Title: Sequential
Author: Winter Ashby (rosweldrmr)
Disclaimer: Naruto © Masashi Kishimoto-sensei
Rating: T - There is violence and a little mature content, but NOTHING too explicit.
Word Count: 6,972 - just under the 7000 word maximum!
Summary: Sometimes, the only way to understand how everything went wrong is
to go back to the beginning. (Kakashi & Sakura)
Authors Notes: THIS FIC GOES IN REVERSE CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER. THAT
MEANS AS YOU READ, YOU ARE GOING BACK THROUGH TIME. Until after the italics,
then you are on your own to figure it out. So please, make sure you understand
that before you start... otherwise you will be thoroughly confused. This is
also my second, and final contest entry for the KakaSaku community at DA. I
hope you all like the format, it's a little different. Also, thank you to my dear friend, Chica for the BETA, I owe you one.
Red mixed with white as her blood seeped across the fallen snow. Her vibrant pink hair was a stark contrast to the pale complexion her skin had taken on. Her glassy green eyes were fixed upward, to a heaven she wasn't sure she believed in. Sakura has been dead for hours, but still Kakashi could not bring himself to leave her body.
His half gloved hands and mismatched eyes held her firmly against his heaving chest and broken heart. He let loose a fearsome howl, sure to wake her from eternal sleep. But still she did not move, and he found himself shattered in ways he did not know he could be.
---
"Kakashi…"
Kurenai slinked her arm around his neck, and pulled him back against her soft sheets. He allowed her, but not because her admiration brought him any kind of joy. He did so because she drove the image of a young, pink-haired, green-eyed kunoichi from his mind.
"Hmm?"
Came his mumbled reply from the cage of her prison, one subtly laced with contempt. But she was too smitten to see the dark, looming hate wandering through his eye.
"Why won't you take off that mask?"
She touched the corner of the mysterious blue mask. He pulled away. Her presence was no longer aiding in his quest to free his mind from Sakura's hold. Instead, Kurenai had become a hindrance to the painful self-contempt he harbored inside.
"I have to go."
He slipped from the sheets, naked and alone to dress in the hallway to pretend that this was all just a dream.
Kurenai was no fool, nor was she a stranger to Kakashi's company in her bed.
"I see."
She pulled a stray strand of hair behind her ear and watched him saunter to the door.
"I hope she knows what an idiot she is, whoever it is that you're running from Kakashi." He stopped to consider that maybe she might know him better than what he would have liked.
"I'm not running from anyone."
With his vest in his hand and his heart on his sleeve he ventured forward and away from this woman to whom he owed so much and yet still cared so little for.
So he meandered home, through the grey night and threatening snow.
His breath pushed past his mask and dissapitatedinto the frigid air. His house was empty A welcome silence from all the degrading, self-perpetuated hate that bounced around in his head.
Except it still smelt like her.
So he sat on his bed with his head in his hands and chastised himself for having always pushed her away.
---
"I'm leaving."
Sakura looked into his black eye and imagined what she looked like through the convoluted expanse that was his mind. Childish, perhaps; but that didn't matter anymore. Not since that night.
"A mission?"
He asked, but he already knew the answer because he could read her eyes with the same ease he read his books. She was scared, and the fresh ink on her arm only furthered her fear of inadequacy. She nodded and he felt compelled to comfort her. But he instead balled his fists inside his pockets and leaned away from her.
"I don't know how long I'll be gone."
The ANBU uniform was tight against her skin, and the arm and shin protectors felt unusual. But still she stood tall under his gaze and tried to make him understand that she needed him now.
"I see."
He was as cold as the night air that leaked in through his window. He refused to be the one to hold her against his chest and whisper sweet words of encouragement. She was already too close to him. He could smell her skin, and the sweet scent of women's shampoo. She was invading his senses and poisoning his apartment.
"I just wanted too…" she stopped herself before she finished.
She knew that he was already aware of what she wanted to say anyway. So she shook her head and left it at that. Her soft pink hair fell across her eyes as she turned from him and his ever-changing temperance.
She turned from him, and his heart clenched. He couldn't just let her go with that, with unspoken words and uncertain futures. So he grabbed her wrist and pulled her back to face him. He was not surprised to see the tears welling in her eyes.
He looked at her strangely then, like nothing she'd ever seen before. And she wished she could understand what it meant, or why he looked so broken. But she didn't have time to think about it for too long, because somehow his bare lips were on her and she was melting into his warm embrace.
He was like fire and ice. He burnt her with passion and shunned her with indifference. And she was slowly tearing down the middle to understand what it all meant. His hands were on her cheeks and running through her hair.
He couldn't help himself. He couldn't stem the pool of relief that exploded in his gut when her lips met his. Because he was weak and useless when it came to decency and morals; perhaps Naruto was right. Perhaps he was nothing more than a perverted old man.
Then he pulled away and she was left cold and alone in the center of his room.
She could still see his eye shinning through the darkness and reflecting the moonlight. He looked dangerous then, and she took an involuntarily step back.
"I won't be here when you get back."
He informed her slowly of the future that wouldn't come for them. But she didn't understand why he did this to her, so she gasped a pain-filled breath and streaked out the opened door in a flash of tears and anger.
And he was left alone, again. So he sat on the edge of his bed and put his head in his hands. He couldn't sleep here tonight. It still smelt like her, and her tears. So he gathered his gear and headed for the woods. Tonight he would train, and in two or three days, when she returned to find him gone, he would be free of this burden she put on him. He would be free of this attachment that held him hostage.
---
But there were eyes watching from the distance, through the night and cold winter air.
---
The rising sun peaked through the leaves and filtered a resonance of warmth through Kakashi's apartment. But on this cold winter morning, he was inclined to ignore his routine, and stay in bed, because the woman next to him was warm and firmly wrapped around his chest. Her pretty pink hair was spread across the white pillow case, and he can't help but reach down to touch her face.
She was just as soft as he always imagined she'd be. And he was satisfied with letting her fulfill every expectation he envisioned for her. Even though the brisk morning air rolled in under the door and through the sides of the window, he was warm. Her bare skin against his was heavenly, in the most sinful way.
She stirred in her sleep and he found her so endearing, he had no choice but to lean down and taste the new day on her slumbering lips. His mask was across the room, thrown against the far wall on top of a heap of clothes that would have to be sorted out later. But for now he was content to lay in her arms, in the starting daylight and just to be with her.
He watched her sleep and could no longer stop the swell of affection that flooded through his chest. She had grown quite important to him. Somewhere, buried deep in the back of his mind, his overtaxed and somewhat useless conscious reminded him that this was a mistake that could never happen again.
But more immediately, he felt safe to whisper in her ear while she slept. It was a luxury that he had never afforded himself before, to admit to her that he was trapped by her. But she could hear him anyway, and when this was all over, at least he would have this one moment of freedom to remember. The moment when he finally came to terms with the impact she had on him.
His lips rested against her forehead, which he knew she hated. But he loved it and the way she was ashamed of it. He told her so.
He told her he loved her hair and the way her eyes look when she is thinking. He told her that he loves the way she holds a kunai in her hand and the way she heals so effortlessly. He told her he loves the shinobi she has become, and all the potential she possesses. He told her he loves her collarbone, and the way her skin tastes. He told her he loves her voice, and the way she hides part of herself from the world – because she was so like him in that way. He told her that he'd watched her for years, always tempted to lean in and taste her lips.
But that was all he told her, because even if this is a moment of absolute freedom, he would still remember it when she awoke. He would still have to live with the memory of his confession, so he left his love at that. Because that tiny voice in the back of his mind, insisting that he push her away, for her own good, for the sake of his sanity, because they would never be accepted – was starting to get louder.
---
In fact, he was too concerned with the curve of her lips and the way her eyelashes fell against her skin to notice that there was someone just beyond the window watching with hate-filled eyes and burning bloodlust.
---
Her back was against the grainy wood wall of Kakashi's apartment. His blazing silver hair was tickling under her chin as he kissed her collarbone and neck. She pulled him closer and took in deep, panting breaths.
His hands were frantic to remove the zipper on her pull away skirt and loose red top. He ripped the half gloves from his palms so he could feel her on his skin. He yanked his vest apart, sending a button across the room.
She ran her fingers through his hair and helped him pull his shirt and forehead protector off. The metal clinked against the floor and she was strangely encouraged by this sound. She boldly lifted his head from her neck and rolled the fabric of this mask up and off.
He looked confused for a moment, like he'd never been without it. She smiled coyly and placed her lips on his. He didn't need anymore encouragement that than.
Somehow they found their way through the cold winter night to his bed and tumbled through the darkness together. She said his name in a way he'd never heard before and he was lost in a sea of Sakura he didn't want to ever escape from.
The alcohol in their breath is a convenient scapegoat for the wildly inappropriate act that consumes them. But they both knew the truth. They had wanted this for a long time; secretly, and silently in dark corners and overnight missions. They had been yearning for this chance long enough. The sake just pushed them past the inhibitions that kept them apart.
---
Kakashi woke in the middle of the night, in a strange room. It smelt of disinfectants and re-circulated air. The moon was clearly visible on the cloudless autumn night through the unfamiliar window. He was in a hospital, and he was mortified to find that his clothes were gone, along with his forehead protector and gloves.
He was glad to find his mask in place. But it smelt clean, and fresh. Someone had replaced it. He remembered crackling chakra and the screams in the darkness. A mission gone wrong and lives lost right before him.
He groans and rolled to his left, but there was a weight restricting his movement. There was bright pink hair sprawled across his leg. Sakura was passed out in a chair next to his bed; her hands and face buried in the sheets. And there was something familiar, yet startling about waking up to find her with him.
"She completely drained herself healing you." A whispered voice came from the doorway.
Tsunade stood there, arms crossed and piercing eyes warning him to do the same.
"What happened?"
His voice was coarse and ragged. She shrugged and turned to look out the window.
"I was hoping you could tell me."
She entered the room, swift and soundlessly. She was as graceful as she was powerful.
"We were attacked."
Kakashi groaned as a stabbing pain in his chest ignited.
"That much I could tell."
She placed a hand to his chest and checked the bandages covering most of his body.
"The other men say they were struck by Chidori."
His eyes shrank to slits and he gauged her meaning.
"Are you saying you think I attacked my own men?"
His voice strained through the whisper and he seethed to defend himself.
"I was almost hoping that was the case." She commented idly, like it was a mundane sort of idea. And his muddled mind was slow to comprehend her meaning. So he watched her with questioning eyes and tried to sort it all out.
"The only other person that knows chidori is…" and he stops, because it was suddenly too painful to breathe or live or think. So he laid there, with Sakura asleep on his leg and watched as the well organized pieces of his world crumble away.
---
Kakashi lay, lifeless and bleeding on the examining table. And for one, brief, heartbreaking moment, Sakura thought he was dead. But his hand jerked and blood poured from the gapping wound in his chest. And she knew she still has a chance because he opened his eyes and pins her with a glairing look.
He begged for relief from the pain that numbed his body and teared apart at his chest. She didn't waste another second. She straddled the table and him along with it. Her hands were steady and strong against the gapping wound that stained her skin with familiar blood. She closed her eyes and concentrated on radiating her healing chakra through his body.
His spleen was ruptured, and his kidneys were swelling to a dangerous size. His right lung was punctured and his ribs were fractured. He was burned internally, and quickly loosing all the oxygen in his blood. His own chakra was almost completely depleted.
There were others that came in that night, bleeding and near death from the same mission. But no one was injured nearly as badly as he was. She didn't know who could have done so much damage, but she was sure Kakashi was near death.
She looked down at him and asked a silent pray to anyone listening so that she was strong enough to save him. His hands clawed at her medical uniform. He pulled so hard, he ripped the fabric around her feet and thighs. She knew he was in more pain than she could imagine. His mouth opened and closed like a fish, trying to breathe air.
So she ignored all that and flooded his body with everything she had. The green, healing chakra she bathed him in gave the sterile hospital room and eerie glow that could be seen down the hall.
Tsunade looked up from the man under her hands. She recognized the chakra feel, but the sheer column of power that was radiating from the intensive care unit was stifling. She was tempted to pull away and demand that Sakura conserve her energy. But the man under her cried out, and she was forced to watch as her apprentice risked her life to save someone.
---
The leaves and branches scrape at her skin as the tears fall from her opened eyes in the darkness of a moonless autumn night. Sakura breathed hard and bounded from one branch to another. She had to make it in time. There was no exception.
Kakashi stood at the gate to the village, and was pensively waiting. He didn't know why he felt the need to wait just a few more minutes. He knew he should leave. But he rationalized it as an apprehensive deterrent from leaving on time. His pack was heavy on his shoulders, and the falling leaves waved by on the cool breeze.
She bounded into the deserted streets and took off in a cloud of dust. She could see the gate just up ahead, and a figure standing alone against the dark backdrop. For a moment, she though it was her mind playing tricks on her.
But then he turned, and she caught the brief disbelief that danced through his exposed eye. She jolted to a stop, just before she bowled him over. And she smiled, breathlessly and full of pride, because she made it in time.
Kakashi stood there, dumbfounded, because she was smiling like crazy. And he considered that perhaps it was better that he waited.
"Leaving?"
She asked, as if she didn't already know the answer.
He nodded and resisted the urge to place his hand on her shoulder.
"Ah, well… good luck then."
She fidgeted with her hands as she tried to catch her breath.
"Oh, okay."
He stumbled over his words and tried to make sense of everything. "I will."
Still she stood, as her breathing returned to normal. "Good." She nodded in affirmation of her approval.
"Was there… was there something you wanted?" he ventured to ask, because he was clueless and she was looking at him strangely.
"Just goodbye."
Sakura looked at him and twisted her stomach into knots while he accepted her farewell and turned towards the night. "Wait!"
He turned, startled by her outburst and the hand on his forearm. "Yes?"
"I just wanted to say that I'll be waiting for you." She blushed, and even in the darkness he was almost overcome with a false sense of pride.
"I'll be here when you get back."
Then her hand fell away from his flack jacket, and she was gone in a puff of smoke.
But the lingering feel of her fingers twisted in the fabric of his clothes stayed with him long after the walls disappeared over the horizon and the rising autumn sun peaked through the trees.
---
She was even more beautiful because she didn't know how gorgeous she was. And Kakashi wasn't the only one to notice. He began to hear more and more about Sakura and the love life she denied herself. She had turned down dates from Lee, Shino, and even Naruto.
He clenched his fists under the table as Genma commented on how nicely she's filled out her Jounin uniform. He knew why she always turned them down, and he pitied her for the solitude she imposed on herself. He wondered if she would ever open up again.
---
"Good evening, Sakura."
Kakashi stood at her opened apartment door, hands in his pockets and a brown bang under his arm. She looked at him carefully and considered for a moment the last time someone was at her apartment.
"Hello, Kakashi-san."
She bowed generously, and invited him in. Kakashi entered slowly and placed the bag on her dining room table. "What brings you here?"
She eyed him wearily as she excused herself to check on her instant ramen.
"I thought we might celebrate."
She peaked out from around the doorframe, to find the bag opened and a bottle of expensive sake on her table. She watched him ball up the paper and leave it on the corner of the table.
"Celebrate what?" She asked him and he turned to watch her in the kitchen light. He smiled, because she had no idea how beautiful she really was.
"Your promotion to Jounin, of course."
He sauntered over to her, and smiled through his mask. But she could see the shadows his lips made under the dark fabric.
"Oh, is that all?" she put her hands on her hips and watched him rummage through her cabinets for glasses. He seemed so much at ease in her home. But she didn't object, even as he gently moved her aside to reach above her.
"Why else would I be here?"
He smelt like sake already, and she wondered if there were two bottles originally.
"I don't know, maybe to apologize."
He didn't seem to notice the mounting anger that pooled in her fists because he just leaned in closer to her, pinning her against the refrigerator to grab the glasses from the cupboard behind her.
"Apologize?"
His feigned ignorance only fuels her anger.
"Yes, apologize! You know, for the way you treated me on that mission."
She defied him to intimidate her, so she leaned in and pressed her finger into his chest. "I'm a Jounin now, I don't need you or anyone else to protect me."
But there was something else in his eyes that she didn't understand how to read.
"I know that."
He still pinned her with his remorseful eye and proximity. And for once, she didn't know what to say. He was too close to her, and the way he was looking at her didn't make any sense.
But her heart raced and she struggled to keep her lips from quivering. It had been a long time since a man made her insides twist like this. But she waited for him to speak, because even if she was the level-headed one, every now and then she allowed herself to be completely irrational when it come to power. She'd worked hard to get where she was, and his words still stung.
"I don't want to lose you."
Her knuckles turned white as her grip on the counter nearly cracked it in half. He didn't seem to notice, but he just kept looking at her like she might disappear any second.
"You won't."
She was unsure of her promise, or why she so desperately felt the need to fulfill it. But she saw him standing in the rain in front of the black memorial stone, and she was absolutely sure she never wanted to make him mourn her name as well.
"You won't lose me."
---
Sakura spotted him in a bar and slid into the empty stool next to him. He was drunk, and she imagined that he just tips the glass to his mask and sucks it from the fabric. He didn't look well enough to even pull the mask down anymore.
"Kakashi-san?"
He turned, inebriated and confused. And she was disappointed that she couldn't take this opportunity to gloat.
"Sakura?" he knows it's her. But in his mind, she was still too young to be in a bar. She must have understood because she laughed into her hand and looked to the bartender. The man nodded and brought her a porcelain bottle of warm sake.
"What are you doing here?" She asked as she poured her glass and pretended not to notice how many eyes were on her.
"Trying to forget."
He was feeling dangerously truthful tonight so he stood on wobbling legs and excused himself.
She didn't follow. But she watched him go and was stuck by how similar she was to him. She also used to see a face in her sake. But that was years ago, and now all she saw was her own reflection. She was grown and beautiful. But she couldn't see that reflection. To her, she was still thirteen, and waiting for her first love. Even if in her dreams his black hair turned silver and his red and black eyes split with a scar.
She took a long sip and tried to forget that she was imagining the hallow man that just stumbled into the streets.
---
She stood, victorious, bloody, and sore. Kakashi couldn't help but resent the doubt he harbored. He doubted her, and turned his back when she asked for his help. He didn't think she had been ready. But he though back to that night, and considered that there might have been something else that drove him to belittle her skills. He thought that maybe, he had already let her get too close and hadn't even realized it, because the thought of her on missions without him was frightening in a whole new way.
He sighed heavily in the crowd of cheering bystanders and tried to melt into the sea of people. But her eyes caught his through the sunlight, and he could see it. He could see the contempt she held, and the desperation to prove her skills. He bowed his head as a sign of recognition and she beamed. He didn't stay to hear the final verdict; he knew she would be a Jounin.
---
Sakura stood alone in the stadium and turned slowly in a circle. In only a day she would compete here, for a second time. She recalled her Chuunin exam. Naruto was off training, and Sasuke was gone by then. The only people left to cheer her on were Ino and Hinata. But they were both competing this time. She recalled the way Kakashi smiled just before her match and patted her on the head.
He won't be doing that now. She thought sourly as the days slowly dripped by. She registered for the Jounin exam herself. Tsunade had supported her decision, and that was all the permission she needed. She was looking forward to proving to Kakashi, and everyone else who ever thought she was worthless and useless that she was powerful and worthy to be a shinobi of Konoha.
---
He watched her sleep, wrapped in the standard issue material and tried to convince himself that he just wanted to protect her. But his eyes were drawn to hers; even as he sat on watch he was tempted to watch her. But his keen sense of smell alerted him to incoming night stalkers, and he was by her side in a flash.
A sharp whistle alerted the rest of the team for incoming. Kotetsu and Genma jerked from their sleeping rolls, kunai drawn and eyes fixed on the moving under brush. Kakashi stood between the intruders and Sakura, who was also alert and ready.
She watched his back tense at the sounds of soft footfalls on damp grass. She wondered why his back was so comforting. But she didn't have long to contemplate it as he pulled her flush against him.
"Stay behind me."
His command was absolute and she didn't dare argue. The blades came at them almost faster than her heightened sense of hearing could alert her. And Kakashi moved even faster. But she was always just a step behind him, dancing in his shadow.
She dodged kunai and shuriken and managed to get a few off herself. But there were at least seven to four, and she turned her back to Kakashi to face the two coming from behind. She barely had enough time to pull on her gloves before the first blow came.
She was sent flying back, and Kakashi had her assailant run through before she had a chance to retaliate. But the short lived moment of gratitude flitters by on another blade with an explosive tag tied to the end. She was up and bounding through the trees before it goes. But the debris came at her with alarming speed.
She threw her arms in front of her face just in time to catch the tree particles and tiny splintered rocks in her arms. The blood ran warm and anger burned in her eyes. She flew forward, past the crater in the earth that could have been her and ran her fists into flesh and bone. She could hear the sound-Nin's insides fracture and puncture from the force she exuded, but before he can even cough up blood on her, she was off to the next one.
Genma and Kotetsu took out three more in a matter of minutes. One was impaled to a tree, while the other two lay in a broken pile at their feet. Kakashi was the last one fighting, Sharingan exposed while the two remaining attacked collectively.
She was urged to move, but compelled to stay and watch him fight. Genma and Kotetsu also stood and watch as the son of the great white fang tore a man apart with his chattering Chidori, and the other watches in horror. And then he was dead too, before he even had a chance to run.
Kakashi turned from the bodies at his feet and pinned her with his multi-colored eyes. He was dangerous, and covered with blood that wasn't his own. She shudder; even on this warm summer night and thinks that maybe she didn't know him all that well. Because she'd never seen him look at her like that.
"I told you to stay behind me!"
His voice was low and vibrated through her courage. She glanced quickly over her shoulder to the two other men. But they were testing vital signs and moving bodies.
"I know… but…" she tried to cross her arms, but found the debris still lodged there made this an impossibly painful task.
"I don't care!"
He stepped towards her and she was almost tempted to step away. But she didn't, because she was strong and defiant. "I'm the team leader, you do what I tell you!" he reached out now, and he was so close she could feel the anger in his aura.
But his hand on her arm was soft and gentle. He lightly turned her battered limb in his hands and shakes his head. And just like that, the anger was gone and she was left to bask in the concern he lathered her with.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have fought."
She watched him examine her and she felt strangely out of place.
"You shouldn't be here in the first place."
He couldn't have hurt her more if even if he had ran her through with his chakra blade. She winced and nodded, blindly.
"You're not ready for this."
---
She was working late one night on the critical unit level when Tsunade informed her of an class S mission. She could either stay and care for the patients, or take this chance to get some field experience and perhaps risk her life. She didn't even have to think. She left from the hospital to meet up at the rendezvous point.
Kakashi stood alone in the woods, waiting for the other members of the team to arrive. He considered the irony of him waiting for anyone. But he was cut short by the swift moving footsteps approaching from the north.
Sakura emerged from the trees and stops in her tracks to see the man before her. He was fitted in his rarely worn ANBU uniform, complete with chakra katana and dog mask. She'd never seen his ANBU tattoo before and his mildly aware that she was still lacking one.
"Kakashi-san?"
It took him a moment to recognize his name coming from her. He was almost too used to his sensei title. But the gear pack on her waist and the cat mask slung around her elbow, almost as an afterthought was a reminder that she was now an ally, not a student.
---
Sakura completed her training under Tsunade, only to be thrown into hospital rotation. The hours were long, and she felt drained everyday. But she was learning more each day, so she smiled at the nurses and left each night fulfilled. Until she reached her home, which was empty and she was reminded that she is still missing something very important.
---
Sakura was in the market, buying groceries for her first apartment when she ran into Kakashi. He was too busy looking at the upcoming date of releases for the Icha-Icha books to see her. But as her udon and ramen spill from her bag at his feet, his attention was drawn to her pink hair and slender wrists.
He scratched the back of his head, and offers to help her. As they walk back to her home in a comfortable silence, he considers that he's letting her get too close. She invited him in, and against his better judgment, he couldn't seem to turn the offer down.
She cooked for him, and they talked over a small dinner table in a small apartment. He imagined that in a few weeks, it will seem much more like a home than a storage space for mismatched furniture.
---
Kakashi watched as Sakura trained. She was sweating, and her blades glistened in the sunlight. She reminded him of someone he didn't want to remember so he ignored her and read his dirty book. But he was only picturing her anyway. So he stood, and dusts the dirt from his pants and leaves her alone to contemplate what she did to make him leave.
He was reading, like he always did. But she could tell his eyes were just skimming what he'd already read. And as she swung the blade down through the air she wondered what he though about when he read those illicit books.
---
She turned fifteen and passed the Chuunin exam while he watched on and admired the shinobi she was becoming. He patted her head and told her that she will be a fine Kunoichi. Her rosy cheeks dimpled and he was satisfied with her progression.
---
There are 1000 other moments that change their fate and bring them together. Throughout the changing seasons, they are both fleeting and concrete. Sakura grows into a strong woman, who is in danger of becoming jaded and alone. And Kakashi battles with his ever-present addiction to loneness. And they don't know it yet. But they will be tied together by the hands of time and the moments that pass them by, unnoticed and barely remembered.
---
"I told you I'd kill the most important person to you."
Cold red eyes and fiercely familiar black hair emerged through the blaze of white snow and spilled blood. Kakashi didn't loosen his hold of Sakura's body nor was he surprised.
"Orochimaru."
He acknowledged only the presence still remaining in the empty vessel. It was a sad fate that he had tried to prevent. And he was reminded that he was a failure yet again.
"Yes, I do inhabit this body, but there are still some lingering desires from the previous owner."
He stood in the body of an eighteen-year-old Sasuke and looked down on the Famed Copy Ninja. "Sasuke-kun was quite adamant about this."
The perversion of the body he taught smiled a sick, sadistic smile and Kakashi gently laid Sakura in the snow.
She was so still, she looked like an angel. But the gapping hole in her chest and the blood that covered everything was just another crack in his mirror of illusion.
"And he had no trouble with killing Sakura to get to me?" His Sharingan was exposed and violently twirling.
"Oh, that girl never meant anything to Sasuke-kun. She was always just an annoying nuisance."
Kakashi pulled his chakra blade and leaped forward.
"Die!"
He was a silver blur against the white snow and still the snake slithered away just in time.
"Tisk, tisk Kakashi-kun, it's not nice to interrupt our conversation."
There was a blade through his shoulder, impaling him to a tree before he could react. But the electricity that coursed through the metal and into his veins paralyzed him. Blood slipped from the corners of his lips, but still he couldn't move.
"You're sick."
His admission was nothing more than a passing compliment to the sick, maniacal man that body hopped through the generations.
"That's just want she said."
His snake-like lips curled up on the edges and Kakashi nearly broke his arm trying to just reach his weapons pouch.
"You'll be happy to know she didn't beg. I wish she had. But she was strong right up to the end."
He stepped closer and Kakashi bit his lip to keep from screaming.
"I'll kill you!"
He took another step closer and leaned down to tease him.
"I warned Konoha to stay away. I thought you'd learn your lesson when I destroyed your last unit."
He bent a knee and pushed his disgusting face right into Kakashi's.
"Why! Why kill her? She didn't deserve to die because of me!"
He still thrashed in his mind and itched to tear the boy limb from limb. But his body was useless, however his plan to lure him closer worked. So he allowed his Sharingan to swirl into a frightening pattern.
The snake boy leaped back, but not nearly fast enough to escape his Mange Sharingan. A red moon swirled and the clouds transformed the snowscape into dark and inverse dimension.
"What is this?"
Kakashi was glad then, to see the confusion in his eyes. At least Sasuke never achieved the final form of his Sharingan before he had thrown his body away.
"Your grave!"
Through the swirling reds and alien clouds, an outline of Kakashi emerged radiating chakra. But Orochimaru was helpless in this dimension, just had Sasuke always been. In former pupil's only weakness will now be his master's downfall.
Kakashi ran him through from every angle before he had a chance to breathe. He was helpless against the images he threw at him. Because Kakashi knew his history and the weaknesses he pretended not to have.
So he filled his mind with images of Tsunade as a young a beautiful girl, and holding Jiyara's hand. Tsunade, bleeding and lifeless at Orochimaru's feet. He sees Anko as a child smiling up at her sensei. Kakashi shows him Anko grown and tearing the cursed flesh from her own neck. And just to make sure every part of him is broken, Kakashi shows the shell of his former student Sasuke as a boy standing over the bodies of his parents and powerless against the outline of his older brother.
There are hundreds of other images, most fake, but some real. And with every frame, he was run through again and again. It was a constant stream of pictures he couldn't escape from, because even when he held his ears and shut his eyes, they played on, an endless loop behind his eyelids. Kakashi stood over his shaking, broken form and wished for absolution.
"Stop!" Orochimaru pleaded, but it was already too late. His fate had been sealed the moment he ended Sakura's life.
"I can bring her back!"
Kakashi paused for a moment and was crippled at the thought of holding her one last time. To kiss her one last time, and tell her he loved her. Even if it was torture and they could never be together, at least she would know.
But the moment was fleeting and painful all the same. So he leaned in past the pool of blood that was slowly drowning Orochimaru.
"You can't bargain your way out of this."
"You wouldn't kill me, would you, Sensei?" Sasuke's voice slipped from his lips and it was almost enough to convince Kakashi that he still existed somewhere inside. But he had his chance years ago when he had chosen Orochimaru over his own village.
"I'm sorry, Sasuke." then Orochimaru was alone, and the world compressed. The sky crashed down while the clouds stuffed his lungs and suffocated him. He was bound by a seal that burns to the touch. And as he disintegrated into bloody dust on the red moon's wind he thought of the girl he once loved and cried out.
---
Sakura held her kunai in her hand, ready to attack. But the only one left to hunt was Sasuke. And she was helpless against him, in so many ways. So she stood, and waited for the inevitable impaling of his Chidori laden sword. She wondered if he would feel bad about her blood on his hands. But one look at his crimson eyes, and she knew that to him now, the whole world looked like it was covered in blood. So hers on his hands would be nothing to him, just as she was.
She saw a flash of silver and her heart constricted tightly against her ribs. She regretted having to break her promise to him. But she was a shinobi of Konoha, and she refused to abandon her village. She just hoped that someday he would understand that she had to do it. But she was strong, so even as the sword teared apart her insides, she didn't cry… much.
---
Kakashi lay there, still pinned to a tree and watched the body that took his last remaining precious person crumble. Because even though his Mange Sharingan wasn't fully realized yet, he still had the power to destroy his soul. And without the soul, a body ceased to function. It was useless and empty.
And he was left alone, again. The snow fell and the electricity began to fade, but still he didn't move. His tears came now, because even if it had been just an empty shell, it was once a young boy he cared for. He so wished that he could have protected him. But in the end, he had been just as careless now as he had been then. He would return home with her body and add two more names to the memorial stone.
He was alone again.