Author's Note: I am writing this after being inspired by Selunchen123's FINAL FANTASY VII CHARACTER GUIDE. After finding out and being rather upset that the story will no longer be continued, I decided to take up a similar work. Do not fear Selunchen, I will not be copying, defaming, working with your work inappropriately etc, etc. I will just be borrowing inspiration like I said. Thanks! Credit is due where…credit is due!….I believe.

Disclaimer: …….. Narrows Eyes ...You win this round corporate Japan…..

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So, you want to work at the famed Shinra Corporation? This training manual has been compiled to put you through the mental ropes of what it is to work here. Be forewarned, it is rather long, and you may not understand WHY we mention menial things…..but you will learn in due time rookie!

STEP 1: Getting ready for an all purpose mission. While preparing for your first outing, please remember the following:

Your superior is not a know-it-all magic wizard. Please refrain from asking silly questions on the line of duty.

Do not question WHY you must wear the helmet in the mess hall, especially on Chef's choice Thursday.

Your standard issued Buster Sword is not a baton……neither is your nightstick.

When dressing for a presentation before the President, please remember the following sentence. I will not make fun of his panther.

The Turks are not turkeys, nor are your turkeys Turks.

STEP 2: Official Training. Please understand the following.

Helicopter SIMULATORS are to the right, HELICOPTERS are to the left.

Heidegger is not a target.

Remember to lock the garage after stealing a car for joyriding.

Refrain from using "My Gun is better than yours" jokes on the range. If you understand what this means, then don't do it.

Reeve is head of Urban Development.

Palmer is a lard-ass.

The above people may be accused, beaten, and maimed accordingly.

Scarlet is the head of Weapons Development & Engineering.

Heidegger is your boss.

Hojo is most probably insane.

The above people….are not to be trifled with.

Although it may seem like a good idea AT THE TIME, using a fire materia to cook/heat up cans of beans/ burn kittens is not permitted.

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F.A.Q (Frequently Asked Questions)

IF I SEE SEPHIROTH, WHAT SHOULD I DO?

Run like hell, cuz your gunna die.

MAY I USE THE VILLA IN COSTA DEL SOL FOR IMPORTANT BUSINESS?

Only if you like spending time in Junon.

I HEARD SOMEONE YELL AVALANCHE! IN MIDGAR, WHAT SHOULD I DO?

…I didn't know they hired retards…

WHY IS HOJO SO DANGEROUS?

Because he doesn't die.

SHOULD I FEAR HEIDEGGER ON A BAD DAY?

Good question, find out for yourself, and please do us a favor and book your room at the infirmary in advance.

Next up: CHAPTER 2, Knowing your enemies inside and out of the Company.

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A/N: I know it was really bad, I'm trying very hard you know . I don't care what it is, flame, praise, the 'you suck' crowds of people, I want feedback please!