Title: Wiser Time / Chapter 1
Author: fridaysblue
Pairing: Ennis/Jack
Rating: PG-13 to NC-17
Disclaimer: Ennis Del Mar, Jack Twist and all characters from the original story belong to the legendary Annie Proulx. I made this story up, and there is no money involved whatsoever. 'Wiser Time' is a track from The Black Crowes, my favorite band, released back in 1994.
Summary: Due to unexpected incidents, Ennis and Jack were to put themselves in each others' shoes.
Warning: AU, language, m/m sex.
Author's Note: English is not my mother language. Big thanks to my betas; judybluecat , morethanimagine
Wiser Time
Chapter 1 "Ghosts"
Don't look at me like that, Jack.
"See you next month then."
Ennis chewed his nail, casting his eyes down on the dirt. Please don't look at me like that, he begged silently, dragging his feet that suddenly felt heavy and drained to Jack's truck. He could manage only a few steps when he heard the engine of Jack's truck roaring angrily, breaking through his resistance, seizing his heart and soul.
"Ja..."
Muttering, he looked up, but the truck was gone. Dust diffused, air whirling with dry leaves and dirt coloring the blue sky to tarnish it brown. Ennis didn't move even when his daughters called from his truck. He didn't hear anything but the sound of his heart pounding fast. The excitement of seeing Jack again after four months was replaced by pure sorrow and regret in just a blink of an eye. Ennis lifted his face up, hands digging in the depths of his pockets. The air was crystal clear again now but he saw the difference hidden in the same old Wyoming sky. It had turned grey. Jack was gone. And Ennis was the one pushing him away.
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Lean on me, let our hearts beat in time, Oh, shut up, Jack thought furiously but still kept the radio playing. Just when he thought he had cried enough, he winced, then a dam holding back the tears broke down again despite his strong will. Fuck Ennis Del Mar, Jack cursed, wiping his tears before straightening up his back and stepped on the gas pedal, driving his truck faster. Fuck you, Twist. You shoulda known better about that man. What was you thinking anyway? That the shithead would open his arms wide and welcoming you into his now-I-am-free-again life after the divorce? Dream away, Twist, fucking dream away.
Feel strength from the hands that have held you so long.
Who cares where we go on this rutted old road
In a world that may say that we're wrong.
Cause I know a love that will never grow old
And I know a love that will never grow old.
Fuck that too. Jack punched the radio button off, and sped up the truck. He knew where he'd head. Mexico. He'd heard people in the bar back at Childress talking about it. Mexico, where you could buy cheap sex from men. You do this to me, Ennis. You push me to this. Jack kept talking to himself while watching the road with teary eyes. He didn't even slow down when he saw tree branches strewn across the road. The truck ran over some branches and stumps that looked like the remains of last month's storm. His truck bumped up and down severely and a second later, Jack heard a sound like fireworks from the back of his truck, then the truck seemed to lose control. Jack tried hard to hold onto the steering wheel tightly and slammed on the brakes. But it was no use, the truck was running full speed and didn't stop easily. It spun around, slid off the side of the road and hit the base of a pine tree.
Great, Jack thought. Just great. He cursed for the millionth time and got out of the truck, walking to the back where he could see he had a flat tire. Can this day ever get any better? Jack growled, kicking the flat tire and watching it in silence as if he could somehow summon the air up to inflate it again. Tired, he finally leaned on the side of the truck and started to look for the tool box.
"Shit. You're an idiot, Twist."
Jack swore as he realized he had forgotten to reload the tool box in the truck, after bringing it down to fix one of the neighbor's flat tires a few days back. Jack straightened up, hands on his hips, shaking his head in disbelief. He was such a fool, leaving home in such a rush after that one damn postcard he thought was sent from heaven. Thought God telling him that now all was okay. Ennis and Alma had gotten divorced and it was okay now for him to take a step closer to Ennis. He shoulda known better. Ennis's rule of having them fishing trips two, three times a year was not because of marriage. It was all about the damn tire irons, the memory that had haunted him since he was a kid. Jack wondered if the fear would ever leave Ennis. He wondered if they would continue meeting three or four times a year up on the mountain until doomsday, when all he wanted was to wake up with Ennis every morning and fall asleep with him every night. It was that simple. Why were such simple wishes so hard to grant? Jack wondered if that day would ever come. He suddenly felt his whole body getting heavy with despair. And damn he also felt the hot tears stirring in his eyes again. But he couldn't stop the thoughts still whirling around, making his head ache.
You've been driving for 14 hours straight feeling so happy to see Ennis. But he kicked you out and all you gotta say was, "See you next month then."
Haven't you any pride left in your fucked-up little head, Twist?
Kicking the flat tire again, he wiped the tears with the back of his hand, cursing his luck, cursing Ennis for making up all those fucking rules, and cursing himself more for following them.
Jack tried to calm down and set priorities. First thing, fix the tire and get away from this godforsaken stretch of road, even if you need to fix it with your own fucking hands. But before that, he needed a smoke. Jack fished a cigarette from his pocket and flicked his lighter. He leaned on the side of the truck, closed his eyes and inhaled the smoke.
There...he saw the pair of warm brown eyes he'd been missing badly over the months, looking up at him from below the rim of a light-colored hat, so full of sorrow and hesitation. Jack didn't expect that kind of look from Ennis as he drove down the dirt road, singing his heart out, feeling like the real 'King of the Road'. Especially after getting a warm bear hug that sent Jack back to the world of youth and unconditional love.
"Got your postcard." Jack remembered saying that. "So I thought...well..."
He gazed at Ennis who suddenly looked like he was seeing a ghost. And Jack's world was trembling.
"Fuck."
He forced his eyes open, feeling older and alone.
Jack was about to start on the next cigarette when he heard the sound of an engine coming close. But he was in no mood to look up. The truck stopped anyway. Then a door creaked open and slammed shut. Jack looked up, cigarette in between his lips. He squinted at the ray of sunlight reflecting from the newcomer's sunglasses. And the next thing he knew, the blond man with black sunglasses walked right up to him, with a tire-iron held tight in his right hand.
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"Daddy, I hate carrots."
Jenny said, shaking Ennis's arm, forcing him to go back to the real world. Sunday afternoon. Him taking Junior and Jenny out for an early dinner in town. Malvin's Diner. People talking. Kids screaming. Forks and knives clicking. Chairs scratching the floor. The waitresses walking around, with coffee pots in their hand. Arnie from the sandwich shop was eating something at the counter alone.
Jack'd gone.
"Daddy, you need to eat more bread."
Junior handed him more bread. Jenny discarded carrots to the side of her plate so Ennis gave her his green beans. He then looked down and played with the mashed potatoes on his plate. He didn't have an appetite for food. His throat was bitter. And he wished he was drinking whiskey in his crappy house instead of drinking coffee right here in the newest diner in town.
"Daddy. You like my ring?"
Jenny showed him a tiny ring made from red plastic, wrapping round and perfectly fitting her little left ring finger.
"Real nice, honey. Where did you get it?" he asked, wiping ketchup off the corner of Jenny's smiling mouth with his thumb.
"Monroe."
"Monroe?" Ennis frowned. It had been 5 weeks since the divorce and he knew Alma would move on. But he couldn't help feeling rage building up inside. Though he didn't have no clue why. Junior put her hand softly on his. Ennis looked up and saw the sweetest warmth in his oldest daughter's brown eyes, aiming only for her daddy.
"It's not like that, Daddy. Mommy just needs some friends, you know...and she...well...works with him and everything..."
"You don't have to explain that to me, darling." Ennis flicked her earlobe. "Your momma needs to move on. And...well...she's very kind to let me have you two with me once every two weeks. I am grateful for that. And...Monroe is a good guy..."
Ennis smiled warily. Jenny ran to a table at the back of the diner as she saw one of her friends from school having dinner with her parents, leaving Junior and him alone each playing with the food on their plates.
"Daddy, you ever thinking of...I mean..." Junior stopped. She looked like she was trying to find the right word to say, "settling down again?"
Ennis laughed softly. Girls sure grew up very fast. He had no idea how a 12-year-old girl like Junior learned that kind of phrase. When he was 12, he just fooled around horses with 'gallop' being his fanciest word.
"You don't worry about me none. Now finish your food. We still got some errands to do at the laundry before dark. 'Member?" Ennis said and winked at Junior. He was rewarded by her shy smile rarely seen nowadays. He felt bad that his daughters, especially Junior who was old enough to understand what was going on, had to suffer from all the mess of Alma's and his married life. But that bad feeling was replaced by his sudden thought of the phrase 'settling down again' that kept ringing in his head minutes ago. Did he want to do that? Settle down again? How the hell?
"We could have our own little cow and calf operation."
Shit. Ennis heard that voice in his head, popped its way up outta nowhere.
"You know it could be like this, just like this always."
Fuck. He needed a smoke.
"We can live quiet. Nobody would give a damn 'bout us, Ennis."
And a bottle of whiskey too, a strong one.
Jittery, Ennis excused himself out to smoke in front of the diner. He inhaled the smoke deep, keeping it lingering inside his lungs for as long as he could, then slowly exhaled through his nose, trying to calm down his jittery nerves. Better. He repeated the process again when he heard the sound of more than one engine roaring up from outside of town. People from the stores around the main street started to gather at the side of the road, all staring at the first vehicle that emerged from the whirl of dust. It was a black Cherokee, belonging to the one and only Sheriff of Riverton. Then there was a white truck with a "Riverton Memorial Hospital" sign on it followed close behind. Jenny ran out and clutched the edge of his jacket a little from behind while Junior stood right beside him. All eyes were on the two cars that roared pasted the diner to the south, heading of course for the hospital.
"What happened, Daddy?" Junior asked.
"Some accidents maybe." Ennis looked around. People were starting to talk and make assumptions. But they might not need to now. Billy, the sheriff's assistant, was driving his truck down the road, a little behind the two vehicles that went ahead. A couple of men in front of the diner waved him to slow down until he stopped dead in front of the crowd.
"Hey now, Billy, what's going on? The sheriff drove by here faster than hell there." Ennis heard a man with red hair ask. Billy seemed annoyed but he rolled his window further and stuck his head out anyway.
"It happened again."
"Jesus Christ." "Holy shit." "Oh...my..." People murmured and swore. But Ennis stood still, left hand tucked deep in his pocket clenching tight into a ball, the other hand holding his forgotten cigarette frozen in the air on its way to his mouth, his body feeling numb from head to toe.
"Real bad this time," Billy said. "Happened down the road heading south."
The numbness was gone and now Ennis was shaking like leaves fighting the force of the raging storm.
"Daddy?"
Junior called out, voice trembling with uncertainty and fear at the look of her daddy. Ennis looked down at her. Instead of seeing her delicate teenage girl features, he saw a young man with black hair all covered in blood, lying breathless in a dirty ditch. A tire iron lay beside him.
"Jack..."
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Jack startled from a quick nap and looked up with blurry, sleepy eyes to the dirty, narrow road surrounded by vast, drought-stricken fields on both sides. Where the hell am I? Jack winced at the thought and turned his head to ease the stiffness forming at the back of his neck. How long have I been sleepin? Jack closed his eyes again, letting his mind slip back to what had happened. Ennis, the damn song on the radio, Mexico, flat tire...
Shit. His eyes flew open again. He was in a truck. Someone else's truck actually. Then he heard the sound of deep laughter from beside him.
"You were sleeping like a log." the man said, made no attempt to hide the amusement in his voice. "You must be tired."
Jack was quiet for a minute. He heard Ennis's ghost voice whispering near his ear, so close he even felt his warm breath. 'You're sleeping on your feet like a horse.''
"Jack, ya alright?" the man asked, sincerely sounding concerned.
"I used to sleep like a horse, you know." Jack knew he was talking nonsense, but he couldn't stop. "But now I'm sleeping like a log."
The cowboy at the steering wheel had no comment. He just stared at Jack, looked back at the road then back to Jack again, jaw dropping, looking mighty concerned.
"I'm sorry..." Jack rubbed his face with one hand. "I just had a bad day."
"Don't I know it."
Jack caught the amusement hidden in those words so he turned to the blond guy beside him. The man was still wearing a pair of sunglasses even though it was 6 p.m. And he was now chuckling softly.
"Thank you again, Luke," Jack said. "I woulda been eaten by insects at the side of the road by now, if you hadn't passed by."
Luke was a tall guy with dark blond hair. He wore a nice black cowboy hat with a pair of black sunglasses, looking like James Dean in a movie Jack once saw. He had headed down to Cheyenne for business a week before and had planned on returning to Riverton yesterday morning, but overslept. He'd left Cheyenne at night instead, hoping to reach Riverton today before dark.
"No big deal. I just came back from Cheyenne. Business. I told you."
"Yeah..."
"But I'm no good with tools. Sorry I couldn't be of much help back there."
"No, no, you don't have to apologize. I got it all settled, didn't I?"
Luke laughed. After trying to act like an expert around the flat tire with his tire iron, Luke gave up and handed the tire iron to Jack. Jack ended up having to change the tire by himself. But the front of his Ford that hit the tree was damaged real bad. His truck wouldn't make it to Riverton if Luke had tried to drag it with rope from his truck. He needed to get the professionals to do the task. Some mechanic who knew his way round fixing trucks in Riverton.
Riverton.
Jack swallowed hard. Did he really need to go back there?
"So Jack," Luke said, bringing Jack back from his thoughts, "what are you gonna do now?"
Sighing, Jack propped his elbow on the window, looking out at the orange horizon across the fields. "I don't know."
"Well, you need a place to stay. You know someone in town?"
"Yeah, but..."
Jack didn't want to tell Luke about Ennis now. After having been practically kicked out of Ennis's house, he had no intention of seeing that asshole face twice in one day.
"It's getting dark, Jack. I think I can find you a good enough motel, just a minute or two from here. Get some rest tonight. Then you can figure out what to do tomorrow. How's that sound?"
"Fine. That sounds fine, really." Jack allowed himself a small smile and went on, "But I don't know much 'round here. Don't know where I can find someone to pull that piece-of-junk back to town."
"Easy. You just have ta walk to the Sheriff's Office.' Luke turned right at the next corner. Jack's heart stopped at the sight.
The Siesta. This was definitely the last place on earth he wanted to spend the night.
Luke said goodbye for now but said he would be back to help out tomorrow, around noon. He seemed like a nice guy and so willing to help that Jack accepted the offer. The good nights exchanged, then Jack headed to his room at the back of the building. Their room.
Jack sat on the toilet, fully clothes, one hand holding his grey hat, the other holding an unlit cigarette between two fingers. Ennis sure was not the only one seeing a ghost today. There were ghosts of two young men in this room. Everywhere he looked, he saw them.
Jack glanced up to the bed near the closed window. There they were. He saw the curly dirty blond-haired man bury his dick deep inside the ass of the black-haired man beneath. He straightened his back, gripping tight onto the hips he was pounding deep into, leaving red prints, as he continued moving in and out hard like it was the end of the world. The man beneath arched his back, meeting him halfway on every thrust. His sweaty head tossed wildly on the sheet, moist well-kissed mouth slightly opened letting moans of pleasure out, gasping for air that seemed to run out of his lungs, his hands swinging around like a blind man's, trying to snatch every part of the other man's solid body closer to himself for more connection, even if it was not possible.
Jack turned away from the sight, dick throbbing. He dared to lift his eyes up again, this time he saw the two men half sitting half lying down on the crumpled sheets, the black-haired man's arm holding the other across his chest loosely from behind, both smoking.
"What are we gonna do now?" he asked.
"Don't know. Guess I'm stuck here the rest of my life..."
Feeling drained from too many emotions flowing inside like a wild river, the blond-haired man closed his teary eyes.
"C'mere," the black-haired man whispered and pulled the other man close and kissed him softly. His mouth opened letting the sweet tongue of his man inside, dancing with his own tongue, back and forth, never wanted it to end. With mouths kissing, nipping, licking and never apart, the blond-haired man slid his body on top of the other one. He stopped the kissing for now, his brown eyes gazing deep into the blue eyes beneath, the tips of fingers running down the side of his cheek with a tender, feather touch.
"Christ...thought I would never see you again, Jack..." he whispered and put his head in the hollow of the other man's neck, breathing in the smell of musk and sex that he missed, melting into the strong arms he'd been longing to hold him tight.
The black-haired man turned his head to plant a kiss on his man's ear, closing his eyes, absorbing the warmth and feeling the two hearts pressed close together, beating as fast as a pair of drums. Then he whispered almost too soft to be heard,
"Missed you, Ennis..."
Hat and a cigarette butt tossed on the bathroom floor, Jack buried his head in his hands, feeling the stiffness in his jeans and the sharp of pain in his chest.
Jack knew he couldn't sleep on that fucking bed 'cause the ghosts of Ennis and himself from 8 years ago were there outside, haunting the room.
But being here in this tiny bathroom didn't help nothin'. The vivid pictures of the two ghosts could still find ways of replaying scenes over and over again inside his head, haunting him more.
----------
"Fuck."
Ennis cursed and slammed back the refrigerator shut as he found no beer left in there. How could he fucking sleep without one tonight? He growled and walked back to his bed, glancing at a bottle of whiskey on the nightstand. That might do.
After the brief errands at the laundry, the girls had insisted on him taking them to the newly open stationery shop north of the main street. Junior said she needed a new pencil but Jenny just wanted to hang out as much as she could. Alma didn't normally let them stay out of home for too long. Ennis sat outside the shop, trying to focus his mind purely on his daughters. Today was their day and it was important. But it was impossible. The 'incident' that had happened somewhere on the road south of town today captured all of his thought.
Ennis walked to his bed, seizing the bottle of whiskey and took a big gulp.
You think too fucking much, Ennis told himself. You don't even know who was in the accident. It might be someone else. He took another swig from the bottle of whiskey, trying hard to gather himself together.
But the time slot is just right, the little voice in his head told him. And Jack took that road south to Texas, you fucking know it. Ennis tightened his grip on the bottle 'til his knuckles turned white.
He needed to find out where Jack was. He would check at the hospital, the Sheriff's office. Wait...he should call Jack in Childress first thing. Perhaps nothing might have happened and that asshole might be staying overnight at some rest stop before heading home again in the morning. Yes, Jack would be there, in Childress. He's gotta be there.
Despite his own belief that he couldn't sleep that night, the whiskey did the trick. Ennis drifted off dreaming about Jack on the horse, smiling wide, blue eyes glittering brighter than the sky. Ennis smiled in his dream, shifting to his side unconsciously seeking for the warmth from the sheet, causing the bottle of whiskey held loosely in his hand to fall down on the floor. The sound of glass breaking woke him up fiercely. Jack was haunting him in his dreams like a ghost.
"Jack!"
Jesus...Ennis sat bolt upright on the bed gasping, his heart beating fast. If only he had said that name today, Jack would have been staying with him now and safe in his arms.
If only.
TBC