Never Could, Never Would

Disclaimer: Not mine.

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The pink cherry blossoms detached themselves from the trees, fluttering aimlessly in the wind. They twittered in the air, taunting the little children in the fields; who were trying unsuccessfully to catch the floating flowers.

I smiled gently. I leaned my elbows on my knees, head in hands, watching the kids flounce around the field like jewelry box ballet dancers. They all looked so careless. Like nothing in the world could touch them. I sighed heavily and pushed myself off the park bench, turning my head towards the training grounds. A quick session couldn't hurt. I had nothing better to do.

I stole one last glance at the children, grinning at the way they laughed so freely. It's weird… to know that I could once laugh like that too. I shook the thoughts away and kept walking, choosing to ignore the fact that I would pass the bridge on my way. I purposely diverted my attention to a cherry blossom that was floating just out of my reach. I raised my hand into the air, my forefinger brushing briefly against one of the petals. My lips broke into a shallow smile that I couldn't suppress.

My hand quickly retreated back to my side and I continued walking, not bothering to look back again. Simply not wanting to. I gulped the second my foot came in line with the bridge railing, but I forced myself to look ahead, not wanting to deal with the misery of staring wide-eyed at an overpass burdened with memories, glued to the very soul of the bridge.

I keep repeating my destination in my mind – 'the training grounds, the training grounds…' I sounded vaguely familiar to the "the little train that could", but in a very different context. The second I saw the first rainbow colored target splattered in pieces across the ground like a broken face, I knew I had made a mistake. Intuition, I guess you could call it, but I knew who else was there, and I knew I should turn back, but my intuition rarely connects with my brain most of the time.

I continued walking, passing straight over the shattered target and through to my usual spot by the sakura trees, only to be greeted with the fact that I couldn't sit there. My spot was occupied – taken. I bit my lip and backed away, searching cowardly for another place to sulk. I knew… that once she – they – had used my spot; I wouldn't ever sit there again. It wasn't mine anymore.

I settled on a shady spot underneath a tall pine, where I hoped I might be hidden by the shadows and leaves. I pressed my back firmly against the trunk and tucked my legs against my chest. It wasn't a good day. I rarely ever had good days anymore. I turned my head in the opposite direction, attempting to ignore them, but the breeze caused their voices to waft over in my direction. My frown deepened, and I squeezed my chest against my knees, as if might push out the pain…

"Eat it."

"No! It looks gross…"

He scoffed. "It's good."

There was a companionable silence, and I knew she was taking a bite.

"Hmmm… Did you make this?"

"Yeah."

"Who knew the great Uchiha could cook, eh?"

He chuckled. "Yeah."

I stared down at the ground. Yeah, who knew? I attempted to blink back the tears that were forming in my stupid apple green eyes. My expression hardened. My stupid green orbs could never be compared to her beautiful gray ones. Those damn eyes of hers had all the dimensions he needed to drown himself in. I leaned my head back against the trunk. "My eyes are too shallow I suppose…" I whispered. I knew I was being childish and selfish. But by then I just figured that was who I was. Shallow, stupid, immature, selfish, and weak. These are the words that people used to describe me, Haruno Sakura.

"You look pretty today."

She was obviously confused. "Why is today different from any other day?"

He must've shrugged. He always shrugged. "You just look pretty."

"Oh well… thanks."

She would always be beautiful to him, and I would always be… what? "Ugly…" I paused and sighed, "And annoying." My gaze traveled across the ground and my eyes landed on a pink petal. A cherry blossom petal…

"When did you get so strong?"

"When did it come as such a surprise?"

His laugh was a hearty rumble from deep in his throat. I loved his laugh. But… I realized right then, I had never heard him laugh before. "She can make you laugh Sasuke!" I chuckled tartly to myself. What a bittersweet victory – he could laugh now, but he would never, ever, laugh for me. I wasn't stupid enough to believe he would.

"Well, we trained hard today."

"Hn… yeah."

"I kicked your ass."

"Ditto."

It was her turn to laugh. By then I had given up trying not to cry. I just let the tears go, and they rolled down my cheeks in sour triumph. "He smiles for her I bet…" I whispered to the flower petal I was holding in my hand. "But he would never smile for me." My voice was cracked.

"I love you Sasuke."

I bet he smiled. "I love you too."

At that moment I couldn't breathe. My breath caught in my throat and attempted to choke me. But the tears kept falling. I took a shallow, shaky breath and opened my palm, letting the wind catch the cherry blossom petal and carry it away on the current. How I longed to be that petal, floating far away from here – far away to new things, where it wouldn't have to face what was left for it here. "I love you too Sasuke," I breathe out, biting my lip. And I knew I had to face the solid truth.

"But you would never love me…"

It was then that I realized someone was standing behind me, and that all too familiar tension struck the air. I used to the tree trunk to push myself off the ground, but I didn't look in their direction. "When did you get here Sakura?"

I didn't want them to see that I was crying. So I shrugged. I knew that if talked they would hear the way my voice was cracking. She decided to talk this time. "Are you going to train? We could help you… if-"

"No thanks," I replied immediately, my voice hardening at the comment. "I was just leaving actually." I heard him sigh.

"Sakura…" I savored the way he said my name. He said it… as if it might actually mean something, instead of the useless word it was. Just like me. Because I was a useless person.

A useless, pathetic, stupid, horrible, ugly – I hadn't realized that I had started voicing my thoughts aloud. Quietly, but loud enough… they could hear me. "– Weak, selfish…broken person…"

They were probably taken aback, not knowing what I was talking about, or where the comment had come from. "Sakura!" He repeated, this time more urgently. I gasped, pulled out of my thoughts.

She talked again. "Are you alright?"

I knew if I said yes, it would be a lie. But if I said no… "No. I can't be alright." I forced myself to look at them, knowing all to well that he would frown upon my tear stained cheeks. "I don't think I can be anymore."

So much for "the little train that could".

When the awkward silence stretched, I decided to just leave. It'd be easiest after all, because Haruno Sakura always took the easy way out. I turned to leave, but his voice caught me. "Sakura. Stay."

My eyebrows knitted. "Why?"

"What's wrong?"

I almost laughed. "What isn't?" I half expected him to tell me I was annoying.

"I thought you were strong enough to have gotten over this by now Sakura."

My lips curled. "You know what Sasuke? So did I."

"Then why haven't you?" I knew the other girl was offended, being left in the dark. I was used to that. I had always been left in the dark… that or left behind.

"Because I'm weak, remember?" I paused for a moment. "But that's who I am. I'm weak. I'm annoying. It's impossible."

He didn't know what I was talking about. "What is?"

"You can't stop loving someone Sasuke. It's impossible." I turned and gave him a bitter smile. "But I guess some people just aren't meant to be loved. I guess… I guess I'm not."

His onyx eyes searched me, but I just pushed it aside, guessing that what he was looking for, he wouldn't find. "I love you Sasuke." He was slightly taken aback, but I could tell from the knowing look in his eyes that he was half expecting it. I shook my head. "But you don't love me."

"I-I…"

"You don't. You never did Sasuke. I was just foolish enough to think so."

"Sakura…"

"No."

He turned to her. "Could you excuse us?" She shifted her eyes between him and me, and I knew she didn't want too. She didn't like the way this conversation was going. But she nodded reluctantly and headed back towards the sakura trees.

"No Sasuke…" I whispered, my voice strained. "Don't lead me on again."

"I love you too Sakura."

I wasn't prepared for this. Nothing in the world could've prepared me. "What? Sasuke- you're married, and you tell me now that- you're lying."

He shook his head. "I love you too Sakura. Accept it-"

"And move on? Why – I don't get it." He reached forward and captured one of my pink locks in his fingers. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm not supposed to love Sakura." I tore his hand away from my hair and stumbled backwards, sputtering incessantly.

"So that's it? Y-you can't love me because… you're not supposed to, but - but you can love someone else?"

"Sakura…"

"Stop it! Stop saying my name! Tell me why! Why didn't you tell me?" I couldn't even think about stopping the tears from coming now, they just fell, almost like a second nature. I couldn't breathe either.

"I didn't think you loved me."

I stared. That wasn't the truth, it was an obvious lie.

He didn't love me. Didn't love me. Didn't love me. Didn't love me…

Never did. Never would.

He could never love me, not even in those stupid dreams.

"Thanks for lying to me again Sasuke."

Thanks for breaking my heart.

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A/N: Augh, stupid little doodle oneshot I wrote about Sakura's unrequited love. Review if you care too.

RC