A/N: Second-point-of-view is very tricky. And that's the only thing I have to say to my defense. May be out of character so constructive criticism is welcome.

Disclaimer: I don't own BLEACH.

The Pros and Cons of Breathing
Book One: Halcyon Storms

I can't hear you speak.

Not through the roaring of the hole in my heart. It aches and pains but I've gotten use to it. Just like I've gotten use to your words. I can't see you, but I know exactly what you're saying.

You're discouraging me. Asking me not to throw myself carelessly into danger again, but anythings better than living like this.

We've played this game for far too long and honestly, Rukia I'm fucking sick of it.

"You're a fool..." the words fall flatly from your delicate lips.

I know I am, but so are you. You should know better than to try and talk me out of this. I can't have you so it's natural for me to rebel against you. I ignore everything you say.

Sometimes I think it just hurts too much listen.

But you don't understand--you never do. I've been through hell for you and at what gain? This is Ichigo Kurosaki's last stand. My last stand as a Shinigami; my last stand for us. In a way... I hope I die.

Because I'm so damn tired of this.

I turn to face you and you're just as perfect as I knew you would be. Standing in confusion, you're dark hair framing your face while your eyes are wide in surprise. I was often jealous of those eyes-- so clear and always the most enchanting shade of violet. The perfect mix between purple and blue, like the last traces of dying sun against an inky black canvas. You're eyes were never clouded with fear or anger like mine. Maybe I resented you too much for it.

Maybe I hated you as much as I loved you. You contain all the elegance and wisdom of the lives you've lived, yet you still harbor the charm of a child. The minute you stepped into my life all I wanted to do was cast you out but still...even now I can't let you go.

Is this some unspoken spell? This power of you have over me?

Well Ichigo Kurosaki bows to no man and I'll be damned if I'm going to let you get the best of me.

I'm a compansionate kind of guy, but you fucking took it and ran. Then again did you ever really ask anything of me? Other than to do the right thing? Other than to be a better man?

I smile the most dry, ironic smile my thin lips can form. I can see that you're diasppointed in me but I know what I have to do.

"I'll see you soon," my voice sounds more misanthropic than I thought it would be.

You know that I'm lying.

"I won't forgive you."

I don't know who you are trying to convince.

But you can't help me anymore Rukia. Write it off...you've got more lives to live.

I close my eyes unable to focus them on a single thing. I feel sick now and I blame you. It's silent-- excluding the sound of heavy clothing fluttering in the wind and you're breathing. It's so close now.

I open my eyes as your small hand connects with my shoulder. Your inches away I don't think I've ever been more frightend. This was it. The end.

The coolness of your eyes burns into mine and I can feel my heart steady. I always knew you were rubbing off on me. Helping me settle and bringing peace to my life. You truly did make me a better man.

Thank you Rukia.

My hand reaches out to embrace the smoothness of your face as my lips descend upon your forehead. There's an understanding in our silence and an undeniable saddness in the air.

Fin.