Disclaimer: I'm crazy, not delusional. JKR owns them all.

Warning: if you find homosexuality offensive, please don't read this one. It would save you the trouble of getting all red and angry.

AND this is AU. I know some of you don't believe in AU's, I respect that, but note thatthere is a good reason for it's AUness- Sirius not being sent to Azkaban is a positive thing, isn't that?

A/N:Ifind the ideaof Moony and Padfoot raising Harry very sweet (and not in the marshmallow kind of way, mind). Now I know it was done before. Allot. By people who don't abuse the English language like I do (yeah, sorry about that), but I had to try it myself. Reviews are also sweet. Write them.

This one is dedicated to my lovely Pumpkin (yeah, Sharo, don't make a face, you are and you always will be, MY PUMPKIN...). My gift to you in rocket times...

My love and thanks to Bali and Vivi. Any remaining spelling/grammar errors are my fault, and will not be held against you(:

About the Birds and the Bees

Remus was sitting at his study, reading essays his muggle students handed in earlier that day. He was a picture of homey tranquility, and Sirius would prefer just standing there in the doorstep watching him, but the man working so peacefully was much better than him in dealing with problems, especially the kind of problems Sirius has recently realized they had had.

"Moony, we have a problem" he said, eventually.

Remus turned in his chair. "Sirius Black, it would pain me greatly, but I will lock you in the basement if you tell me you rode my bicycle into the lake again".

"Oh yeah, that too…" Sirius said, sitting down on the other chair in the room. Basement threats were made twice a week and he didn't take them too seriously (though there was a part of his mischievous mind that believed that one of this days Moony would act upon his warnings). "But really, Rem, I can't apparate, I can't floo, am I suppose to walk!"

"If you weren't so stubborn I would teach you how to ride the bloody thing and you wouldn't end up in the lake every single time! Fishing for fish is bad enough; I'm very much tired of fishing for my bike". At this point of the discussion Remus' face had a delicate shade of red which made Sirius ridiculously happy. Red faced Moony was irresistible.

"I'm sorry Rem, but listen; I'll go fishing them out first thing tomorrow morning and fix them for you, okay?" Padfoot's apologetic face was as irresistible as Moony's red one.

"I prefer you wouldn't, Pads, the last time you tried to fix my bike they were pink and shiny for weeks before I found the counter spell."

"It was an accident"

"You know, Padfoot, for someone so proud of his manliness, your accidents end up causing pinkness and shininess quite often"

"Changing the subject now"

Remus laughed and then looked lovingly at Sirius, who stared sulkily at the floor. "What was the other problem we had?" he asked, and was surprised to see Sirius shifting uncomfortably in his chair. Not many things made Sirius Black uncomfortable.

"When I took Harry to the Ragils' house he asked me why David Ragil calls one of his dads mum"

"Oh"

"Yeah"

They were both silent for a moment. "Well, he is seven; we should expect him to need the Birds and Bees Conversation soon"

"We don't know much about birds, Moony"

"Well, the Birds and Bees conversation- version for the Raised by Gay Dads Child, I guess"

"There is my version for it, though"

"What did you tell him, Sirius?" it was Remus' basement tone again.

"I told him that 'mum' is French for 'dad'"

"Very wise of you Padfoot, this one"

"What was I suppose to say 'listen Harry, there are some idiots out there who prefer living their lives with women, though Merlin help me, I can't understand why'!"

"That would be even wiser"

"This is why I want you to explain it to him, Moony. You'll know what to say"

A few hours later, seven years old Harry Potter was sitting on one side of the kitchen table, looking curiously at his two nervous looking fathers. They were sitting on the other side of the table, staring at it much like they did years ago, when they sat in McGonagall's office after being caught in a closet doing things they would not mention in this conversation, or any other conversation involving their child.

They both remembered Harry wasn't really their child, of course. And they made sure Harry remembered that too. He knew about his parents, Lily and James. He had a photo album full of pictures of them, and many nights full of stories about them, told by the two people who loved the Potters most. In the beginning, Remus and Sirius didn't even think they would be named dads by Harry. They planned to be his uncle Padfoot and uncle Moony, like they originally were, but when raising a child, you can't control everything that happens, and this was one of the things they didn't mind got out of control.

"How was your afternoon with David, pup?" Remus asked, taking Harry's glasses off his nose and cleaning them.

"Really cool! Dave has a video game of bombing the Seven Wonders of the World! He let me destroy Giza!"

Of course, thought Remus, from all muggle cities of the world, Dumbledore had to choose an American one. How was he supposed to raise Harry as a nice, polite British young wizard like that?

"There is something we need to talk to you about, Harry" Remus said gently.

Harry looked quickly at Sirius, who was, according to Harry's experience with Moony's Serious Talks, supposed to say something about Serious Talks being boring, and ice cream being interesting, just about now.

Sirius was silent, and Harry knew something was really wrong this time.

"Harry" Remus started again, still not sure about the way he planed this conversation to go. "You know how there are two kinds of people in the world?"

"Yeah, some people have greasy hair and others are nicer" said Harry happily. Sirius explained it to him the other day, and Harry knew he would be proud of him remembering it so accurately.

Remus glared at the other man, who, for the moment, found the ceiling particularly interesting.

"No, Harry, I mean men and women"

"Oh, like Mr. and Ms. Ragil?"

"Yes Harry, like David's parents"

"I wanted to ask Dave why one of his dads wears dresses, but then he showed me that game and I forgot"

"Now, you see Harry, David doesn't have two dads, he has a dad and a mum"

"You mean one of his dads is French, right? Daddy explained it to me already. Can I go outside now?" Harry was getting bored. Playing fetch with Padfoot outside was far more interesting then sitting in the kitchen talking about French people, and he has just borrowed a ball that was supposed to shine in the dark.

"No, Harry, 'mum' isn't really French for 'dad'; it was just one of Sirius' Pranks"

"Like the time he made me turn all pink and shiny?"

"THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT" Sirius finally gave up his safe silent staring at the ceiling.

"Of course it was" Remus wasn't going to let Sirius change the subject this time, so he continued.

"The point is, pup, that David's dad is a man, like Sirius and me, and David's mum is a woman and they live together, like most men and women do."

There was a moment of silence. Then Harry spoke.

"Why?"

Sirius and Remus exchanged worried looks. They feared that one.

"Well Harry, men and women they… Well they just like each other, usually. Some of them don't, and it is all right, but some of them do, and it is also okay, you see?" Remus was mainly mumbling

Harry stared at him.

Then Sirius spoke.

"What Rem is trying to say, Harry, is that all men need someone to get mad at them when they do silly things, like sink the bike in the lake, or tell the postman that he's slower then a slow motioned turtle, or give a seven years old boy a full box of ice cream (Harry: "that's not silly, I ate it all!" Remus: "and felt ill for two days!"). Some men like women to get mad at them, others prefer it that men get mad at them. Me for example, I wouldn't want anybody else in the world to yell at me for being stupid, but my Moony.

They were all silent again. And again it was Harry to break the silence.

"Okay"

The identical stunned expressions on Remus and Sirius' faces were amusing. So Harry laughed. Then he took his over-cleaned glasses from Remus and got up.

"Come play fetch with me?" He asked cheerfully.

It was dark, and Harry's borrowed ball flew shining across the grassy yard.

It was much easier to explain Harry why one of his dads turned into a big black dog every once in a while then to explain to him why said dad kissed his other dad goodnight, Remus thought. Sirius was good at it, though, when he tried. Something to do with his child-like view on most facts of the world. When the time comes for the next step in the Birds and the Bees issue, anyway, he was going to let his Padfoot do all of the talking and sit quietly to enjoy the show. He would never admit it to Sirius, with his already abnormally large ego, but Remus found his irrational yet adorable way of explaining things, more than pleasurable.