new JL fic. hope you like it. it was inspired by Cascada's Everytime we touch and a video to that song. enjoy!
James brought Lily closer to him and pulled the duvet cover over their bodies, gently kissing her neck afterwards. He could tell she was smiling and her laugh made him smile as he kissed her. James loved the feel of her body next to his own, the smell of her red hair, and the soft touch of her skin.
'Promise me this will never end,' said Lily dreamily in his arms.
'I promise,' whispered James, kissing her neck again before sitting up. Lily looked over her shoulder at him curiously as if to ask him where he was going. 'I've got something for you.'
I still hear your voice
When you sleep next to me
I still feel your touch
In my dreams
James reached over to his bedside table and opened the small door. Inside was a bunch of twelve roses. All of them were real apart from one which he'd charmed to never die. James took them out of the cabinet and handed them to Lily.
'James, these are beautiful,' she gasped when she took them. 'They smell lovely.'
'They're for you,' said James. 'Lils, I'll love you till the very last one of these die and even beyond that because nothing can make me stop.'
'I'll always love you too, James,' said Lily softly. She ran her hand over his cheek then gently leaned in and kissed his lips. 'Always and forever.'
Forgive me my weakness
But I don't know why
Without you it's hard to survive
James and Lily had one of the strongest relationships Hogwarts had ever seen. Everyone knew about them and all who did always said they belonged together. They'd been going out for nearly seven months and both were madly in love with other. Of course every relationship had its problems and its flaws and the only one in theirs which neither of them cared about was Lily's Muggleborn status. Something of which Snape continually taunted James about.
And in one of these taunts, something for James hit home and made him realise something. If he lost Lily … he'd never be able to carry on without her. And because of this, because of their relationship, Lily would be a target as her family had already been. This left James with the hardest decision he'd ever have to make and one that would haunt him till he died.
A week later
James waited nervously for Lily to come back from patrolling the upper floors. He paced back and fourth in their common room, dreading the reaction he'd get from what he was going to tell her. But it made sense or at least to him it did. If they continued their relationship it would be too dangerous for Lily to be with him what with Voldemort and his pureblood supremacy. Any one of his Death Eaters could hurt Lily to get at him and he wasn't going to let that happen, even if it did mean he'd have to suffer in order to protect her.
As James crossed the common room for what must have been the twentieth time (his eyes were kept downwards and it was surprising there wasn't a hole in the carpet by now) the portrait open and in walked a tired Lily. James looked up at her and his heart melted. She looked so beautiful …
'Hey,' he said gently. 'How was patrol?'
'A nightmare,' sighed Lily heavily. She walked over to him and wrapped her arms round James's neck. 'But I knew I had you to come back to so it was a little more bearable.'
Cause every time we touch
I get this feeling
And every time we kiss
I swear I can fly
Can't you feel my heart beat fast
I want this to last
I need you by my side
The already tight knot in James's stomach tightened even more. But when Lily placed a gentle kiss on his lips everything flew from his mind in the brief seconds their lips were touching. And when she pulled away, everything came flooding back.
'Lils,' James started uneasily. 'We need to talk.' She looked at him.
'About what?' she asked.
'About us.' James led Lily over to the sofa and sat her down, sitting next to her and facing her. He looked up into her green eyes but found he couldn't continue doing so, so instead he took her hand and held it. 'We need to …' James started but his voice was constricted and he had to stop.
'What, James?' asked Lily. She'd never seen him act like this before. 'James, you know you can tell me anything. What is it?'
James shut his eyes, feeling the tears starting to sting them.
'We need to end this now before it gets any further,' he blurted out.
And instead of waiting to hear her reaction, James got up and ran up to his bedroom before Lily could ask why and he could see the tears come to her eyes. Lily remained in the common room, staring at the stairs where James had disappeared, unable to speak. He'd just broken up with her.
Cause every time we touch
I feel the static
And every time we kiss
I reach for the sky
Can't you hear my heart beat slow
I can't let you go
I want you in my life
The evidence that James Potter and Lily Evan's had broken up was shown within a day of them doing so. Neither of them were seen together and, more to the point, James wasn't seen at all. He remained in his bedroom staring at the hangings above his bed. He didn't want anyone to see him cry which was what he was doing virtually all the time now. It was only at the insistence of Remus and Sirius (and the detention threat from Professor McGonagall) that James finally got out of bed and returned to lessons.
Lily, on the other hand, wasn't coping much better. She had remained in action, getting out of bed, eating, going to lessons, but her heart wasn't in it like it used to be. She didn't have James to talk to, stare at, or sit with at meals due to him remaining in his room and she couldn't help but wonder why he'd done it. Why had he dumped her without even an explanation for his actions?
Over the next week or so James and Lily drifted further apart. To try and get over her, James had accepted a date with a seventh year Ravenclaw, Susan Beckett, and had been going out with her for three days. But to no avail. He couldn't stop thinking about Lily and the hurt that had gone across her face when she saw Susan kiss him made his heart break even more.
Your arms are my castle
Your heart is my sky
They wipe away tears
That I cry
The day Lily saw another girl with James made her want to rip out her heart. She recalled the words she'd written in her diary the day she accepted a date from James: "Dear diary. I've met a boy … prepare to shatter …" and how true those words seemed now when back then, they were just ink on a page when she saw how wonderful love really felt. But when Lily did see James with her, something in his eyes when his met hers told her that nothing in their relationship was true, giving Lily a slight glimmer of hope.
Later that same day when Lily had seen Susan kiss James, they ran into each other in passing in the common room. James had been on his way out to see Remus and Sirius back in the Gryffindor Tower while Lily had been coming in from her patrol.
'Hi,' she said nervously to him, dreading what would happen.
'Er, hi,' he replied, equally as uncertainly.
There was silence for a few seconds in which both of them stared at each other. James gazed into her emerald eyes; they'd lost their shine. Lily kept looking downwards, her eyes wandering back and forth from his body and face. Then Lily got up the courage and said, 'So, um, how's Susan?'
'Oh, she's good,' said James, trying to be casual. He couldn't look at her though; it was too painful. 'She's really nice. We're meeting up to go to Hogsmeade this weekend.' A few more seconds silence. 'So … how've you been?' he asked.
'I've been good. Patrols are a bit boring but, you know, Head Girl duties. Nothing's really changed.'
'Yeah.'
'Well, I've got to, um, go do my homework,' said Lily, walking round James and pointing at the stairs. 'I'll see you around, James. Bye.'
'Wait!' James suddenly burst out. Lily hadn't moved.
'What?'
I love you. James willed himself to say it but he couldn't. 'Never mind.'
Lily turned round to walk away but James stopped her again by saying, 'I miss you.' However, as the tears started in Lily's eyes, she just shrugged it off and walked away. James remained in the common room for a few more minutes after she'd gone, wishing he could tell her he still loved her, before leaving through the portrait and hurrying up to the Gryffindor Tower.
The good and the bad times
We've been through them all
You make me rise when I fall
'Guys, you should have seen her,' said James desperately, flopping down into a chair in the Gryffindor common room. 'I could see her heart breaking in front of me.'
'James, you broke up with her,' said Remus. 'You didn't have to start dating five days after you'd split up.'
'But I had to get her out of my mind,' said James. 'But she's always there. I can't stop thinking about her. She was everything to me.'
'Never make somebody your everything cause when they're gone you're left with nothing,' said Sirius casually and somewhat, quite wisely. James and Remus looked up at him.
'Wow, Padfoot, that was really sensitive,' said Remus. 'Where did you come up with that?' He looked at them strangely.
'Got it out of a fortune cookie,' replied Sirius, holding up the crumbs.
James shook his head.
'I don't know what to do,' he sighed. 'I love her so much … I did this to protect her from harm, from Voldemort and his Death Eaters. You heard what Snape said. Any pureblood with a Mudblood is asking for trouble and will get what's coming to him.'
'Breaking up with her doesn't necessarily mean she's safe,' said Tala. She was sitting on Sirius's lap and ignoring his attempts at seducing her. 'Voldemort could still come after her and where would you be? If she died and you weren't there to at least try and stop it then you'll end up hating yourself for the rest of your life, not that you aren't already. Least by being with her, you've got a fighting chance of protecting her.
'If you love her, tell her why you did it because hearts are often broken by words left unspoken. True love is hard to find, James, harder to leave and impossible to forget.'
James looked up at Tala. What she said made sense but he couldn't live with himself if Lily was killed because of him. In the end, he said goodnight to the three of them before returning to the Head's common room. When he got there, he saw Lily sitting quietly in the corner, pouring over her Charms homework. As James stepped in she looked up but remained silent.
'How's it going?' he asked, walking over to her.
'Only got another two inches to write,' shrugged Lily before getting up and packing up her books. 'But I'm too tired now so I'm just going to go to bed.'
Cause every time we touch
I get this feeling
And every time we kiss
I swear I can fly
Can't you feel my heart beat fast
I want this to last
I need you by my side
Lily started to walk away but James stopped her, placing a hand on her shoulder.
'No goodnight hug?' he said as if it was something that happened every night.
Lily's eyes lifted to his own briefly. Then, she put down her books and wrapped her arms round him as James pulled her in. It felt so good to James to have her back in his arms and when Lily rested her head against his chest, he never wanted to let her go. But as the seconds ticked by James had to relinquish his grip on her and Lily walked away. When he had let go Lily pulled back quickly, not wanting any questions, and walked away up the stairs, forgetting her books. James followed a few minutes later.
And the both of them went into their separate rooms where they both collapsed on their beds and started to cry.
Cause every time we touch
I feel the static
And every time we kiss
I reach for the sky
Can't you feel my heart beat slow
I can't let you go
I want you in my life
Their POV's of that day.
I saw her today.
I saw him today.
It seems like it's been forever.
I wonder if he still cares.
She looks better than before.
I couldn't stop staring at him.
I asked how things were going.
I asked about his new girlfriend.
She said nothing's changed.
He said she's really nice.
I'd pick her over any girl I'm with.
He doesn't realise how I still feel.
I can't even look at her without crying.
He couldn't even look at me.
I told her I miss her.
He told me he missed me.
I meant it.
He doesn't mean it.
I love her.
He loves his new girlfriend.
I held her for the last time.
He gave me a friendly hug.
Then I went upstairs and cried.
Then I went upstairs and cried.
I lost her.
I love him.
The next day, James ended it with Susan. He couldn't face going out with her, not after last night and what had happened between him and Lily. That morning after Muggle Studies, James had ended it before heading off to Transfiguration with Remus and Sirius, his first lesson that day with Lily.
During the lesson, James stared at the back of Lily's head all the way through it as she sat and talked with her friend Rebecca. Tala's words from the previous night kept coming back to his head and he couldn't ignore them any longer. Grabbing his quill, James ripped off a corner of his parchment, quickly scribbled a note on it then sending it over to Lily's desk so it landed in front of her.
Transfiguration was the first lesson the next day Lily had with James. She'd been dreading it all the way through Ancient Runes. When she got there, she saw James enter the classroom first with the other Marauders, before she and her friend Rebecca followed, sitting at the front while he sat at the back.
'Forget about him, Lily,' Rebecca whispered to her but Lily knew she couldn't.
The whole lesson went by in a bit of a haze for Lily. She couldn't be bothered to listen, not after last night. She couldn't stop thinking about James. That was why she was so surprised when a piece of parchment floated down in front of her … with James's handwriting on it.
Meet me tonight on the Astronomy Tower roof at nine o'clock. I need to talk to you.
James.
P.S. I broke up with Susan.
Lily reread the note several times before pocketing it, dreading what was to be said.
Every time we touch
I get this feeling
Every time we kiss
I swear I can fly
At nine o'clock, Lily left the Head's common room and made her way up to the Astronomy Tower. Her footsteps echoed in the silent hallway making her slightly on edge. However, her mind and thoughts were on what was to come and what James would say to her. Lily dreaded what was to happen though her heart was telling her to accept what he says.
Finally, after what seemed forever on the familiar walk, Lily pushed open the door of the classroom and proceeded to the roof. James was already there.
James had been there for the last half an hour. He'd been gathering his thoughts, trying to think what to say but to no avail. All he could hope was when he saw her the words would come naturally. And when the door opened behind him, he glanced behind him before turning round and facing Lily.
'I didn't think you'd come,' he mumbled.
'I don't tend to break my promises,' replied Lily, a slight tone of spite in her voice. James flinched.
Can't you feel my heart beat fast
I want this to last
I need you by my side
'Lily, what I did was unforgivable, I know that,' said James. 'But I thought if I did, I'd protect you.'
'I don't need protecting, James,' said Lily. Her spiteful tone had vanished but her anger remained. 'I needed you. D'you know what the worst thing about me loving you is? The worst thing about loving you is watching you love someone else. D'you know how hard it was to see you accept that date from Susan Beckett?'
'Lily, I know, I –'
'No, I don't want to hear another word.' Lily turned around to walk away. 'Never again will my tears fall for you. I've wasted enough on you, believing that you loved me. Life was so much easier when you were immature. I could hate you without loving you as well.'
James felt a thousand knives stab at his heart but he couldn't give up without a fight.
Cause every time we touch
I feel the static
Every time we kiss
I reach for the sky
'I gave you twelve roses!' he shouted suddenly, causing Lily to stop and look back at him. 'All but one of them died because I enchanted it to keep on living because my love for you would never stop. Lily, please believe me when I say I love you because I will always mean it.'
'No, you're holding on to a dream, James!' shouted Lily. 'A dream that won't come true. For once, face the consequences of your actions! You dumped me, you've lost me!'
'I love you, Lily Evans!' said James desperately. 'I love you. I always have and always will. My love for you is never ending and I never want it to end. If I had to chose between loving you and breathing, I would use my last breath to tell you how I felt. Loving you is like breathing so how can I stop? When you smile, I melt inside and because of how much I've hurt you, I never see your smile these days or the spark in your eye.'
Lily remained silent as James continued on. Her heart beated fast against her chest and her breathing was irregular.
'If you were to ask me how many times you ran through my mind I'd only say once because you never left,' said James. 'The only thing that ever made sense to me was you. Everytime we touched or hugged, I got this feeling, one that I couldn't ignore. And everytime we kissed, I swear I could fly. I can't lose you, Lily,' James finished, looking up at her. 'I can't lose what we had. I need you in my life.'
Can't you feel my heart beat slow
I can't let you go
I want you in my life
By now, Lily could feel the tears running down her cheeks. Slowly, she took a few steps forwards so she had to look up to James to look in his eyes, before brushing any tears on his cheeks away with her hand and gently kissing his lips. A kiss that was to last for as long as either of them dared to keep it going, their lips slowly moving against one another in slow, long caresses.
Finally, Lily pulled back.
'I need you too,' she said, trying not to cry. 'And I will always love you.'