Okay, Hi!!!!
Anyways I am a huge fan of That 70's Show, and I watch like all the re-runs……but it kills me to watch season 8 and they show that a lot……..and it sucks!!
So as a loyal fan I am going to right this wrong by re-writing the 8th season to how I like it
Now I just want you all to know that I am a high school student, and that I don't have a lot of time, also my writing may be crap and if it is……let me know!
Also this first chap might be a lot like Bohemian Rhapsody……but things will change later on……in this chapter……..I promise!!!!
Thanks for reading!!
Last seasons ending:
(Jackie and Hyde are standing in the room, Kelso comes in wearing nothing but a towel and carrying a bucket of ice)
KELSO (coming in): Check check check, no one can see us doing it from the parking loAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! (he throws the ice in the air)
HYDE: You're dead! (he chases after Kelso but can only grab his towel)
KELSO (outside): I'm NUDE!
Chapter One
Inside the Forman's KitchenKitty, Donna and Fez all sit down at the kitchen table
DONNA: Mrs. Forman, what a great idea making a tape to send to Eric in Africa!
KITTY: Oh please, I am full of great ideas! When he went to camp, I sent him a huge card with my face on it that says "Mommy loves you". Hahaha! Well it made him miss me so much he begged to come home the very next day.
DONNA: Ah yes, the summer of a thousand wedgies...
KITTY: Eric is gonna be so excited to hear some familiar voices.
FEZ: OH! I do Porky Pig (Donna and Kitty look at him) Hababadahababada, that is all people!
KELSO (sticking his head around the door): Is Hyde here?!
KITTY: No Michael, you're safe. We still haven't heard from Steven since he left Chicago a month ago.
KELSO: I don't know what I'm doing here. Hyde could show up any minute and kick my ass. I really need a soda cause I just ate a whole bunch of salt. Why is it so good?
FEZ: I don't know, why don't you ask Hyde, he is right behind you...
KELSO: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (he looks behind him, no Hyde) It's not even funny! (he leaves)
KITTY: Okay then, let's start the tape (she pushes the button and speaks into the microphone) Hi Eric, it's your mother. I'm here with Donna and Fez (she hands the microphone to Donna)
DONNA: Hi honey! Thank you for the postcard with the monkeys. I'm still bananas about you too! (she hands the microphone to Fez)
FEZ: Ababaraa! Ababaraa! (Kitty takes the microphone from him)
KITTY: Okay, let's see, where to start...well your father and I were furious when we caught you boys in that smokey basement. The minute you left the airport we went down there to do what the Fed's call 'a sweep'...
FORMAN BASEMENT
Kitty and Red are searching the basement, Hyde and Fez are watching them
KITTY: How dare you boys smoke up my house when you know how hard I work to keep it smelling lemony-fresh!
RED: You morons just hung vacancy-signs on your asses! And my foot is looking for a room!
RED finds a stash and so does KITTY: Here it is!
RED: TWO bags?
HYDE: I've never seen those before in my life! (Red and Kitty stare at him) Your son has a real problem!
RED: Kitty, I want you to take this garbage and flush it down the toilet!
KITTY: I am just glad that we caught you boys before this became an every day thing! (she leaves with the stash)
RED: Is that all of it?
HYDE: Yes sir, that's all of it.
FEZ: Now there is nothing left for us to do but to smoke Candyland. I mean, I mean play Canysmoke...
Red walks up to the game and finds another stash
FEZ: I mean...Aiii no!
FORMAN KITCHEN
KITTY: And so I flushed it all down the toilet and everyone learned a lesson...(she stops the tape)
DONNA (smirking): Why don't you tell Eric what else happened?
FEZ: Oeh let me, let me! (he grabs the mike)
KITTY: Give me that! I'll tell him...
FORMAN UPSTAIRS HALLWAY
RED: Kitty! I found another one! Kitty? (he opens the bathroomdoor. The bathroom is full of smoke) What the hell?!
Kitty walks out of the bathroom, clearly 'under influence'
RED: What do you have to say for yourself?!
KITTY: I'm STARVING! (she starts to laugh)
Opening Credits(Everyone is in the car…and no one is gone…be patient…my madness will make sense soon)
FORMAN KITCHEN
Kitty, Donna and Fez are sitting at the kitchen table with the tape-recorder
DONNA: I still can't believe Red caught you in the bathroom with the guys stash. Someone is getting a tye-dyed apron for their birthday...!
KITTY: No, I just I wanted to see what all the hubbub was about. I mean I was skeptical about tupperware and that was lifechanging! (she turns the machine on again) Anyway Eric, I suffered the consequences, your father gave me a very stern talking to.
FORMAN KITCHEN
Red and Hyde are standing next to eachother, Kitty is sitting down
RED: Kitty when we got married, we took a vow. To be together through sickness and in health. But nobody said anything about what to do if your wife turns into a dope fiend! (Kitty looks at Red and Hyde, the background of the kitchen is spinning) You're a nurse for God's sake! You know this stuff is bad news!
HYDE: Bad news isn't the half of it! Here are the facts: when the smoke hits the brain, the cells start dying. This process causes impaired judgement and hallucinations and a lot of other wonderful things (Red looks at him)
Kitty is laughing silently, she sees Hyde and Red all stretched out
RED: Is it Eric going away? Is that why you used this stuff? Kitty, if you were feeling blue, you didn't have to turn to drugs! I would have made you a Martini!
Kitty start to laugh out loud, Hyde and Red now both have a gigantic head
RED: What's so damn funny?!
HYDE: Is it the big head thing?
Kitty keeps laughing
FORMAN KITCHEN
Back to Kitty, Donna and Fez, sitting at the kitchen table with the tape-recorder
KITTY: I hardly felt a thing.
DONNA: You ate a whole box of uncooked spaghetti.
KITTY (turns machine on again): Anyway Eric, the day you left, Steven went to Chicago to see Jackie (she hands the mike to Donna)
DONNA:..when he got there, he walked in on Jackie and Kelso who were about to...
FEZ (taking the mike): Get busy. Have sex (he sings) Doooooo iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!
DONNA: Kelso told us the whole story when he got back the next day.
FORMAN BASEMENT
Donna and Fez are standing, Kelso is talking
KELSO: No, hardly anything happened okay. Jackie asked me to stay cause she was lonely. The next thing you know, I'm naked. And then Hyde shows up and kicks me out the door and so I had to drive all the way back here in this dress that I found. All the truckers were flashing their lights and honking their horns. It was pretty great.
RANDY: Man Hyde is gonna kick your ass.
KELSO: I know. I gotta get out of here before someone kicks the crap out of me (he opens the door and runs into Jackie)
JACKIE: YOU JERK! (she starts beating him)
FEZ (pulls them apart): HEY hey! Watch the face! That's the paycheck!
DONNA: Jackie, aren't you supposed to be in Chicago?!
JACKIE: Well I'm here to get Steven back. Uhh, where is he?
FEZ: Oh he's not here. He took off after he caught you two about to (sings) DOOOO IIIIIT!
JACKIE: Oh my God, this is horrible. I quit my job, I lost my boyfriend. My whole life is ruined.
KELSO: Jackie, I'm really sorry about what happened. I never meant to come between you and Hyde. Let me ask you one question, are we back together or not?
JACKIE: Oh you are just as dumb as ever!
KELSO: Okay, you know you can insult me all you want but just answer the question!
JACKIE: NO!
KELSO: No you won't answer the question?! Why not?
JACKIE: Because we're not together!
KELSO: THAT'S the reason you won't answer the question?!
JACKIE: NOOOOOO!
KELSO: THEN WHAT'S THE REASON???
FORMAN KITCHEN
Back to Kitty, Donna and Fez, sitting at the kitchen table with the tape-recorder
DONNA:...and that went on for about...half an hour.
Bob comes in
BOB: Oh hey Kitty. I need to borrow some butter or oil. Pretty much anything greasy.
KITTY: Are you cooking?
BOB: Nope, tanning. Hey, what's up with the tape recorder?
KITTY: Oh, I'm making a tape to send to Eric. Here, say hi!
DONNA: Don't give him the microphone!
BOB (in the mike): What's new pussycat Whooohohoooowww..What's new pussy.. (Donna takes the mike from him)
FEZ: Ai Donna! Boo! Boo!
DONNA: Dad, just say something normal.
BOB: Normal doesn't put asses in the seats Donna.
DONNA: For the last time, there are no seats anywhere around here!
Bob starts to look for something to tan. Red comes in from the living room
KITTY: Oh Red honey, here, say something to Eric!
RED: I'd love to (he takes the mike) Son, I was out in the garage the other day. I looked down and I saw your old baseball mitt. And it made me think what I always think. What a waste of money (he gives Kitty back the mike and leaves)
KITTY: Actually Eric, you leaving was very hard on your father. The next day he just sat around, moping.
FORMAN BASEMENT
Kitty is doing the laundry, Red comes down the stairs
RED: I feel like dancing!
Dancing music starts, he dances a few steps with Kitty, then takes one of Eric's Star Wars models and throws it out.
FORMAN KITCHEN
Back to Kitty, Donna and Fez, sitting at the kitchen table with the tape-recorder
KITTY: By the way Eric, we gave some of your toys to the church!
FORMAN LIVING ROOM
Fez is tapping a bottle with a deck of cards
KITTY: Give up Eric? That's a deck of cards hitting a bottle of soy sauce.
DONNA (grabs the mike): Eric, please come home. You have no idea how much I miss you.
KITTY: I miss you too honey. I don't think I'll be happy until I see you again.
Hyde comes in
HYDE: Hey.
KITTY: STEVEN'S HOME! (she hugs him)
FEZ: Okay Miss Kitty, he doesn't like to be hugged! (he grabs Hyde and hugs him really tight) Don't you ever leave me again! (he hits Hyde on his arm)
Kelso comes in
KELSO: I spilled my soda...Hiiiiiii. I don't know what to say man.
HYDE: What about "Ow"?
KELSO: Why would I say ow?
Hyde hits him in the head, Kelso falls down
KELSO (still on the floor, laughing): I get it!
KITTY (in the mike): Eric, Steven just hit Michael. And while I'm very disappointed in Steven for hitting Michael, it was very exciting! (she sits down on the couch)
HYDE: Come on man, get up.
KELSO: Why? So you can deck me again?
HYDE: Actually I'm fine now. Everything I wanted to say was in that one punch. Come on (he helps Kelso get up)
KELSO: It was a good one too. Peed myself a little on the way down. I'm gonna go change (he leaves)
FEZ: Hyde, where have you been?
HYDE: Uh I've been hanging out in Las Vegas my man. And I've learned this: you don't wanna show up late to a Don Rickles Show with puffy hair.
KITTY: Well, you could have let us know where you were. I was worried sick about you and I am very...
HYDE: I got you this (he gives her a miniature slotmachine)
KITTY: A little tiny slotmachine! (she gives him a kiss) It is so cute!
Jackie comes in
JACKIE: Steven you're back! Look, we have to talk.
HYDE: About what? How you nailed Kelso?
JACKIE: No, about our relationship.
HYDE: Oh okay. I'll start...You nailed Kelso!
JACKIE: You never gave me a chance to explain!
HYDE: BECAUSE YOU NAILED KELSO!
DONNA (silently to Kitty): Mrs. Forman, start taping! Eric loves it when he screams at her!
JACKIE: Steven I never even slept with Michael.
HYDE: Yeah right because Kelso is always showing up at my hotel room naked with a bucket of ice.
JACKIE: You know this is your fault too.
KITTY: Okay you two, just stop yelling! (she switches the tape) Go ahead.
HYDE: (gives Kitty and odd look) NO!! You know what Jackie…. I'm done with this…(hesitantly) I'm. I'm done with you.
JACKIE: (About to cry) Stephen…what are you saying??
HYDE: (Goes into his pocket and pulls out a velvet box. Takes off his glasses, hooks them on his shirt, then stares at JACKIE) Goodbye Doll (throws the box at her feet and leaves)
KITTY: oooooo…Exciting!!!! (Into the microphone) There you go Eric its like your not missing anything!!!!!!!!
(While this is going on JACKIE slides to the floor picks up the box and cries while DONNA goes and comforts her)
FORMAN KITCHEN
Kitty is standing at the counter, Red comes in
KITTY: Red can you please just do me a favor and tell Eric you miss him a little?
RED (sighs): Oh fine. Give me the thing (he takes the mike) Eric, this is a little hard for me cause I'm not real emotional but I wanted to tell you that you GI Joe's were killed. In the great Dumpster-war of 1979 (he hands the mike to Kitty)
KITTY: Well your meatloaf was lost in the great "Make-your-own-dinner-war" of 19-TODAY! (she stops the tape and rewinds it) Well Eric, now that I have a second, I should catch you up on your new friend Charlie.
THE WATERTOWER
Donna, Fez and Charlie are on the water tower, Kelso is climbing up
KELSO: Okay. Who brought the beer?
FEZ: I thought you were bringing the beer.
KELSO: No, you were bringing beer, I was chips.
FEZ: YOU'RE bringing beer, I was chips.
KELSO: Fine. Give me the chips.
FEZ: I forgot the chips.
CHARLIE: You guys (he hands them a sixpack)
KELSO: How much do we love this guy?
FEZ: He's a prince!
DONNA: Charlie, it is so awesome hanging out with you.
CHARLIE: Ah thanks guys, it feels so good to finally belong to something you know. It's like the first day of the rest of my life! (he leans against the bannister, which breaks) WHOOHOO!
FEZ: THE BEER!
They look down and finally hear a thud
DONNA: That was a pretty awkward landing...I hope he's okay.
KELSO: Of course he's okay. It's not like anyone ever died falling off the watertower.
FORMAN KITCHEN
KITTY: And so they renamed it the Charlie Richardson Memorial Watertower.
JACKIE's BEDROOM
Jackie is laying on the bed, Donna is sitting beside her
DONNA: Jackie, Hyde just needed to blow off some steam, you guys aren't over. Well if you won't talk to me, then maybe you'll talk to Mr. Fluffycakes (she takes a pink stuffed unicorn and pretends it talks) Jackie! My magical horn senses that you're sad and you need someone to talk to!
Jackie grabs Mr. Fluffycakes, rips his head off and gives head and body back to Donna
DONNA: Great. Now he can't hear you (she gets up from the bed)
Kelso comes in
KELSO: Hey Jackie.
JACKIE: Oh, what do you want?
KELSO: Man, I feel really bad about the way things turned out. You and Hyde should be together okay. Go talk to him.
JACKIE: Look there is no point okay. Sometimes I think Steven never really wanted to be with me at all. This must be how ugly people feel all the time.
KELSO: Look about the ugly thing…I really don't know…I mean Look at me!!! (Gestures to himself) I'm Gorgeous!!
(Jackie cracks a smile)
Kelso: See!!!! Now you and Hyde…You were made for one another…I mean face it, if he can tear you away from me!
(Donna Laughs, Jackie once again smiles at Kelso's Vanity. Kelso gives Jackie a hug.)
KELSO: Don't worry baby, everything is gunna work out fine….you just wait and see.
(Kelso starts to leave. Stops at the door and turns around)
KELSO: And if it doesn't, you, me, and Big D can have some fun!!!!!
(Donna and Jackie start laughing and Jackie throws Fluffycake's body at him as he leaves)
FORMAN MASTER BEDROOM
Red comes in, Kitty is sitting on the bed
KITTY: You know Red, it really upset me this afternoon when you wouldn't say anything nice to Eric.
RED: Well I can see how that would surprise you, what with nice things always bubbling out of my mouth.
KITTY: Well it would just mean a lot to me to hear you say how you feel. Don't you even miss him?
RED: Well let's say I did. I still wouldn't feel comfortable saying it on tape.
KITTY: Well would it kill you just to say it to me here in private?
RED: Oh fine! I miss him! Of course I miss him. He's my son...Why do you always make me say things?! (he walks off)
KITTY: Yeah (she uncovers the taperecorder she hit under the blanket). I should be in the FBI.
FORMAN LIVING ROOM
Hyde is talking in the mike, Kitty is sitting next to him
HYDE: So anyway Forman, ramble on, keep on keeping on, most of all my friend, rock on.
KITTY: You know, I never used to understand that hippie-jargon, but ever since my "bathroom-experiment", I'm cool man! (Jackie comes in) Oeh, let me just give you two some privacy (she walks off)
JACKIE: Hey.
HYDE: Hey.
Kitty hides in the den, turns on the tape recorder and holds the mike in the air
JACKIE: Steven I am so sorry about what happened in Chicago. I was alone and I thought I lost you.
HYDE: Yeah well, I can see why you thought that.
JACKIE: Look why didn't you tell me sooner you wanted to get married?
HYDE: Because I wasn't sure I wanted to. And now that I've thought about it, I'm right, I'm not ready to be married yet.
JACKIE: Yet? Oh, okay.
KITTY (in the mike): Well there you have it Eric, Steven's not ready to get married yet.
Doorbell, Kitty answers it
SAM: Hi I'm looking for...(she sees him) HYDE! Hey baby!
HYDE: Hey...Sam.
JACKIE: Who the hell is that?!
HYDE: This is Sam. She's a st...exotic dancer I met in Vegas. I'm sorry, what are you doing here?
SAM: You don't remember? We got married.
JACKIE: OH MY GOD! (she runs off)
HYDE: WHAT?
KITTY (in the mike): One more thing Eric, Steven married a stripper!
(Hyde stands there for a min before running after Jackie)
KITTY: And he's choosing the loud one!!! YEA STEPHEN!!!!!
(Runs after them to see them make up)
THE WATERTOWER
Donna, Fez and Kelso are up on the tower
KELSO: Being up here makes me think of my poor friend Billy.
FEZ: His name was Charlie you cantaloup.
DONNA: Kelso you've fallen off this thing like ten times. It's so scary to think you could have...you know, like, met the same fate as Charlie.
KELSO: Yeah. It's like we go through our lives like thinking we're invincible right, but the truth is we're totally 'vincible (he leans on the banister, it breaks, he falls down) THUD SCREW THAT! I'M INVINCIBLE!
Okay so there you have it…another chapter will be up soon. I know not much was changed, but at least Hyde made the right decision to go after Jackie….and will they make up….God I hope so….and Sam…hmmmm I brought her back for a reason!