Title: In a Hard Place
Rating: PG-13
Pairing/Character/s: barely there hints of Zoro+Sanji
Word Count: 527
Warning/s: Um… some vague but unimportant spoilers for parts of the anime's Water 7 arc
Summary: Sanji and Zoro are trapped. Zoro is unhelpful.
Dedication: Para- Been a while since I wrote for you!
A/N: I didn't get a theme request for this one, but since I love Para to bits I'm doing it anyway. XD Um. So I guess I just jacked this week's theme at onepieceyaoi100: "Rock."

Zoro was napping.

Right now, Zoro was napping. Which, Sanji supposed, meant that the idiot was calm enough to fall asleep, which should translate to this not being a big deal, which should in turn mean that the blond should be calm too. Even if the blood was rushing to Sanji's head and the rocks pressed against his back were chafing roughly between his shoulder blades every time the green-headed idiot let out even the slightest snore, his impressively large chest expanding and squashing the thin blond even further back into the stonework.

He would have reached out to kick the big dumbass if he'd had the room to move. But he didn't, and the blood was really rushing to his head and he couldn't believe that the fucker was sleeping right now.

"Dumbass," he grunted, and wiggled his shoulders a little to jostle his companion awake. That didn't work so well so he tried wiggling his hips a little, the jut of his pelvis angling to dig into Zoro's on every upward movement. "Oi, dumbass!" he repeated, and shoved his hips forward again. "Wake up!"

Zoro grunted and made a pleased sounding inquisitive noise in the back of his throat at the friction. "Mmmph."

Sanji made a disgusted face and couldn't believe this even more. He nudged his hips forward again, harder. "WAKE UP!"

"Nnngh," Zoro mumbled, though his eyes did flutter a bit this time. "Shut up, stupid love-cook," he muttered on instinct, and tried to roll over in his sleep.

Except he was stuck.

His eyes blinked open.

Couldn't move.

Why?

Oh yeah.

"We're still stuck?" he asked drolly, and yawned right into the blond's face. Sanji snarled.

"OF COURSE WE'RE STILL STUCK."

Zoro shifted slightly, and the look on his face was the mental equivalent of a shrug. "Chopper'll come," he said, in an oddly reassured way.

"He doesn't even know where we are!"

Zoro grunted. "Oi, stop yellin'. 'm right here ya know."

"Too close," Sanji reminded him, and wished he could smoke.

"Just relax will you, aho-cook? Chopper'll come. He came last time."

Sanji clenched his jaw. "Just because he came last time doesn't mean that…" he trailed off suddenly.

Blinked.

Processed what Zoro had just said to him for a moment, though much slower this time.

And then, "THIS HAS HAPPENED TO YOU BEFORE!" he shouted, and felt like bashing his head against the wall just a little bit.

No answer.

Zoro was fast asleep again.

And the two of them were still stuck upside-down in this goddamned chimney.

Who the hell fell upside down into a chimney twice in their lifetime anyway?

Sanji glared daggers at the sleeping swordsman, and if his hands weren't pinned to his sides right now, he would have actually considered reaching up and really using them to choke the idiot marimo to death while he slumbered.

But he couldn't. Because they were still stuck.

Upside-down.

In a chimney.

Presumably for Zoro's second time.

Unbelievable.

Sanji, blood still pounding in his head in what he assumed was the beginnings of a massive headache, sighed in a hopelessly resigned sort of manner.

He waited for Chopper.

END