A/N: What I forgot to mention before: This story is written for the humor contest of the Third Floor Corridor. That is my only excuse. Well, that, and that I'm seriously sleep-deprived.

Part two: Snape attempts to reconcile Voldemort and Dumbledore, and Wormtail has to chose between two evils: living the rest of his life as 'Daffodil' or face the wrath of a dispelled Snape. Poor chap.

Snape, who had been meditating all night, jumped up excitedly, and rushed to Voldemorts bedroom. He stepped over the completely-out-of-it Death Eaters who were laying around the house. Removing Goyle from his path was a bit difficult, but he managed it eventually.

"VOOOLDIE! Wakey wakey!"

"Go away, Severus," the man hissed, "before I curse you."

"You'll feel better after a nice cuppa," Snape assured him, "and as luck would have it, we are going to Hogwarts. Albie has the most wonderful tea I ever tasted."

"Hog…" was all Voldemort had time to say as a Portkey was pressed into his hand, and he landed, in his boxers and Sesame Street shirt, on the Hogwarts lawn.

Albus Dumbledore had not had an agreeable night. He had tossed and turned most of the night, torn between concern over his Potions Masters well-being, whether or not he had been revealed, or had revealed himself, as a spy, and not to mention, he worried about his state of mind. Although the spell DID make Snape a lot easier to get along with. He would have to investigate if milder versions were available.

A colorful parrot brought in a note.

"Dear Albie,

This note is a Portkey to meet Voldie and myself. It will activate…"

Apparently the last word should have been 'now'.

"Albie!" Snape hugged the old man.

"Merlin…I didn't dream it," Dumbledore moaned.

"Alas," Voldemort muttered, "this is the last time I ask Wormtail for entertainment."

"Daffodil," Snape corrected.

"What?" duel voices asked.

"Daffodil. Wormtail sounds so…nasty. Treacherous. People will live up to their name, you know. Giving him a name like that is just asking for trouble. Now he has a nice, sweet sounding name. Like Sirius Violet."

"If Sirius had a grave he'd be spinning in it," Dumbledore sighed.

"First, we are going to do some trust excercizes," Snape said, ignoring the mutterings.

"Albie, stand over there. Voldie, stand in front of him. Cross your arms, and let yourself fall backwards. Albie, you catch him."

The two men stared at him in indignation.

"Ah. Well. Tough crowd. Very well, let's have it out in the open. Voldie, why do you have difficulty loving Albie?"

"Bloodtraitor…manipulative bastard…hated me from the first day we met…was only eleven."

"Ah, so you believe Albie never gave you a fair chance, and thereby, denied himself the opportunity to love you. Albie, why do you have trouble loving Voldie?"

"I was frightened," Dumbledore said, "such control at such a young age, and such willingness to hurt others…steal from others…"

"I lived in a freaking orphanage," Voldemort shrieked, "I had to defend myself, and everyone stole from everyone! I had to survive!"

"Yet you turned evil!" Dumbledore countered.

"That old fool Dippet kept sending me back, and you kept forbidding me to defend myself! What do you think my summers were like after that? Do you know what they DID to me, those filthy Muggles?"

Now Voldemort and Dumbledore were facing each other, screaming. Which would've been more impressive if Dumbledore hadn't still been wearing his nightcap, and Voldemort had chosen to wear his 'I hate Muggles' shirt instead of his Elmo one.

Snape began chanting, danced around them and threw herbs into the air.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" they both snapped.

"Dispelling the angry feelings," Snape responded.

"Let's try meditation. Sit down, cross your legs and relax. Breath in…and out…and in…and out…"

The two panted heavily, never taking their eyes off the other.

"Good!" Severus happily said, "now, I think we can all benefit from a group hug. Embrace each other and tell each other you let go of the pain of the past."

Just as Voldemort and Dumbledore were about to throttle him, a rat carrying a wand in his mouth sneaked up to them, transformed, aimed at Snape and shakily said: "Finite!"

Then he transformed again and ran like hell.

Snape blinked.

"By Salazar, what on earth am I wearing?" he asked in horror. Then he realized who he was with, and where.

"What…what…" Slowly memories came back to him and he paled.

"WORMTAIL!" he screamed, "YOU ARE SO DEAD!"

Voldemort looked at Dumbledore. Dumbledore looked at Voldemort. Voldemort and Dumbledore looked at Snape. Snape avoided all eyecontact.

"I think," Dumbledore slowly began, "that this never happened. I also think that Cornelius Fudge will soon suffer from memory loss concerning a Death Eater anti-war demonstration. I think the Daily Prophet will tomorrow claim that it was an elaborate prank."

Voldemort nodded. "I think my Death Eaters will have no recollection of this once they stop their substance abuse. I also think you may very soon find a certain rat on your doorstep…but since Severus gets first dibs, don't expect him in one piece."

They nodded. "This never happened," they agreed.

Severus let out a feral growl and stalked off towards the castle.

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"Oh Daffodil," a soft voice called.

Wormtail felt his insides freeze in panic as he recognized the voice. Hiding under the bed had not saved him after all.

"S-Severus…please…" he begged pitifully, scrambling up and trying to find an escape route.

"Do you know what could have happened?" Severus slowly walked up to the cowering man until he was backed into a corner, "ALL of us sitting around the ENTRANCE to the bloody MINISTRY itself, Daffy! If Fudge wasn't so incompetent…"

"And Albus kept him in check," he gratefully added silently to himself.

"I didn't…didn't know…" Wormtail trembled.

"You shouldn't play with spells you don't know, Daffodil," Snape's small smile was truly ominous to see, "shall I show you why?"

With a quick flick of his wand, Wormtail was bound and dangling from the ceiling.

"I have this obscure spellbook," Snape said conversationally, "It's from my grandparent's library. Remember them, Wormtail? Dark Wizards? Anyway, no one seems to remember what these spells do. So I will just have to try them out, won't I?"

Wormtail wet his pants.

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Dinner in the Great Hall came to an abrupt end that night when a figure descended from the rafters in a spandex blue suit with a red cape.

"SUPERMAN!" the Muggleborn and Halfbloods cheered. But as the figure approached, they realized that this Superman looked more like Danny DeVito than Dean Cain. Such people should avoid spandex at all costs, the collective student body agreed.

Flowers suddenly dropped onto the masses – Daffodils.

"T-There was a wizard –sort of- in Scotland," the trembling superman began,

"who once all too freely waved his wand

He now pays the bill

As a sweet daffodil

Now do check his arm from that brand!"

Wormtail tearfully choked his way through the Limerick. Snape grinned from his place at the staff table, and nodded in satisfaction.

Wormtail would pay. Now all he had to do was to convince Lucius that his Superman suit had gone missing in the Death Eater laundry basket.

He discreetly felt his right wrist. Hopefully, Bella would never miss the wooden bracelet…

THE END