Author's Note:
This is actually the fourth in a series of birthdayfics I wrote
about
Cordelia's reaction to Xander's birthday. The other three, alas,
are
songfics, so I can't post them here.
This is another
one of the fics I wrote years ago and have recently
rediscovered.
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon created the Buffy and Angel characters.
X X X X X
They'd made
her swear on half a dozen different gods that it
was
legitimate.
They'd made Angel swear the same thing.
And then, and ONLY then, had the Scooby Gang given
permission to
Cordelia and Angel to come anywhere within fifty
miles of Sunnydale the
day before Xander's birthday.
"But
I still don't see why you need to come down," Buffy'd said.
"I
mean, we can take care of it ourselves."
"No, you
can't," Cordy'd answered. "I don't get visions for you. I
get
them for Angel."
"Okay," the Slayer had answered. "But color me still suspicious."
"You can be orange with
green polka dots, Buffy, but I'm still coming to
Sunnydale."
And
so they'd come. Buffy, Xander and Anya, plus the two LA
visitors,
were sitting or standing around the Magic Box while
Cordelia explained
her vision. It had been about some kind of
flying creature – not a
demon, she didn't think; it had looked
like a vulture with a twenty-foot
wingspan. It had been picking
people up, carrying them off, and eating
them.
There had
been reports of a couple of mysterious disappearances in the
area,
but Buffy had assumed it had been vampires up to their old
tricks
(even though it had been a while since she'd actually
FOUGHT a vampire.)
Anya said unexpectedly, "Hold on a
second." Then she went to one of the
bookshelves in front of the
counter and brought it over. It was called
"The Dictionary of
Cryptozoology." She rapidly flipped through the pages
until she
flattened the book against the table. "This the monster
you
saw?"
It was a black and white drawing of something
called a Thunderbird.
Cordelia looked at it and said, "That's
it, alright."
"We're fighting cheap booze?" Xander asked.
"No," Cordy said, "That's tomorrow." Xander
started, and then grinned
nervously at Anya.
Anya said
earnestly, "Don't worry. I have a lot of expensive booze
lined
up." After a second. "Ripple is expensive, right?"
Then at Xander's
frantic look she just laughed.
"Well
then," Xander said, sneaking glances at Anya to make sure she
WAS
actually kidding, "Let's take down this thunderbird and go
party."
"What kills it?" Angel asked.
"Oh,
anything," Anya said. "It's just a giant bird, it's not like
it's a
real monster or anything. I'm wondering if it's even
fair to kill it."
"If it's a choice between the giant
bird and people, the giant bird
loses," Buffy said.
"No argument there," Angel said.
X X X X X
The giant bird lost.
Buffy and Angel stopped it from carrying off one of
Dawn's classmates
and then chased it back to its nest, which was
somewhere in the
foothills outside of town. Since there was no way
Xander, Anya or
Cordelia were going to be able to join in (it took
all of Buffy and
Angel's speed to even halfway keep pace with
the thunderbird), they made
sure the victim got safely home and
then walked back to the magic shop.
Halfway there they were jumped by a vampire.
Xander immediately tried to jump in front
of Anya and Cordy and was
amazed to see Cordy leap to the attack
and do a halfway decent job of
fighting off the demon. Between the
three of them, they managed to kill
it in under a minute, with
Anya stabbing it from behind while Xander
grabbed its feet and
Cordelia punched it in the face.
"You've been working out," Xander said admiringly.
"Thanks," Cordelia said,
smiling. "And before you say anything, Anya, I
don't want
him."
"Wasn't even thinking it," Anya said in a tone
that indicated she was
but wasn't going to give Cordelia the
satisfaction of saying so.
"Beside, he's right. You HAVE been
working out."
They didn't have to wait too long at the
shop, although Buffy and Angel
came in awkwardly carrying a bird's
nest the size of a VW Bug. "The
Thunderbird's dead," Buffy
said. "Now the question is, what do we do
with these
things?"
And of course there were eggs in the nest. Eggs as
big as sofa cushions,
but eggs nonetheless.
"I'm thinking king-size omelets for breakfast," Xander said.
"What
worries me is that if these things are fertilized that means
there's
a daddy out there somewhere," Angel said.
"Don't need to
worry about him," Anya said. "Daddy thunderbirds are only
about
as big as condors. They couldn't carry off anything bigger than
a
small dog."
"Poodles of the earth, beware," Xander said.
"Still . . . the eggs . . ." Cordelia said.
X X X X X
In the end, they did a ritual to see if the eggs had
been fertilized. To
everyone's vast relief, they hadn't been;
they'd had no idea where they
were even going to get an
incubator that size, much less find someone or
something willing
to sit on the eggs.
So Anya took one of them to use for a
spell, Angel went out and
destroyed a third, and Xander actually
got his king-sized omelet the
next morning.
He wasn't
fully able to enjoy it, though, being kind of preoccupied with
his
last sight of Cordelia the previous night. After they'd
completed
the ritual they hung around and chatted and discussed
recent adventures
until around midnight.
"Why do we need to stay?" Angel'd asked Cordelia.
"With everything the
Powers have put me through in the last two years
they owe me one,"
Cordelia'd said mysteriously. "Just watch."
But whatever
Cordelia wanted to have happen apparently hadn't by 12:15
AM,
and Angel wanted to get back to the Hyperion before he was a pile
of
ashes. So, a little disappointed, they said their goodbyes and
began to
walk out of the Magic Box.
Then, suddenly,
Cordelia smiled. "Angel," she said, spinning to face the
center
of the store. "There's a group of vampires at Dodger
Stadium.
They plan to attack a tour group tomorrow morning." She
looked up
towards the heavens and muttered, "Thanks."
Buffy
and Anya were pointing at her in disbelief, while Xander was a
step
away from fainting.
"What?" Cordelia asked, then looked
down. "Oh, that. I'm part demon now.
Didn't I tell
you?" She grinned wickedly. "Happy birthday, Xander
Harris."
"So
THIS is why you insisted on coming down?" Angel said when
Cordelia
finally settled back onto the floor.
She pointed
at Xander, who was still on the verge of nervous collapse.
"Are
you saying it wasn;t worth it?"
Angel started laughing. "Well, now that you mention it –"