AN and Disclaimer: As you all know, this story is derived from one of the most popular teen movies of the 1980's. Some of the members of the Brat Pack (Molly Ringwald, Anthony Michael Hall, Ally Sheedy, Judd Nelson and Emilio Estevez) starred in The Breakfast Club in 1985.
I wanted to borrow (as others have) the lines from the movie for my HP fanfic, so that means that I don't own either Harry Potter or the lines/plotline/script from The Breakfast Club.
Characters:
Claire Standish - Hermione Granger
John Bender - Draco Malfoy
Brian Johnson - Neville Longbottom
Andrew "Andy" Clark - Harry Potter
Allison Reynolds - Luna Lovegood
Principal Richard Vernon - Professor Severus Snape
Carl the janitor- Mr. Filch the caretaker
Also included are Ginny Weasley and Angelina Johnson
Part One
Saturday, May 17, 1997
1:35, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
Dear Professor Snape,
We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. Even though what we did was wrong, we think you're crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. What do you care? I mean, you see us as you want to see us. In the simplest of terms, the most convenient of definitions. But what we found out is that each of us is a brain, an athlete, a basket case, a princess and a criminal. Does that answer your question? We saw ourselves that way at 7:00 this morning. Needless to say, we were brainwashed.
"Ugh. I can't believe I have detention. And on a Saturday, no less!" Hermione Granger groaned to her best friend, Ginny Weasley, as she headed to the school library for her detention.
"Well, don't look at me, 'Mione. You're the one who decided to skip Potions to go shopping in Hogsmeade. Why'd you do that, anyway?"
Hermione groaned. "I needed a break from school. I know it sounds weird coming from me, but it's true. I can't take the pressure anymore!"
Ginny nodded understandingly. "I see what you mean. Sorry you have detention, though. And with Snape, too!"
Ginny made retching noises, which made Hermione giggle.
The two reached the door of the library. "Where are you going?" Hermione asked.
Ginny sighed. "Hogsmeade. Ron, Fred and George are all waiting for me. Nothing special."
Hermione rolled her eyes. "Oh, I'm so sure," she said. "Well, see you later."
"See you. And don't worry –you'll be out of there before you can say…abracadabra!"
Hermione rolled her eyes again. She waved to Ginny and ducked inside the library.
Since there was no one else inside the library, she took a seat in front of the room.
I wonder if Snape will give me some leeway on this stupid detention since I'm the first one on time, she thought. She then snorted. Yeah, right.
Hermione sighed. What's going to happen now? She thought glumly.
Neville Longbottom crumpled up his letter from his grandmother as he walked to the library for his detention. In the letter, his grandmother had told him how disappointed she was in him for causing whatever he had done to earn the detention.
This had better be the first and last time you do this, Neville. I can't even begin to tell you how disappointed I am in you. You'd better use the time you have in there to your advantage. Your parents would be pretty angry with you if they ever learned about this. Do not shame your parents, dear. This is NOT the way you were brought up. When you go in there, just do what you're supposed to do, listen to Snape (no matter how much you dislike him) and we'll forget this ever happened, alright? I love you, dear.
Love,
Gran
Neville angrily tossed the letter in the trash when he got inside the library. Hermione Granger was already seated. He gave her a brief smile and sat down at a middle table in the second row.
Wonder what Hermione did to get in here, Neville wondered. He couldn't imagine Hermione doing anything wrong.
Little did he know, Hermione was wondering the same thing.
Angelina Johnson, the Quidditch captain for Gryffindor House, escorted Harry Potter to the library for Harry's detention. Angelina was not happy because the team had a match against Hufflepuff and Harry was the team's best Chaser.
Harry wasn't happy, either. I can't believe I have to spend the day with Snape in detention. I'd rather eat an entire bag of slugs before I'd spend the day with him, he thought glumly. He told Angelina what he'd been thinking.
Angelina scowled at Harry. Then she sighed. "Look, Harry, I understand, okay? People like to fool around. You fooled around and so have I. There's nothing wrong with that, but you got caught. But please don't let it happen again. We can't afford to lose you if you continue going on like this. You're the best Seeker we've got."
Harry groaned and frowned. "Whatever," he said as he went inside the library.
He was surprised to find both Neville and Hermione already seated. Hermione smiled at him as she offered him a seat next to her. He smiled back and he took it.
Draco Malfoy crossed the school grounds for his detention. He couldn't believe his misfortune when Snape, Snape, of all people, gave him detention.
Who the bloody hell does he think he is? I thought us Slytherins were his teacher's pets!
Draco had a second thought to send a letter to his father, but then decided against it. He didn't need his father to do his dirty work. He was going to get back at Snape. Today, he was going to make Snape's Saturday a living hell. He beamed at the thought as he opened the door to the library. To his dismay, he found Harry Potter, Hermione Granger and Neville Longbottom all already there, seated.
Just what I needed. Little Miss Perfect, Mr. Hero and Sir Geek. Who else is going to come and join this band of losers? He thought bitterly.
He began knocking things over on the desk and took Madame Pince's quill and stuck it in his pocket. He then sat at a table behind Hermione and Harry.
A minute later, Luna Lovegood walked in after Draco had walked in and sat down at a table behind Neville. She turned, facing the window and bowed her head. Harry snorted a laugh as did Hermione.
A minute later, Severus Snape walked into the room, carrying five rolls of parchment and five quills. He looked extremely grumpy as he stood in front of the classroom, staring at the five students.
"Well, well," he replied in a dull, cold tone. "Here we are. I'd like to congratulate you all for actually being on time." The library clock read 6:45.
Hermione raised her hand. "Excuse me, professor," she said. "I think there may have been a mistake. I know this is detention, but…well, I don't I belong in here."
Snape ignored her. "It's now 6:45," he said, looking at his magical watch. "You all have eight hours and fifty-four minutes to think about why you're here."
As he talked, Draco spit into the air and caught it back into his mouth. Hermione gasped with utter disgust.
"You will not talk," Snape replied as he passed around the parchment and quills. "You will not sleep, you will not move from your seats. And, as an added little bonus, you all will be writing a one-thousand word essay on who you think you are. Writing one word a thousand times doesn't count. Is that clear, Mr. Malfoy?"
Draco smirked. "Crystal," he said.
Neville stood up from his chair. "I can tell you that right now, sir. Who I am, I mean. I'm --"
"Sit down, Longbottom," Snape ordered. Neville reluctantly sat back down.
"Good. Now, I'll be the office across the corridor, so I don't want you lot to try anything funny. Do any of you have any questions?" He asked. Draco raised his hand and Snape addressed him.
"Yes, I have a question. Does Dracula know you raid his closet?" he asked.
"You can ask that question in detention next Saturday, Mr. Malfoy," Snape replied. "I'll be across the corridor now. I expect none of you will try anything funny." And with that, he left.
Draco made a face behind his back, which made Hermione almost giggle. Draco glanced at her for a quick second, but nothing more was said.
There was silence. Suddenly, a loud snapping noise could be heard from the back of the room. Harry, Hermione, Neville and Draco all turned their heads to Luna, who was biting her fingernails loudly.
"You know," Draco said to her. "If you keep eating your hands, you won't have any room for lunch."
Luna spit a nail at him.
"I've seen you around, you know," Draco said to Luna. Luna didn't answer and continued biting her nails. Draco looked bored.
Neville began fiddling with his quill, trying to think of what to write. "Who am I?" he muttered to himself. "Who am I? Who are you?" He stuck the quill in the back of his head. "I'm an Indian," he said.
He had no idea Draco was staring at him. When he turned and saw him, Neville nodded and smiled at Draco nervously.
Draco rolled his eyes. What a dweeb, he thought. He then turned his attention to Harry and Hermione, who were both quiet.
He crumbled up his essay parchment and threw it at Hermione. However, it missed and it flew over her head. Both Harry and Hermione noticed it, but decided to ignore it.
Draco decided he'd better start taking matters into his own hands. He started making noises to get their attention, loudly humming the tune of a Weird Sisters song.
Hermione looked annoyed. "I can't believe this is really happening to me," she muttered.
Draco stopped humming and looked around frantically, as if he had suddenly realized something.
"Oh, shit! What do we do if we have to take a piss?" he asked.
"Oh, my God," Hermione replied.
"When you gotta go, you gotta go," Draco replied, unzipping his pants and leaning over.
Harry looked underneath the table. "Hey, Malfoy! You're not pissing in here!" he hissed annoyingly.
"Shhh! The more you talk, the more it wants to go back in!" Draco said.
"You're dead if even one drop hits the floor!" Harry threatened.
Draco smirked. "You know, Potter, you're pretty sexy when you get angry," he remarked.
Harry clenched his fist and glared at Draco.
"Hey, you," Draco said to Neville.
"Who, me?" Neville asked.
"Yeah. Go close that door," he commanded. "Then we can all impregnate Little Miss Perfect here," he said, referring to Hermione.
"Hey!" Harry snapped, defending Hermione.
"What?" Draco asked innocently.
"If I lose my temper, you're dead."
Draco snorted contemptibly. "Am I?"
"Yes, you are."
Hermione glared at Draco. "Would you just knock it off? No one around here cares."
"Really," Harry said in agreement. He turned back around.
"Hey, scarhead. What are you in here for? Did you forget to iron your Quidditch robes?" Draco asked, taunting Harry.
Harry spun around to face Draco again. "Look, Malfoy! Just because you're Snape's pet, doesn't give you an excuse to be a git, so knock it off!" he said angrily.
"It's a free country," Draco told him, smirking.
"He's just doing all of this to get under your skin, so just ignore him," Hermione said to Harry.
"Sweetheart," Draco said to Hermione. Hermione looked at him.
"You couldn't ignore me even if you tried. I'm irresistible."
Hermione rolled her eyes and turned her back to Draco.
"So…are you two like boyfriend and girlfriend?" Draco asked Harry and Hermione. "Steady dates? Lov-ers? Come on, Potter, level with me. Do you give her a slip of your wand?"
Hermione whirled around angrily. "Go to hell!" she yelled.
"Enough!" Harry yelled.
"What the bloody hell is going on in there!" Snape yelled, looking up from a paper he was grading. There was quiet once again.
"Pricks," he muttered.
Back in the classroom, Harry and Draco were exchanging glances. "Scumbag," Harry muttered, turning away from Draco.
Draco stepped out of his seat and perched himself on top of the librarian's desk. "Why don't we close that door? We can't have any fun if Snape's checking on us every second."
"Well, the door's supposed to stay open," Neville pointed out to him.
"So?" Draco asked.
"So there are four other people in here that would rather not be here next Saturday," Harry replied.
Draco clapped softly. "Good, very good, Potter," he said, mocking Harry. "You can count! I knew you had to be smart to be a Seeker!"
"Who are you to judge?" Harry questioned him. Luna and Neville looked on with interest.
"Really," Hermione added, agreeing with Harry.
"You know, Malfoy. You don't even count. If you disappeared forever, it wouldn't make a difference. You may as well not even exist at this school," Harry added.
Draco bit his lip and shot back at Harry, "Well, then. Guess I'll go back and try out for the Quidditch team again!"
Hermione and Harry looked at each other and snickered.
"Maybe the Hogwarts' student counsel, too," Draco continued.
"They wouldn't take you," Harry said.
"Aw, I'm hurt," Draco said in a falsely sad tone.
Hermione turned to Draco. "I know why people like you knock everything," she said, matter-of-factly.
"Oh, this should be good. I want to hear what Little Miss Perfect has to say," Draco said.
"It's because you're afraid," Hermione concluded, smiling at him.
"Merlin! You perfectionists are so smart! That's exactly why I don't participate in any activities!" Draco told her with mock enthusiasm.
"You're a coward," she said.
Neville felt a little left out of the conversation, so he spoke up. "I'm in the Arithmancy club," he said, but no one had heard him.
"You're afraid they won't you accept you again, so you insult it left and right because you're bitter," Hermione said.
"Well, it wouldn't have anything to do with you activities people being assholes, now would it?" Draco asked.
Hermione shrugged. "Well, you wouldn't know. You don't know any of us," she said.
"Well, I don't know any lepers, vampires or trolls, but I'm not about to go join any of their fucking clubs, either!" Draco said with a smug grin.
"Hey, let's the watch the mouth, okay?" Harry ordered, glaring at Draco.
"I'm in the Charms club, too," Neville added.
"Excuse me," Draco said to Hermione. He looked up to talk to Neville. "What are you babbling about?" he asked him.
"Uh, well, what I was saying is that I'm in the Arithmancy Club, the Charms Club and the Herbology Club," he replied.
Draco looked back to Hermione. "Hey, Cherry, do you belong to the Arithmancy Club?" he asked.
"That's an academic club," she said, nearly rolling her eyes.
"So?" Draco replied.
"So academic clubs aren't the same as other types of clubs," she finished.
Draco pointed at Neville. "Oh, but to geeks like him, they are," he said. He looked back to Neville. "What do you do in your club?" he asked.
Neville cleared his throat. "Well, in the Arithmancy Club, we talk about Arithmancy and different properties of Arithmancy," Neville explained.
"So, it's sort of social – demented and sad, but social. Right?" Draco asked.
"Yeah. I guess you could consider it a social situation," Neville replied. "I mean, yeah, there are other students in my club. And, um, at the end of the year, we have a big banquet in the Great Hall."
"You load up, you party," Draco suggested to him.
"Well, no. We get dressed up, but we don't get…we don't get high," Neville stated.
"Only stoners like you get high," Hermione said to Draco. Draco stared at her.
"And I really didn't have any shoes, so my Gran let me wear my dad's old shoes. She was reluctant about it, though. And my cousin, Herbert? He lives in Wales and he got high once, you know, and he started eating all these weird foods. Then, you know, he sort of just felt like he didn't belong anywhere," Neville rambled on.
Hermione gave a small laugh as she looked at Draco. "Sounds like you," she said to him.
Harry looked at the open door Snape had left open nervously. "Look, if you lot keep up your talking, Snape's going to march right in here. I have a Quidditch game next Saturday and I'm not going miss it on account of you boneheads," he replied.
Draco looked at Harry with mock concern. "Oh! Wouldn't that just be a bummer, huh?" He made a fake moan. "Missing a whole Quidditch game!"
Harry gave Draco a fierce look. "Well, you wouldn't know anything about it, faggot! The whole time you were on your team, you never took the game seriously! You've never even tried!"
"Oh, I know!" Draco said to Harry with mock hurt and sadness. "And I feel all empty inside because of it. I have such a deep admiration for guys saddling and riding broomsticks and rolling around in the mud with other guys."
"You'd never miss it," Harry scoffed. "You don't have any goals."
"Oh, but I do,"
"Yeah?"
"Yeah! I want to be just like you! I figure all I need is a Bludger to the head and a pair of tights."
Neville looked at Harry incredulously. "You wear tights?" he asked.
Harry turned to him. "No, I do not wear tights. I wear the required uniform," he told him.
"Tights," Neville said matter-of-factly.
"Shut up," Harry snapped.
Just at that moment, Draco heard Snape step out of his office. Draco then leapt into a seat between Harry and Hermione. As Snape's footsteps grew more and more softly, Draco walked over to the open door.
"You know, there's not supposed to be any nonsense," Neville replied.
"Young man, have you finished your paper?" Draco asked him sternly.
Draco peered up and down the corridor cautiously and then began unscrewing one of the screws that held the door open.
"What are you doing?" Hermione asked him.
"Drop dead, hopefully," Harry suggested to her.
The door slammed shut and its echo could be heard through the corridor.
"That's very funny, Malfoy," Harry said bitterly as Draco made his way back to his original seat. "Now fix it."
"You really should fix that," Neville agreed.
"Am I a genius?" Draco asked braggingly.
"No, you're a git," Harry replied.
"What a funny guy you are, Potter!" Draco said sarcastically.
"Fix the door, Malfoy!"
"Everybody just… shhh! Be quiet!" Draco ordered everyone.
As Snape walked back to his office, he heard voices:
"I've been here before. I know what I'm doing," Draco said.
"No! Go over there and fix the door!" Harry ordered.
"Shut up, Potter!" Draco yelled.
Snape burst in. "WHY IS THIS DOOR CLOSED?" He yelled.
"How would we know? We're not supposed to move, right?" Draco asked.
No one answered. "Why is it closed?" he asked again.
Snape turned to Hermione. "Why is this door closed?" he asked her.
"We're all just sitting here, like we're supposed to," Hermione spoke up.
"I think a screw fell out of it," Draco added.
"It just closed, sir," Harry lied, nearly kicking himself for defending Draco Malfoy.
Snape looked up at Luna. "Why is--"
Before he could finish speaking, Luna began squeaking and hid her head underneath the hood of her robe, smashing her face against the table.
"She doesn't talk, sir," Draco replied.
"Give me the screw," Snape said, turning to Draco.
"I don't have it," Draco replied.
"Do you want me to yank you out of that seat and shake it out of you?" Snape threatened.
Draco continued to look calm, cool and collected. "I don't have it. Screws fall out. The world's an imperfect place."
"Give it to me, Mr. Malfoy," Snape demanded.
"Excuse me, sir," Hermione piped up. "But why would anyone want to steal a screw?"
"Watch it, Granger!" Snape warned.
Snape glared at Draco as he picked up a chair and tried to hold the door open with it.
"The door's way too heavy, sir," Draco told him.
Snape ignored him and put the chair in front of the door. The door slammed shut and knocked the chair out of the way. The students tried their best not to laugh as they heard Snape from the other side of the door, yelling and cursing.
Snape opened the door and stepped back inside. "Potter, come here!" He ordered. Harry reluctantly got up and walked over to him.
"How come Potter gets to get up?" Draco asked indigently. "If he gets up, we'll all get up. It'll be anarchy!"
Harry and Snape both picked up a small but heavy in front of the door. The bookshelf was able to keep the door opened, but it blocked the doorway entirely. As Harry tried to walk back inside, he tripped over all the books inside the shelf.
"That's very clever, sir," Draco replied. "But what if there's a fire? I think violating fire codes and endangering the lives of children would be unwise at this juncture of your career, sir."
Snape glared at Draco. He looked back to Harry and snapped. "Alright, what are you doing? Get this away from here."
Harry pushed the bookshelf back to its original location.
"You know, the school comes with fire escapes equipped at either end of the library," Neville said quietly.
"Yeah. Couldn't he just use magic to keep the door open?" Hermione whispered, giggling softly.
"Hey, show the man some respect!" Draco said sarcastically.
Snape and Harry both returned back to the main part of the library. "Let's go! Back to your seat!" Snape barked at Harry. Harry sat back down. "You know, I expected more from a Gryffindor, Mr. Potter," Snape said to Harry.
Snape turned to face Draco. "You're not fooling anyone, Mr. Malfoy," Snape said. "The next screw that falls out is going to be you!"
As Snape turned to leave, Draco mumbled, "Eat my shorts."
Snape whirled back around. "What was that?" he questioned, returning back to Draco.
Draco gave Snape a smug grin. "Eat…my…shorts!" he repeated, yelling.
"You just bought yourself another Saturday, right there, Mr. Malfoy," Snape said.
"Merlin, I'm crushed," Draco retorted, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
"You just got another one right there!"
Draco felt himself getting angry. "Well, I'm free the Saturday after that, but beyond that, I think I'm going to have to check my calendar!"
"Good, because it's going to be filled! We'll keep going! You want another? One more word. Just say the word, say the word! Instead of going to Azkaban, you can come here! Are you through?"
Draco glared at Snape. "No!" he yelled.
"I'm doing society a favor!" Snape yelled back.
"So?"
"That's another one, right there. I've got you for the rest of your natural born life if you don't watch your step! You want another one?"
Draco folded his arms and continued glaring at Snape. "Yes!" he replied, egging him on.
"You got another one!"
Hermione stared at Draco in shock, her face full of worry and concern. "Cut it out!" she exclaimed to Draco. Draco gave her a brief glance. Hermione mouthed 'stop' to Draco.
"You through, Mr. Malfoy?" Snape asked.
"Not even close!" Draco challenged.
"You've just bought another!"
"Do you really think I give a shit?" he asked.
"Another?" Snape offered. Draco continued to glare daggers at him. "You through?"
"How many is that?" Draco asked.
"Six, plus one when you asked Professor Snape if he raided Dracula's closet," Neville informed him.
"No," Snape said to Neville. "It's eight! You stay out of it or you'll get one as well!"
"I'm sorry, sir," Neville said to him as politely as he could muster. "But it's seven."
"Quiet, Longbottom!" He turned back to Draco. "You're mine for the next two months, Mr. Malfoy! Two months."
"What can I say? I'm thrilled!" Draco said, throwing his hands into the air.
"Oh, I'm sure that's exactly what you want these people to believe," Snape replied. "You know something, Mr. Malfoy? You ought to spend a little more time trying to do something with yourself and little less trying to impress people. You might be better off."
Snape then addressed the rest of the students. "Alright, that's it! I'm going to be right outside these doors. The next time I have to come in here, I'm cracking skulls!"
As Snape left the room again, Draco mockingly mouthed Snape.
As Snape left the room and closed the door, Draco screamed "FUCK YOU!" at him.
Snape sighed. They were getting more and more out of control and arrogant each minute.
Snape sighed again. I don't know what I'm going to do with these kids, he thought.