Ever Fallen In Love?

A/N: What do yah know? I did name it after a song. This time the honor goes to the Buzzcocks for their hit Ever Fallen In Love (With Someone You Shouldn't Have), but don't let that fool you, I promise you a cheesy happy ending.

Setting: After Day of Reckoning while Magneto is still presumed dead. Slight AU, while the X-men think he might still be alive, the Acolytes aren't sure either.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

1: A match made in Heaven…or Hell.

A brunette Cajun with a hang over of epic proportion wandered down the staircase of Magneto's old base late one Saturday morning. Since Magneto was MIA there was no one around to order the Acolytes around anymore and the whole place had gone to hell. After two months without leadership it actually rivaled the Brotherhood house.

In the living room a red haired Australian was "jackin' dope rides and beatin' hoes", AKA playing the latest installment of Grand Theft Auto (1). At the moment he was setting fire to all of Liberty City and letting out his psychotic laugh.

Remy went into the kitchen where the light from the window nearly blinded him. He dug through the cabinet till he found some Tylenol. He swallowed half the bottle and chugged a glass of water.

"You know that probably is good for you." Commented the Ausie, entering the kitchen.

"Says the kid who was taking Windex shots last night." Muttered Remy.

"Is that what that burning is? Last night's kind of a blur." Pyro went into the fridge and started sifting through their moldy food. "I didn't do anything stupid, did I?"

Remy thought for a second. "Non, not really. Took a couple Windex shots, went streaking through the street. Kind of a quiet night." Said Remy not sure if he meant it sarcastically or sincerely. He glanced up at the doorway to the kitchen. "Oh yeah and there was dat." He added.

"What?" Asked John poking his head out of the fridge. He flinched at the sight of the Scarlet Witch lurking in the doorway. "Ah!"

The Scarlet Witch looked as hung over as Remy. Her hair was messy and all over the place, like she'd just woken up, and she was dressed in John's boxers and "Basket Case" T-shirt. Remy wanted to laugh at the lack of irony in it.

"Oh god no!" Yelled the witch at sight of John. She could only guess at the events of the night before, but she was pretty sure she was right.

"I feel dirty." Said John shivering.

Wanda turned to the Cajun. "Tell me we didn't."

Remy just smirked and left the room. Wanda turned back to the Ausie.

"Listen!" She yelled. "No one ever learns of this!"

"Believe meh, I won't be bragging." Agreed John immediately.

"I'm gonna go take a shower." She said wandering out of the kitchen. She desperately needed to clean herself. Once she was out of sight John jetted into the living room where Remy was lying on the couch trying to nurse the brain-shattering headache he had.

"How the hell could you let me do that?" yelled John.

"Hey, Remy tried to stop yah when yah go a hold of the Windex, he'd given up by the time yah were licking her face." (2)

John was appalled at Remy's chaperone skills. "Why was she here anyway? If Magneto's gone can't she drop the whole angry-patricidal-teenager thing?"

"Apparently not. She threatened to do Haitian voodoo rattle torture on meh unless Ah told her where Magnet-boy was. After ten minutes of her shaking maracas in my ear Ah think she realized that Ah really didn't know."

"I have to go find something to wash myself with." said John leaving the room.

Remy sat in peace for no more than a second before there was pounding at the front door. He got up, cursing in French, and wandered over to the door. He opened the door and set his eyes upon a southern brunette. Suddenly his headache disappeared.

"Why, Bonjour, Mon Chere"

"Hey, Sugah." Said Rogue with a smile.

Some how Remy had managed to rope Rogue into a relationship, but neither was really sure how it was supposed to work. Other than the homicidal Wolverine who didn't need another reason to kill the Cajun there were a couple of other obstacles to over come.

"Little early, non?" Remy commented.

"Well," Started Rogue. "If Ah even attempt to leave the Institute past three in the afternoon Logan bombards meh with a million questions so Ah thought Ah'd come over early so Ah don't have to lie to him."

"But its sexy dat yah've gotta lie bout meh, Chere." Said the Cajun charmer with a devilish smile.

Rogue rolled her eyes. "Yeah? So are those boxers."

Remy glanced down at his boxers that were covered in penguins. "Yah think?"

Rogue stepped past Remy into the living room just in time to catch sight of a blonde Australian being thrown down the hallway. Wanda stomped down the hallway after him with just a towel wrapped around her and murder in her eyes.

"What the hell is wrong with you? You retarded Australian freak?"

John squirmed on the ground as the Scarlet Witch towered over him. "Look, Wanda, I swear to God it was an accident! I didn't mean to, and believe me, I wish I didn't!"

"You're damn right you wish you didn't!" She bellowed. "But just incase you don't…" John was suddenly lifted off the ground and random items from around the room began flying at his head.

"So yah mind explainin' this to meh, or is people tryin to kill Pyro normal?" Rogue asked as she and Remy looked on at the fight.

"Well, it does happen a lot, but dis is a special case."

"Oh?" Rogue asked, intrigued.

"Oui, dis is what happens when two drunken psychopaths crawl into bed together."

"John and Wanda?"

"Match made in heaven, non?" Said Remy as John was sent flying through the window in the living room.

"What the hell are you looking at?" Yelled Wanda at the two southerners.

"Can Remy ask why yah had to waste a perfectly good window on John?"

"That perv walked in on me when I was about to take a shower!" Screeched Wanda.

"Accidentally!"' added John as he lay in a bush outside the front of the base.

"Now, now you two." Said Rogue in a sarcastic motherly tone. "Violence is not the answer. Kiss and make up."

"I'd rather die!" Yelled Wanda stomping out the front door of the base.

"Ditto." Muttered John as he crawled back through the shattered window.

A second later Wanda stormed back through the front door of the base.

"I forgot my clothes." She muttered as she stomped back into the bathroom.

xXx

After Wanda had retrieved her clothes John had managed to piss her off even more and the brawl could be heard three houses down. Rogue and Remy agreed that watching TV upstairs was safer, with less of a chance of having blunt objects flying at their heads.

But Rogue hadn't realized that meant watching TV in Remy's room. It was surprisingly clean, given the rest of the house. When she'd passed John's room she noticed clothes all over the floor and there where scorch marks all over the walls and Sabertooth's smelt a bit like kitty litter.

So there she sat, Indian style on Remy's bed, while he put pants on. Rogue was incredibly uncomfortable sitting in Remy's room like this, and while his putting on pants helped, she was still hyperventilating.

Instead of staring at Remy while he was changing, which is what she wanted to do, Rogue began flipping through the stations on the TV.

"God, TV sucks without cable." She commented after she went through the six local stations for the fifth time.

"We used to have cable but no one paid the bills. A couple weeks ago the cable guy showed up at the front door and wouldn't leave us alone."

"Ugh, lihke in that terrible Jim Carry movie?" Asked Rogue in disgust. (3)

"Non, more like that good episode of Seinfeld (4), but anyway Sabertooth managed to scare the crap out of him and he ran off. Then they just shut it off."

"That sucks." Muttered Rogue after she settled on watching the Jerry Springer show.

"Oui, Ah miss my Sopranos." Remy sat down on the bed next to Rogue and saw what she was watching. "We have movies y'know."

"Yah don't want to watch the hicks beat each other up?" Asked Rogue sarcastically.

"All dis show is is white trash that sleep with their cousins and want to bitch about it." Said Remy lying back on the bed.

"So can't yah relate to it?" Rogue asked.

"Yah callin meh white trash?"

"Oui," Mocked Rogue.

Remy sat up. "Well its too bad yah're not mah cousin, Chere." He said with a smirk. Every inch of Rogue wanted to kiss him right then. She was sure he wouldn't protest, at least not until she started sucking every bit of energy out of him.

"Yah said yah had movies?" Asked Rogue inching away from the Cajun.

xXx

Rogue arrived on the first floor, dodged a lamp that was flying across the room, hopped over John's body, and started digging through the shelf under the TV in search of a movie.

Remy followed her down but wasn't as nimble and got hit in the back with a dictionary.

"uh!" He grunted hitting the floor.

"G'day, mate!" Greeted John who lay on the floor next to where Remy landed.

"Bonjour." Muttered Remy, attempting to get up before getting hit again, this time with a blow dryer.

"Y'mind not damaging him to much, Wanda? Ah'm gonna need him later." Said Rogue as she rummaged through the Acolytes' collection of movies.

"Oh yeah, Chere?" Said Remy with a smirk as he sat up. A book flew into the side of his head and he was on the floor again.

"Don't worry, I'll save you a limb." Said Wanda.

John, still not brave enough to attempt standing, crawled across the floor of the living room into the kitchen. Wanda caught sight of this and followed him in. The random objects that had been flying around the living room suddenly dropped.

"Does he know that's where the knives are?" Rogue asked.

"Have you seen how many times he's been hit in the head?" Said Remy finally able to get up. He rubbed his head and dropped himself on the couch. "Found anythin' yah like?"

A loud crash that sounded like shattering glass came from the kitchen.

"Jesus Christ Woman!" Was the muffled scream of Ausie.

"All yahr movies suck." Said Rogue as she discarded a couple on the floor.

"Like what?"

"Beverly Hills Cop?" Rogue asked holding up the case of the movie.

"Hey, that's a classic!"

"Maybeh, but Beverly Hills cop 2 and 3?"

Remy sighed. "Dey were on sale."

"Okay, and you have something called 'Santa Clause Conquers the Martians'," She said staring at the case. (A/N: That's an actual movie, no seriously it is.)

"I swear to god I'll kill you, you little spazz!" Screeched the Scarlet Witch from the other room.

"Oh, that's one of John's crazy cult movies. I swear to God it's the worst thing ever made."

"Worst thing ever made in a good way?" Rogue asked eyeing the movie's case.

"Unless yah're stoned, no."

An Australian body was suddenly sent hurdling into the living room landing on the floor by the couch.

"What is going on out here?" Asked a sleepy Colossus wandering into the living room.

"You just woke up?" Yelled Pyro.

xXx

Remy drove Rogue home that night but had to drop her off a block away from the mansion, just so Wolverine wouldn't decapitate him and leave his body in a marsh. When he got back to the base Wanda was lying on the couch watching TV.

"What are yah still doing here?" He asked sitting down in a chair.

"That Australian freak hasn't learned his lesson yet."

"So what are yah taking a brake?" Remy asked since John was no were to be seen.

"Nah, I've got it covered." She said. A second later John fell down the stairs into the living room, quickly got up and jetted out the front door, followed by a clock radio and a toaster that kept throwing themselves at him.

Remy went up to bed and Wanda sat on the couch for a couple minutes listening to the screams of John who was running around the front yard trying to loose the two evil appliances. Finally she went out to the front yard.

John was lying on the grass in the feeble position while the clock and toaster whipped him with their cords. Wanda sighed. The two appliances stopped and fell dead on the grass.

John poked his head up once they stopped. Once he saw them lying motionless on the front lawn his stood up and started screaming obscenities at her.

"Oh my god! You sadistic bitch! What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Do you really want me to hex you again?" Wanda asked. John looked over at the appliances lurking in the grass. He laughed uneasily.

"So how are yah, mate?" he asked throwing his arm over her shoulder.

"Don't touch me." She muttered.

"Right!" John yanked his arm away.

Wanda rolled her eyes. "C'mon." She pulled him by his shirt back into the base.

xXx

John sat on a stool in the kitchen while Wanda bandaged up the various cuts she and a couple of appliances had given to him.

"You know, while I was taking a bath the blow-dryer tried to kill." He said as she put a Band-Aid on his forehead.

Wanda laughed. "They'll do that sometimes."

"I really don't get this. You kick my arse, then bandage me up?"

"Yeah, well now you've learned your lesson."

"What? To not accidentally walk in on psychopaths when they're taking a shower?"

"Precisely." Said Wanda reaching for a bottle of rubbing alcohol. John quickly jumped onto the counter.

"What's that for?" He screeched.

"What?" Wanda asked.

"Rubbing Alcohol!"

"Don't be a sissy." She said grabbing his arm and pulling him off the counter. John jumped across the room.

"Do you really want to get back into this, John?" Wanda asked walking towards him with a rag drenched in alcohol.

"You're not coming near me with that!" He said.

"You'll get infected!" Threatened Wanda.

"I don't care!" he whined.

Wanda dove at him and John jumped onto the counter, knocking a couple pots onto the floor. Wanda grabbed one of them and chucked it at his head. He dodged it and ran towards the fridge.

He grabbed a couple magnets off the fridge and threw them at her. But most of them turned on him and went flying at his face. Then Wanda grabbed his shirt to jerk him towards her. He tried to make a brake for the living room but tripped over one the pots on the floor and fell to the ground, pulling Wanda down with him.

They started laughed at themselves. But John was only laughing for a second before Wanda put the rag to a deep cut on his arm.

"Jesus Christ!"

xXx

1 Oh how I love those games. I never actually try to beat them, just wait till my brother does it for me and then find new and creative ways to kill myself.

2-In honor of Tommy Lee and Pam Anderson, they supposedly met when Tommy licked her face at a party.

3-The Jim Carry movie ingeniously named 'The Cable Guy'

4-The episode of Seinfeld known as The Cadillac

A/N: So that's the first chapter. Up next: a Romy date and Jonda bonding (and a little of the Brotherhood too, cause I love those guys). It might take a while for me to update, I'm trying to prewrite this.