–Author's note: I was reading through the story, locating some key moments that are important for me going forward, and I came across one particular line that really surprised me. In chapter 17, Naruto and Sasuke break into Anko's house to steal a fetish from her, thinking it could serve as a gift for Hinata. They wind up taking food from her kitchen. Naruto got crackers, and Sasuke got a pear. When I read it, I remembered I had Sasuke take a pear as a joke to myself. It was representative of the Bradford pear (or the Callery pear), which is known to have an unpleasant smell that can be likened to semen. (I remember this because around that time I had read an article about Lady Gaga wanting to create a perfume that, and I quote, 'smelled of blood and semen.' I was like whoa, super gross, and then I shortly after learned of these pears).

It was an obscure, discreet nod to the 'Sasuke's gay' running gag that wasn't funny, but it wasn't really meant to be, either. Just some random Easter egg memory for me to find later, or something. I guess I was surprised that something as pointless as that one unimportant line actually had consideration put into it. Well, whatever, just a random note I wanted to share...

I do not own Naruto, but any other characters and ideas are my own. Enjoy...-

If blood could freeze without killing someone, this was exactly the kind of situation it would happen in. Temari's face was right in front of his, her lips curled just lightly upwards into a smile. Sakura was right behind him. Moments ago she had been ready to cook for him and, for all he knew, reiterate her feelings for him. Now she was seething, and probably coming up with the best way to murder him and dispose of his corpse without anyone ever finding out. He could only pray she had never watched Breaking Bad. And then there was Gaara, watching with one disapproving eye as his sister got all up in the blond's personal space. Naruto remembered that guy! He was a class A jerk and psychopath with murderous powers to boot.

His blood might not be frozen, but it was definitely chilled.

"Ok," Naruto whispered to the girl before him, "I need you to be cool right now."

"I practically invented cool," Temari replied, also whispering.

"I can't really explain it all right now, but I need you to get me out of here. Fast."

"Why are we whispering?"

"Because Sakura is right behind us, and I don't want her to hear us or she might get the wrong idea."

"Don't you think us whispering like this is going to make her misunderstand our situation even worse?"

Crap. She was right. "Ok, no more whispering. Get me out of this and I will owe you big time."

"Naruto..." Sakura's haunting voice, filled with malice and poison, oozed into his ears. "Is there something you want to tell me...?"

With one last, pleading look that begged her for assistance, Naruto and Temari separated. 'My life is in your hands. Please, save me,' the poor boy thought desperately.

'I understand, don't worry. I've got you covered,' Temari thought back, projecting a thumbs up in her mind.

"Naruto...?" Sakura repeated.

"It's really nothing," Temari stated plainly, filling Naruto's heart with the most wonderful joy. "When Naruto was on his mission in the town over, I was the third shinobi responsible for the infiltration of a prostitution ring to destroy a dangerous man." This was beyond perfect. Our young friend's eyes were shimmering in gratitude and sparkles were filling the air around him. Temari was a good girl! The truth would save him for sure!

"It wasn't long that we worked together," the sand ninja continued, "but Naruto proved to be an exceptional shinobi and man. So, it should come as little surprise to you that I fell for him hard and fast."

Yes! That's right, it...wait, what? Sakura was moving in jerky robotic motions behind him, her joints creaking unnaturally.

"It was a magical night," she whispered just loud enough that everyone could hear her. "He took me all the way to heaven on a pillow-ridden magic carpet ride. I don't mind spelling it out even more clearly for you if you'd like," the sand ninja inched slowly past a trembling Naruto and leaned towards Sakura. The next words she said were so evil that Naruto didn't even understand them. "I'm late."

"No way," the astounded genin gasped, a hand covering her agape mouth.

'Late for what? If she's late what the heck is she doing here?' Naruto looked from one girl to the other.

"It's true!" Temari swooned, hand to her forehead. Naruto caught her as she careened back a little bit. Then she put both hands on top of her stomach, tenderly, and said something Naruto definitely did understand. "I'm carrying Naruto Uzumaki's child," she declared dramatically.

(—)(–)(-)()(-)(–)(—)

Hinata Hyuga was out in the forests surrounding her family's estate, reminiscing about her time spent with Naruto in them. She set her hand tenderly on one of the tall, strong trees, and it immediately cracked deep down the center, splitting from top to bottom. She recoiled from the tree, surprised. But in her heart, she knew.

"Something terrible just happened. Someone said something they should never have said." She narrowed her eyes, and bloodlust flowed through her like a raging river. Everything that drew breath within the forest suddenly felt a dark, evil power that terrified them all. Except for one being. One being that was too youthful for his own good.

"Hello, Hinata!" Lee came running over to his friend. "I just got out of the hospital, and I can't tell you how happy I am to be out of there. I probably won't have to ever go back because I'm so youthful, but even that would be too soon. I came out here to train, I hope you don't mind. What are you doing out here?"

"I'm definitely not about to turn into a demon girl and systematically break all of your bones until you're like a silly, dying octopus that got stranded on land," Hinata said, shivering with murderous anticipation as she turned to face the intruder.

"Excellent!" Lee shouted happily. "Because between you and me, that's perhaps my greatest fear!"

(—)(–)(-)()(-)(–)(—)

Naruto's eyes opened up, and he realized he was on his bed. How many freaking times was he going to black out and wake up in a convenient new location? That just seemed lazy on God's part, to him. His life should have some damned continuity, for goodness' sake.

"You're up? Good, I was wondering if maybe I gave you too much of a shock and you were gonna be stuck like that."

The voice was Temari's. She was sitting at the end of the bed, and set down the magazine she'd been reading once she realized her company was awake. The boy couldn't help but notice she was still wearing one of his shirts, which he asked her about.

"Oh, this?" she grabbed at the clothing and looked down at it. "I wanted to change into something clean after getting here, and just grabbed one. These are your boxers, too!" she pulled up the shirt a little to reveal the shorts she had been wearing were, indeed, familiar.

"Hey, gross! Those are mine, take them off!"

"Hmm? So you're a pervert at heart after all."

"I...That's not what I meant!"

"If it would help make you feel better, you could wear a pair of mine to balance the scales."

While it wouldn't be completely true to say that he had never wondered what that would feel like, Naruto was quick to decline all the same. Besides, he wouldn't be able to, in good conscience, rip on Sasuke for the inevitable opportunity the Uchiha would surely give him in the future if he himself wore lady's underwear. It was only a matter of time until some weird event would land Sasuke in panties, with how things had been going.

"Oh, well that's too bad," Temari sighed, even though she didn't look very dismayed. "I've got like, six different kinds."

"Why on earth would you think I... Six different kinds? Nuh uh..."

"What, you don't believe me?"

"There are maybe three types of underwear for guys, tops. Boxers, briefs, and those kind of hybrid between the two. There's no way girls have six different kinds, that's just crazy."

"Hang on," Temari rose from the bed, making for the door. "I'll be right back."

Naruto didn't even have time to figure out what was about to happen before the sand ninja came strutting confidently back into the room, travel bag in hand. "Behold, oh nonbeliever, for I have brought panties."

Though confused and, now, a little close to being weirded out, Naruto felt like he didn't have any choice but to go along with her. If Temari wanted to teach him about underwear, then he'd put on his student's hat like a good boy and listen up. His curiosity was piqued. "Alright, bring it on!"

(—)(–)(-)()(-)(–)(—)

The Boyshorts!

Temari: These, you see, are designed like shorts, only they're the size of panties. These are good for everyday wear, and are cute and practical. Whether you're on an undercover mission in a foreign land to murder a public figure to incite civil unrest or just at home watching Netflix, these panties have got you covered.

Naruto: If you wear them underneath shorts, it'd be like Inception! Only with panties.

The Body Shaper!

Temari: This here is the body shaper. We wear these when we need to cram our love handles and muffin tops into form-fitting dresses and make everyone think we look way better than we actually do. It's a matter of pride for a woman to look her best in a dress, so every lady who attends such gatherings that require them has a pair of these.

Naruto: Where are the love handles? I don't see them. And I love muffin tops, they are absolutely the best part of the muffin. What does that have to do with panties?

The Thong!

Temari: This is a thong. It is a sexual piece of underwear that most women find uncomfortable. Some women like them, but most of the ones I know do not. They are usually only worn for a short while, as they tend to get ripped off or pulled to the side for sexy time.

Naruto: It's like a slingshot! Where's the front part? There's just this little string. ...The little triangle part goes in the front? Well then what the heck do you do with the string? ...Nuh uh...

The Standard Bikini Briefs!

Temari: These are probably the most common type of panties. Durable, comfortable, and cheap. As far as panties go, at least. You could call this your standard issue equipment for a lady.

Naruto: So these are like the headbands we get as ninja when we become genin, right? Girls get these when they become adults? ...No, I don't want to try it over my headband.

The Granny Panties!

Temari: These are for when we just don't give a shit anymore. They're probably the ugliest panties, but they are pretty comfortable. We usually don't care if these get stained or whatever.

Naruto: Just wipe until it comes off clear and you won't have to worry so much about stains. Maybe get a little more fiber in your diet. ...What kind of stains are you talking about, then?

The Sacrificial Panties!

Temari: This is a subset of the standard bikini briefs or granny panties. Generally, the sacrificial panties are black or another dark color, and are worn during a lady's period.

Naruto: Ah, I see. The color of mourning for the time of sadness... ...What, no, I really understand! I learned about periods, like, two or three times already, trust me.

(—)(–)(-)()(-)(–)(—)

'How did I wind up here?'

That was the question that Ino Yamanaka found herself asking. It's not like 'here' was such a bad place, honestly. She was with a girlfriend of hers, who had invited her to one of those super lame mixer type get together things. Ino was what some experts in the industry might call a second-string balancer. One of the girls had come up with some reason to not come along, and so Ino had been asked to be a last-minute stand-in to maintain the even boy-to-girl ratio.

Nothing was quite so flattering as that phone call where the other person lets you know that you weren't the first choice, but that they knew you were single and probably had nothing better to do. That might sound pessimistic, but that's sort of how the young genin felt. After all, she was still trying to get over seeing Naruto and that billboard brow making out. If her emotional essence had a gut, it had taken a serious punch.

While she couldn't pinpoint any single moment for when it had started to happen, she couldn't deny that it had. Somehow, her dumbass heart had let Naruto worm his way into it. Other than pumping blood to keep her alive, that stupid muscle had one friggin' job: Don't get broken. ...And, if it wanted a bonus around Christmastime, don't ache. If there was a viable replacement waiting in the wings, her heart would be fired and out on its buns in the gutter so fast. As punishment, she'd be sure to eat something with a crap ton of cholesterol, at least.

It was her stubbornness that had made Ino say yes to this little excursion more than an actual desire to go. She refused to be trampled and forgotten, ignored and left behind in her own life. If Naruto and the walking airfield strip were gonna hook up, she wasn't going to just curse her misfortune and lay around all day licking her wounds like some sort of little bitch. That's not how she rolled! One boot to the face of emotional adversity, and she'd use it as a stepping stone on the way to something better. Good luck trying to keep this girl down, world!

They were about an hour into it, and it looked like the pairings had been decided. Ino's friend, Eri, had scooped up random boy number one. Girl number two had apparently laid claim to boy number two (clearly, they were meant for each other), which left Ino with boy number three. While she had not managed to remember any of these new names, she had gotten a relative feel for each of them.

As the evening progressed, Ino learned (and struggled to remember) the boy's name was Chen. He was a little bit taller than she was, with hair of a similar color. He liked talking about animals. What with studying to be a veterinarian and all, it made sense. Not liking animals much herself, this made for generally uninteresting conversation for her, but she played as nice as she could. He was also very interested in hearing about Ino's exploits as a shinobi. While a lot of what she'd seen and done seemed natural, even routine, to her, he found each bit of information to be more fascinating than the last.

Chen was kind of cute in his own way, she had to admit. Warm eyes that suggested he really felt for others. Those shifty little fur balls that he liked caring for had probably enjoyed his empathy on many an occasion. He had a nice face, but he was a little slender. He seemed a little overeager to please her, but that certainly had its acceptable place in Ino's world. There were worse things out there than a boy who wanted to please his date.

After they had gotten used to each other and the infectious mood the other four had been setting finally caught on, she found herself flirting a little bit with Chen. Nothing too serious. A smile here, a comment there. She gave his arm a little touch and an 'oh, stop. Seriously though, don't stop' when he complimented her hair. Her hair was absolutely on point, by the way.

When the group, led by Eri and her nameless companion, ventured into the restaurant where they were going to park it for the rest of the evening, Chen managed to work up the guts to make a move. He took a gentle, but firm hold of her, and guided her not through the door, but to the wall beside it.

"You know I could have just broken both of your arms four times in the last two seconds, right?" Ino asked sweetly, reminding Chen that while he could take all the initiative he wanted, she was the one in control.

"That's probably part of why I find you so amazing," the young man admitted sheepishly, grinning a little bit.

"There are psychiatrists who specialize in people like you. But the world needs its submissives, I guess." If nothing else, her yaoi had taught her that much.

She suddenly remembered when Naruto had found one of her bedtime stories that time she had him in her room. It made her stomach hurt. Why wasn't he here with her now? That stupid ramen-swilling sack of Sakura-choosing crap... If only she'd been able to eat with him after she talked to Asuma. If only she'd been nicer all those times she'd had a chance to be. If only she'd told him what she was really thinking when he stuck that flower in her hair. If only he hadn't been so thick-headed. If only he hadn't chosen someone else.

"Ino," Chen spoke softly, looking her square in the face. "I really want to kiss you, right now."

'I just want to forget all of it,' she thought. 'Just make it go away.'

"So what are you waiting for? We aren't gettin' any younger."

(—)(–)(-)()(-)(–)(—)

"Well shoot," Naruto exhaled, eyes drifting lazily over the undergarments strewn across his bed. "You told me you had six, and here they all are. I guess even underwear has to be complicated for girls, huh?"

"We won't even get into color schemes, ribbons, and frills at this point," the sand ninja replied.

"Yeah, Sasuke's not here. He's the one that would eat that stuff up."

"I think I'm kinda surprised to find out he's a panty-muncher, to tell you the truth."

"Aw, gross," a groan escaped the boy's lips. "That's not what I meant! Who does that kind of weird stuff? Come on..."

With a flippant shrug, Temari said, "about half of my clientele on that last mission. I'm pretty sure at this point the only thing that separates us from the animals are words and a few pieces of cloth," she plucked at the shirt she was wearing.

"So if there was, like, a talking frog...?"

"Good as human. Maybe better."

A little bothered that humanity's position at the top of the totem pole was so precarious, the young man decided it best to change the subject. "Where's Sakura? I'm not dead and in some sort of weird panty limbo, am I?"

"Oh, the girl? She's on the couch out there," Temari pointed towards his door. "If Gaara hadn't intervened, you might actually be dead. Seriously. I haven't felt that much hostility since that one time I tried talking about politics with someone who didn't agree with me."

Whoa, it sounded like he was lucky to have all of his extremities still attached. He had been defenseless, what with the whole passing out thing. Which reminded him. He had passed out because... "Because you totally told me that you were preggers, and that the baby was mine." Yeah, that little bit of info.

"Uh oh, you about to have another existential crisis?"

For the briefest of moments, he was. But then he remembered his training! "Babies are made after people do sex!" he trumpeted proudly, a grin breaking out on his shiny little face.

"Oho? Is that what you think?" Temari pouted just a little. "I thought you knew better than that. Are you trying to tell me you won't take responsibility? I hope I haven't misjudged you..."

Doubt crept back onto Naruto's no-longer shiny face. "What...what do you mean?"

"Goodness, me," the young woman feigned her nicest voice, "don't be so cruel! You know a girl gets pregnant when she kisses a boy! The sex part comes after the kissing. It's basically a tradition for two people who are agreeing to take care of the baby together. You know...pfft...it's like...pfft...culture and heritage and shit..."

Temari had to look away to hide her beet red face and puffed out cheeks. She was trying so hard not to laugh her eyes were getting watery. His poor, innocent, dorky face was so screwed up in horror that she could barely keep her cool anymore.

Naruto, on the other hand, was just about to have that existential crisis that Temari had mentioned before. That sounded nice, yeah. He was finding it difficult to believe that all of the things he had learned up to this point were failing him, now, but she seemed so serious! But Shizune had told him that sex was how babies were made, and she was a friggin' doctor ninja... Why would she lie? He almost got to the point in his line of thought where he would have convinced himself that Temari was full of not a baby, but crap, when a shocking revelation befell him.

"Oh my God, I knocked Sakura up..."

(—)(–)(-)()(-)(–)(—)

Hinata, clutching Rock Lee by the neck, lifted the defeated young man into the air. With a pitiless grimace on her face, she prepared to toss her broken doll aside. Suddenly, however, she felt a dramatic change in his aura. It was as if, somewhere, someone had uttered some accursed phrase that unlocked a whole new ocean of power and YOUTH within the ninja.

Lee shouted, flexing every muscle in his body to its utmost potential and blasting Hinata away in the rush of energy that poured from him like water from a huge overturned cup. Landing on both feet, crushing the ground beneath him, Lee growled, "someone said something they never should have..."

The two genin faced one another, each one radiating with a power they had never before known. The trees around them began to wilt and shrivel away, singed by their presence. Two monsters were ready to indiscriminately kill, and nothing was going to get in the way of their unbridled passion. Not even the fact that they honestly didn't know why they were so pissed off and really had no reason to be fighting each other.

(—)(–)(-)()(-)(–)(—)

"Y-You kissed Sakura!?" Temari gasped, covering her mouth with both hands. Tears were now freely leaking from her eyes. He'd gone for it, hook line and sinker.

"I did... OH! I did! TWICE!" That time in the tent...!

"TWINS!" the sand ninja shouted, using her sleeve to cover her nose, which had started to run a little bit. "How could you do this to me, Naruto? T-To us..." she tenderly rubbed her stomach.

Lightheadedness began to win the day, but Naruto fought the urge to black out with all of his might. Not this time, dammit! Continuity...!

Three babies. Just three of them. That was ok, no big deal... He could handle that. Heck, he hadn't even had a dad and look how he had turned out! ...Ok, not the best example. When looking for positive role models, maybe don't use the underage ramen addict with two baby mommas and infrequent work as the gold standard. Nice going, Uzumaki.

"I... I'll make this work!" he declared, shooting up to his feet. "Don't worry, I won't let you raise any babies alone, especially not my babies! You can live here with me, and I'll get, like, four jobs, because I'm not gonna need to sleep anymore..." he was now pacing around the room at a frantic pace. "I mean with three babies that's gonna mean six mouths to feed counting us and Sakura, and it's gotta be the good stuff. I'm talking organic and gluten-free and all that junk..."

"Seven. Gaara will probably live with us, too. Eight, when Kankuro comes to visit."

The young man hesitated a split second, but then continued his pacing. "So five jobs, then. Whatever! Time and spacial constraints can suck it! I'll just use my shadow clones! I can work ten jobs at the same time, easy! We'll be rich! And then you can just sit at home and watch the babies and daytime television in equal measure, get really fat and lazy and entitled so that I start to resent you a little bit... Not a lot, but just enough so that sometimes I imagine killing you in super vivid detail and it fills me with a sick, guilty pleasure. Don't worry, though, I would never go through with it! The stress and internalization will eventually cause me to die way before that when I develop complications from my stomach ulcers bleeding into my digestive tract, or whatever. I'm not a doctor, I don't know. I should be a doctor! Maybe then I can get away with only working fourteen jobs... Oh, God, how are we going to pay for them all to go to a good academy!? I'm gonna have to work twenty jobs, now..."

"Are you ok? You're freaking out pretty hardcore."

"NOT FREAKING OUT! I-I mean, not freaking out, no, this is good. We're game-planning, that's all. Eating healthy will probably help me struggle through the ulcers in my stomach killing me at least forty percent longer, so I can work a bit more... I'm gonna have to if we're going to be able to afford the operation to have my lips removed and my mouth sewn shut so this doesn't happen again by mistake... We'll need to learn how to prepare our own iv bags, too, to save money feeding me. OH NO! Do you think it's safe to put ramen in iv bags!? The broth? Well screw it, we're gonna find out!"

"Uh, slow down there junior, I think-"

"I have to talk to Sakura!" Naruto made for the door, pausing only long enough to say, "but don't worry! Even though she's gonna have two of my babies, I'll treat you and Temuto just as well!" And out the door he went.

After burying her face in the pillow and laughing, she realized he had just crammed their names together to name their imaginary baby and started laughing all over again.

Our poor misinformed, slightly panicked friend charged the couch where Sakura was to be found. It looked like she had been having a conversation with Gaara, and she seemed perfectly tranquil.

"Sakura!" he shouted, hopping over the back of the couch and dropped to his knees in front of her. He grabbed the bewildered girl's hands and looked up into her wide eyes.

"Whoa, what's happening right now?" she yelped, shooting a glance to Gaara, who remained stoic and motionless on the other side of the room.

"Sakura," the blond repeated himself, heart and stomach aflutter. "Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"T-Tell you what...?" she felt like she should pull her hands away, but they felt so warm and comfortable in his, that she couldn't bring herself to do it.

"I mean, I guess I should have been able to tell all along. You're so beautiful, normally, that I guess I missed that extra glow..."

Sakura's face lit up like a Christmas tree. Naruto had just called her beautiful! What was making him so bold, all of a sudden? "I-I can't believe you... That's so sweet of you to say, Naruto..."

"It must be true what they say! A woman is at her most beautiful when she's pregnant!"

Gaara's eyes flashed, and he sent sand flying towards the two shinobi across the room.

Sakura, almost as fast as electricity itself, swung off of the couch and threw a punch straight into Naruto's gut. The blond went flying across the room and into his door. The hinges shattered, and he sailed out into the streets of Konoha like so much trash in the wind.

Temari entered the living room, still rubbing tears from her eyes. Before her stood Sakura, fist outstretched through a sheet of sand that had been unable to fully halt the blow. Had it not been there, however, Naruto would surely have a fist-sized chunk of stomach missing right now. The sand ninja let loose a low whistle in admiration. "It takes some serious oomph to break through that defense..."

"It was abrupt," Gaara replied calmly, apparently unshaken.

"Nobody says that, you insensitive jerk! Gain, like, two pounds and suddenly everybody is a cross-fit-doing underwear model slash comedian!" Sakura raged.

"Called you pregnant?" Temari hazarded a guess. She did enjoy playing with a stacked deck.

"You too!?"

"Whoa, easy there tiger. I can explain!"

Gaara, who cared as much about the ensuing conversation as Volkswagen cared about what the EPA required, strode across the room and towards the gaping hole where the door had once been. "I'll find Naruto."

"Yeah, yeah," Temari replied, "that's fine. Try and come back soon, ok?"

"Don't wait up."

(—)(–)(-)()(-)(–)(—)

This time, in the interest of continuity, Naruto managed to not black out! Or puke! He did, however, fly halfway across the village and crumple to the ground like a wadded up diaper. Once he had taken a moment to writhe, the young man collected himself and rose to his feet. Say what you want about this practically jobless father of three, but he was resilient.

He decided that Sakura probably needed a little time to cool down. It was a natural reflex for her to hit him when she was mad, and his discovering that she was with children seemed to flip that particularly labeled switch. A walk sounded nice, anyway. The clouds overhead had begun to darken, and he figured rain wasn't too far off in the future. It was nice and cool, and he kind of enjoyed that pre-rain smell. Maybe it would help clear his head. Lord knows he needed it.

How long he walked, or how many thoughts had drifted through his head he couldn't say. He had come to a couple of conclusions and deduced a fair amount more, so he had claimed some small measure of peace. Part of him wanted to talk to Sasuke, but every time he reached for the walkie, something stopped him. He knew he could rely on his friend if he needed to. But Sasuke had his own stuff to deal with, and he didn't want to let himself get too dependant. Maybe, for now at least, knowing that he had support waiting in the wings was enough support in and of itself.

That's when he saw her. Ino Yamanaka, in all of her perverted glory. The flaxen-haired miscreant wasn't alone, however. She was with a small group of people. Five total? No, six. Two other girls, and three boys. They were all paired off, one boy to a girl, and were walking awfully close together. ...Were those linked arms? What in the world was he seeing? Was this some sort of tiny, mixed company parade? Or a big group date!? There was just too much purple happening in front of him for his already exhausted mind to handle!

And then it got even worse. The group began to filter into some nondescript building with one of those blackboard sign stands out front. Maybe a restaurant? When it came time for Ino and her companion, who was bringing up the rear, to walk through the door, they instead ducked to the side of the frame. Her back was to the wall, and she was looking up at him. His arms were on either side of her. One on her shoulder, the other on her waist.

'What is this?' the words echoed in Naruto's head. 'She's not gonna kiss him... Is she?'

Slowly, like lustrous curtains falling at the end of a sad play, Ino's eyelids came down. She tilted her head upwards, and raised herself onto her tiptoes to meet the young man's anxiously waiting lips.

Naruto knew two things then in that moment. That nothing was ever going to be the same again, and that there was a crack in the world.

–Author's other note: Oh, that old mixture of nonsensical attempts at humor and out-of-left-field seriousness. I remember you well. But! Since we are running hard towards home, it's time that definitive things begin happening. This should be taken as the official beginning of the end, as threads start getting tied up. The Hyuga Ball draws ever closer, but we've still got three days and change to go. The next chapter, in my opinion, is gonna be a pretty big one! Thanks, everyone, for all of the kind words I received. I'm beyond stoked to try and do you all justice and give it my best.

Will Gaara find Naruto!? Will Sasuke be able to handle his premature ejerkulation problem!? Will Naruto be able to hold down 27 jobs to provide for his family to be!? Will Hinata and Lee destroy each other!? Will Sakura calm the crap down and not hit Naruto again!? Is Ino pregnant now!? All this, and MORE next time! Thanks for reading...-