I don't own Calvin and Hobbes. If I did, there would be a Calvin and Hobbes movie by now.
"It'll never work." Hobbes said as I told him of my brilliant plan.
My name is Calvin. I'm six years old and living in an average household with my incredibly dull parents, and my best friend and pet tiger, Hobbes. Anyway, I had come up with an amazing little scheme to take revenge on my arch-nemesis, Susie Derkins, the next-door neighbour. And Hobbes, being the chowder-head that he is, refuses to acknowledge the complete intensity of my plan.
Undaunted by Hobbes' complete lack of faith, I began preparing for the plot. I dug a hole in the backyard. It was five-feet deep and had a diameter of four feet. My parents were rather upset about the hole in the backyard, but I survived Dad's non-stop talk about character.
Once my parents had stopped paying attention to me, I decided to sneak away for a quick visit to the nearest Wal-Mart in order to buy the necessities for my plot. Using my Dad's MasterCard that I had "borrowed", I bough twenty pounds of jello, a bunny rabbit, and eighteen rolls of toilet paper. And so after quickly hiding my materials, I pretended to go off to sleep. I was confident that Susie would never forget I planned to do to her.
Once I was sure that my parents were asleep, I began boiling the packets of jello. Once I'd finish making a new batch of jello, I would go and pour it into the hole. As I preformed the task, I bumped into Hobbes, who had come down for a glass of milk. He had only one thing to say.
"Come on, Calvin. Just give up. It's not going to work."
But I continued onwards with my plan, not wanting to be proven wrong. Once I had poured all the jello, I went and grabbed the toilet paper. With hesitation, I began unravelling it and the paper into the hole. As the toilet paper mixed in with the gooey jello, I grew even more certain that I would succeed.
And so the next morning, I stood and waited for Susie to leave her house and begin playing Tea Party with those stuffed animals of hers. Once she had come outside, I grabbed the rabbit and began carrying it over to Susie's home.
As soon as I arrived at Susie's house, he walked up to her as she played with her dolls. Just as I had planned, she put down her dolls to go pet the bunny rabbit. That was when I struck. Almost immediately, I tossed the bunny into her hands and reached over to steal her dolls. As she dropped the rabbit to chase after me, I began to run into my backyard. I was confident that my plan was about to work.
Now, the rest of the plan was simple. I was planning to toss the dolls into the hole and push Susie into it as she went to go look at the dolls. She would've been thoroughly humiliated.
Although that was when things began to go downhill. Once I had tossed the dolls into the hole, I accidentally tripped over a tree branch. I found myself falling into the hole that I had dug.
It was disgusting. I could feel the jello oozing in my hair. Toilet paper was sticking onto my body. I noticed Susie looking into the hole and then walking away disgusted. If it had been someone else, I would've found it hilarious.
And so, there I was, trapped in my own hole, thinking about the trouble that I'd be in as soon as my parents found me. After all, a giant hole filled with Jello and toilet paper would be very hard to explain to my parents. And of course, Susie is an incredible tattletale. So that would just worsen the trouble.
As I awaited a way out of the hole, I noticed Hobbes peering inside. Instead of helping me escape, he just came to tell me something before leaving.
"I told you so!"