To my loyal readers. This isn't the chapter you expected, and I apologize for that. I apologize too, for how long it took to say this. I ask only that you humor my self-indulgence with this final chapter. It's been a long time coming, and I hope this answers any concerns you might have. Let's finish this off together, shall we?
Link crossed his arms from his space on the floor where he sat. He did his level best to pay more attention to the dankness of the room around him, the mini-boss chamber of the Shadow Temple, than to the group of people glaring at him, waiting for him to talk. A young man with white hair, a blonde young man in a red coat, a suit of armor doing an excellent glare despite the lack of facial features, and a fairy stared in unison, waiting for Link to speak.
"I'm not doing it," Link muttered. "I'm not doing that stupid joke. It was old hat even back then, and it would just be terrible now."
"Link, you have to," said Navi. "We'll be here forever if you don't do it."
"I can't solve this problem with violence, but I'm willing to try," affirmed the white-haired Jet, cocking a gun that he cradled in his arms.
Link glanced around hoping to find sympathy from Edward and Alphonse Elric, only to find none. He sighed deeply, the sigh of a man forced to violate a sacred principle. He rose to his feet and walked to the center of the room, cupped his hands around his mouth, and with as much force as he could muster, he shouted, "Gee, it feels like we've been in this room for twelve years!"
The stillness of the room was shattered as the door burst open, kicking up a surprising amount of dust. As it cleared, five figures emerged into the room. At the head was an utterly nondescript man, and at his side was the magician Ivan.
"So, guess who finally decided to pay attention to us?" Link spat, staring the stranger in the eyes. "You must be that DragonRaiderX9 guy who wrote this crap."
"Indeed, that is I," the man replied. "You see..."
"You know, it's really cliché to throw yourself into the story like this and talk to us all," Link accused.
"True, but it's also very appropriate for this story in particular," Dragon replied.
Link scoffed before looking to the side. "Yeah, I'll give you that one. So what are you doing here, anyway?"
"I came to tie up some loose ends, and give closure, both to myself, and to the audience."
"I'm pretty sure the audience already gave up ages ago," said Ivan, cutting into the conversation.
"Be that as it may," Dragon conceded, "I feel I must answer for things. This was my biggest story by far, both in terms of size and of popularity. It's hard to see why in retrospect, yet here we are."
"You're going to talk about your time as a fanfiction author, aren't you?" asked Navi.
"Very much so," said Dragon.
"Of course," said the fairy.
"I discovered fanfiction in 2003, and started writing in 2004. Most of what I created was, looking back, pretty terrible."
"You mean like this story here?" asked Link.
Dragon smiled softly. "Yes, though I'll come back to that. There's another elephant in the room to address. When I got into reading fanfiction, I noticed that many chapters would begin and end with authors bickering back and forth with other fictional characters that they called muses. At the time, I found this entertaining and endearing and I was excited to get in on it. Hence, my entourage." He motioned to Ivan and the other three figures. "You know Ivan and Floating Skull, of course."
Ivan sighed deeply. "You know, it was kind of nice to be an actual character in a story for a change."
Dragon continued. "And I have Beast Boy from Teen Titans and Ghetto Felix as well. The latter is something I found far more amusing in the mid 00s than I do now. I'm not actually sure that he's not incredibly offensive. That's not rhetorical, I'm honestly not sure, and there was no need to chance it." Ghetto Felix seemed unperturbed by this blatant condemnation. "But then, I found muses in general far more entertaining back in those days. I imagined having a continuing story with my muses that would take place in the fringes of my various stories, that no doubt my loyal audience would seek out reading regardless of how else they felt about the properties I was writing stories about."
Link's smirk was particularly sardonic. "Little full of yourself, huh?"
Dragon shrugged. "I was a teenager. Came with the territory."
"Okay, fine," Link allowed. "That makes sense. But I'm guessing looking back, you find the whole muse shtick to be a little bit tacky?"
"You are correct, Link," Dragon agreed. "Maybe I've just gotten old, though. It's hard to be certain. But let us now move on to a more relevant topic."
"Well, then let's ask the question everyone wants to hear," declared Navi. "Why did you stop writing Cameos of Time?"
Dragon smiled softly. "Multiple reasons, I'm afraid. First and foremost is that I just fell out of writing altogether. The last update for Cameos was August 6, 2008. I updated one more story after that, and then I simply stopped writing. It wasn't so much a conscious decision as it was that I felt inclined to use my time on other things. Plus, I entered college in 2009, and writing became even more of a memory for me, apart from a couple oneshots and one attempt to get back into writing via My Little Pony. There were other things, however. The truth is that I had become unhappy with how this story was going."
"Unhappy how?" asked Link.
"I don't think it's a surprise to hear how much of this was made up as I went along. I pulled solutions to problems out of my rear end more than once. Like when you defeated Bowser because I decided that you could infuse elements onto your sword. I'm still not sure how no one called me out for how bullcrap that was, because I kept on using it like it was always a thing that Link could just do."
"Oh yeah, that was a thing, wasn't it?" Link mused.
"Ivan had a plethora of abilities that made sense to me as someone deeply familiar to Golden Sun, but then the average reader likely had no idea why a wind mage could summon rain or frost at will. I think I took too much for granted with these various cameos, and it all came to a head for me with the Water Temple."
"You mean how it was three chapters long for no good reason?" asked Ivan.
"Not simply that. If you'll recall, I had Kairi from Kingdom Hearts playing the role of Ruto, and Jack Sparrow as Dark Link. But I don't feel I took real advantage of them. Kairi basically amounted to a blank slate waving and saying 'Hi I'm Kairi' without any understanding of her character. I'm not too happy with how I handled Jack Sparrow either, but then I can't bring myself to re-read this story at this point. And then I used a character from a semi-obscure game as the boss, and used another Deus ex Machina ability to get rid of him because I couldn't figure out a satisfying way to end the fight. The whole thing, like this story, is just a mess."
"That's pretty harsh," said Link. "I mean, I'm not happy about any of this either, but lots of people seemed to enjoy reading this story. Plus, no one came here to listen to you whine about how much you suck."
"Fair, fair," Dragon agreed. "I suppose that many creators look back at their previous work with too critical an eye. However, the fact remains that I see flaws where once I took pride. The meta angle of this story was a whim, but then largely became a crutch on which to have characters act however I wanted them to, which kind of defeats the purpose of having cameos. Then there were the egregious things."
"This is about how you said that the sand guy Gaara from Naruto could defeat the main cast of Justice League the Animated Series, isn't it?" accused Navi.
Dragon cringed visibly. "I am not proud of that. I was fanboying pretty hard about Naruto at the time, and this was the result. A Flash fan in particular going by "jedibowser" was quite upset about that claim, and if they're around by some miracle, then I offer my apologies for that."
"So, let me see if I got this," Link said. "This whole thing became a mess because you didn't plan it out, and the further you got into the story, the less you were able to keep up with what you'd created and the more you became unhappy with the end product?"
"In a nutshell, yes," agreed Dragon. "I mean, I didn't even touch on that I wrote this with the idea that the anime characters were actually their real selves from alternate dimensions instead of being 'actors' like the rest of you."
A long silence settled over the gathering as the nine other figures in the room stared at the author with varying degrees of incredulity. The silence was eventually broken by the resident anime boy. "Why?" asked Edward Elric. "Just why?"
"I have no idea," Dragon offered. "I simply cannot recall what was going through my head at the time. I made this distinction explicit at one point, but then later I believe I edited it out, if memory serves."
"I'm starting to understand why you felt so conflicted about this story," said Alphonse diplomatically. "You got in over your head."
"Did you even have a plan for how this story would end?" asked Jet, mostly as a bid to remind everyone that he existed.
"I did, actually. At least, a loose one." Dragon smiled in reminiscence. "After defeating Hiei in the Shadow Temple, Link would go to the Gerudo Fortress. I do not recall who would be there. In the desert, Link would narrowly evade Jack Rakan from Mahou Sensei Negima by convincing him to leave the story in favor of harassing the Sailor Moon section of , on account of all the short skirts"
"Uh...," Link responded, unsure of how to reply.
"Yes, yes, I feel differently about that now than I did in 2011. It might be in character for him, but that wouldn't make it any less questionable as far as content goes."
"You were still thinking about this story by then? I thought you stopped writing in 2009," Navi said.
"I always intended to come back. It was forever on a "to do" list. Heck, in 2017, I dabbled with rewriting the whole thing from scratch. But I'm here today as a means of admitting that it's never going to happen, as I've stated." Dragon smiled again. "It feels both liberating and depressing to admit that. Moving on, Link would face those three guys from Final Fantasy VII Advent Children in the Spirit Temple. I can't be bothered to remember their names. Kadaj, or something. Link would, while unconscious, remember back to his friend Zack Fair (which I thankfully did establish in advance) who would help him come to terms with his plight as a famous character, rallying himself and winning a victory. Also, Zack would be the replacement for Nabooru as the Sage of Spirit. After that, Link would meet with Sheik who is in fact Zelda, and Ivan would freak out at the revelation."
"Something I take issue with," interjected Ivan. "I've played Super Smash Bros., after all."
"After that-" continued Dragon, "-Link would invade Ganon's Castle, only to find it a fake and having to fight Dracula as a reference to Castlevania. The real castle would be in the sky, and Tails from Sonic the Hedgehog would fly him up there in his plane.. Meanwhile, a great battle on the ground between various characters would erupt, though no narrative consequence would come from this."
"Seriously?" demanded Navi.
Dragon shrugged. "Most of this story was written with the thought of 'wouldn't it be cool if this happened?' more than about having a strong narrative. Some writers can pull that off. I do not believe that I was one of them. Moving on, in the castle, Link would fight a new set of opponents with each floor. Felix and Isaac would return from the Forest Temple, providing closure for Ivan. Koji and Takuya would return as well, boasting spiffy new forms. Fawful would await at the top. I had someone else in mind to fill a floor, but I simply do not recall who."
"So that leaves Sephiroth himself, huh?" said Link.
Dragon nodded. "The first fight would go well enough, with you and Ivan stealing and then destroying the materia from which Sephiroth drew magic. In the second fight, where he'd assume his final boss form, he would be overwhelming until you received help from the various other Links from the other games in your series."
Link thought about this. "That's either clever, given my issues with being famous, or really stupid and cheap."
"A better writer than I might make it clever. I've no such delusions."
"That's fair," said Link. "Heck, I only said it might be clever because you put the words in my mouth. Which makes this whole thing incredibly self-serving, really."
"Admittedly," Dragon said. "As I've suggested, I wish to give myself closure on the subject, and hopefully give it to everyone else as well."
"So an army of mes trash Sephiroth, and that's how the story ends?" asked Link.
"Oh no. You get killed via a cheap shot at the last moment and Sephiroth wins." Dragon smiled brightly.
"Well, that's a downer ending," said Link after a pause.
"Oh, we're not done yet!" Dragon said brightly.
"Of course not..."
"You see," Dragon said as if the previous comment wasn't stated. "Having won the Triforce, Sephiroth and everyone would spill out into the real world with their powers intact, at least for the moment. He would then attack the headquarters of in hopes of taking control of the essence of fanfiction, to make himself powerful forever."
Another pregnant pause settled over the assembled. "You're serious?" asked Link, too stunned for sarcasm.
"It seemed a lot more clever a decade ago," Dragon admitted. "The idea was that the powers would all fade as you confronted him, except that you're actually competent with weaponry and would bat him aside while tearing down his philosophy and all that. Sephiroth would go into rehab, and during an epilogue chapter he'd be shown as a mostly functioning member of society."
"Ignoring that I don't think that this is how mental illnesses work," said Link. "This feels like a mess thematically. I have to embrace my celebrity status while Sephiroth learns not actually live life instead of clinging to fame?"
"You see where the lack of planning becomes a problem," Dragon agreed. "I wanted my story to be bigger and have a point to it. To not only be entertaining, but to say something. Only, I didn't know what I was saying, and it all fell apart. Any other questions?"
"What was up with Caleb and Protoman?" asked Navi.
"A subplot I created without planning. I intended for them to have an end goal, but I never quite determined what it should be."
"Is that everything?" Link asked.
"I had a few other ideas running around, but that's basically the long and short of it, yes."
"So what happens now?" asked Navi. "Are we done?"
"Almost," answered Dragon. "I would like to address my muses individually. Silly as the whole concept of muses was, I'd be lying if I said I didn't have some nostalgic affection for them. I'd like to say goodbye properly."
"Yeah, sure," said Link noncommittally. "If I don't have to pay attention, then I don't care."
"That's alright," said Dragon. "This is probably the most self-serving part of this chapter. First, to Ghetto Felix. As established earlier, you were a dumb idea that I ran with because I was a dumb teenager. I found your gibberish amusing without giving thought to why it would be amusing. I don't have it in me to dislike you, though I can't blame anyone for feeling differently. Still, do me a favor and say it one more time."
Ghetto Felix smiled brightly and simply replied "Fo' shizzle, yo!"
"Beast Boy, you were added on a whim because I like your character. That's the long and short of it."
"I can't blame you, dude," agreed Beast Boy. "I'm pretty sweet. Was fun being around."
"Ivan, I enjoyed writing your wit—or at least what I thought was wit—and it pleased me to no end that I was able to make you a regular main character in this story. That we had so many readers suggests that other people seemed to like you, too."
"I would've gotten my full power back by the end of the story, right?" asked Ivan.
"Of course! During the Felix and Isaac fight."
"That's good enough for me." Ivan smiled. "See you later, you ridiculous author person. Hey Link!"
Link startled from his spot and looked towards his partner for this story. "What's up?"
Ivan walked over to Link and put out his hand. "It was good adventuring with you. Shame we didn't get to finish, but I'm glad we had the time we did."
Link smiled earnestly, a rarity in this story. "Likewise, Ivan. Having another friendly face to talk to made the adventure about as pleasant as it could be." He grasped Ivan's hand, and shook it firmly.
Navi flew down and landed on their handshake. "I'll miss you too, Ivan," she said, choking back tears. "Don't forget me when you're gone."
Ivan took his other hand and lightly pressed his index finger against Navi's head. "I could never, Navi. Thanks for looking out for us."
Dragon had remained silent, not wanting to interrupt, but there was one more person to say goodbye to. "Finally, there's you, Floating Skull. I introduced you in the second chapter of my first story Spider-Jeff. I claimed you were from a 'Society of Fanfictions', which was part of my plan for the whole ongoing story line with the muses. It was going to be expanded on in sequels to Spider-Jeff, which I thankfully never got around to writing."
The skull hovered in the air, set ablaze with a permanent orange flame. "Floating Skull has no need for useless mortal sentimentality. Yet, he will miss insulting puny mortal author regularly."
Dragon laughed aloud. "Oh, I had forgotten what it was like to write your dialogue. I think I'll miss you most of all. You know, I had a whole family set up for you? Brother Flaming Skull, sister Fiery Skull, mother Inferno Skull, and father Levitating Skull."
"Floating Skull thinks that you spent too much time thinking about this instead of trying to make your worthless stories less worthless. At the very least, puny mortal author could have spent that time bringing mortal souls for Floating Skull to devour!"
"And of course, we have one final bit of unfinished business with you. At some point, I decided, apropos of nothing, that each chapter should end with you answering questions from the audience! In retrospect, I have no idea why, but the point is that there are questions that have been awaiting answers for twelve years! Let's put that to bed."
"Oh no," said Ivan with dawning horror.
"That's right!" Dragon continued. "It's time for the very final installment of..."
Ask Floating Skull
DarklightZERO writes:
Question for Floating Skull.
... I have no question for the almightly skull.Until next time, Farewell!
"For what purpose was Floating Skull's time wasted on this!? Floating Skull proclaims it to be puny mortal DarklightZERO's fault that this story never finished!"
theflailingpen writes:
Dear Floating Skull,
What is your opinion of being controlled by the author and put in such humiliating situations like the one in this chapter?
"Floating Skull does not recall this situation."
"I had you fight Link and company in a fit of self-indulgence," Dragon explained helpfully. "Got your butt whooped because you couldn't consume the soul of someone with a Triforce piece. Honestly, I was decently happy with that fight, and if the story had to end prematurely, then that was probably a good spot for it."
"Although," added Ivan. "You had to do it when I was out of the party and thus didn't get a chance to smack this jerk around."
"Floating Skull does not accept the outcome of this fight or of this situation! Such blatant disrespect is true evidence of puny mortal author's inability to write, and that he deserved to fade into obscurity!"
Darkcomet writes:
Dear Floating Skull,
Do you know Raziel from Soul Reaver? he also devours souls...but lacks a bottom jaw.
"Is Floating Skull being mocked? For a soul to be devoured without a jaw is utter absurdity! Floating Skull feels inclined to devour the soul of puny mortal Darkcomet for the sheer insolence!"
Kitsune-dan writes:
Dear Floating Skull,
Kyuu: I'm not dead! How dare you act like you're better than me! You were easily defeated by little priss and his band of weaklings!
Kyuu, it's not nice to yell at Floating Skull-san
Kyuu: Oh screw off.
I'm sorry for my muse's rudeness, Floating Skull-san. Please accept these cookies.
Kyuu: Hey! Those are MY cookies!
They would've stayed yours if you had behaved.
Kyuu: I'll kill you
"Floating Skull is confused and somewhat concerned for the well-being of puny mortal Kitsune-dan."
"Man, that's rare," Dragon observed. "You caring about someone else."
"Even Floating Skull is not without mercy. And it is with this mercy that Floating Skull will devour Kitsune-dan's soul."
"Of course."
Jack Sparrow303 writes:
To Floating Skull:
I made you a promise, if I recall, to compose a poem about you. This will be a most difficult feat...hmm...need inspiration...Floating skull watches the dying wither...As he hovers near the floor...He laughs as he comes hither...For their souls they shall have nevermore.There. What do you think?
"Floating Skull is pleased that you would dedicate the time creating poetry for a subject as worthy as Floating Skull is. Thanks are given to puny mortal Jack Sparrow303, who will be permitted to live."
My dear friend broken katana writes:
Dear Floating Skull,
...I wasn't really gonna ask you anything cause you're kinda boring xD...but what made you think you could eat Link's soul? Also, are you really gonna be helping the guys? Cause you don't seem all that
"Floating Skull would ordinarily obliterate you utterly for such a disrespectful challenge. Puny mortal broken katana is only spared because of her friendship with puny mortal author."
"As a personal aside," said Dragon. "It's really nice when some person you casually chatted with on a forum becomes an important part of your life and stays that way, even after all this time. So a personal thank you to broken katana, for everything."
Myth of Normality writes:
Not-So-Dear Floating skull,
Referring to the cookies From JackSparrow303...how can you eat cookies? I'm simply curious as to how a floating skull such as yourself can taste any thing but a puny mortals soul? (It's different for Shinigami, we like red apples)
"Floating Skull eats cookies with his mouth, how else!? What a foolish mortal."
Cyberchao X writes:
Yeah, Floating Skull was pretty cool.
"Mortal Cyberchao is intelligent, but this will not save him from devastation."
Azure's Jester writes:
What does Floating Skull think about the recent death of Michael Jackson?
"Floating Skull does not keep up with musicians, and thus has no opinions."
"If I may interject," said Dragon. "Azure's Jester also asked why the female sages were being turned into dudes. A fair question. For reference, in this story the sages were Dumbledore, Starfire, Peter Griffin, Kairi, Jet Enduro (who I assure you is still in the room) for Light, Forest, Fire, Water, and Shadow respectively. The Sage of Spirit would have been revealed to be Zack Fair. This would cause the gender ratio of men to women to be inverted from the source material. This was not something done deliberately, as most of the characters were chosen on a whim. I think I just knew more male characters that I was interested in putting in the story than female. Now, as to what that means... well, there's probably a lot it could mean, and we simply don't have time to dig into it. Whether this change is good, bad, or neutral is a decision I'll leave to the audience."
"Thank you for the question Azure's Jester, and thank you for thinking about my story more than it probably deserved. I mean that."
ZeldaMoogle writes:
Dear Floating Skull,
Back in Chapter 17, LDA wrote: I'm trying to get respect from my subordinates in my JROTC class because they respect neither me nor my friend as the class leaders. Any suggestions?
You replied: Simply begin devouring their souls in as tormenting a way as possible until the other puny mortals fear you as they would a mighty demon.
Question: Would not showing Courage be more effective than instilling fear, if your goal is to earn respect? *prods the previous chapter meaningfully* ;)
"No, it would not. Fear is respect, and respect is fear. This is the way of the Skull. It is no surprise that a puny mortal such as yourself would fail to understand this.
Yourworestnightmire writes:
Dear Floating Skull,
who are your friends, for examples dementors.
"Floating Skull is familiar with the dementors from Harry Potter. They are jerks. They're constantly showing off their lips as a means to condescend to Floating Skull. Floating Skull does not envy them, but he does destroy them on principle."
"Everyone, we've reached our final question," announced Dragon. "It's been a real pleasure to answer all of these at long last. One more time.
Hiten Mitsurugi Battosai (The Madness Hidden in Mankind's Heart) writes:
Dear Floating Skull,
I have heard many things about your abilities to suck out and feed on souls and how you prefer to eat immediately. I myself prefer to feast on the blood of the foolish mortals who dare mock me as their bodies thrash in their dying moments. Therefor i make this proposal to you as one being of supreme darkness to another, and before you mock me i point out this works out for both of us. I propose we form an alliance in the name of a glorious feast and bloodbath. While i bathe in the blood of the heathens who'd dare mock our work you get the souls to feast on. Should you wish to become allies inform me and we can go forth and spread fear and sorrow into the non believers hearts.
"Floating Skull finds himself on the verge of no longer having responsibilities to puny mortal DragonRaiderX9. As such, he accepts this offer. Floating Skull believes it will be good to spend time in the company of other demonic entities and reveling in the shared destruction of mortality! Let us go out and spread misery!"
"Man," said Dragon. "You got another job so easily. Still, I suppose it's for the best."
"So it's finally over?" asked Link.
"Yes, everyone," said Dragon sadly. "It's finally over. Thanks to everyone who made it this far. To my readers, I thank you for the encouragement. You all were a gift far beyond what I deserved. But despite all I've said, the truth is that Cameos of Time will be something I'll treasure always. Heck, that's true of all my time as a fanfiction writer. I might not have been nearly as good as I used to think I was, but it was an experience worth having all the same."
"That's my cue to hit the road, isn't it?" Link asked. He stepped forward without waiting for an answer. "For what it's worth, this wasn't the worst story I was a part of. And it was pretty fun kicking the butts of various guys that I'd never got up against normally." Without another word, he stepped out of the room.
"Wait up, Link!" Navi cried, flying after him.
"Come on, Al, we probably should've left ages ago." Edward Elric beat a steady strut towards the door.
"I'm with you, Brother," said Alphonse as he followed.
"I suppose I should be happy I got a decent-sized role, even though probably no one reading had any idea who I was." Jet Enduro placed his gun back into the holster, as he reasonably should've done much earlier, and left.
"Come on, Ghetto Felix!" cried Beast Boy. "I hear that Jet guy flies around on a robot dragon, and maybe he'll let us ride it!" The green changeling raced out the door, with the poorly thought-out caricature right behind him.
"Robot dragon? Seriously?" asked an incredulous Ivan.
"Yep, that's a real thing," affirmed Dragon.
"Neat. Anyway, I'll hit the road, too. Who knows, maybe now that I'm done here, a Golden Sun 4 might be announced. Wishful thinking, but stranger things have happened." Ivan turned and blasted a bolt of purple lightning towards the wall, causing it to crumble and reveal the earth behind it. "Just wanted to shock something one last time. You take care." He turned and left the room.
"What about you," asked Dragon. "Didn't you just accept a new job?"
"Floating Skull will grace puny moral DragonRaiderX9 with his presence for just a little while longer." His jaw clattered as he spoke, betraying no emotion as always.
"I'd appreciate that, Floating Skull," Dragon said gratefully. "Let's go grab a drink or something."
The utterly nondescript man calmly walked out the door, with the hovering demonic entity following him. The Shadow Temple stood silent, not knowing or caring of what just took place. As the footsteps faded, only one sound broke the abysmal silence for one final time.
"Floating Skuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuull!"