I'm Sorry

The sun reflected off the small mirror in Raoul of Goldenlake's room, shining through the draperies, clouds shadowing the light enough for a young blond page to squint outside. Francis of Nond grinned, as he saw the large expanse of Corus spread over the hills. "Nice view" he thought. "Can't be anything better…except, maybe, for those hills in the distance."

He turned to Raoul who sat at a small desk, studying the different techniques of jousting. Glancing at his friend, Raoul grinned, "You should be studying, Francis." He replied chuckling, "It is a nice view but it seems everything's the same."

Francis sat down and grabbed a book, "Can't be the same everyday, Raoul" he replied as his friend nodded.

"Sometimes I wonder what's out there," Raoul murmured, "where knighthood will take us."

Francis sighed and stared at his book, not really focusing on the words. "What will it be like?" "Becoming a squire?"

"I'm sure it's a lot of work and this is just the beginning," Raoul remarked, closing his book. "With Jon on the throne, and the kingdom to protect, we'll be fighting side by side you, Alan, Alex and I."

"You really think so?" Francis asked, eyes wide.

"How much more can we take?" Raoul asked, while his friend shrugged, returning to his book.

0o0

Now Raoul of Goldenlake and Malorie's Peak stared at the altar of the Black God and sighed heavily. He remembered the Sweating Sickness and the grief it caused for the kingdom, claiming the lives of so many people. Raoul also remembered the bitter scent of the burning incense, hear the prayers and sobbing and feel the heaviness of the air as the priests laid his friend to rest.

The Giant-killer sighed and turned away, dark eyes staring at his boots as he remembered when Francis had told him the shocking news...

"You did what?"

Francis winced, scuffing his feet on the flagstone floor, "I-I touched the Chamber door…"

Raoul sighed tiredly, "I heard that part but…"

"I know, I know" Francis sighed, "Pages can't become squires after touching the door."

Raoul nodded slowly, "You've got to take that advice seriously."

"I do! I-I-I…I'm sorry." Francis sighed again, "It's just that I was…curious."

Raoul felt pity toward his friend and placed a hand on Francis' shoulder, "Please…I'm telling you this as a friend."

Francis nodded. "I'll take your advice when I have my own squire, someday. You might have just saved me from all the trouble."

0o0

Raoul strode from the chapel, heaviness in his steps and a droop to his shoulders. He had only given Francis advice and, that knowledge, only led to the knight's growing sense of guilt. Francis of Nond, nicknamed his 'blond shadow' had never become a squire, nor did he ever get to carry a shield.

The knight commander sighed deeply, "I couldn't save you from what was coming, Francis…" Raoul stared lifted his head to the city inn front of him and remembered the view from his old room as a page, with the huge green hills in the distance and also remembered when Francis had asked him about becoming a squire.

Reaching the familiar halls of the palace, Raoul sighed and leaned against his bedchamber door, closing his eyes.

"I'm sorry."