Author's Welcome: Hey everybody! Welcome to the first in my POTC parody series! My parodies are the product of a collaborative effort between me and my brother, so half the credit for the parodying must go to him. We think the movies and the characters are awesome, which is why we can make fun of them. :) And now, without further ado, enjoy my Parody of the Black Pearl!
That's Not Fog, It's Smoke From the Burning Ship!
A British ship is sailing through fog. Young Elizabeth is standing near the railing of the ship, and she is NOT singing about pirates. At least, not anymore. She had been, but then Gibbs put duct tape over her mouth.
Norrington walks up and notices the duct tape.
Norrington: Mr. Gibbs, please explain why you have gagged the governor's daughter.
Gibbs: She was singing about pirates!
Norrington: That's no excuse for brutal treatment of a young lady.
Norrington rips the duct tape off of Elizabeth's mouth.
Elizabeth: OW!
Norrington: Mr. Gibbs, don't you have something better to do?
Gibbs: Probably.
Norrington: Then go do it.
Gibbs leaves to return to his deck-swabbing duties.
Elizabeth: Pirates are awesome.
Norrington: No they're not. Pirates suck at life.
Elizabeth: What?
Norrington: I mean, they all deserve to be hanged.
Governor Swann: Lieutenant Norrington, you're going to disturb the poor girl.
Elizabeth: Actually, I find it all fascinating.
Governor Swann: Like I said, you're disturbed.
Elizabeth pouts and walks away to gaze down at the water. Oh, look, it's an unconscious boy.
Elizabeth: Hey, Norrington, wanna play I Spy?
Norrington: No.
Elizabeth: Okay, I'll go first. I spy with my little eye something wet and drowning.
Norrington: I don't think you actually understand the rules of this game…
Elizabeth: Sure I do. Look.
Norrington sees the unconscious boy floating on the most convenient raft ever.
Norrington: Man overboard!
Elizabeth: Hey... how can he be overboard if he was never on board to begin with?
Norrington frowns; she has a point. Sailors run around everywhere and bring the boy on board. Gibbs sees a burning ship.
Gibbs: Holy crap! Look at that!
Governor Swann: What happened?
Norrington: Most likely the powder magazine.
Governor Swann: Did what?
Norrington: Got exploded. Duh.
Gibbs: Which is code for, pirates did it.
Governor Swann: What have I told you about saying the P-word in front of Elizabeth?
Gibbs: Sorry, I thought you meant the other P-word.
Norrington: Someone go wake up the captain!
Gibbs: Why is he even asleep?
Norrington: Uhh… I may or may not have put sleeping pills in his tea so I could pretend I was in charge…
Governor Swann: Elizabeth, to keep you out of trouble, I'm giving you the job of taking care of the boy.
Elizabeth agrees, and creepily plays with the boy's hair. He wakes up and freaks out.
Elizabeth: Hi. I'm Elizabeth.
Will: Will Turner.
Elizabeth: Nice to meet you, Will. I'll be taking care of you.
Will: I'm done for.
Will faints. Elizabeth sees the medallion around his neck, and picks it up.
Elizabeth: Whoa, cool. A real live pirate! Well, almost alive, anyway...
Norrington sneaks up on Elizabeth. She hides the medallion so he won't hang Will.
Norrington: Has he said anything?
Elizabeth: Yep.
Pause.
Norrington: What did he say?
Elizabeth: He said, "Will Turner."
Norrington: Is that all?
Elizabeth: Geesh, if I had known I was supposed to be conducting an interrogation, I would have asked for his rank and serial number too.
Elizabeth goes over to the railing and sees the Black Pearl sailing through the cloud of fog/smoke. She blinks.
Revised edition 2011! Originally published in 2006, and I thought it needed some updating. Enjoy. :)