Spock and The Instant Smile
By the Bubbles
A/N- Instant Smile was created by Rod Serling for an episode of Twilight Zone. I thought it would be interesting to see what would happen if Spock got hold of some.
A/N- Here we go again... I hate having to repost stories because of inconsiderate people. If you don't like this story, just tell me in a considerate manner rather than use of profanity. It's RUDE.
Disclaimer- I don't own Star Trek. I also don't own Instant Smile. I do, however, own a pointy stick used to poke nosy lawyers.
(Lawyers run away fearfully)
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Spock had been working at it for a while. A long time monitering cell samples in order to find out how they reacted to a virus. Cells that don't move. It was a job that required full attention. Attention that, at the moment, Spock didn't have.
In layman's terms, Spock was bored.
Not that he would ever admit it.
"Hey Spock, how are those tests coming?"
Spock snapped out of his half asleep stupor just as Bones walked in. He composed himself. It would not do for the doctor to catch him in the early stages of boredom, a human emotion. Knowing Bones, Spock would never hear the end of it.
"As expected, Doctor," Spock said calmly. "Have you come to take over?"
"Oh, no, Spock," Bones reassured him. "I wouldn't dream of taking you away from your work. I just came in to see how you were holding up."
"I thank you for your concern, Doctor, but it is not needed. I am fine."
"Well, in that case I'll leave you alone. See you later, Spock."
He exited. Spock waited till he was well out of earshot before letting out a long, exasperated sigh.
"This is soooo monotonous," he said to no one in particular.
No One In Particular decided to help. A faint pop attracted Spock's attention to the other end of the table. He looked curiously and realized that a 2-L bottle of some radioactive-waste-green liquid had appeared. His eyebrow shot skyward.
"Curious..."
He examined the bottle at all angles, decided it was harmless, "As Dr. McCoy, would say," he said," 'Bottoms up,' " and drained the entire contents of the bottle...
...Then fell twitching to the ground.
Luckily, (or unluckily, as it were) McCoy happened to be going by at that exact moment, intent on bugging Spock some more, when he heard the Vulcan fall. He took one look at the twitching Vulcan and immediately called for a doctor. About twelve seconds later, he realized two things. 1), he was the doctor, and 2), Spock was now sitting on the floor looking up at him with a strangely clueless look on his face. He immediately cancelled his call and knelt in front of his friend.
"Spock, what's wrong?" he asked, at which point Spock's face split into a huge grin. "Oh dear."
Bones decided to call the captain. A grinning Spock is nothing to laugh at. Ok, It is, but I digress.
"Jim, this is Dr. McCoy. Could you come to the lab? It's kind of important."
There was a pause, then the captain's voice came over the intercom. He sounded half asleep.
"This better be important, Bones, I was having a very good dream." He yawned. "Well? What is it?"
"It's Spock."
"Is he sick"
"I'm not sure. He's... he's... well, maybe you should come here."
"All right, all right, I'm on my way."
5 minutes and 37.33785246 seconds later, Kirk entered the lab. He took one look at Spock, who was now giggling(quite girlishly, I might ad) at some unknown joke, and rushed to his first officer.
"What's wrong with him, Bones?"
"That's what I've been trying to figure out!"
"Could there be a gas leak?"
"If there was, don't you think we'd be effected too?"
"Well, maybe... umm... I got nothing."
"Not so easy, is it, Jim?"
Kirk was about to respond when Spock suddenly stepped between them and threw his arms over their shoulders.
"Fellas, fellas, please, there's no need to fight, I mean, we're all brothers, right, man?" (Snap- sobbing What have you done to him! He's a hippie! Bubbles- Now there's a mental image for ya.')
"Spock, please." Kirk led his first officer to a chair and sat him down. "Now, tell me what happened."
Spock suddenly started giggling and pointed at Kirk's face. "You're wearing make-up," he said
"So are you," Jim said crossly.
Easily distracted in his present state, Spock grabbed a mirror from a nearby plothole and examined his face.
"Hey, you're right!" he exclaimed loudly, causing a stressed out Bones to jump about three feet into the air. Spock, meanwhile, was examining the light blue eyeshadow. "It looks good on me though."
"That's enough, Spock." Kirk took the mirror from him and snuck a look into it before he tossed back into it's plothole. "Now please, tell us what happened to make you... like this."
"Jim, I found something!"
McCoy handed Kirk the bottle he'd found, the label of which read "Instant Smile."The captain examined the label, which is how he found the warning.
"Warning- Instant Smile is extremely volatile. Only one dose is required. Any injuries or insanity resulting from consumption of more than one dose is not the fault of the perveyor and the perveyor can not be held liable for such problems."
Kirk looked at his faithful doctor. Bones looked at his captain. Their eyes told that they were thinking the same thing. It was McCoy who broke the silence.
"He drank the whole bottle."
"Why Bones? Why would Spock so blatantly disregard a warning like that?"
"Maybe he couldn't see it."
((In the Writer's Booth, the authoress considers putting the warning on the outside oof the label next time.))
McCoy and the captain then spent the better part of 19 minutes debating on what to do about the grinning hybrid.
"I think we can agree on one thing, Jim, we can't let this get beyond the three of us. It would humiliate him! Heh. Not that he'd admit it."
"Well then, we should lock the door."
...Which chose that precise moment to open. Chekov entered carrying a PADD.
"Mr. Spock, you promised that I could interview you for-" He stopped short when he saw the giggling mass of Vulcan in the chair. His eyes moved from one to the other and finally landed on Bones.
"What's wrong with him?"
"He drank an entire bottle of Instant Smile, whatever that is, and now he's a giggling mass, that's what happpened to him. Now get in here and lock that door."
Chekov shrugged and obliged.
"What are we going to do about it?"
"I'll tell you what we're NOT going to do about it. We;re NOT going to tell anyone about it."
Chekov was confused. "But Doctor, don't you always say that you wish Meester Spock was more emotional? I would think that that is what you wanted."
"I want emotion, Chekov, not senseless giggling. It isn't natural."
Spock joined them again, laughing.
"Hey, listen to this joke I just made up. What do you call some one who takes care of a crippled person? A-"... And suddenly he passed out.
11.25476 Minutes later...
Spock awakened to find Kirk, McCoy, and Chekov all peering at him anxiously. He looked around at the three of them.
"Gentlemen, may I inquire as to why I am in such an undignified position on the floor, and why you are all leaning over me with expressions of concern on your face?"
"I've heard enough," Bones said. You're you again."
"Really Doctor? Who was I before?"
Later...
Spock and McCoy were taking down the experiment.
"Well, I should have known better than to rely on you for an experiment that had nothing to do with you."
"Doctor, it was not like that at-"
"Hey Spock." Bones leaned on the table. "What do you call someone who takes care of a crippled person?"
"Why, a crip-keeper, of course."
"A Crip-! Why, that's actually pretty clever. Who knew you had such a sense of humor?"
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A/N- A crip is slang at my school for cripple. I don't know if that's how it is everywhere. Anywho, you should read the Artemis Fowl companion to this story in which I feed the Instant Smile to Holly Short. That's fun, right?
In my notebook, I drew a picture of c Spock in Hippie clothes, and I accidently put him in platform shoes. My Beta reader thought it was hilarious, so I left it as was. Now put that image in your mind...
I kinda based this part on part of an episode of Next Gen. It's funny, you should watch. I can't remember what the epi was, though.