Disclaimer: I don't own Rent. Any characters you recognize belong to Jonathon Larson and any character that you don't recognize belong to me.

Kelly

There are a lot of things that I regret in my life. I regret that I pushed Roger away when Ellie died. At first I was glad that he was by my side, I knew that I wasn't alone in all this. But after we buried Ellie I started to resent him. He seemed to be handling everything, like he was moving on. And I hated him for it. First because it seemed like it was nothing that we had just buried our child and second because I couldn't do that. I would sit in our bedroom and cry for hours. He'd do his best to console me but nothing made the hurt go away. I've never felt as much pain in my life as I did the day we buried Ellie.

Flashback

Roger and Kelly slowly walked into the church, Kelly felt like she couldn't breath.

"Roger I can't do this." She whispered fighting back the tears.

"We have to." Roger whispered. "We have to do this for Ellie." Kelly didn't say anything but continued walking towards the front of the church where their parents were standing, everyone had tears running down their cheeks.

"Are you ok?" Ann asked wrapping Kelly in a big hug. Kelly didn't say anything, she just nodded.

"Where's my dad?" Kelly asked pulling away from her.

"He couldn't make it." Ann said looking at the ground. "He's so sorry Kelly."

"I can't believe him." Kelly said as she started to cry and ran out of the church.

"I'll go after her." Ann said as she started to go after her.

"I think I should." Roger said. Ann stopped and nodded. Roger found Kelly outside sitting by a tree.

"I can't believe him." Kelly said sobbing as Roger sat down next to him. "She was his granddaughter."

"I know." Roger said wrapping his arms around her.

"I needed him to be here today." Kelly said crying harder. "I needed him to be here."

"I know." Roger said trying to think of something to calm her down. "But you know you have a lot of people that love you and that are here for you." Kelly nodded. "We should probably get back in there." Roger said standing up and pulling her up with him.

"It hurts so bad." Kelly whispered.

"I know." Was all that Roger could say.

END FLASHBACK

Losing a child is a pain that never fully heals. I spent many years trying to runaway from that pain and it ended up costing me so much. It killed me when I found out about the drugs and April. I felt like the one person in the world who could pull me through what was happening abandoned me. So I did the same. I took the job in LA knowing that it would probably end up hurting our relationship even more. But some part of my mind convinced me that this was a way to save our relationship. But after I caught him with April I ran. I thought that I could start over and make a new life for myself. But all I was really doing was running from the people that I loved most in the world. I was so lonely without them, it was the perfect circumstances for Eddie. I met him through some people that I worked with.

Flashback

Kelly's new coworkers had taken her out to a bar one weekend. They wanted to get to know her better, Kelly had been a little reluctant. She wasn't in the mood to be around a bunch of drunk people. It had been two months and she hadn't talked to any of her friends since her plane landed. She had tried so many times, she would pick of the phone and start to dial and then hang up again. She didn't know if they hated her, if they were mad because of the way she left. And her mind reasoned that she would rather live not knowing than have it confirmed that they hated her. So here she was out with a bunch of people she barely knew and wasn't sure that she liked.

"So did you like New York?" Sarah, her coworker asked.

"Yeah I loved it." Kelly said looking down at the beer in her hand.

"Then why did you decide to stay out here?" Jenny, another coworker asked.

"Just needed to get out for a little while." Kelly said, praying that they would stop asking about New York or her past.

"Was it a bad break up or something?" Sarah continued with the questions.

"Something like that." Kelly mumbled into her drink as she took a big sip. "I think I'm going to get something a little stronger." She said as she got up and walked away. She ordered a Jack and coke and sat down at the bar. When the bartender brought it over to her she just stared at it. It's what Roger always drank. She fought to push him out of her mind.

"Something wrong with your drink?" She heard someone ask. She turned and saw a guy sitting next to her. He was blonde, dark eyes. He was smiling at her.

"Just thinking." Kelly said taking a sip of her drink.

"I'm Eddie." He said holding out his hand.

"Kelly." She said shaking his hand.

"So what are you doing here all alone?" He asked with a smirk. Kelly knew he was trying to pick her up. But she'd rather sit there and have him hit on her rather than go back to that table.

"A few coworkers wanted to come out." Kelly said. "But they were getting to be a little much so I decided to sit over here."

"Do you want to dance?" Eddie asked standing up and smiling at her.

"Sure why not." Kelly said standing up and taking his hand as he led her to the dance floor. They danced for a little bit before Eddie took Kelly to a room in back.

"A friend of mine works here." Eddie said smiling as he sat down on the couch. He moved the coffee table closer to him. He pulled out a vile and taped it on the table. Kelly saw the white powder and knew instantly it was coke. "You want to do a line?"

"I don't think so." Kelly said hesitantly. She'd tried it once before and didn't really like it. But there was a voice in the back of her mind telling her that just this once wouldn't hurt anything.

"Come on." Eddie said smiling. "Just a line or two and then we'll go back out and dance. Trust me, it'll make your night so much better." He promised as he began cutting the powder into lines.

"I…I" Kelly hesitated. She knew that even considering do it would be stupid. But right then and there she didn't care. She wanted something that would take away all the pain that she had inside of her. Make losing Ellie and Roger and all of her friends not tear her soul apart. "I guess so." Kelly said quietly as Eddie patted the place next to him. Kelly slowly made her way over to him and sat down. He finished rolling up the dollar bill he'd taken out of his pocket and bent down to snort the line. When he sat back up, wiped his nose and handed the make shift straw to Kelly. She took it hesitantly.

"It'll be fine." He said smiling as his eyes started to glaze over and he rubbed her back. Kelly took the straw and slowly bent down towards the table.

END FLASHBACK

At first I swore to myself that it would only be when I was a party or out at a club. But that slowly turned into everyday. Within two months I was doing lines everyday. I don't know how I kept my job during that time, my work slipped to below standards. I basically stopped calling my family. I knew that they would know in an instant if they talked to me. So I kept telling them that I was really busy with work and I didn't have the time. I was blowing most of my paychecks on coke. It wasn't bad at first but when Eddie started to hit me I started doing it more. I know I should have left him the instant that he hit me, but I didn't want to be alone. As sorry as that is it's what happened. I honestly didn't think that it would get as bad as it did. Thank god Jimmy came over, I don't know if I would be alive right now if he didn't.

Flashback

Jimmy knocked on Kelly's apartment door. He was worried sick about her. She hadn't been showing up to work and when she was there she was out of it. He was so scared that she was on drugs. And the few times that Kelly had shown up, he'd noticed bruises. He knocked again when he still hadn't gotten an answer. He was about to give up when he noticed that her window was open. Jimmy thanked god that she was on the ground floor. When he got in he saw Kelly laying on the floor curled into a ball, the house was destroyed.

"Oh god." Jimmy yelled as he ran over to her. She was breathing but she was barely conscious. She looked like someone had kicked the shit out of her. "Kelly I'm calling an ambulance." Kelly just groaned. Jimmy got up and went over to where the phone was lying on the phone. He let out a sigh of relief when it had a dial tone. As he dialed 911 his heart sank as he noticed a mirror on the floor that was covered in a white powder. All his fears were confirmed in that instant.

END FLASHBACK

Jimmy was there when I woke up. He really laid into me. I had never seen him so angry before and it scared me. But he was right about everything.

Flashback

Kelly opened her eyes and saw that she was in a hospital room.

"What happened?" She asked it was barely audible.

"Why don't you tell me?" Jimmy asked firmly. He didn't want to yell at her but he wanted to know what happened.

"Eddie." Kelly said quietly.

"When the cops come in here, you have to tell then everything that happened." Jimmy said. "No one deserves what he did to you."

"I know." Kelly said looking at him. "But what if he tries coming back?"

"I promise you that won't happen." Jimmy promised taking her hand. "But I need to talk to you about something else too."

"What?" She asked.

"I know about the drugs." Jimmy said as Kelly pulled her hand away.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Kelly said turning away from him.

"If you don't want to talk about it now, that's fine." Jimmy said sitting back in his chair. "But I'm going to make you talk eventually."

"Kelly, I know that you're on that shit." Jimmy yelled. "I saw the mirror! It was covered in white powder. You think I don't know what that means? My baby brother fucking died because of that shit. And I'll be dammned if I have to bury you too!"

"Why do you even care?" Kelly yelled.

"Because, I know that you're a good persone. I know that you are better than that." Jimmy said. "What happened to the girl that took those pictures all those months ago? She has to be in there somewhere."

Before Kelly could respond Nick burst into the room. Jimmy left to let the siblings talk.

END FLASHBACK

Jimmy didn't get another chance to talk to me. My mom and Nick had been there around the clock and he thought that they could get through to me. He assumed that they knew about everything. But they didn't. A few weeks later I was released from the hospital and my mom and Nick took me back to my apartment. My mom had cleaned it up and everything. After they got me settled I made them leave and go back. I knew they had jobs and family to get back to. And I needed to feed my habit and I couldn't do that when they were there. After everything that had happened that was my main concern. How my mother didn't find my stash I'll never know. But the first thing I did when they left was get it.

Flashback

Kelly waited a few minutes until after her mother and Nick left. She slowly got up and walked slowly towards her bedroom. She was still sore and had a few bruises. She knelt down next to her bed and reached under it. There were three small glass containers hidden in the frame. She sat on her bed and looked at them. She opened the drawer to her nightstand and pulled out a picture. It was of her, Roger, and Ellie. She felt the tears burning her eyes as she looked at the picture. She hated the person that she had become.

"It wasn't supposed to be like this." She whispered as she started to cry. She kissed the picture and looked at it on last time. "I'm sorry I wasn't a stronger person." She said as she put the picture back. She pulled a mirror out of the drawer and started pouring the powder and cutting it into lines. She didn't stop until she was passed out.

Jimmy walked into the apartment calling Kelly's name. Her mother had given him a key so that he could keep an eye on her.

"Kelly?" He called again. He was starting to get worried. He knew that she was home, she had to have been home by now. He walked into the bedroom and saw her passed out on the floor next to a broken mirror.

"God damn it!" He yelled as he rushed over to her. She was barely breathing. Images of his brother flashed across his mind. He'd OD'd at twenty because of coke. Jimmy rushed to the telephone and called for the ambulance.

"I swear to god, I'm not going to let you kill yourself." Jimmy said as he heard the sirens in the background.

END FLASHBACK

I came to in the hospital surrounded by my mother, Nick, and Jimmy. The look on my mothers face nearly killed me. She looked hurt and devastated and it was all because of me. I didn't deserve to have them care for me after what I had done. Jimmy got me into rehab and I've been clean ever since. Rehab was tough, it forced me to deal with all the demons that I had in me. Even though I dealt with a lot of my issues they were far from gone. But I dealt with enough that I was able to go back to work and live a pretty healthy life. Jimmy had asked if I would be up to go to New York for a week for work. After rehab we became really good friends and I told him why I really left. I thought that I was ready to talk to them, I really did. But the second my plane touched down I avoided Alphabet City at all costs. But fate has it's way of making you do things even if you don't want to do them. I had gone to a bar with a coworker and who happened to be playing there? Roger. I saw him with Mimi and all of our friends and knew that I couldn't say anything to him.

Flashback

Kelly sat in the back of the bar with Jenny. It was Jenny's first time in New York and she had dragged Kelly out with her. Kelly heard everyone cheer as the band came onstage. She heard someone yell out 'Go Roger' and froze. She looked up and sure enough there he was. He looked good. His hair was longer and he looked healthy.

"Oh my god." Kelly whispered to herself.

"This is going to be so cool." Jenny commented. Kelly didn't say anything but just kept staring at him.

"This first song is a song I wrote a long time ago." Roger said into the microphone. "I wrote it for someone I knew a long time ago." Kelly felt the tears come to her eyes as she heard the song. She took out her camera and took one picture. Something told her that she needed a picture, if she never saw him again at least she'd have that picture.

It's so cold, let's take flight
Well, we won't need a net, hold on tight
A new ride is unveiled, and we don't need to try
So there's no way to fail

A desperate look in our eyes, holding on to one another
Holding on for all our lives, just letting go to discover

It's okay to realize
Being born into nothing and no one and nowhere, it's all a surprise

The desperate look in our eyes, holding on to one another
Holding on for all our lives, just letting go to discover
That love don't need a reason
And love don't need a rhyme
I'm standing here pleading
And you just cover your eyes

The tears were pouring down her cheeks as he finished the song. Her song, the song he wrote for her when they were still in high school.

"That was called Rhyme and Reason." Roger said. "This next song I wrote for my girlfriend Mimi. I love you with all my heart." Roger said as everyone cheered. "It's called Your Eyes."

Kelly felt like someone stabbed her in her heart when she heard that. She knew that she couldn't go back. Not if he had moved on. She wouldn't cause him more heartache. She watched as he sang a heartbreakingly beautiful song about this Mimi girl, his new love.

"Are you ok?" Jenny asked as the band announced they were taking a break and would be back on in a little bit.

"Yeah I'm fine." Kelly said as she watched Roger pick up a small Latina girl and kiss her. Then she saw the rest of her friends, they were all happy and smiling. "I need to go have a cigarette." Kelly said as she got up and walked outside. She stood against a wall in the alley and inhaled the cigarette like it was her life. She heard the door open and saw Mimi step out and pull out a cigarette.

"Do you have a light?" Mimi asked chuckling softly. "That's acutally the line I used to pick up my boyfriend." Mimi said smiling at her.

"Um, sure." Kelly said holding out her lighter.

"Thanks." Mimi said as she lit her cigarette. "Did you see the show?"

"Yeah." Kelly said looking at the ground. "They were really good."

"Are you ok?" Mimi asked noticing that she was red and puffy like she had been crying.

"I'm fine." Kelly said as she threw her cigarette down and started towards the door.

"You've been crying." Mimi pointed out.

"I'm fine, really." Kelly said looking her in the eyes for the first time.

"Do I know you?" Mimi said vaguely recognizing her.

"This is the first time that I've been in New York in nearly three years." Kelly said. Something in Mimi's mind clicked in that instant.

"Oh my god." Mimi gasped as she put her hand over her mouth. "You're Kelly. You're Roger's Kelly."

"How do you know me?" Kelly asked. She hadn't thought that Roger would have said anything about her.

"I found a picture of you and asked Collins." Mimi said. "Are you going to see them?"

"No." Kelly said quickly. "I'm just going to get my stuff and leave. I promise that I'm not going to cause any problems for you and Roger."

"You should see him." Mimi said looking at the ground. "He misses you. They all do."

"If I go in there right now, it will only cause trouble for everyone involved." Kelly said. "Just forget you ever saw me and go back inside."

"I can't do that." Mimi said. "Collins told me how in love you guys were and how close you were to everyone. It's killed them not knowing where you've been."

"Please." Kelly said as she started to cry. "I can't go in there and face them. At least not right now. Maybe someday, but not today."

"No day but today." Mimi said quietly. "No one is guaranteed tomorrow."

"I can't do it. I jut can't do that right now, I'm sorry." Kelly said as more tears fell. "Just tell me one thing." Kelly begged. "Just tell me if they're happy."

"Yes." Mimi said softly. "But that doesn't mean..." Kelly cut her off before she said anythign else.

"If they're happy I'm not going to be the one that ruins that." Kelly said trying to control her tears. "Just forget that you ever saw me here." And with that she ran into the club and grabbed her stuff and Jenny. No one else even saw her.

END FLASHBACK

I don't know if Mimi kept my secret, I'm assuming that she did. I was so scared that she wouldn't so I came back to LA earlier then I was supposed to. I really thought that would be my last time in New York. I was just going to stay on the west coast and avoid them the rest of my life. But I found a lump in my breast and had to get a biopsy done. It scared me to death. It was the thing that killed my mother and now I thought that it just might kill me too. And I reliazed that if I had died right then and there I would have left so many things unfinished. That's when I decided that I didn't want to die without at least making amends with them. And when Jimmy said that I was offered a job in the city, I took it. Even if my friends wanted nothing to do with me, at least I would know that I tried to make peace with them. If anything happened I could die with a clean conscious. Nick was so proud of me when I told him that I was moving back.

Flashback

"You're really coming back?" Nick asked excitedly.

"Yes." Kelly said smiling over the phone.

"You know what you're going to have to do, right?" Nick asked.

"I know I'm going to have to face them." Kelly sighed. "I don' t know if I can face them right away but I know that I'm going to have to eventually. I'm ok with that now."

"What made you change your mind?" Nick asked. "Was it about the biopsy?"

"Yes." Kelly said with tears in her eyes. "I don't want to die one day without knowing that I made some attempt to heal all those old wounds."

"They'll welcome you back with open arms." Nick said.

"You don't know that." Kelly said.

"Yes I do." Nick said. "You guys were so close. There's no reason to think that they are holding any type of grudge."

"I made a lot of mistakes." Kelly said.

"So did everyone back then." Nick said. "I think everyone knows how precious time is now, and not to waste it. No day but today."

"Where did you hear that?" Kelly asked. She remembered Mimi saying the same thing two years earlier.

"I heard it from Becca." Nick said hesitantly.

"When did you talk to Becca?" Kelly asked. "Did she mention Roger?"

"I bumped into her a month ago." Nick said. "And I've already told you, I won't tell you anything. If you want to know how he is then you can go find out for yourself."

"Nick I'm coming back." Kelly said getting angry. "So what's it matter if you tell me now?"

"Because anything I could tell you would be better coming from him." Nick explained. "Just drop it, you're not going to win this one."

"Fine." Kelly said. "My cab is going to be here in a little bit anyway. I'll call you once I get to the hotel."

"You know you could stay with me." Nick said.

"It's fine. My office is paying for the hotel." Kelly said. "Plus I want my own space."

"Ok, if you're sure." Nick said. "I love you."

"I love you too." Kelly said. "I'll call you after I get settled in New York. It might be a few days because I'm going to need to get stuff at the office set up."

"Ok." Nick said. "I'll see you soon." Kelly hung up the phone and started packing the last of her boxes. When she was done she grabbed the bag that she was taking with her on the flight. She pulled out a photo album and opened to a picture of the entire group right. She was holding Ellie in her arms.

"I promise I'll make this all up to you." Kelly said as she kissed her fingers and touched the picture. She heard the buzzer and quickly put the album away. She took a deep breath and slung her bag over her shoulder and grabbed her luggage. It was finally time for Kelly Keaton to go back to New York, where she had ran from so long ago and make amends with the people she left behind.

END FLASHBACK

You can't run forever. It all catches up to you somehow. I learned that the hard way. As I sit on this plane waiting to get back to New York I can't help but be scared. I don't know what I'm walking into in New York. I haven't uttered a word to anyone in over four years. But I know in my heart that it's the right thing to do. I can't hate Roger forever, the things that happened were beyond our control. And I really don't hate him. It just took me awhile to get to the point where I could put the past in the past. We both reacted badly to the circumstances that surrounded us back then. But hopefully we'll be able to put that behind us and be friends. That's the only thing that I want from any of them. The chance to be their friend again. And if that doesn't happen, at least I know that I made an effort to heal those old wounds. Like Mimi told me two years ago, No Day But Today.

A/N: And that's the end of this story. I decided to make Kelly's viewpoint be from before she gets back to New York. That way it comes full circle and fits with the first chapter of Time Flies, which is Kelly on the plane coming back to New York. I just want to thank everyone that has followed this story, you've been amazing. You have no idea how much it means to me to have you really like this story. This chapter was really hard to write, especially the parts with Kelly doing drugs. But I knew that it had to be done. A lot of parts were very hard for me to right. But at the end of the day I think the story did benefit. I'm going to focus more on Time Flies so I can get that done sometime soon. I think the reality of this story being done will hit me even harder then, because then I'll be done with Kelly and Roger's story. It's like they have become a part of me. I've written their relatioship from the time they were fifteen up untill where they are in Time Flies. I just want to thank you guys for taking the time to follow as that relationship developed into where we see Roger and Kelly in Time Flies, that goes fore everyone else in the group too. I think that all these characters have grown throughout these two stories. I need to take the time to thank Renthead621, she's been here since I first posted Time Flies. She's been there for me in so many ways. She was so helpful when I had writers block, she helped me think of ideas and she wrote a few things here and there. That is why this story is dedicated to her. She deserves it. She's been there for me when I was dealing with my crazy life and she's been nothing short of an amazing friend. Renthead621- Thank you so much for everything. This story is for you! With that said, I'm going to end here. Thank you all once again and I hope you'll continue to follow Time Flies and my other stories. And I hope to get one final review, to know what you guys think. I hope you guys have enjoyed reading this as much as I have enjoyed writting it.

Until Next Time, Lot's of Love,

BohemianGirl06