What they don't say.
WARNING: THIS FIC IS ALL ABOUT MAKING FUN OF NARUTO CHARACTERS! CHARACTERS ARE COMPLETELY OOC!
Disclaimer: Don't own it.
Things Naruto People Never Say.
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Fight scene in a forest
Naruto- You're goin' down Sasuke-teme
Sasuke- Come say it to my face you-
Suddenly, the sound of meowing echoed across the field
Sasuke- FLUFFY! runs after kitten Don't worry my wittle baby! Momma's here for wittle kitty-chan!
Director- CUT! Damn it, Uchiha! There are no animals in the studio!
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Naruto- Fight him? HELL NO!
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Sasuke- Squish the bug! Ewww! Help me!
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Naruto- Tsunade, don't make me come over there and beat your ass again! Go get me some damn Kool-aide!
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Itachi- I've given up my evil ways and taken up flower arranging.
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Kakashi- Any one got any hair gel?
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Gai- I am the Great Saiyaman in disguise! strikes silly pose
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Sakura- Naruto, did you just explain the law of gravity.
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Kakashi- What the hell is sex?
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Sakura- Who the hell cares where Sasuke is!
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Orochimaru- Welcome to the Dark Side Sasuke!
Sasuke- No! It can't be true! NOOOOOO!
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Jiraiya- What are panties?
Kakashi- Dunno. Let's look it up.
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Gaara- How ironic…I got sand in my eye…
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Sasuke on the phone- Hello? Is this Ichiraku Ramen?
Ramen Dude- Yes this is!
Sasuke- Is Mike there? Mike Rotch?
Ramen Dude yells to the crowd- Hey every one! Has anybody seen Mike Rotch!
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Sasuke- I used to have an itty bitty attitude problem, but now since I've been taking PROZAC and I feel as dandy as ever!
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Rock Lee- singing Everybody was Kung-Fu fighting…
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Itachi- FORGET IT! Find someone else to catch your stupid Demons! I'm going to pursue a career in modeling!
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Director- AAANND…Action!
Naruto- Oh, Sakura-chan, your voice is so high and scratchy! Sometimes you sound like someone strangling a cat!
Sakura- WHAT?
Director- CUT! Damn it Naruto! You're supposed to say how lovely and soft her voice is!
Naruto- But I can't help it! Everybody knows it's true! Am I right? Am I?
The whole camera staff nod their heads
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Gaara- Working out to Richard Simmons aerobics tape Burn baby, burn…Disco Inferno! Burn baby burn…
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Hinata- I'm sorry Daddy…I should have told you about Sasuke, Naruto, Kiba, Gaara and Kakashi 9 months ago…
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Jiraiya- Women need to be respected! Not drooled and gawked at like pieces of meat!
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Naruto- waves his arms at Akatsuki Shoo! Go away! I don't want to fight you, go home! Shoo!
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Gai- Hello! I'm Gai-sensei! I'll be your dance instructor for today…
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Sasuke on live channel 7 news
Reporter- Sasuke, you just defeated Orochimaru. What are you going to do now?
Sasuke- grins like an idiot I'm going to Disney Land.
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Konohamaru- What the (BEEP)(BEEP)(BEEP)…(BEEP)(BEEP)(BEEP)(BEEP) are you lookin' at? Oh, go (BEEP) yourself! Shut the (BEEP) up!
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Sasuke- Throws N64 control GODDAMNIT!
Naruto- goofy grin Gee Sasuke-teme, I guess Pac Man just isn't your thing.
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Kakashi, Asuma and Kurenai are on a mission and it is the middle of the night. They are all huddled together, asleep in the dark. Kakashi wakes up He grins lecherously and reaches his hand to squeeze something soft and firm. Kurenai wakes up
Kurenai- Kakashi?
Kakashi is still groping
Asuma- WHAT THE HELL! smacks Kakashi on the head TOUCH MY ASS AGAIN AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS!
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Hinata- brags to Sakura Yeah, I beat the crap out of those damn Sailor Moon Whores! HAHAA!
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Naruto- enters room Hey Sasuke! Hey…what are you doing in bed with Hinata and Sakura?
Sasuke- Uh…um…I'm uh…training? Yeah, training.
Hinata- Yeah, he's training.
Sakura- You need to leave now.
Naruto- Okay, maybe I'll try that some time. Ja! leaves
Ino- from under the covers I thought he was never going to leave!
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Sakura- Hey Ino!
Ino- Sorry I'm late, I saw this lady wearing a sweater so ugly I was forced to pull over!
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Naruto- in jail cell with Sasuke Man, she sure didn't look like a cop, did she?
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Kiba- Damn it! I can't get this jutsu right! It's making me so frustrated!
Naruto- Good, let out your emotions. I did and now I feel like a whole new person! trips over tree stump Shit! Fcking plant! I'll blast you to pieces! RASENGAN!
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Sasuke- I…I'm really a WOMAN! thousands of female fans take a knife to their heart
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Shikamaru- Chouji, why are your cheeks so puffy?
Chouji- mumbles sounds
Shikamaru- NOOO! MY HAMSTERS!
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Sasuke- Crap! I need to take a leak! Maybe if I grab my chest and start losing they'll think I'm sick…
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Naruto- Damn Sasuke! You have a nice ass!
(A/N- o.O)
Sasuke- Yeah, I use the Ass Master 3000!
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And now, the finale! When ever you see click!, it means the person hung up on the other. Now, CONTINUE!
Team 7 just finished watching THE RING tape. No, not the movie THE RING, but the actual killer tape. Kakashi downloaded it on the internet. Anyway, the phone rings and Sasuke goes and answers it.
Sasuke- Hello?
Scary Voice- You're going to die in seven days!-
Sasuke- Whatever…hangs up the phone
Sasuke walks back to his team.
Kakashi- Who was it?
Sasuke- No one.
Phone rings again
Sasuke picked it up again- Hello?
Scary Voice- You're going to die in seven- click!
Phone rings again, Sasuke picks it up.
Scary Voice- You're going to d- click!
Phone rings again, Sasuke answers.
Scary Voice- You're- click!
Phone rings again, Sasuke answers.
Sasuke- Hello?
Voice- Is this Bob's Pizza Palace?
Sasuke- Oh my frickin'… click!
Phone rings again, and you know what happens
Sasuke- What?
Scary Voice- Dammit, don't hang up again! All I wanted was to tell you something, but NOOO! You just hang up on me like I was nothing!
Sasuke- Okay fine. Walks to couch with his team and sprawls out across it Tell me what it is you wanted to say.
Scary Voice- Okay…well, you're going to die in seven- click!
Kakashi- Why do you keep hanging up on 'em? Snatches phone from him I'll handle this.
Phone rings, this time Kakashi answers.
Kakashi- Hello?
Scary Voice- WHY! WHY MUST YOU KEEP DOING THIS TO ME!
Kakashi- There, there. It's okay, just tell me about yourself. Perverted grin is now present
Scary Voice- Oh…well… Kakashi puts on speaker phone …I'm very very pale…
Naruto- Sounds like Itachi…
Scary Voice- I have long black hair…
Sakura- Yeah it does, doesn't it?
Scary Voice- And I enjoy killing people.
Sasuke- Yup, definitely Itachi.
Kakashi sighs- Oh well… click!
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End!
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