Prologue: Well, once upon a time, it was my birthday and my friends and I were getting a "little" too hyper after we had seen a screening of "Happy Feet". For, we had also seen the first preview for the 5th instalment of the Harry Potter series and thought "Wow, Harry's getting' old".

So, in response to the characters' aging, we decided to recast all of the characters for the 7th film (when it shall be shot) and the plot of the movie. I hope you enjoy my madness and, keep in mind, I am totally awesome.

Characters:

Harry Potter- Johnny Depp

Ron Weasley- Kevin Bacon

Hermione Granger- Mel Gibson

Lord Voldemort- Beyoncé Knowles

Ginny Weasley- ME!!!!(author not willing to give real name)

Draco Malfoy- Carrot Top

Professor McGonagall- Elijah Wood

Professor Snape- Emma Watson

New Kreacher- Oprah Winfrey

The Dursleys- All shared by Samuel L. Jackson

All Other Female Roles In Movie- Laurence "Mr. T" Tureaud

All other Male Roles In Movie- Rosie O-Donnell

Plot: Harry (Depp), Ron (Bacon), and Hermione (Gibson) set off to find Lord Voldemort (Knowles) and kill him on the spot, despite all other facts against this provided in the 6th book. However, along the way, Harry becomes distracted from his defense-against-the-dark-arts studies from the beauty of Ginny Weasley (author) and can not stop making out with her.

Meanwhile, Draco Malfoy (Carrot Top) is determined to act against his father's will and become a professional river-dancer. However, in order to be crowned "The King of Dance", Malfoy must have a three-way marriage with Professor Lupin (O-Donnell) and Peter Petrelli, who is not actually in the book at all, but a fictional character from the American TV show "Heroes".

Once arriving in Paris, France; however, the quartet of youngsters (Harry, Ron etc.) find themselves at the home of Johnny Depp (played by Daniel Radcliffe) who is determined to have Hermione destroyed. Minutes later, she is killed and at the hands of Harry who, truthfully, thought she was damn annoying the entire series.

Johnny Depp gives the trio raisin-nut cookies and sends them on their way… But, watch out; Ron, Harry, and Ginny! Voldemort is right behind you! Voldemort starts chasing them around, waving his wand, as spirited jazz music is heard in the background. Ginny dies a painful death, right on the spot, I don't know why, I just felt like killing off that annoying loser. (Does she EVER stop her bitching!?)

Ron and Harry are scared like the little girls they are until Harry remembers something that Hermione said to him a long time ago, way back in the 3rd movie:

"Is that really what my hair looks like in the back?"

Harry knew that a way to a woman's heart is through her hair, and so he says to Voldemort:

"Wow, your hair really sucks."

Lord Voldemort breaks down, crying, and explodes.

"Well, I gues Hermione wasn't completely useless after all!" says Ron. Harruy punches him in the nose.

"Shut up, yes she was." The End.

Author's note: Yes, this is very fd up. Oh, and Malfoy goes with the three-way marriage.