"Between You and God..."

 by

 Morgan Megan

 Script for the movie "Patriot-2001 or Free Willy -1780".

 -You will burn in the Hell.

 And I am the first to take care about this!

 "Highlander-1", imprecise quotation

 Draco Dormiens Nunquam Tittilandus-

 Or Never Tickle a Sleeping Dragoon.

 "Harry Potter", free translation

Well, the idea of this fable is taken from HP fanfiction stories,

the principal characters are from "The Patriot" and the main

story line is from "Snow-white: winter uniforms for special group

"Edelweiss". Have fun!

Short introduction.

After his infamous Cowpens adventure our lovely hero was rescued

from the battlefield by nuns from St Cassildas's convent (to

their great rapture) and nursed back to health within its holy

walls. It somehow affected the mental state of the noble Colonel.

Much moved by the last events, he suffered the religious

revelation, was initiated into the priesthood and took the name

of Father William. Several months later the remaining citizens of

Pembroke have rebuilt their burned church, and the ex-Colonel

(now modestly called "Priest") has taken the job of local

minister. So, how does it go?

Priest [with a serene smile from behind the wall of the

confessional]: Tell me your sins, children, and you will be

forgiven!

[Benjamin Martin enters the chapel.]

Martin: Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.

Priest [taking a deep breath and counting to ten]: I can believe

it... So what is your sin, my son?

Martin: I cheated Lord Cornwallis.

Priest: And how did you cheat him?

Martin: Well, I said I came to get my captured men...

Priest: And?

Martin: Truthfully, I came to steal his rocking chair. But it's

not all...

Priest: Proceed!

Martin: I killed my own brother.

Priest: Well, I can believe it...

Martin [continuing]: His name was William Tavington.

[Gurgling noise from behind the wall.]

Martin [continuing]: Well, it's kind of a long and sad story.

Thirty-seven years ago Tavington's Mother, Lady Beatrice, came to

visit her relatives in Charleston, and my father was a young,

dashing officer in his Majesty's service... You get the

picture...

[Noise, as if somebody is violently sick, from behind the wall.]

Martin [continuing]: So she kept the secret, but before her death

she sent a letter to my father and begged him to take care of her

little abandoned son. See how I have sinned.

Priest [taking a deep breath and counting to ten]: Indeed...

Next, please.

[Martin retreats, and a young and somehow frivolously dressed

woman enters the church. She carries a baby and leads a little

girl by the hand. It's Aunt Charlotte.]

Charlotte: Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.

Priest [in a rather sweet voice]: Tell me about your sins, my

daughter.

Charlotte: I married without love. As the matter of fact, I hate

my husband, Benjamin Martin, and I'm going to poison him.

Priest [happily]: Very good... I mean it's very good that you

confessed your corrupt thoughts.

Charlotte [continuing, in a trembling voice]: Yes, because I'm in

love with William Tavington.

[Gurgling noises come from behind the wall.]

Charlotte [continuing, with a sigh]: And this beastly husband of

mine killed him. But I have one consolation...

Priest [cautiously]: What consolation?

Charlotte: My son, whom Benjamin believes is his son, isn't his.

He's Tavington's.

[Noise, as if somebody is violently sick, behind the wall.]

Charlotte [sobbing]: He got his father's marvelous ice-cold blue

eyes. Oh, my love, my soul, my poor fallen warrior! [She falls

into hysterics and is taken away by benevolent spectators.]

Priest [spitting bitterly onto the floor]: Damn, my eyes are

gray, aren't they?

Little girl [dumb till now]: Bless me, Reverend, for I have

sinned...

Martin [till now, hiding in the dark corner]: Susan, you speak!

At last! After 30 long years! One word, just one word, that's all

I want!

Susan [infuriated]: I'm not talking to you, you scum, you

bastard! Shut up!

Martin [blissfully]: Gad, how well she speaks!

[The approach of Lord Cornwallis interrupts the tender scene.]

Cornwallis: Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.

Priest: I can believe it. So what is your sin?

Cornwallis: I was very unfair to the best, the noblest young

officer on my service.

Priest [touched to tears]: Well, and his name was...?

Cornwallis: Major Patrick Ferguson.

Priest [very disappointed]: Is it all?

Cornwallis: No. Thirty-seven years ago...

[Gurgling noise from behind the wall.]

Cornwallis [continuing]: I was in Charleston on his Majesty

service affairs, and Lady Beatrice Tavington was there, too. So

we... How can I say this...? She kept the secret, but before her

death she sent me a letter and begged me to take care of her

little abandoned son, William...Who was actually my son...

[Noise, as if somebody is violently sick, from behind the wall.]

[Lord Cornwallis goes out, and a young, dashing cavalry officer,

dressed in a green jacket with black facings, appears.]

Officer: Bless me, Father...

Priest [in a rather stiff voice]: Don't utter that word in my

presence!

Officer [carelessly]: Well then, bless me, Mother.

Priest [in irritation]: First of all, who are you?

Officer [indignantly]: Lieut. Colonel Banastre Tarleton, of

course.

Priest: Well?

Tarleton: Look, I have sinned. I underfed my stallion, and I

forgot to send a letter to my dear little sister Bridget back in

England.

Priest [with a yawn]: That's boring. You're the famous "Bloody

Ban the Butcher". Can't you come up with something more

interesting than that?

Tarleton: Well, I impersonated George Washington...

Priest [sulkily]: William Washington...

Tarleton [clapping his arm to his forehead]: Yes, William

Tavington, I impersonated him too! I mean, merry Aunt Charly here

believes that her son is Tavington's...

[Gurgling noise from behind the wall.]

Tarleton [continuing]: But actually he's mine.

[Sigh of relief from behind the wall.]

Tarleton [continuing]: Yeah, because we are so alike, I mean me

and Will, it was easy to deceive her.

[Noise, as if somebody is violently sick, behind the wall.]

Tarleton [continuing thoughtfully]: Only he's a foot taller than

I am, and ten years my senior, and has dark hair, and there's

this problem with the color of his uniform...

[A red-faced, wheezing man appears on the stage, pushing Tarleton

aside.]

Tarleton: Excuse me, dear sir...

Man [kneeling in front of the confessional and panting]: Bless

me, father, for I'm hurrying!

Priest [wearily]: Who are you, man?

Man: Roland Emmerich, movie director. You obviously knows my

immortal works such as "Godzilla" and "King-Kong" and "Rampaging

Green Dragon"...or was it "Dragoon"?...

Priest [with irritation]: So what is your sin?

Emmerich: Well, I stole the Green Dragoon uniforms intended for

"The Patriot", and sold them to the local "Green Peace"

committee. They wanted the lot for their demonstration in

Brooklin. It was some bargain, you know! So that's why the

British dragoons were played in red, poor devils!

Priest [wearily]: And?

Emmerich: And I said Tavington's character was suggested by

Banastre Tarleton, but actually I lied.

Priest [faintly]: Not Tarleton?

Emmerich: No. In fact, it was a really accurate impersonation of

my roommate back in college. A very unsociable young man, who

ended up burning the school church. I reckon he's now in a

hospital for incurable mental criminals.

[Priest groans and closes his eyes ]

[A gentle knocking and coughing halts his meditation several

minutes later.]

Priest [opening his eyes and choking]: Mother...I mean,

daughter... What are you doing here?

Beatrice Tavington: Bless me, Father, for I have sinned!

Priest: Yes, I can believe it. So what is your sin?

Beatrice: My son, William...Actually, he's not my son...

[Gurgling noise from behind the wall.]

Beatrice [continuing]: He's my daughter.

[Priest faints ]

[A vision in the form of a golden-curled young man appears at the

doors.]

Priest [raising his head and staring at the vision]: Hey, didn't

you die?

Gabriel: Reverend, with your permission I'd like to make an

announcement... The budget of our movie was cut, and Aunt

Charlotte ran off with whole crew of camera-men and...

Priest: Young man, this is a house of God! We are here to pray

for the souls of those men whom I... I mean, those men who were

hanged outside!** Now, stop your desecration! Get out of here!

------

** Author's remark: A pity the honest citizens of Pembroke didn't

bother to take them off the tree. I think, those poor wretches

are still dangling there.]

-------

[The priest recites the formula of exorcism. The outline of the

golden-curled youth quivers, and is replaced by a red-haired,

gawky young man of about 20, who is sobbing.]

Priest [taking a deep breath and counting to ten]: And who are

you?

Young man [whimpering]: The author of this crap-- *wail.*

Priest: But why are you crying?

Author [howling]: I...de..desecrated the me... [hiccoughing]...

the memory of a noble warrior... [sneezing] who fell...in

glory... Oh, how could I?... So splendid...[sobbing], so

meritorious...

[Priest swaggers from the confessional and pats a young man on

the shoulder.]

Priest: Don't grieve so much, I'm alive!

Author [crying out]: So very dignified...So valiant... He's dead

now, and I...

Priest [handing him his handkerchief]: Hey, are you deaf? I'm

alive!

Author [wailing on the top of his lungs]: Dead! Oh, my hero! He's

dead! I can't believe it, but it's true!

Priest [losing his temper]: Alive!

Author [moaning]: Dead! O the loss! I simply cannot bear it...

[Priest growls in irritation and tears his robes into pieces. A

strange green/red Dragoon uniform becomes visible.]

Priest: You see now?

Author [howling like a wounded bulldog]: A mere corpse. Just

bones and epaulettes...

Priest: That's enough!

[Priest turns to the church's doors, his face contorted with

rage. All of the confessors huddle in the corner, terrified. At

the doors appears a tall officer in the same strange uniform,

leading a bay horse by the reins. It's Captain Wilkins (the man,

not the horse!)]

Wilkins [with enthusiasm in his voice, jumping on his toes]: I

think it's time to burn something! I think it's time to burn the

church!!!

Tavington [smiling, mounts the horse and puts on his helmet]:

Shut the doors!

Emmerich: But, Father, you said we'd be forgiven!

Tavington: And indeed you may... It's between you and God... Burn

the church, Captain!

[Howls of terror.]

 The End.