Disclaimer: Unfortunately I cannot take the credit for Degrassi OR the song Unfaithful. That great honor is taken by...well...the Degrassi creators lol...and Rihanna.

Author's Note: I know not many people really review on one shots, but please please please review. I would LOVE to know what you all think. This idea came to me awhile ago and I finally got it all written out.

Story of my life
Searching for the right
But it keeps avoiding me
Sorrow in my soul
Cause it seems that wrong
Really loves my company
Hes more than a man
And this is more than love
The reason that the sky is blue
The clouds are rolling in
Because I'm gone again
And to him I just can't be true

"This is wrong," I whisper into the hair of my lover, as he nips at my ear lobe.

"Does it really matter anymore? What's right? What's wrong?" His husky voice says into my ear and I shudder at the truth in his words. We're past backing out, we're past caring, we're past guilt. It's only him and it's only me. There's no other way for it to be. I look down at the wedding ring on my finger and wonder, briefly, what my husband is doing at this moment. My husband, also my lover's best friend. I want to scream out, "THIS ISN'T ME! I'M NOT THIS GIRL!" Only I'm not a girl anymore, I'm a woman. A woman who has made too many bad choices, thought too little of the feelings of others to turn back now. A woman who traded in the light, for the darkness. A woman who gazes at her husband with guilt, knowing she doesn't deserve him. He was everything I ever wanted and more. The first couple years we were so happy, we were glowing with the light that only newly weds could have. I never dreamed that anything would ever come in the way of that. I never dreamed that I would end up back in the arms of the one man I truly despise. I never could have seen this coming, and now it's too late.

"Am I a horrible person, Jay?" I ask, burying my face into his chest. It's not the first time I've asked him this question and I'm sure it won't be the last. There's enough of the "old Emma" left inside of me to still question my morals. At that thought I'm reminded of a time, so many years ago, when Jay told me he liked that I had "virtue...or whatever". I replied that I didn't, not anymore. I couldn't have known how much worse it could be. How could I have become this person? What happened to the Emma who looked on with disdain at people like the one I have become.

"Oh, Emma, why do you do this to yourself? Almost every time we're together, you ask me that. You aren't a horrible person, Em. You can't help how you feel," Jay's words neither soothed, nor comforted me. How I feel? Do I even know how I feel? I love Sean with ever fiber of my being and the question of why I do this to him, continues to go unanswered. I couldn't say why I always run into the arms of my enemy.

"You know, I love you, right Greenpeace?" Jay asked, softly.

"I know, Jay," Knowing that doesn't make it any easier. If anything it only makes it worse, because I'm not only hurting Sean, but I'm also hurting Jay.

And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying
I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be.
A murderer

"I have to go," I say as I climb out of the bed, searching for my clothes that are strewn out all over his room. His hand grips my arm and his voice enters my ear. A plea he's never asked of me before. "Stay. You don't have to go back to him," the words cut into my heart. Does he know what he's asking of me?

"You know I can't, Jay. You're asking too much of me," I can hear the biting tone in my voice and I cringe inwardly at my own cruelty. I stomp all over people, without a care in the world. Have I always been this way, but never realizing it until now? Have I always been this selfish and cold?

"I can't stand to think of you with him. Sometimes when I'm hanging out with him all I want to do is punch him in face. I want to tell him that you're mine, that you'll never be completely his again," he says this in a whisper. I can hear the hidden meaning behind his words. He wants me to tell Sean, wants me to leave my husband, wants me to be with him. He wants me to tell him that I AM his. He wants me to tell him what he knows I never can.

"I'm not yours, Jay. I will never be yours. You know I can't leave him, so stop asking me to," I look behind me into this eyes. My chocolate brown asking him from understanding as his icy blue refuse to accept what he already knows. "Don't make this any harder than it has to be," I say softly as I pull on my clothes.

"I'll see you later, Jay," I say as I walk out the door. I think I can hear him quietly say, "Do you know what it's like to always wonder if you'll come back? Do you know what it's like to love you so much? You're my fallen angel."

I always hurt the ones who love me. I'm the venom that seeps into their blood stream and kills them slowly and painfully. I have the power to stop it, but I don't. I can't.

I feel it in the air
As I'm doing my hair
Preparing for another day
A kiss upon my cheek
He's here reluctantly
As if I'm gonna be out late
I say I won't be long
Just hanging with the girls
A lie I didn't have to tell
Because we both know
Where I'm about to go
And we know it very well

I step out of the shower and wrap a simple white towel around my body. I begin fixing my hair and when that's done, I apply my makeup. All the while thoughts of Sean and Jay battle in my brain. I can't get the last time I saw Jay out of my mind. The quiet pleas that were so unlike him rattled me more than I had let on. I know he's changed since high school, but he really had changed all that much. He still had that careless attitude and kept those walls up so no one could see inside him. His hatred for vulnerability was still there and the infamous smirk still rested on his face at most times. Why had he poured out so much to me that night? He knew what my answer would be and yet, he still tried. I never thought Jay would have that in him.

"You're going out again?" The question was more of a statement as Sean stepped into the bathroom and slid his strong arms around me. I sighed and leaned my head back against his chest. Being in his arms has always felt so...right. It's moments like this that I wonder why I do what I do. I wonder why I continue to hurt him so much. I look in the mirror and can see in his eyes that he knows I'm not simply going out with the girls like I say. A part of me thinks he's known all along.

"Yeah, I won't be out late," I say, trying to convince him or myself, I'm not quite sure. He kisses me softly on the cheek and for a moment I want to tell him that I'll stay home tonight. I want to tell him that we'll order a double cheese pizza and watch movies all night. I want to tell him that I'm going to stop all this nonsense and be with him...only him. Instead I untangle myself from his arms and walk into our bedroom. I pull on a pair of tight jeans and a lowcut black tank top. An outfit I probably wouldn't have been caught dead in only a year ago. It's not exactly "Manny Material", but it's still a far cry from the modest clothes I would usually wear.

"You look fine, babe," Sean says, absently as he sees me picking at my hair in the full length mirror on our closet. Not for the first time, I see the sadness in his eyes. I wonder if he knows it's Jay I turn to? I wonder if he does know it's Jay, how he can stand to hang out with both of us like we so often do. I wonder why he stays with me, knowing that I'm not true to him. I wonder how he can love me that much.

"I'm just meeting up with Manny for a few drinks. She said she'll go crazy if she doesn't get out of the house tonight. Since Craig's always touring and she's stuck home with the kids most days, she doesn't get to go out much," the lies escapes my lips easily, as I try to pinpoint when lying became like second nature to me. It wasn't so long ago that lying to Sean had been something I could barely bring myself to do and now I do it easily and without faltering. He can still tell when I'm lying though.

I glance back at him one more time, before leaving our home, only to see him standing there in the middle of our living room, his hands shoved into the pockets of his old jeans. He's staring at a picture on the wall and I immediately know which one it is. Sean, Jay and myself the day of our wedding. So he really does know.

Cause I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying
I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life I don't wanna be.
A murderer.

"He knows Jay," are the first words I say as I walk into tiny apartment. I, gingerly, sit down on the soft grey sofa, shoving a pizza box out of my way.

"You're just being paranoid, Em," Jay brushes me off as he walks into the kitchen to grab a beer. I look down at my hands and stare at them as if they hold the answers to all my problems.

"I can't do this anymore," I whisper. I can hear the clatter in the kitchen stop instantly at my words. I can hear as Jay takes a deep breath and walks slowly back out into the living room. I keep my eyes on my small hands as he stands in front of me and kneels down so he's at eye level with me.

"What do you mean?" He asks and I can see in his eyes that he's hoping I will dispute my words. He's hoping that I will tell him that I'm only haveing a bad day and everything's going to be okay now. He's hoping that I will tell him I love him and that I will kiss him and lead him into the bedroom that I am all to familiar with. Today, though, I can't. Seeing the look on Sean's face as I left...this has gone too far.

I finally look up from my hands and stare into Jay's eyes. "He doesn't deserve this anymore, Jay. He never deserved this," my words are plea for him to understand. I don't want to hurt him, but I can't keep hurting Sean. I can't keep looking into Sean's gorgeous green eyes and lying to him. I can't keep standing back as I see him dying, slowly, right in front of me because of something I'm doing.

"I'm sorry," and for the first time in what feels like forever, I actually believe that I mean those words. I'm not just saying them to pacify someone. I'm not just saying them to be forgiven for something that I felt no guilt over doing. I truly am sorry because I finally realize that Jay doesn't deserve this anymore than Sean does.

"You deserve someone who can be with you, Jay. I can't give you what you want. You know I can't," I try to convince him that what I'm doing is right.

"You are all I want. Can you just... Do you really love him, Emma?" His voice sounds so ragged, and pained. I can see how hard this is on him, to ask me that question, when he already knows the answer.

"I've always loved him. I just got a little lost," I say as I stand up and give Jay one last kiss on the temple. I look back to see him still kneeling in front of the couch with his head in his hands.

Our Love, his trust I might as well take a gun and put it to his head
Get it over with I don't wanna do this
Anymore (anymore)
I don't wanna do this anymore I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life I don't wanna be.
A murderer.

I walk into our house and am hit with how quiet it is. The TV isn't blaring and there's no sound of clattering like there usually is. I look down at my watch and see it's only 9:00pm. Never have I known Sean to go to bed this early. I walk into the living room and see Sean slumped over the on the couch. Well, I guess he did fall asleep. I lean over and kiss him softly on the forehead only to be surprised at how cold his skin is.

That's when I see the empty bottle of pills lying beside him and the crumpled piece of notebook paper in his lap. Tears begin to cloud my vision as I frantically try to find a pulse. I'm reduced to sitting here shaking my dead husband over and over. I can hear someone yelling and am shocked to realize it's me. I'm yelling at Sean. I'm asking him how he could do this to me.

I can't live without him, something I've realized too late.

I pick up the simple peice of notebook paper and the words written on it in Sean's unmistakable scrawl break my heart in half.