CH4

Gaz stared blankly at him for a moment. The idea that this guy was an alien was getting more believable by the minute. "Well doesn't your species reproduce?"

"Of course, but…" a look of complete puzzlement streaked his face. "Why would I need you for that?"

Gaz said nothing but continued to stare at him very much the same way he would stare at GIR especially when he was acting particularly stupid. Then suddenly it occurred to him how primal this human race actually was.

"Oh I get it now!" he brightly exclaimed. "A human male and a human female must copulate somehow." He watched his hands closely as he clasped them together locking his fingers and studying its curious design, as if imagining this could somehow represented the act of human reproduction. Then suddenly Zim had another one of his brilliant ideas.

"You," he grabbed Gaz up by the shoulders and began to push her towards the door. "Go get a human male and mate with him so that I may watch!"

Instantly she jerked away from the alien and yelled. "Are you completely nuts!"

"I will take pictures, make notes and record the process from beginning to end!" he wildly exclaimed completely unaware of how put off Gaz was by all this nonsense.

"Go find you own human male to mate with!" she jeered as she pushed him away and sat back down on the couch. For a moment he stood there looking rather sad then slowly he joined her on the couch.

"But I just want to know how you humans do this," he meekly explained hoping Gaz would not stop thinking of him as a pervert. They sat there quietly for a minute or so before she spoke up.

"Would it help if I just told you how it went?" With his bottom still puckered out he nodded his head and gently smiled. Gaz sighed and smiled softly back at him, then leaned in close and began whispering the secrets of human sexual contact. At first his eyes gleamed with lustful glee. But then as Gaz went into the more intricate details his smile faded and his eye began to twitch. Soon he felt a shiver run down his spine and without even thinking he uttered the word "ewe". He looked directly into Gaz's eyes.

"You human's are the most disgusting creatures I've ever known!"

"Well don't knock it until you've tried it space boy," she quipped back.

"No thanks," he flatly said almost ready to vomit at the thought. "However," he then openly admitted. "If I ever HAD to have sex with a human…" He paused for a moment making sure what he was thinking was really true as Gaz sat up and gave Zim a suspicious look.

"Well let's just say that of all the humans I've met, if I had to have sex with one of them, I think having sex with you would be the least sickening of all."

"Your too kind," she mocked dryly.

"I know," the little green alien smiled, very pleased with himself.

"Now go home." Gaz ordered.

"But you haven't promised your allegiance to me yet!" he urged.

"It's late Zim. GO HOME!" she growled.

"Fine;" he surrendered with a huff and stormed out of her house. "But you haven't heard the last from me! I will earn your allegiance Gaz! Heed my words, I will!" He watched her slam the door on him and turned off the lights. He returned to his home with head hung low dragging his roses on the ground and Gaz spent the rest of the night tossing in her bed.

'That's all I need,' she thought to herself, 'the only kid creepier than my brother as a crush on me.'

Then, just as she was about to finally get back to sleep, she could have sworn she heard a strange high pitched mechanical voice in the distance coming from her newly broken bedroom window. It repeated her name over and over in a very badly made melody and then she heard Zim's voice in the distance yell out "Quiet Gir!"

She threw her pillow over her head, 'I am so doomed!' she confessed to herself. 'Doomed, doomed, doomed…'

-THE END