By the way- this chapter might be kind of screwed up. See, I decided to write it from Kyle's POV Iafter/I I'd written that chapter, so I had to go back and change everything and I might've missed some stuff.
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"Fifty bucks."
"Ten."
"Forty bucks."
"Ten."
"GODDAMMIT, Cartman, we're not doing anything unless we get at least forty."
"Oh, fine, fine, you frickin' Jew, I'll give you forty… Geez, you're such a fuckin' whiner."
I grit my teeth and clenched together my fists, feeling my knuckles crack threateningly. I'd just about had it with Cartman… that smug bastard was really starting to piss me off with all of his "Jew" comments. At fifteen, I would've thought that Cartman would have grown out of it…
But then I began to wonder how the hell that unbelievable idea ever got into my head.
16 year old Stan was sitting next to me, looking slightly embarrassed. "Okay… um… so what exactly are we doing?" He asked, cocking his head.
"Okay, okay, Kenny and I," Cartman motioned to himself, and then to the boy with the orange parka sitting next to him. "Challenge you, Kyle Broflovski and Stan Marsh, to a bet."
Always formally an asshole.
"The rules?" I asked, crossing my arms over one another and staring at Cartman intently. If he was going to have us do this, we were going to do it my way… more or Cartman poking in loopholes and forcing us to do stuff we didn't want to. "What exactly are the terms of this bet?"
"Well," Kenny spoke up, abandoning his Coca Cola and pushing back his hood to reveal his messy blonde hair, "You and Stan will act gay. With each other. For two weeks. You are to display public affection during school hours and also when you are in public."
Stan made a strange noise in his throat that sounded like a weasel being run over by a car.
I, on the other hand, did nothing except nod. I had always secretly nursed the idea of Stan and I being together, but never told anyone or even chose to accept the thought. I wasn't gay, of course, but it was an interesting topic to think about. Stan didn't seem to happy about it, but… at least we were getting 40 bucks out of it.
"And this is only during school and in public? Not in our houses or any other time we're alone?" Stan stammered, drumming his fingers nervously on the lunchroom table and shifting back and forth in his seat nervously. "And… no sex?"
"No, no sex." Kenny said, taking a sip of his coke.
"Not unless you want to." Cartman interjected, lifting up a hand with index finger extended.
Stan leaned over and punched Cartman in the arm; the latter withdrew with an angry mutter and crossed his flabby arms. "No, we don't want to." Stan growled.
I nodded once more. "No. What about… um… tongue-hockey?" I inquired, gnawing on my lower lip and trying to imagine Stan biting the lip that I had just broken the skin of. I licked blood from the inside of my cheek, flinching slightly at the vile metallic taste.
"Again, only if you want to. You don't have to make out… but…" Kenny grinned mischievously. "Kissing on the cheek or lips is required. And hugs. And touching."
"Damn, this isn't worth the eighty bucks." I muttered, rolling my eyes.
"Ay! Who said anything about eighty?" Cartman demanded, glaring at me.
"You stupid fatass, when Stan and I each get paid for this, we'll have eighty bucks in total." I explained very slowly, ticking off the words on my fingers as I went.
"Eh, okay." Cartman crossed his arms in a sulk and glared at Stan and I with beady eyes. "Well?"
"Well what?" Stan asked.
"DO YOU AGREE TO THE TERMS?"
Stan and I glanced at each other, nervously. I gave a very small, weak nod, my eyes trying to communicate a questionable affirmation. Stan bobbed his head shortly.
"Okay then!" Kenny whipped out a piece of paper from seemingly nowhere. "Either of you guys got a pen?" He asked, looking around the table at the other three of us.
"I do." Stan said, pulling a ballpoint BIC pen from his pocket and handing it to Kenny. Kenny pushed the pen back at him, shaking his head.
"Nuh uh… you guys have to sign it."
"Um… okay…but you have to write out the strict terms." I pointed out, snatching the pen from Stan and pushing it back towards Kenny.
Cartman then seized the pen and scribbled down a paragraph on the paper. He pushed the paper back at us, and put the pen on the table next to it.
In shoddy handwriting, the paragraph said…
I, (a blank space) and (a blank space), hereby swear to act like a fag for the next two weeks until the end of school. There is no sex or make out sessions involved, but kissing, hugging, touching, holding hands, etc., is required by the challengers, Eric Cartman and Kenny McCormick. I understand and agree to these terms and will be awarded eighty dollars (forty to each bet participant) by Eric Cartman and Kenny McCormick. I am not to tell anyone that this is for a bet, not my parents, friends, siblings, comrades, etc.
Then two semi-straight lines below the paragraph, presumable for Stan and I to sign out names.
"You sign heeyah (Cartman still hadn't lost the accent) and heeyah," Cartman pointed to the two blank spaces at the top and then to the two lines. "And date goes below."
Stan and I exchanged a wary glance and slowly signed our names in cursive. We pushed the paper to Kenny, not trusting Cartman with it. "Put it somewhere where you won't loose it." I told him, handing Stan his pen back.
Kenny flashed me a sly wink. "Don't worry, luff, I'll keep it safe."
"Don't call me that." I ordered, cringing. Cartman let out a cry of wicked happiness and grinned maliciously.
"Okay, from this moment on, I pronounce you guys are gay lovers." He pointed gleefully at Stan and I in turn, bouncing up and down on his bench excitedly. "But you don't have to start anything until Monday, don't worreh."
"Thank God." I mumbled. I glanced out of the lunchroom window. The rain was coming down steady, in near bucketfuls. It was at the end of May, and the whole outside had been flooded with rain and sleet for two days. I was beginning to wonder where the warm winds and sunshine were…
Stan did not look very happy. He glanced at me, nervously, and a weak grin spread over his face. I blushed and grinned as well, much to Cartman's delight. "I cannot wait until tomorrow." He cackled. "This is gonna be so sweet."
Kenny laughed slightly and removed the pop top of the cola can, and flicked it at me. I caught it in midair, and dropped it on the floor. "Just think about the money." I mumbled to Stan. He smirked.
"What are we gonna do with the money, you think?" He asked, cocking his head slightly and cracking a grin. "I mean… eighty bucks can get a lot of video games."
"Nah, I want to spend it on something more practical…" I mused, tapping my finger over my lips (still bleeding) and furrowing my brow.
"Um…" Stan trailed off, then brightened up. "Hey! We should buy diet pills for Cartman!"
Amid mine, Stan's, Kenny's laughter, we heard Cartman say, "Oh, very funneh you guys."
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"Hurry! Augh, what else could go wrong?" Stan was yelling over the roar of the rain, splashing through the puddles, me running along at his side. The school parking lot was nearly deserted, except for our bus….
Which we had just missed.
I skidded to a halt, drenched to the skin through his coat and panting slightly. "Jesus, dude," I griped, watching the yellow bus fade away through the tumbling rain. "I guess we're gonna have to walk." I sighed, and adjusted my backpack over my other shoulder. "Ah, well. We can head down the street a little bit and go through the woods." I pointed down the road at the small clump of forest while shooting an inquisitive look at Stan.
My companion nodded in agreement. "Let's hurry, though, this rain is killing me!" He lifted his algebra book over his head and used it as a makeshift umbrella, before beginning the trek down the slippery sidewalk. "Goddamn, this sucks." He added, reaching up to wipe rainwater from his book jacket.
"No kidding." I replied. I quickened my pace slightly, following along behind Stan with a sigh in my throat. Stan's clothes were sticking to his skin, as well as his hat. The red pompom had deflated slightly and was drooping, as far as I could tell from what was visible through the math book. I laughed slightly, realizing that I probably looked in no better condition. "Thank God for trees."
We reached the lip of the woods in due time, having been moving at a brisk trot down the wide sidewalk. Stan nodded in agreement, and ducked beneath the canopy. He relaxed his arm and stuffed his algebra book into his backpack, before adjusting the trap (which was twisted) and slowed his pace.
I sighed happily. "No rain. About time!" I glanced at Stan. Stan was taking his hat off, exposing the jet-black hair beneath. It was plastered to his head in a single, flat sheet. He rumpled it slightly, trying to dry it off. Sometimes I wondered whether or not that my friend looked better with the hat off… if I could wonder that, anyway, without suspicion of my own 'preference'.
Stan nodded in agreement. "You got that right." He laughed, wringing out his sopping wet hat. He glanced at me, and then did a double take. "What?" He furrowed his brow. "What are you staring at, dude?
Fuck.
I came back to Earth. I blinked several times, and then shook my head. "Um… nothing…" I trailed off, feeling rather confused. "I was just thinking…"
"'Bout what?" Stan asked nonchalantly, finally looking away from me and down at the pine needles below him.
"Uh… nothing." I repeated, folding his arms over one another in a feeble attempt to warm myself. "Just school," I added, glad to know how to lie.
"Oh." Said Stan. He was picking at a hole in his glove now.
I inwardly cheered. Thank God that Stan had accepted my excuse without suspicion… he was usually more suspicious. "So… um…" I scrutinized my mind to find a conversation topic. But I was then saved the trouble, as Stan let out an ear-piercing yell that made me jump and nearly fall over.
A garter snake slithered away through two pine trees and then disappeared from view.
A snake… again with the snakes. I glanced at Stan, aiming to tease him, but words failed me as a blush crept over my face. Stan had his arm coiled around my neck, his other arm clinging to my shoulder. He was trembling, his breathing hurried and croaky.
"Geez, dude…" I said weakly. "It's just a garter snake…"
Stan seemed not to hear me. He just stared off into the space, into the spot where the garter snake had vanished. "Staaan." I prompted. He seemed reluctant to let go. "Staaaaaan." I tried again, this time waving his un-clung-to arm in front of Stan's eyes. My friend gave a start, and finally faced me.
"Snake…" He mumbled, gnawing on his lip nervously and flushing crimson as well. It was rather adorable looking, his sheepish expression and his face scarlet. "Um… scared me."
"No kidding, dude…" I said, looking with wide-eyed surprise at Stan. "When are you going to get over that?"
"Probably never." Stan said, still blushing. He glanced at me again, and his eyes traveled to his own arms, which were still wrapped around me in a sideways hug. "Oh!" He quickly let go of me, and took several paces back, his face darkening to maroon. "Jesus… sorry!" He apologized, twisting his fingers together in a very un-Stan like gesticulation of guilt.
"No, it's okay." I amended; shrugging in what he hoped was a nonchalant manner. "I can understand"
"But… that would be something I would accidentally do with my mom…" Stan spluttered, shooting a momentary look back at the path behind them. "Not with my best friend…"
"No, dude, it's fine, I don't care." I waved his hand in a haphazard way, shaking his head. "Let's keep going, okay?"
They kept walking in silence. Stan's facial color slowly returned to normal, while I continued to feel a sick, hot discomfiture that made me want to gag. It was a strange feeling, definitely, but somehow… it felt had felt… nice.