wide horizontal arc. The edge sliced through her abdomen. Anna recoiled. Black blood was dripping from her wound.

- You son of a bitch… - She muttered with hatred in her voice.

Hao smirked contentedly.

- Could it be that you are losing your composure, Anna? – He suggested.

Anna snorted. She stretched her arm backwards and charged at him with outstretched claws. Hao blocked this frontal attack with ease and took a defensive position. He was repelling her attacks with one hand holding the sword, while with the other he conjured a spell. A golden chain wrapped around Anna, immobilizing her. Her face was twisted with rage.
Hao let out a disappointed sound.

- So small… - He used his catch-phrase and swung his blade.

CLASH!

Hao blinked. He uttered a surprised gasp.

It was Yoh. He had blocked his attack with his own katana.

- I won't let you! – The younger boy roared with a furious expression. A few feet behind him a portal closed up. Tamao and Faust VIII were standing in front of it.

- YOU! – Hao roared back. He pressed his blade harder. – Just when I thought you weren't going to come and ruin my plans! – An evil grin emerged on his face. – Never mind… I'll kill you AND capture the Great Spirits!

- Aren't you getting too greedy!? – Yoh snapped and pushed back violently. Hao was forced to retreat. Yoh turned around and looked at his demonic fiancée. He helpfully offered her his hand.

- Anna, are you alright? – He asked anxiously. Anna blinked confusedly.
- Yoh. – She uttered. – After I did everything in my power to track you down and kill you, you are still willing to forgive me?

He grinned affably.

- Well, I really did some stupid things back then, so it's completely normal for you to be mad at me. However, I think we should settle this some other time.

She kept looking at him. Hao gripped his sword tighter.

- Well? – Yoh asked. – Aren't you going to take my hand already, or should I just pull you up myself?

Anna sighed and smiled. She grabbed his hand just when Hao lunged at them with his sword raised.
- What the hell are you two shitting about!? – He roared and swung his sword. Yoh blocked this attack with no effort. Hao was stunned.

- You interrupted our conversation. – Yoh scolded his brother amicably. – It seems I'll have to end this battle.

Hao snorted. Sweat was streaming down his temples.

Yoh raised his sword in front of his chest and charged at Hao.
Hao's eyes widened in anger as his twin drew closer. He clutched at his sword, opened his mouth and let out an inhuman battle roar. He swiped vertically with his sword, meeting his twins blade in a thunderous clash and a blinding light.
The sword of the Spirit of Cactus was wrung out of Hao's hands and sent flying in the air.

Hao Asakura collapsed on his knees.

Ashil screamed:

- Hao-sama!

The pyromaster was panting heavily. Yoh pointed the tip of his sword at his brother's face.

- To tell the truth, I didn't want things to happen this way. – Yoh confessed with furrowed eyebrows. Hao was watching Yoh with unfeigned hatred.

Peyote stepped forward and prepared to Oversoul. Suddenly, a scythe-like weapon blocked his way.

- If you move one bit, Eliza will chop your head off. – Faust explained politely.

Ashil and Machi turned around, only to find out that Tamao was aiming at them with her crossbow.

Peyote grunted in disgruntlement. He could feel sweat dripping down his face, as well. He gazed at his master who was about to get killed.

Yoh raised his sword.

Hao shut his eyes tight and prepared for a quick death.

Yoh swung his sword down.
Everything went black.

…

For his great amazement, Hao was still alive. He slightly opened his eyes and looked at his brother.

Someone was standing in front of him. A tall, broad-shouldered figure, long raven hair, a white robe, baggy leather pants… Yoh's sword had pierced the man through the chest; the edge was projecting from his back, blood dripping from it.

…

It was Silver.

…

Neither Yoh, nor Hao, nor Anna, nor anyone else could believe his eyes. Silver had taken a death blow for Hao!?

- NO! – Yoh screamed and pulled the blade out of his comrade with a single push. The Priest fell on his knees and puked out blood. Yoh leaned Silver on his shoulders, but was forced to kneel on the ground under the man's weight.

- Why did you do this!? Why did you sacrifice yourself to protect Hao!? – Yoh exclaimed in astonishment. – What has that man ever done to you so that you can protect him with your own life!!

Silver's body was becoming limp.

- I… - He muttered. His voice was nothing but a whisper. – Yoh-kun… I… don't know…

Silence.
Hao blinked.

Yoh kept staring at Silver. The Priest stirred no more…

…or did he?

- Hold on a second! – Anna yelled and walked to Yoh. To her fiance's shock, she grabbed the dead Priest from him and shook him violently. Silver opened his eyes.

- What the hell are you doing, bitch!? Can't you see that I'm dead!? – He roared angrily.

Everyone got that familiar 'WTF' expression on their faces.

- Since when do dead people talk, you moron!? – She roared back. – Now tell me! Why the hell did you take that attack!?

Silver frowned.

- How the hell should I know!? I was standing in the middle of the desert, staring dramatically at the sun, when suddenly some mysterious force dragged me away and teleported me right in front of Hao! I didn't mean to take that blow; I would've been more than happy if that Hao bastard had died!
Anna blinked. She dropped the Priest on the ground and glared at the skies.

- Author!! – She screamed. – You have a finger in this!

-+-+-+-+-

Snicker.
-+-+-+-+-

- I can't believe it. – Ashil murmured haplessly. – Just when things were getting serious, he decided to switch back to 'Parody' mode!

Hao stood up.

- All of you idiots are getting on my nerves! – He grumbled and pointed his finger at Yoh and his sexy demonic fiancée. – Ever since this story began. No! Ever since the whole anime began! You've been the tiny pebbled in which I've always been tripping! Why can't you just die already!?...

- Shut your mouth. – Anna cut him off mercilessly. – Your breath stinks!

Hao closed his mouth with a startled mug. He opened his mouth to retort, but a swarm of flies flew out of there.

- I didn't see that coming. – Peyote said in amazement.

Just then, Dokuro-chan and Suiseiseki, who hadn't had much limelight since Anna emerged from the pit, lunged at Tamao and Faust. Ashil gaped at them.

- What the hell are you doing!? – He yelled.

- What does it look like!? – Dokuro-chan grumbled while trying to knock Eliza down. – We're giving you time to escape!

- Get going while we can still keep them occupied-desu! – Suiseiseki exclaimed. She had already cornered Tamao under her and was now twisting her hands behind her back.

Ashil kept looking at them for a few seconds, then nodded and grabbed Machi's hand. Peyote followed. Anna, Yoh and Silver were petrified and gawking like idiots when Ashil and Peyote grabbed Hao and dragged him away.

- I can't believe this actually happened. – Machi said two minutes later.

More disturbed silence.

- Ahem… - Hao coughed. – Yes.

More silence.

- Well, maybe, just maybe, you could thank us for saving you back then. – Ashil hinted.

Hao frowned.

- You are my subordinates! It is your duty to protect me from harm! – The Asakura said arrogantly.

Ashil humphed. He didn't seem displeased at all.

- Alright then, Hao-sama. Whatever you desire. But just have in mind that we won't be able to save you every time and it might happen sometime that we are just a little slower…

- Alright, alright, I get it!! – Hao exclaimed angrily. – Thank you! I am grateful for saving my sorry ass from Anna's clutches.

Ashil smiled contently. Just then, Timmy ran out of some bushes and stopped in front of them. The group of shamans stopped dead in their tracks.

- Oh, no! Not you again! – Hao whined. – Won't you leave us alone already!?

- Wait! This is important… - Timmy began seriously, but he was quickly passed by.

Hao was whistling cheerfully while Timmy was yelling, waving his little hands and trying to catch up with them.

- Ignore him. – Hao ordered. – We'll lose him in no t-UUGH!!

Timmy had leaped on him and brought him down on the ground.

- Get off me, you sick fuck! – Hao roared out.

- Listen, you retard! – Timmy grabbed Hao by the collar and neared the shaman's face to his. – I'm not wasting my time talking to you worthless idiot while I can build another potato submarine or create a cure for cancer! So shut your trap and listen!

Hao scowled and rolled his eyes. Timmy continued:

- Anna will come back for you.
- No shit? – Hao murmured. – As I hadn't figured that out already.
- She will bring Yoh and all of his comrades with her, as well.
- I've figured that out already, too. Now, if you don't have anything more important to…
- She will bring the X-Laws with her, too.
- Do I look like I give a bullcrap about those mindless lunatics? – Hao nagged and pushed Timmy back. The shaman got up. – Besides, they don't even have any spirits!

Timmy stood up from the ground and looked at Hao.
- Anna will give them spirits one thousand times stronger than their Archangels.

Hao was silent for a few seconds. Then he said:

- This could be bad.
- It sure is. More and more people will come here to stop you, so don't waste any more time.
- But that's what I am doing right now listening to your bullsh-
- I have a device that will teleport you straight to the Great Spirits.

Hao's eyes widened in surprise.

- You've gotta be kidding me! – He exclaimed. – How come I haven't heard of such a device?

- Because I invented it ten minutes ago. – Timmy explained humbly. He took his baseball hat off and took something out from it. It was a small black box with a red button on top of it. He gave it to Hao. The Pyromaster kept gaping at it for a whole minute.

- That's it!? - His jaw was about to fall off. – That's just a black cube with a button!
- That's everything you need to get to your target. – Timmy said.
- Such a simple construction… - Ashil stared in awe at the device. – But are you actually giving us this for free?
- Ashil! – Hao scolded his minion. The last thing he needed now was to pay Timmy for this device, seeing as he was carrying no money right now.

Timmy nodded.
- All I want in return is to get the Great Spirits before Anna comes here.

- You know, I thought a gadget like this one could cost a fortune. – Peyote scratched his head while saying that. Hao glared at him.

Timmy laughed light-heartedly.

- No, no, you don't have to give me anything. Money isn't everything, you know. – The godlike kid said cheerfully.
There was dead silence all around him. Everyone was staring at him as if he had just expressed his willingness to fornicate a cute little pony.

- I think you don't know what century you live in. – Machi concluded gloomily.
- Yeah. What weed are you smoking? – Ashil asked.
- Do you mind if you give me some? – Peyote pleaded.

Timmy rolled his eyes. Suddenly, screams were heard behind them. The voices sounded very familiar.

- It's Anna! – The kid hissed. – Hao, press that button and get the hell out of here! I'll hold them back for as long as I can! Just don't…

There was a flash of light. Something heavenly had just appeared behind them. Hao turned around stiffly.

- Shit! They're already here… - He gritted his teeth angrily.

In a silver radiance, brighter than the sun's light, stood Jeanne the Iron Maiden and her minion, Marco. They were both dressed in the X-Law uniforms and were as holy and righteous as ever.

- We have returned once again, carried by the wings of justice, to stop your evil rampage, Hao! – Marco said majestically.

The Asakura nagged at them:

- Where the hell were you when Anna, Manta and two pink-haired cat-eared bitches destroyed Patch!?

The holy radiance disappeared in an instant. Marco fiddled with his fingers and looked at the ground.

- We were… uuuuuummmm… on a vacation. Very far away. In Japan. And after that to the North Pole. And there was nothing we could do about it. – He blathered out timidly.

- Liar. – Hao grunted. – I don't have time for your holy crap. Everyone, gather around me!

He clutched at the box and pushed the button.

- NO! – Marco roared when a violet sparkle flashed at the spot where Hao was. A second later, the shamans were gone.

Timmy sighed in relief.

- About time. – He smirked. – Now let's deal with the two of you.

Marco and Jeanne prepared for the fight that was about to come.

Hao blinked. So did Machi, Peyote and Ashil.

They were teleported in Las Noches, a huge palace in Hueco Mundo, a dark barren world in the Bleach universe. Hao looked around and recognized with terror in his eyes Grimmjow and Nnoitra. The two Espada noticed them, screamed something in Spanish and pointed at them.

- Shit! We're fucked! – Peyote screamed like a little girl.

Hao pushed the button again. They disappeared for a second time before the Arrancar attacked them.

Hao blinked.

There was a bright light right in front of him.

He raised his head. There was a huge cone of spirit energy right in front of him. It was twitching and shifting its form every second. Ghostly wails and supernatural screams were echoing all over the place.

Machi, Peyote and Ashil looked around in awe.

- Wow… - The girl uttered.
- Is this it? - Peyote checked. His eyes were wide in astonishment. – The place where the Great Spirits are?
- Amazing… - Ashil whispered.

He stared in reverence before the ultimate spirit entity on the planet. Seconds later, a quiet chuckle escaped Hao's lips.

It turned into a loud, evil laughter and it transformed into the ultimate form of the maniacal, demonic guffaw. His shoulders were shaking violently. It was the type of laughter that the mad villain was letting out when he had killed the pesky protagonist, when he had achieved his goals of world conquest, when all of his enemies lied crushed under his feet, when all hope was quenched in the darkness of despair.

This was Hao's triumph!

Hao's laughter slowly abated. His body loosened and his shoulders stopped shaking. The shaman stuck his chest out proudly. The smirk was still plastered on his face. He suddenly turned around and yelled excitedly at his followers:

- Why are you so quiet!? – His eyes were glittering in elation. – Rejoice! We've finally made it! The Great Spirits are right in front of us! We have achieved our goal!

Ashil evaded Hao's gaze. He muttered:

- Well… I guess this the end.

Hao gawked at him.

- What?

Machi sighed and let out a small smile. She said quietly:

- Well… nearly most of the time… it was a great pleasure serving you, Hao-sama…

Hao stared at them. Peyote figured out that it was his turn to say something warm and spoke:

- Though I didn't get that pot I was promised so long ago, I still think just being by your side is a fitting reward, Hao-sama.

The Mexican took off his sombrero and took a bow before his master.

Tears of happiness were filling up Hao's eyes. It was obvious that his heart was touched.

- You guys… - He whimpered out. The tears rolled down his cheeks. – You don't know how much you mean to me!

He ran to them and gave all of them a hug. The readers of this story went 'AAaaaaaaawwwww!' at this genial scene.

Suddenly, Dokuro-chan and Suiseiseki mysteriously popped out of the air above Hao's head and landed on top of him and the group, nearly crushing their backs.

- Ooooops! – The angel chirped out goofily while sitting on top of the bundle of bodies. – Soooryyyy!

Hao's eyebrow was twitching dangerously.

A minute later, they were both standing up and looking at the newcomers. Hao ordered:

- Report.

- Yes! – Dokuro-chan saluted. – We tried to hold them back for as long as we could, but they were just too strong. We barely escaped with our lives!

- It was a harsh battle-desu! – Suiseiseki exclaimed.

- You don't look like you've been through some tough fight. – Machi looked askance at Suiseiseki. The doll grinned goofily. – In fact, that brown spot near your mouth looks like chocolate!

Suiseiseki blinked in a startled way and started rubbing the stop hastily. Unnoticed by anyone, Dokuro-chan had pulled out an ice cream out of nowhere and was now licking it rapidly. Peyote and Ashil blushed at the sight of Dokuro-chan licking an ice cream.

- Stop screwing around! This story is getting random again! – Hao exclaimed and waved his hands angrily. – Let's not waste any more time! The Great Spirits are right there!

Everyone stopped screwing around and got ready with a very determined expression on their faces. Hao raised his chin proudly and then pointed at the colossal body of energy.

- We march towards victory! – Hao roared out and lead them.

With just that, Suiseiseki and Dokuro-chan, the two characters who were not from this anime universe, Ashil, the mysterious and deadly boy who appeared only once in the anime and was forgotten shortly afterwards, Machi, the red-haired tomboy, Peyote, the notorious ex-drug dealer and Asakura Hao, the greatest Onmyuji on Earth and the embodiment of this planet's future, stepped towards omnipotence and sovereignty.

Pure light engulfed Hao.

'This is it.' He thought. The shaman smiled broadly. 'The moment I've been waiting for so long.'

Even though the light was brighter than the sun's own rays, Hao kept his eyes opened and locked at his target. There was a figure in the distance.

'This is you, isn't it?' Hao thought again. He was walking on an unseen bridge. The light was engulfing his entire world. The only thing he distinguished was the blurred figure in the distance. 'Your true form….'

He strode faster towards the figure.

'We shall finally meet!' He thought excitedly. 'After all this time, I will see your true face!'

Hao started running towards the figure. He discarded his cloak because he felt it was slowing him down.

'I will finally have your power!' Hao thought in fierce excitement. He was running like never before in his life.

Suddenly, he made it. The figure was standing right in front of it. Its forms were now clearly distinguishable. It was the one of a tall spectacled young man dressed in a black school uniform.

Hao watched at the stranger. He had not expected to meet something like him in this place. He thought he would see something divine, perfect and unearthly, not something so mortal and human in form.

The man in front of him pushed the glasses up the bridge of his nose and greeted Hao calmly:

- Hello, Asakura Hao. I am TheArchon, the author of this story.

Hao was staring at the man in sheer shock and amazement.

- I assume that you had not expected to see me here, in this world. Well, let me explain. I chose to manifest myself in this world and meet you personally, for I have very important news for you.

- The Great Spirits… - Hao uttered, still in deep shock. – Where are the…

- Great Spirits? – TheArchon cocked his right eyebrow. – I sent them away. Somewhere where you cannot reach them.

Hao fell on his knees in defeat.

- You will never become Shaman King. – TheArchon continued coldly. – Not in this story. And probably in none of my other stories. After all, you are the antagonist.

Hao snorted. He bit his lip in anger and stood up.

- I will not allow you to manipulate me anymore! – He roared and lunged at TheArchon.

He made a single step and suddenly stopped in mid-air.

- You cannot move. You cannot harm me unless I want to. – TheArchon said. He walked pass Hao, who was struggling to free himself from the invisible force keeping him petrified. – You should accept your fate and listen to me already.

Hao sighed and stopped fighting. The force released him. He stumbled backwards, then turned around and looked at the author.

- I have decided to liberate you. – TheArchon said with the same calm voice.

Hao blinked in disbelief.

- What!? – He uttered.

- I am letting you go. – TheArchon repeated. He turned around and looked Hao in the eyes. – You are no longer a slave to my greed and foolishness. I will no longer force you to tickle my every whim. This story will end now and you will be free.

Hao opened his mouth to say something, but he couldn't. He should have been furious. He should have hated TheArchon, he should have felt like torturing him and killing him. However, he felt only indifference towards the author. It was so confusing… A second ago he was running towards the Great Spirits and now he was free…

- I am going to write the finale of the story very soon. But before that, I will grant you one wish, as a reward for your patience and cooperation with me.

Hao thought for a few seconds. Then he stared at TheArchon and answered:

- I want a Happy Ending… for everyone.

TheArchon smiled.

- A very good wish, my friend. A very good wish, indeed…

The light engulfed both of them…

- And this, my friends, is how an epic saga ends. After our hero endured countless hardships, humiliations and tons of mental damage, he finally found peace with himself. He has also become a legend that will live in the memory of the world for countless years, songs will be sung about him, tales will be told and statues, monuments, schools and libraries will be built in his name. Asakura Hao truly became eternal.

But what about his goals of world domination? Well, he was never able to track down the Great Spirit's location, because Yoh, Anna and the X-Laws caught up with him and fought him in a climatic battle, from which Yoh emerged victorious. This time, however, Hao escaped without much harm and fled to a place far, far away from Patch. No shaman ever saw his face again.

Yoh and Anna returned to their home in Tokyo, accompanied by Ryu. Anna's malefic energies soon disappeared and, to Yoh's disappointment, was transformed back to her human, flat-chested form. Ryu transported Manta's remains from America and buried them in the graveyard where the little boy and Asakura Yoh met for the first time. Yoh and Anna visit his grave every day.

Ren returned to China and lived happily with his family. One month after his return, Jun and Tao got married, but she was soon arrested because of accusations of necrophilia.

Lyserg returned to London with his spirit Morphine. Lyserg, who had discovered the benefits of being a girl, found himself a rich and handsome man with whom lived a long and happy life and gave birth to three beautiful children. Fifteen years later, he visited Japan and thanked Anna for tearing off his manhood.

Faust returned to Germany with his ghostly wife and conducted experiments to bring her back to life. So far, his experiments have not been successful.

Chocolove's body was never discovered, but his spirit still roams the streets of Patch, lurking for victims to whom he would tell his lame jokes. At some point, he met a girl who laughed at his jokes and made him so happy that he was finally able to rest in peace. That girl was Pirika, who was searching for her brother's remains. When she discovered them, along with Lilly's corpse, she buried them in the Patch cemetery. She visited their graves every day.

The remains of the Lilly 5 remained in America and managed to make a living from the many talents they had. Sharona bought herself a Lamborghini and was able to find true love. Sally and Ellie decided to stay single for a while and start a career in box. Milly wrote letters to Lyserg from time to time.

Marco and Jeanne disassembled the X-Laws, which consisted only from the two of them, and went to France, where Marco and Jeanne began working in a restaurant. Due to Jeanne's blessings and Marco's hard work, the restaurant prospered.

Silver survived the blow he had taken for Hao and together with Karim, they rebuilt Patch Village and it soon opened the doors for another Shaman Fight, in which the true Shaman King was going to be chosen.

Marion and Kanna found jobs for themselves in Silver's diner. Because of the special 'Midnight Spectacle', in which Marion and Kanna participated in front of the sight of many male customers, the diner prospered and was soon turned into a five-star hotel.

Machi and Ashil traveled to France where they made a new home for themselves. Machi and Ashil started working in a restaurant and every time they returned from work, they kissed and had sex under the shower. Five years later, the two of them married and had a child which they named after their glorious master.

And ask for Hao… well, to tell you the truth… he wasn't displeased in the end…

...

…Hao slowly opened his eyes. His vision was blurred.

- Sir… Sir, can you hear me? – A female voice called him.

Hao blinked and his vision cleared. A middle-aged woman in a doctor's uniform was looking at him.
Hao groaned out:

- Where… am I?

The doctor explained:

- I am doctor Alice Stabrowski. You are in the 'Saint Alphonse' hospital. A police officer found you lying unconscious in a street, sir. Your head was bleeding. It seemed that you had gotten yourself in a brawl.

Hao touched his head. It hurt like hell.

- I wish I could remember…

The doctor smiled.

- It's alright. Don't strain yourself, sir. Just lie in your bed and rest. Your nurse will arrive soon with your lunch.

Hao smiled faintly. A polite doctor. A nurse. Food… Could it be that he had died and went to heaven? Even though his head hurt a lot, he felt happier than ever.

The door opened. Footsteps were heard.

- Ah, the nurse has arrived. – The doctor acknowledged with a smile.

Hao turned to see the nurse that was going to take care of him. He saw well-curved legs, a tray filled with all sorts of delicious food, ample breasts and…

His face turned pale in horror. He chocked.

It was Dokuro-chan.

- Sir!? – Doctor Alice exclaimed. – Nurse! Come over here, quickly!

Dokuro-chan ran over to Hao and punched his chest hard. He started breathing normally again. His eyes were wide in shock.

- You!? – He breathed out while staring at Dokuro-chan.

The angel grinned cheerfully:

- Hi, Hao-sama! I will be your nurse for the next three weeks!

One second later, a head with a green and a red eye popped behind the doorframe.

- What's all that racket-desu!? – Suiseiseki exclaimed. – I am trying to get some sleep around here-desu!

Hao raised his fists in the air and screamed. His voice echoed through the entire hospital.

- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

…

- But aren't we forgetting about someone? What ever happened to Peyote, our friendly Mexican ex-drug dealer and the greatest stoner alive?

Peyote, the current narrator and most powerful druglord in Brazil took off his white hat and picked up a glass of whisky from the small table near his lounge. He took a seep from it and stared at the large fields of marihuana. Many workers were moving through them, harvesting their precious drug and carrying it off to the trucks, from where it would begin its journey and eventually return to Peyote under the form of huge sacks of money.

Peyote placed the empty glass back on the table. He took a cigar from the package of expensive Columbian cigars and lightened it. He took a deep whiff from it and released the smoke through his mouth.

- Well, my friends, I guess that's all you need to know about me. – Peyote concluded and smiled. – And now… let us put a stop to this story…

…with…

…a Happy End.

The End

From the Author: This is it! The final chapter of 'The Legend Lives Once Again!' I hope you enjoyed reading this story as much as I enjoyed writing it! Review when you are done reading! I am eager to read some comments!

I want to give credit to five seas for giving me the idea of a nurse attending Hao… though she probably didn't expect to see Dokuro-chan and Suiseiseki in the end. Thank you for everything.