Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Fruits Basket characters, mmkay?

Warning(s): Light romance, but nothing too severe at all. You just also might die laughing as well.

Summary: In an attempt to bring the Sohmas closer together Ayame organizes a play. What the snake doesn't realize is that Hatori isn't exactly a cowboy, Tohru's never passionately kissed anyone, and what's this of Yuki and Kyou fighting to the death? Read along and join in the madness!

"Sohma Theater: A Western Tale"

Chapter One: Casting Call

Written by UnspokenDreams

"If you would all gladly center your attention on me for a moment's time please!" a bright voice requested as the conversation in the room grew dim and soon melted to complete silence. All eyes focused on a silver-haired man who stood in the very center of the room, dressed in quite an ensemble. His usual elegant attire had been replaced by that of a famous film director's clothing. His hair had been tied up into a single ponytail, his amber eyes hidden behind the frames of dark sunglasses. Despite this the man smiled genuinely as if he'd just inherited an unreasonable amount of money. "Now then," he paused to clear his throat, "as you all can plainly see I've taken the liberty of gathering you all here. Naturally there were only but a few in whom I couldn't get to come, however, I assure you for the most part that they weren't as of great value. Before I begin are there any comments or concerns that I should be aware of?"

Almost immediately a reply was shouted amongst the small crowd. "Yeah! I got somethin' to say! Why the hell do I have to be here?"

"Now, now Kyon-kichi. Such immoral behavior will not be accepted. Your attendance was just as mandatory as anyone in this very room," Ayame replied matter-of-factly as he waved a slender finger in the cat's direction. Whilst Kyou silently seethed at the response, the snake continued. "Upon walking the grounds of the Main House just the other day I was ill-fated enough to overhear a hushed chitchat being exchanged by the local servants. It's been clearly said that we, the Sohma family, share many an issue! Yes my cousins, yes. I too was just as shocked as you might presently be. Oh dear, oh dear…" The flamboyant male placed a hand over his eyes in over-expressed drama. "As expected I immediately pressed forward to address this revolting rumor. Seeing as the summer's just begun and the majority of us all have had precious rare time on our hands I've managed to put together a small solution to our quandary."

"What is it, Nii-san?" Yuki asked from his current position, violet orbs focused on his older sibling in an unusual curiosity.

"Ah, Yuki, your undying inquisitiveness strikes me! However, to answer my dear younger brother's query, we the Sohma family will be embarking on a marvelous journey to strengthen our bond as never before. My dear relations we will be on our way to stardom!" And as to emphasize his previous statement Ayame stretched his arms as far as they would go as if reaching for an unseen force.

"'Stardom'?" Hatori repeated as he raised an eyebrow.

"Yes Tori-san, stardom!"

"And just what do you mean by that?" A small boy asked as he crossed his arms over his chest, glaring at Ayame with narrowed brown eyes.

"Hiro-chan be nice," A girl beside him whispered as she placed a hand onto one of his.

Not at all shot down by Hiro's arrogance Ayame turned on the pack momentarily to gather a few pieces of paper he'd brought along with him. "I was hoping you would ask. Hear hear! A sample of my brilliance: Annabelle, a young distressed saloon girl, hopes for a productive future with a loving husband and children. Unfortunately she's terribly abused by her fiancé, Blazing Bill, the cruelest man in the West. Not only does he beat her, but he also sells her innocence for money. The only two things the man loves are his money and his alcohol. Jonathon, blessed with a gorgeous voice, sings at the saloon to earn his living. He's also Annabelle's only brother. Sadly he's unaware of his sister's severe beatings. Cindy, the eldest and smartest of the bar prostitutes, also Annabelle's best friend, tries to help the young woman achieve her dreams of escaping her violent betrothed. Her wish is granted when Tex, a lone cowboy and lover of the west, rolls into town with the freshest of tumbleweeds…"

There appeared to be a severe epidemic of twitching as Ayame continued to read. Once the snake was finished Shigure began to clap, which forced everyone else too, as Ayame bowed repeatedly. "Marvelous Aya, simply marvelous! This may be your finest work ever," The novelist commented as the snake's eyes widened.

"Really? You think so? Oh Gure-san! You spoil me!"

"ENOUGH!" Kyou shouted, which caused almost every eye to divert to him, "this is stupid! I promised myself I wouldn't be involved in any more stupid plays and I plan on keeping it that way!"

"Why, but Kyon-kichi! I had planned for you to receive a major role," Ayame replied as he rested a slender index finger about his cheek.

"I don't care what you planned! I ain't joinin'!"

"Hmmm. So I see. Ah, well, I'll just have to grant the role to my dear younger brother, Yu-"

"WAIT JUST A DAMN SECOND!"

Ayame grinned and glanced back over to the orange neko, "Yeees?"

"You're not giving my part away to that damn rat!" Kyou huffed as his anger-coated eyes briefly glanced at Yuki, who'd looked away in displeasure.

"So then it's settled! Do not fear Kyon-kichi for your acting shall soar on the wings of my creativity!"

Just as Kyou opened his mouth to protest another voice interrupted him. "This sounds exciting. Will I get to play the leading female role?"

Turning away from Kyou Ayame spotted Kagura; her eyes sparkling as she'd asked her previous question. "I'm afraid not, nevertheless, you're part is just as important. The leading role of Annabelle will be granted to none other then Honda Tohru!"

The piercing sound of a glass breaking echoed above Ayame's preceding statement as if foreshadowing a horrid happening. Cheeks painted red as she bent down to clean the glass she'd dropped in shock to the snake's announcement, Tohru spoke in a trembling voice. "Oh n-no! I couldn't be in your play Ayame-san. I'd just get in the way and I certainly don't deserve such an important role…"

"Nonsense, my dear!" Ayame stated triumphantly as he removed his sunglasses and strode over to the shaken onigiri. He took her hands within his own, gazing at her with delicate eyes of amber. "Please, Tohru, say that you'll allow me to cast you into my play. It would mean the world to me and I'd be eternally grateful towards the matter."

Tohru bit her lower lip as it trembled in response to the snake's words of warmth. How could she possibly decline now after he'd practically spilt his heart to her? A smile upturned her lips as she slightly nodded and replied in a quiet voice, "I'll do it."

"Splendid! Well, I suppose since I've revealed Tohru's role I should go ahead and reveal our leading male role," Ayame exclaimed as he released Tohru's hands from his, leaving the poor girl blushing, and fled to fetch the script he'd brought with him. Whilst the ostentatious man gathered a few things within his hands he felt a small tug at the back of his shirt and turned to find a large pair of brown eyes gazing at him.

"Will Hiro-chan and I have parts too?" Kisa asked timidly though smiled when Ayame grazed his hand over the top of her head.

"But of course! Now then," The serpent began and retook his position in the center of the room, "as previously stated Tohru-kun will play our leading female role. Our starring male role, however…"

Kyou and Yuki eagerly listened as the silver-haired being trailed off. Taking a step forward the duo awaited the results.

"Our starring male role," continued Ayame "will be granted to the ever handsome Tori-san!"

Whilst Yuki and Kyou silently fumed in jealously Hatori's olive optics had slightly widened. At first the dragon had thought that Ayame was merely going about with his usual antics, however, it wasn't until that point that Hatori believed the snake was actually serious. Shigure gave the tall man a pat on the back. "You're a lucky man Haa-san!"

"I'm honored Ayame, nevertheless, I'll have to politely decline. I'm afraid acting has never been one of my most credible talents," Hatori replied in a voice of monotone.

"I refuse to believe such! After all was it not you who starred in our high school attempt of Romeo and Juliet?" Ayame countered with a grin as all eyes drew in to rest on the doctor who grew uncomfortably silent.

"Yes, well, that's in the past. Also if I recall correctly it was you who demanded that I audition by word of the student council."

"Ah, but you did make a stunning Romeo."

Sighing at knowing he was in a loosing battle Hatori lightly massaged his throbbing temples. "Well I think he'll make a great cowboy! I mean Tori-chan already looks slightly western," Kagura added and gave the dragon a hug.

"Precisely my point Kagura-chan. Perhaps an experiment is required? Tori-san if you could be so kind as to quote something for me?" Ayame inquired as Hatori's gaze slowly lifted from his lap to befall upon the snake. Ayame cleared his throat before continuing. "Repeat after moi. 'Ain't nothin'!"

Hatori didn't know what to be more disturbed about; the fact that Ayame's previous grammar was wretched, or that the snake had attempted a stereotypical western accent. Nevertheless the doctor obeyed though corrected the grammatically challenged words. "It isn't anything…"

Ayame chuckled lightly, "Well, it's apparent that we have a lot of work to do."

XXxX

The late afternoon soon melted in the early evening hours and soon the music of summer cicadas littered the atmosphere. Shigure had seen to Kisa and Hiro's venture home to the Main House whilst Tohru had began cooking dinner for the guests that had remained consisting of only Ayame and Hatori. Currently they all sat around the table, each lost to his or her own conversation.

"I propose that we immediately start rehearsing tomorrow!" Ayame suggested to the table's inhabitants.

"You still never told anyone else their parts Nii-san," Yuki said softly as he spooned a strand of his thin hair behind his ear.

"Not to worry my dearest younger brother for all is to be revealed soon enough. However, it is my fondest wish that Tohru-kun and Tori-san are ready for their big scene," Ayame replied as his voice melted into a silken purr.

Whilst Tohru blushed and quietly continued eating, Hatori smothered a snort as his gaze came to rest against his cousin. "Might I ask what you mean by that?"

Shigure was overcome by a series of giggles, seeing as the snake had shared his ever-amazing idea with him earlier, and was forced to turn away from the table to continue his hyena-like laughter. His eyes seeming to flash Ayame stroked his pale cheek with the tips of his manicured fingernails. "What's a play without the most cliché form of endearment?"

Whilst Yuki and Kyou, who hadn't said a word, exchanged confused glances and Shigure continued to laugh, Hatori and Tohru became slightly confused. Despite this Hatori merely brushed the thought off and began to drink the remnants of his tea. Tohru, being the curious girl she was, asked for further explanation. "I don't understand, Ayame-san. What do you mean?"

Ayame gave his trademark laugh as he and Shigure exploded in unison, "A kiss!"

After hearing such Hatori began to cough on the tea he'd been previously swallowing, though he managed to turn his face into his shoulder, the sounds swallowed by the fabric of his suit vest.

"WHAT!" Both Yuki and Kyou shouted, each standing and slamming their palms flat against the table.

Tohru, who'd felt a pang of dizziness strike her, merely swayed uneasily in her seated position, eyes wide and cheeks burning with a blush.

-To Be Continued-

Author's Note: XD Oh. My. Akito! What's this? G-chan returning from her one million year hiatus? That's right! I apologize for my absence everyone. School has recently started up and I'm in several advanced placement courses this year as so my time on the computer is limited. I'll be updating some things as well including my fanfic "The Dragon's Flame" so keep an eye out for that if you've read it. X3 Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the first chapter of Sohma Theater! XDDD You think this is nuts? Just wait until later chapters… -evil laugh-