A/N: Fic request for Basser! Who I now adore because she drew the most adorable Sasuke x Itachi picture ever.
Disclaimer: Gosho Aoyama.
State of the Mind
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When things fall apart;
the center cannot hold.
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When Ai knocked on Conan's door at 2 in the morning, she knew what she was setting herself up for, and she knew that she wouldn't be able to look in his eyes.
So she looked at the floor.
State of the mind: scared.
When Conan looked at her blearily and asked her sleepily, his words slurring, why she was there and was there anything wrong, she was tempted to tell him the truth.
But really, it was safer for her to lie.
State of the mind: dishonest.
When Conan finally managed to shake the sleep from his eyes and zeroed in on the chess board under her arm, she nodded to his unspoken question and although he was probably confused, she didn't explain.
It would probably be easier if she didn't say anything.
State of the mind: quiet.
She set up the board quietly, and placed out all the pieces, but when he confusedly, asked her why she was doing this, and why now of all times, she opened her mouth to tell him the whole story but decided it would just be too long.
So she told him what the prize was instead.
State of the mind: tired.
His eyes brightened considerably, and she could see that he was happier that he had been in years (yes, it had been years, hadn't it? Time had passed quickly, a tad too quickly for her comfort.) but her eyes stayed trained on the chess board, and she made the first move.
He quickly countered, as she knew he would. He probably had his next five moves already in mind.
State of the mind: overload.
She played like she had never played before; it was definitely the best game of her career. He was a formidable opponent, but really she had expected nothing less. In fact, she would have been sorely disappointed if had played anything but his very best.
It was a battle of genius and really, in the end, the winner would be synonymous with the loser.
State of the mind: genius.
In the end though, she knew who it would be to win. She played the whole game with her eyes on the board. He played the whole game with only one thing on mind.
Really she wasn't surprised she won.
State of the mind: surprised.
But she would have been lying if she had said she hadn't been planning on telling him anyways. She always was a sucker for happy endings. At first, she had seen the disappointment and felt a sick sort of satisfaction at it.
But then she remembered why she had gone to him in the first place.
State of the mind: disappointed.
Gingerly, she tried out a laugh, but it looked awkward on her, simply put, it wasn't her style. It looked fake. She gently told him she was kidding; she was just in the mood for a chess game. And to tell him the horri-no, it's good news.
She'd found a cure.
State of the mind: desolate.
Really, it had taken her long enough. Three long years until she'd finally figured it out (and it was so simple, really, she couldn't believe they hadn't found it sooner, it was all just to look for the chemical imbalance in her blood.) but it had also been three long years with him and the truth of it was
Ai had grown fond of Conan, and having him to herself for at least two days a week, heads bent over her latest idea.
State of the mind: hesitant.
She wouldn't call it love, she couldn't. More like a dependency, maybe. An addiction, a fascination, a comfort object, another subject to study, a friend, but she wouldn't call it love. And it wasn't love anyways. He was a friend.
She didn't know who she was convincing anymore.
State of the mind: confuseddelirioushappyscaredbroken.