Title: Heaven
Fandom: Detective Conan
Characters: Kudo Shinichi/Mouri Ran
Theme: #30—love!
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I do not own Detective Conan. All characters are the property of Gosho Aoyama. I simply threaten to make them watch old Barney tapes unless they obey me. Trust me, they listen.
Summary: After careful consideration, she opened the envelope and began to read.
It was a white envelope—simple and innocent, with her name written across the front in very familiar handwriting. She knew that penmanship as well as she knew her own. Years of study sessions and passing notes in class had seen to that.
Ran took it (along with the rest of the mail) upstairs to her father's office. She set the majority of it down on the desk for her father to "look at" later—meaning that she would probably end up taking care of it when he forgot all about it. She sank down onto one of the couches and studied that envelope for a long moment before she turned it over in her hands and opened the flap.
Judging by the thickness, it was probably two or three pages long, if not a couple more. And he'd taken the time to handwrite it, rather than type it. Whatever he had to say, it was probably important.
She wavered for a long moment as to whether or not she should read it. On the one hand, Shinichi was not her favorite person at the moment. On the other hand…it had been two months, and she was lonely, in spite of her stalwart insistences to the contrary.
Unless this letter was to tell her off and say that he didn't want or need her and was better off without her—which she knew he would never do—there was no real risk in reading this letter, whatever it was that he'd written. It wouldn't hurt anything. If anything, chances were that it could only make things better.
Maybe it could help somehow.
She unfolded the pages and began to read.
Ran,
I hope you at least read this and hear me out. You don't have to accept anything I say here, and I won't blame you at all if you don't forgive me. But at least it'll all be out in the open. I don't like having secrets from you, despite what recent events may indicate.
First things first—I need to tell you this, and I wish I could say it to you with my own voice, like I wanted to from the beginning, but again, circumstances have not been in my/our favor, so this will just have to do.
I love you.
Don't know why I couldn't just say that before—lord knows that I had plenty of opportunities over the years—but hindsight is twenty-twenty, or so they say. Now it's probably to late.
I was trying to think of the best way to describe how I feel, and really, the only thing I could come up with was heaven. Yes, it's sort of cheesy, but…
Being near you is heaven. Being with you is heaven. And being able to love you is as close to God as I'm ever likely to get. I'm not a religious person, but that's the truth. I know you're safe and well, and that you didn't get hurt in this whole mess—at least not in the physical sense. Knowing you're all right is happiness.
Conversely…being away from you is hell. I miss you, and I miss what we had. It's true what they say—you really can't go back, can you? I'll admit it—I'm lonely and miserable and it's my own damn fault.
And yet…
After everything went down, Hattori asked me if I would do it again, given the choice. If I knew what would happen and where it would all lead, would I still follow Vodka away from Tropical Land?
As she read, Ran stood up and moved to the door. She took her eyes away from the paper just long enough to put her shoes back on and slip out the door. She kept reading as she moved down the sidewalk.
In terms of almost everything, being stuck as Conan was a nightmare that I never want to repeat and a hell that I wouldn't wish on anyone. But in terms of you…
While I was living there, with you and your father, I got to see you. I saw sides of you that you had never shown to me. I think that I got to see the real you during that time. And I liked it. So if only because of that, I can't say outright that I wouldn't do it again.
I wish there was a way I could reciprocate and let you see me like that. But one, you don't want to see me—not that I blame you—and two, I don't know if I can. That's the funny thing about masks. You wear them for so long, and then suddenly you realize that you don't know how to take them off again. You can't function without them. I still feel strange without the glasses. Masks protect…and they hurt. My masks kept us under the Syndicate's radar, but they meant that I had to lie to you. I regret the lies, but I stand by them because I think it was the right course of action, give the situation.
At the end of the day, that's a lot of what life is, isn't it? Our paths are defined by the choices we make, and when we get to the end of the road we have to stand by those choices, for better or for worse, no matter what regrets we may have about them. Some things can't be changed, but others can.
The things that can't change—what happened between us, what happened to me, the lies that resulted…and how I feel about you. I love you, and I wouldn't mind telling you that every day for the rest of your life, if you'd let me. What things can change? That's really up to you—the decision is yours to make, as it always has been. I've respected your wishes for the last two months. Everything in this letter are the things I've wanted to say since then. I needed to get them off my chest.
I'm sorry for what happened. I hope made it this far, disjointed as it probably was. I've said what I wanted—no, what I needed to say. If you never want me to bother you again, I'll respect that—though I'd be lying if I said I Wasn't hoping that maybe you'd be willing to gie me—and us—another chance.
Whatever you decide, it won't change my feelings for you, I love you.
- Shinichi
By the time she got to the end, Ran had made it to her destination. She opened the gate, stepped through it, and closed it before heading up the walkway; all the while she still had that letter clutched in her hand. When she got to the house itself, she rang the doorbell and waited nervously.
Several seconds passed before she heard the click of a lock opening; the door opened. "Ran?" To say Shinichi looked surprised to see her would be a gross understatement.
It was only then that Ran realized that she didn't really know what she wanted to say. At a momentary loss, she held up the letter. "I got this in the mail today."
He seemed neither confused nor embarrassed. "Yes?"
"You wrote it."
"Yes."
"…did you mean it?"
"All of it," he nodded. "Every single word."
She lowered the papers to her side. "So…what happens now?"
"That's up to you," Shinichi said quietly. He was still wearing his school uniform, sans his tie and blazer; he shoved his hands into his pockets and waited silently for her response.
Ran already knew what her decision was. She had known it for the last several months, but she had needed that little push to come clean about it. "Shinichi?" she said softly. "What did you say heaven was?"
Now he blushed bright red, but he still held her gaze squarely when he answered, "Loving you…being close to you…" There was no mistaking the emotion in his eyes.
"Well…" she took a small step towards him, "would you show me heaven?"
A second later, he realized what she meant. "Ran…" he whispered. "You—"
"Yes."
That was all he needed to hear. It took no further encouragement for him to reach out and draw her to him. It was almost like that moment on stage, between the princess and the masked Black Knight…
Except this time there were no interruptions.
PS. Yay! It's done! Wanted to end it on a happy note—I'm sure someone will want to kill me for not actually writing the kiss xD Sorry! Thank you so much to everyone who has read and reviewed and been with me through all of this.
Thanks for reading, all! Much love!