K/F: New story peoples! And it's a Bleach one! Warning: People will be OOC.
Grand-Disclaimer-Everyone-Should-Know: Me no own.

(Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger, Mushroom, Mushroom)

On a very billowy and sunny day, a battered up Ferrari pulled up into the studio driveway. And out of it came our 'favorite' Quincy, Ishida Uryuu. Obviously something had disturbed our 'beloved' archer for he was unusually humming the infamous Barney song. When he finished the Barney song, he strode into the studio and started dancing to the song 'Zippity-Doo-Da!'. Luckily no one was there to compliment him on his mad dancing skillz. In minutes all the spotlights flashed, and Ishida was standing in the center of the large, large stage with a cheesy game show smile.

"Welcome to the Shinigami Interview with your host, Ishida Uryuu! With our first vict- I mean guest…Kurosaki Ichigo!"

Loud screams, cheers, applauding, and fainting came from the many fan girls in the crowd below. Ichigo then strode onto the stage with a very bewildered look on his face.

Pointing his finger accusingly at Ishida, he said, "I can't believe that you actually tricked me onto your show and- GASP! You have fan girls?"

"Oh, don't worry just sit down, sit down," Ishida said as he motioned towards the empty chairs on stage with a round table in the middle.

Shifting cautiously in the chair Ichigo commented, "Wow Ishida, I thought that the chairs here would be spiked but it's actually pretty comfy."

"How do I even put alcohol in your chair?"

"Shut up and get on with it."

Clearing his throat, Ishida questioned, "Is it true that you actually stalk Kuchiki-san?"

Folding his arms together he answered, "It's more of a question of who's stalking who here."

"Why?"

"BECAUSE SHE FREAKIN' LIVES IN MY CLOSET!" Ichigo screamed at the top of his lungs. Suddenly realizing what he said he went said to the camera and said, "Stop the tape!"

Brushing Ichigo aside, Ishida ordered, "Keep rolling."

Sighing heavily Ichigo tried a new tactic and pleaded to the camera AKA audience and whispered "Yuzu, Dad, Karin, please don't believe a word I'm saying, I was blackmailed to say this. There's no cute chick in my closet…"

"Ahem, okay, so next question. You are not interested in the latest fads and what not right?"

"If I did I would have dyed my hair black a long time ago."

"Yes, anyway, so then why do your regular jeans have slits at the knee like the other fad-loving teens of today?" Ishida inquired relentlessly.

"Why the heck are you even asking these irritating questions. Or more importantly, how the heck did you get this studio! You don't even have enough money for a cell phone!" Ichigo started crossly.

"Uh, you see, well, I told this kid that we're distant cousins and even gave him a blue cape! Aren't I generous?"

FLASHBACK:

Ishida Uryuu wandered through the empty streets thinking of a way to get funding for his new idea of an interview show when he spotted a young emo boy wearing dark blue, with a forehead protector on his head. Recognizing his way-too-distant-to-be-really-related cousin he called out, "Hey kid, wait up!"

"What?" hissed the boy.

"What's your name again? I forgot. It was…was…"

"Uchiha Sasuke. Why?"

Faking a look of remembrance Ishida said,"Oh yeah, you're my cousin!"

"And?"

"Well, I was wondering if you could fund this show I had in mind, you know, like cousins helping each other out and stuff."

"I'd do that why?"

"Well, if you do, then I'll give you this really special cape…" Ishida said while holding up a special blue cape and waved it temptingly at Sasuke's face.

"Look, mister, I don't care for such, trivial objects," even though he turned away from the cape, a gleam in his eye said he wanted it.

"Oh really, but I can give you unlimited copies of my show and throw in 2 more capes while I'm at it. We can just call this……helping cousins out. You know."

Taking one more glance at the cape he gave in, "Deal."

: END FLASHBACK

"Wait, so you're telling me that you got funding from a kid!" Ichigo said still unconvinced.

"Yes, I now own this studio and am the show's host."

"If you're the host of this show… Then I'm straight," Ichigo stated flatly.

"Wait, you're gay?" asked Ishida with a disgusted look.

"No, I'm just saying that since you're this show's host, I'm straight. That's all."

"Oh… okay. Umm…back to the interview," Ishida cleared his throat, "What type of shampoo do you use to get such an interesting hair style?"

Pause.

"L'Oreal. Because I'm worth it," Ichigo said with a great big smile upon his face. Meanwhile in the middle of the audience a figure got up from the seat.

"Shut up Ichigo, you're not worth it! That's my shampoo you stole!" the figure said.

Wide-eyed, Ichigo lost his cool look, "R-Rukia?"

"Who else would it be, you big idiot!" Rukia screamed waving her fists about rather threateningly.

"Oh shoot. I meant for each of them coming in one at a time. This'll change everything," Ishida muttered to himself. Regaining his composure he continued, "So, Kuchiki-san, why don't you come up here too? I have a 2nd seat for you." He motioned to the camerawoman and the mic holder (also female) and spotlights flashed to reveal another chair. Rukia, having learned from watching Ichigo suffer, didn't move an inch.

"Come on Kuchiki-san, I'll give you a stuffed Chappy doll" Ishida snickered holding up the said item.

"Ch-Cha-Chappy?" Rukia said wide-eyed. However she stood her ground stiffly. But the waving of the stuffed animal was just too much. As if her body was going against her mind's orders she inched slowly towards the stage. Once on it she lunged for the doll but Ishida held it just out of reach.

"So will you sit up here and answer the questions and whatnot?"

"Must. Have. Chappy." Rukia whispered not tearing her eyes away from the doll.

"Promise?" Ishida asked, waving a hand in front of Rukia's face.

Knocked out of her trance Rukia looked up, "Huh? I'll promise if you give it to me."

"Deal."

Settling themselves in their respective chairs Ishida began to interrogate once again.

"Okay, so now that you're here. Umm, Kuchiki-san, why do you roost in Ichigo's closet?"

"Hey! What's your job here anyway? Prying in on people's issues!"

"Yes," Ishida nodded.

At that exact moment, the camerawoman nicknamed Aki nodded to Icki who then flashed a sign that said, 'BREAK TIME'.

"Already?" Ishida asked and when he received a nod he continued, "Okay, so stay tune later for Shinigami Interview's next three special guests from the Hollow World, Ichimaru, Aizen, and Tousen!"

"Where do we go?" asked Ichigo, indicating himself and Rukia.

"See the whole empty front row there?" Ishida pointed to the enormous front row. "You guys just sit somewhere there. That area is designated for those already interviewed."

With that both Ichigo, and the Chappy-holding Rukia seated themselves in the center of the front row.

(Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger, Mushroom, Mushroom)

K/F: Ok, so normally, I specialize in humor so if this beginning episode isn't good enough then wait till you see the next. –rubs hands- I have something very wicked planned. R&R! I hope to get at least 5 reviews before Episode 2.

Come on, that button down there needs exercise! R&R!