What follows here is an e-mail I wrote to a friend of mine on May 29th, shortly after the Buffy/Angel finales, in response to what I thought of how things ended. I had been reading a lot of message boards and friend's e-mails, etc. so I was more than a little briefed with how the finale had affected viewers. It was also the sign of the first glimmer in my mind that ultimately led to the writing of Killing the Messenger. It's full of implied IMHOs, and though they may not be rendered humbly they are honest.
"People right now are very emotional about Buffy. People are responding right now neither to the finale arcs on Buffy or Angel as a whole (because they were more than sub-par for Joss & Co. and rather terrible), nor to the past seasons, respectively. Instead, they are responding to the last three or so minutes of each episode.
Which is okay. If anything, it shows the connection that the audience has for these characters--that even giving them silly things to do (read: Pylea), and Buffy a poor, ill-conceived reason to die, people still _care_. And even knowing that Buffy will come back, people still _care_. That's the triumph here, I think. I don't count Buffy's first, "death" (at the hands of the Master). I think that was more like a clinical, operating-table moment. It didn't last long, it had no permanence, no one was even there to mourn her. This ("The Gift") is more like Angel's death (though he took his body with him) in season two, which was a very compelling plot moment.
So, was I moved that Buffy died? Sure, I love her. Did I catch my breath and feel my emotional legs go out from under me when Angel saw Willow? Yeah. But both of those moments deserved much better things leading into them.
I, for one, know that if it hadn't been on TV, Angel would never have said, "It's Buffy," out loud. He only said that to alert the viewers who hadn't seen the previous hour (though I doubt folks that watch Angel DON'T watch Buffy). He totally knew from the moment Willow was sitting there that Buffy was dead. There's really no other reason in the world for Willow to come to town alone and unannounced.
I like to think that Willow was waiting at the hotel for days, staying perhaps in one of the rooms while the gang was trying to get out of Pylea. And just waiting, trying to figure out what to say, what to do once she told. I think I felt almost as equally bad for Willow in that moment as I did for Angel. They don't really have a relationship but yet in that moment they were alone in their grief, in that room, that city.
I think, though, that Giles would have been more likely to go tell Angel, despite all that's happened between them. It would have been a nice way for him to have to step outside of himself to honor Buffy, knowing that she would have wanted someone to tell Angel.
And I'm not sure they would have had her in the ground before Angel was told. (I think the Buffy/Angel timeline has become a little screwy.)
All in all, it's like my choir director used to say, the beginning and the end are what people remember, so give them good beginnings and fabulous ends and they'll have forgotten the middle.