Open Hands

Chapter 1: Reception

How did I get here?

He closed his eyes. I don't care. The sun was warm, the grass he was lying on was soft, and the quiet sound of flowing water was soothing. Even the air smelled good. He'd always hated flowers, their gaudy too-strong odors an offense, but there was a subtle perfume in this place that made him feel calm.

Did I find Mother? Is she here? I heard her calling me…didn't I?

He opened his eyes again, and looked around. "Mother?"

There was no answer, but somehow he didn't mind. His pain was gone. The terrible overwhelming urge had left him. It should have been frightening, but it wasn't.

She must be here.

He heard a soft footfall in the grass somewhere beyond him, and sat up quickly, looking over his shoulder. "Mother?"

It wasn't Mother. At least, he didn't think so. It was a gray wolf, and he sat still, staring at it. It stared back, then turned and started to trot briskly away. A few yards away the wolf stopped and looked expectantly over its shoulder, tail swinging in a single wag.

Slowly, Kadaj got to his feet, and the wolf started off again. The young man followed.

-Did you find him?

---Yes, easily. Do you think he'll be all right?

-I'm not sure. He's carrying a lot of difficult memories.

---Can we help him?

-It'll take time.

---Well, we've got plenty of that.

-Let him rest a while. Then we'll see.

Time didn't seem to pass normally here. Kadaj wasn't sure how long or far he'd walked, following the wolf, but he wasn't tired. At some point the flowery creek bank had developed a smooth dirt-paved path, so he wasn't still slogging through deep grass. The creek had angled away from the path into a line of trees off to his right, and he couldn't see it anymore, although he could still hear it.

He reached the top of a slope, although he hadn't noticed going uphill, and the ground dropped away in a steep cliff. A large tree at its edge shaded the ground where the path dissolved into grass again. The wolf stopped at the edge of the hill and looked back at Kadaj.

"Is Mother down there?" Kadaj asked the wolf, not sure whether to hope for some reply.

The wolf merely turned and started down the hill. Kadaj took a couple of steps after it, but the wolf turned back and trotted close enough to brush against Kadaj's legs, nudging him back toward the tree.

Kadaj frowned. "I don't want to stay here. I want to see Mother."

The wolf nudged his legs again, twice.

"Will I see her if I stay here?"

Tail-wag, and the wolf seemed to grin.

Slowly Kadaj moved into the shade of the tree and sat down. The wolf came over and licked his hand, and suddenly Kadaj felt drowsy. He leaned back against the tree. "…bring Mother?" he murmured. The wolf licked his hand again, and Kadaj heard it quietly padding away as he sank into a peaceful darkness.

-I'm not what he wants me to be.

---No, but I don't think it's going to matter.

-Healing Cloud was easy. It was only his body. This is harder.

---I know you can do it.

-Where do I begin?

---You're asking me?

-Well, he doesn't remember. He's going to have to. It's going to be painful.

---Don't worry. You've got experience with that, remember?

"Kadaj."

The voice prodded him gently out of sleep, and he opened his eyes. The tree and the hilltop were gone. He was sitting in an empty church, on the floor up against a wall.

He turned his head to look at the source of the voice. "Mother?" he whispered.

No one was there. He heard a quiet sound of rippling water, and sunlight beamed quietly in through the windows. Now where am I? Slowly he pushed up to his feet.

At the other end of the church, in the direction the pews were facing, there was a pool of water shimmering with the light from the windows. Flowers floated on top. He recoiled a step, suddenly deeply uneasy. The sight of the bright water drained away his calm.

That shouldn't be here.

Have I been here before?

He turned and walked quickly to the door, but it was locked. He tugged at the latch, but it wouldn't lift. He took a step back and then rammed against it with his shoulder, but hitting the wooden door was like slamming into a stone wall. What is this?

He looked over his shoulder. The water glittered at him.

"Go and look, Kadaj."

Kadaj spun around, but there was still no one to be seen. "Mother? Do I have to?"

"Yes, Kadaj."

He glanced at the water again, wincing at the glare from its surface. I don't like it. But he walked forward anyway, hearing the dull clump of his boots on the wooden boards. The pool of water just sat there, glimmering, the flowers drifting. I feel like it might jump up and pull me in.

He reached the edge of it and very carefully knelt beside it. He looked down and saw his own reflection, silvery hair hanging over his face, obscuring all but the wide left eye. Wide, green, and human, with a round pupil. His mouth dropped open.

What?

He reached up with one hand, touching his cheek below his left eye to see if it was really his face showing in the water. The water reflected the gesture, along with his slack-jawed expression. He closed his mouth.

Suddenly the glare on the water flashed so brightly that he winced and shielded his eyes with his arm. "Hn!" The flash receded, and after a moment he lowered his hand, blinking.

He was no longer in the church. He was outdoors, and overhead a storm was just clearing away, a light rain beginning to fall. He stared at the two figures on the ground nearby.

Me. It's me.

The other Kadaj lay against Brother's shoulder, sapped of strength, staring up at the weeping sky. He smiled faintly and lifted his hand, started to sit up… and dissolved gently into a green mist that spiraled slowly away to mingle with the clouds until it faded from sight. Brother stood up, gazing upward with a calm expression. He closed his eyes.

…That's what happened? I…? Brother…? Then where—

Crack.

Kadaj jumped, startled, and saw Brother crumple forward, eyes wide, mouth open. He looked off to the left and saw Loz and Yazoo, staggering, barely staying on their feet.

"We all go together," he heard Yazoo mumble, his gun falling from his hand. The drops of rain made that same green mist swirl up from his brothers, but they fought it, their Materia gleaming brightly.

Loz… Yazoo…

Brother stumbled to his feet, turned, and rushed toward them with a shout, the tip of his sword dragging the ground as he expended the last of his strength. Before he reached them, however, an enormous explosion filled Kadaj's vision. He flinched.

"NO!"

Kadaj struck out wildly, and his hand plunged into warm water, splashing it in his face. He jerked back, dashing the water from his eyes with shaking fingers. He was back in the church, staring with a hammering heart down at the pool where ripples spread from the impact of his fist. The flowers bobbed on the tiny waves.

Still kneeling, he buried his face in his hands. They're gone...

I'm alone.