WHA-CHA! Chappie three is up just for you, JollyVenturer!! Glad you enjoy it! Sorry about taking so long too. Bloody school...

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I watched with detachment as Will climbed up the rigging. "That man…is bloody insane." Jack shot me a rather ironic look.

"Maybe you need to step back and take a quick look at yourself, luv." He stated, a smug smile on his face.

"Hey, I already know I'm insane, and I enjoy it thoroughly. So, next time you think you're going to go and say something witty, just don't, because I've heard it all before. Believe me." I smiled and looked out over the ship, and watched as the crewmembers scurried around, doing their respective jobs. "They look like friggin' ants. Can they carry ten times their own body weight too?"

Jack gave me a look that could rival Will's Confused Look™. I couldn't help but laugh. "I'm just joking, Joseph. Settle."

"That's CAPTAIN-"

"No. We've been over this before."

"- and I told you my name is Jack. Jack Sparrow."

"Yes, Joseph, I am aware that you told me your name is Jack. Captain Jack. Captain Jack Sparrow. Let me guess…you like your rum shaken, not stirred." He obviously didn't get it (I don't know why I expected him to in the first place…) and looked mildly insulted. Why you'd rate level of insult like you do cheese or salsa, I don't know. Anyway…

"You talk too much, you know that?"

"Normally I don't really talk at all. So, no." He shook his head and motioned for someone else to take the wheel. "Where are we going, anyway?"

He spun around (a miraculous feat for someone of precarious balance) and gave me what I took to be a look of foreboding. "The Isla de Muerta." He swaggered over to me until he was inches away from my face. "It's an island that cannot be found-"

"Except by those who already know where it is." I finished, sounding bored. "Right right. How long until we're there?"

He backed away and frowned, looking slightly disappointed. "You really know how to suck all the fun out of things, don't ya?"

"Yes." I smiled cheerily. "I'm like a fun vampire. Blah! I've come to suck your fun!" I paused for a moment. "That just sounds stupid. And dirty." Jack blinked a couple of times.

"Right. I'm off to find some rum then." He opened his compass, pointed in a random direction, and swaggered off. I watched as Gibbs fixed their heading (he was the one who took the wheel). I sighed heavily.

"Something on your mind, lass?"

I sighed again. "This is all fine and dandy, but I miss home. We had tapioca pudding." I lamented, rather lamely I might add. I heard a door shut. "Are the captain's quarters right underneath us?"

"Er, aye. Why do you be asking that?"

"Wait…what did you just ask me?"

"Why do you be asking that?" He replied, a bit louder than before.

"No, I heard you fine, I just…I need a fucking translator." He began to ask again. "NO! Just…shut up. Just shut up."

He shook his head before dawning a look of enlightenment. "Where be the boy?"

"What the hell are you going on about now?"

He scanned the rigging, then the deck. "Ah! WILL!! GET OVER HERE!!"

I cringed at the sheer volume of the man. "Holy…I think my eardrums are bleeding…" Will tromped up the stairs and stood in front of Gibbs, catching his breath.

"What…what is it?" Gibbs smiled.

"We be needing you to translate."

Will gave him a Confused Look™. I stifled a giggle. "Translate? Why do you need me to translate?"

"Because the lass-" he jabbed a thumb in my direction. "-doesn't seem to be understanding me."

Will turned his Confused Look™ to me and it was all I could do to not burst out in laughter. "You can't understand him?"

I shook my head, fearing that if I tried to reply with words, I would lose control and start laughing my ass off.

"Funny thing is," Gibbs continued, "she seems to be able to be understanding the Captain perfectly."

Will looked at me like I was a fucking alien. "You can understand Jack but you can't understand Gibbs?"

I shrugged. "World works in mysterious ways, eh?"

Gibbs leaned over to Will conspiratorially. "She even talks like him." Will shook his head. I scowled.

"I understood THAT perfectly fine." I crossed my arms. "Now that we've got the translator here, hows about we go about figuring out what the hell it was that you said before?"

Gibbs and Will looked at each other and nodded in assent.

"Right. Mr. Gibbs, would you please reiterate the query you had posed to me earlier?"

"She does speak like Jack." Will said, his eyebrows almost reaching his hairline. I was so tempted to smack him.

"I think I need a translation." Gibbs stated, obviously confused. I rolled my eyes.

"Say what you asked me before!" I hissed. I had thought I made it perfectly clear, but nooooo.

"Ah." Gibbs cleared his throat and turned to Will. " I asked her why she be asking about what be under where we be standing."

Will nodded, then turned to me. "I really don't know how I could make that any more straightforward."

My jaw dropped, then opened and closed several times as I tried to think of something to say. I ended up sneering and making a sound of derision before turning my back to them. "I'm going to make their lives a living hell…"

"It's just a simple question, lass." I heard Gibbs say.

"TELEVISION!"

There was a long pause. "…what?" I turned to face Will.

"You heard me." I smiled. "Television."

Gibbs frowned. "What be that?" I burst out laughing. "What be so funny!?"

I wiped away my tears of mirth. "It's a television. A television is a television. I can't make it any clearer." They both looked at me, unamused. "What?" They sighed, and each went back to their jobs. I sighed and looked out over the railing. "I wish I had a bottle of rum right about now."

"What was that, lass?"

"Nothing, Gibbs. Nothing at all." I sighed again.

"Obviously there be something on your mind."

I spun to face Gibbs. "Oh no! We're NOT starting that again! No way in HELL!" I heard a faint yell come from the crow's nest. Gibbs smiled grimly.

"We're almost there. Go get the captain."

"Whoah, what? Who? Me?!" He nodded. "No way am I going to get Joseph. He hates me."

"Lass, if he hated you, he wouldn't have let you roam free on the ship."

I paused. "Touché. I'm still not getting him though. Maybe he doesn't hate me, but he sure as hell doesn't like me."

Gibbs raised an eyebrow. "Would you like someone if they refused to call you by your name an rank?"

I thought about it for a second. "Depends on the person. All my close friends call me Dennis. Don't ask me why. But, I suppose if it wasn't my friend, I would get annoyed."

"Exactly."

"I don't like your tone, Gibbs." He shot me an evil look. "Holy crap man, I'm joking!" I raised my hands. "Alright, alright! Your unrelenting stare of anger has changed my mind! I'll go get Jack."

Gibbs raised his eyebrows. "A-hem."

I rolled my eyes and sighed. "Fine. I'll go get Captain Jack." Gibbs smiled and nodded.

"There be a good lass."

"Riiight…" I tromped down the stairs and faced the fancy-pants door to the captain's quarters. I took a deep breath and knocked three times. "Uh…Captain? Gibbs told me to get you because we're almost somewhere." I waited a couple of seconds and got no answer. "Well Denise, there are a wide range of possible scenarios here. He could be asleep and didn't hear you, passed out and didn't hear you, ignoring you but heard you, or dead and unable to hear you." I had no idea what to do, so I knocked again. "Hello? Are you dead or something?" Still no answer. I shrugged and went back up the stairs.

"Gibbs? I think he's dead or something!"

He shrugged. "He probably just had too much drink. See if the door's locked."

I paused. "And if it's not?"

He looked at me like I was the stupidest thing alive. "Then go in."

"I don't think I want to be doing that…"

He rolled his eyes. "Just go. If the captain gets angry at you, tell him I told you to do it."

"Oh, yeah. I feel SO confident now!" I rolled my eyes and tromped down the stairs again. I tried knocking, which was unsuccessful again. I tried kicking the door, which just made my foot hurt. I heaved a huge sigh before trying the handle. It was unlocked. My insides all squiched up and every fibre of my being was telling my to run. It's a trap! It's all a scheme against you! They probably planned this all! They're going to embarrass you SO BAD! RUNNN!!!! I shook my head and slowly pushed the door open, cringing as it squealed in protest. "Goddamnit, SHUT UP!" I whispered loudly.

"…nrr…ehhh…rummm…."

I looked over to see Jack rolling over in his sleep. In a comfy-looking four-poster bed. "God damn! And I was stuck sleeping in the brig…" I grumbled as I walked over. I reached out and tapped him on the shoulder. "Time to get up, Jo-…Jack. Captain. Uh, sir." He swatted in my general direction, an empty rum bottle falling out of his other hand. "I wish I could take a rum-induced siesta." I mumbled before picking up the bottle and setting it in a clear spot on a nearby table. "Let's try that again." I walked back over to him and grabbed his shoulder, shaking him urgently. "Captain! We're going down!!"

He was up like a shot. "Batten down the hatches!! Huh!? Wha!?"

"I said we're almost there, captain."

He blinked sleepily. "…oh." He stretched languidly then looked around. "Where's my rum?'

"You mean that empty bottle you dropped? I put it on the table over there." I pointed in the general direction.

"…oh." He stared at me for a couple of seconds. "What are you doing in here?"

"Waking you up. I knocked. Very loudly. There wasn't any reaction, so Gibbs told me to come in here and wake you up."

Jack smiled. "You can get out now."

"I sure can." I turned and left. I climbed back up those blasted stairs. "You guys should get escalators put there." I stated to no one in particular.

"Es-ca-la-tors?" Gibbs asked.

"Moving stairs." He looked like he was going to ask more questions, so I cut him off. "Nevermind."

A couple of minutes later (which I spent staring off into space) Jack came stalking up the stairs, looking very determined. "I've got the wheel again, Mr. Gibbs."

"Aye captain." Jack took his place at the wheel and flicked open his compass. Gibbs snapped his fingers in front of m face to get my attention.

"Who? What??"

"Follow me, lass." Not knowing anything else I could do, I did as I was instructed. I saw some of the crew members sniggering. Whether it was due to what I was wearing, the fact that I was a girl, or because someone was doing something behind my back, I couldn't tell. So I just gave them the general reaction and fingered them. It shut them up damn good. Still, curiosity got the best of me.

"Gibbs? You wouldn't happen to know what they were laughing about, would you?"

Gibbs sighed as he leaned against the main mast and took a swig from a small container that was held around his neck by a string of something. "Females aboard a ship…bah!"

"What, did a man give birth to you?"

He looked at me incredulously. "No! My mother was a fine lady!"

"Then I think you owe women more respect, because without us, you wouldn't be here."

He glared at me and took another swig before closing it up again and shoving it back down his shirt.

"Besides, we're sexy, so there." He shook his head and pointed to a rope. "You see that rope over there?"

"No. No I don't." I replied dryly. "What do you want me to do with the rope? And if you say anything along the lines of me using it to hang myself, I will make you a eunuch."

He moved a couple of inches away from me and cleared his throat. "Bring it over here. You know how to tie knots, right?"

"Urrr…what kind of knot are you referring to? I can tie normal knots, and I know how to tie a Turk's Head. Is that what it's called? It makes a pretty bracelet. Anyway…that's about all I know when it comes to knots." I looked out to sea to find that we were surrounded by nasty looking cliffs. Mast tops were jutting out of tomorrow like nobody's business. "Whoah. That's depressing." The entire crew had gone over to the side of the ship and were looking over the channel with sad expressions.

"Puts a chill in the bones how many honest sailors have been claimed by this passage."

I looked at him for a second. "Meh." I jumped as Will, who had randomly materialized beside me, spoke. He was looking over towards Jack, obviously bothered by something.

"How is it that Jack came by that compass?"

Gibbs shrugged. "Not a lot's known about Jack Sparrow before he showed up in Tortuga with a mind to go after the treasure of Isla De Muerta. That was before I met him, back when he was the captain of the Black Pearl."

"I bet he randomly got it from a voodoo priestess or something. OoooOOOoooo!" I waggled my fingers in Gibbs' face. He swatted them away, annoyance evident on his face. Will looked surprised, and slightly suspicious.

"What? He failed to mention that."

"Why? Did you ask him for his life story?" Will gave me another Confused Look™. I rolled my eyes.

Gibbs took another swig from his canteen. "Well, he plays things closer to the vest now. And a hard-learned lesson it was. See, three days out on the venture, the first mate comes to him and says everything's an equal share. That should mean the location of the treasure too. So, Jack gives up the bearings. That night, there was a mutiny. They marooned Jack on an island and left him to die, but not before he'd gone mad with the heat."

"I should remember to do that to people I hate back home. Except I'd have to strand them on the side of a random road in the middle of nowhere, and during winter." They both looked at me like I was insane. "Yeah. Keep going with your story, Gibbs. Forget I even said anything."

They both shook their heads before continuing with their conversation. Will nodded. "Ah. So that's the reason for all the-" He proceeded to do what I could only assume was an imitation of Jack's mannerisms. I shrugged.

"I haven't seen him do anything weird."

They both looked at me. "That's because you act almost exactly like him." Gibbs stated.

"What? When did you get that?" I asked, confused.

"What?" Will furrowed his brows. "That didn't make any sense at all."

"You two are the ones who are lacking sense, my friend." I patted Will on the back. "Now get on with the story and stop talking about MY mannerisms. They're not subject to your interpretation."

Will sighed. Gibbs went on.

"Reason's got nothing to do with it. Now Will, when a man is marooned on an island, he's given a pistol with a single shot. One shot. Well, it won't do much good hunting or to be rescued. But after three weeks of starving belly and thirst, that pistol starts to look real friendly."

"I seriously don't think anyone could survive for three weeks without any water." This time they both ignored me. "Oh, fine! Be like that then! See if I care." I crossed my arms and just listened as Gibbs continued.

"But Jack…he escaped the island, and he still has that one shot. Oh, but he won't use it, save for one man. His mutinous first mate."

"Barbossa." Will said, understanding something I sure didn't.

"Who?"

"Didn't you hear what I just said, lass? Barbossa was Jack's mutinous first mate!"

"Oh. And Jack's trying to kill him. I get it."

"Right." Will was still confused about something. "How did Jack get off the island?"

"Well, I'll tell ya." I could tell Gibbs was excited to tell this story, so I decided to keep my mouth shut. "He waded out into the shallows, and there he waited three days and three nights till all manner of sea creature became….acclimated to his presence. On the fourth morning, he roped a couple of sea turtles, lashed 'em together and made a raft!"

Will looked quite sceptical. "He roped a couple of sea turtles?"

Gibbs smiled, almost proudly. "Aye, sea turtles!"

"What the fuck!?" They both stared at me like I was a talking waffle or something.

"There's something loose up in your head, lass." Gibbs stated, tapping me on the top of the head. I swatted his hand away.

"That's beside the point."

"What did he use for rope?" Will asked, his eyes narrowed.

"Well…uh…" Gibbs' smile faded as he pondered the question.

"Human hair." We all turned to face Jack, who had somehow managed to be stealthy and snuck up behind us without us noticing. "From my back."

"You know, I have to wonder just how long you've been standing there."

He looked at me. "Long enough."

"How enigmatic." I replied, arching an eyebrow. "Anyhoo…what's up?"

"Mr. Tuner and I are to go ashore." I nodded towards Will and began to walk off. I got up and followed.

"Whoah, whoah, whoah. You don't expect me to stay here with them, do you?" I motioned towards the crew. "They creep me out…"

He raised his eyebrows. "I really don't see how your presence could benefit us, luv. Can you fight with a sword?"

"No, but I'm sure I could wave one around threateningly." He didn't look impressed.

"Are you good at bartering? Oh, wait. We've seen the answer to that question, haven't we?"

"What's wrong with ultimatums? I happen to think they work quite well." I crossed my arms. "Bartering's for pussies."

He looked insulted.

"Uhh…that is to say, if all you ever do is barter because you're afraid of fighting." I forced a smile on my face. "Anyway, you can't just leave me here! I think that chick over there wants to kill me, and I don't know why." I pointed towards the only other female on board, who was busy ordering around the crewmembers. Not busy enough to not glare at me, though. I shivered. "I'm gonna die…"

Jack chuckled. "Anamaria won't hurt you."

I wasn't convinced. "Psh, yeah right. She'll only rip my liver out in my sleep, that's all." He just shook his head.

"Look, I just can't bring you along, savvy? You're…" He thought for a moment. "…a liability."

"A liability!? Let me lay it down for you. You bring me along, I stay out of the way and do whatever you tell me to. You leave me here, and I'll burn this mother fucking ship and laugh as it sinks down to the blackest depths of the sea. You got me?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Does someone need to go back to the brig?"

"What!? I was just getting used to walking around with the ship being all sway-ee and everything! Don't make me go back! I don't wanna!" I pouted as he laughed. "Very funny."

"Yes, well, let's just remember who's the boss here, savvy?" He patted me on the shoulder. I glared daggers at him.

"Pfeh." I stalked back over to the mainmast and stared at the gaping mouth of a rather unpleasant looking cave. "I'll show you who's boss…"

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What will she do!? You'll have to wait until the next instalment of...THIS STORY!! (w00t w00t)