Note: This is for MissB8604. Cause she requested it and well, she's just one of the best Collins/Angel people around. Once again, I know it's a touchy subject, but try to stay open minded.
For the past six months, Collins became a pizza fanatic. More specially, he was a fanatic of Leogetti's Pizza a few blocks down from his office at NYU. It was a perfect place for lunch. Far enough from the campus so he could pretend that he didn't have piles of papers waiting for him. And close enough so when he realized his Modern Philosophy class started in five minutes, he could sprint and still make it on time. Plus, their veggie lovers pizza was orgasmic is Collins' opinion. It became a habit, once a week, twice a week, three times a week, every weekday, and then finally every day. Needless to say, the workers and the manager got to know Collins pretty well. They warmed him a few slices in advance, knowing exactly at what time he would walk through the door. Collins had relationships with some of the workers. Millie, a waitress, was actually one of his students. And when she had extra time, she would sit with him and discuss future class sessions. Tito, the table buster, would wave to him and try to converse with him in Spanish. The man always laughed at Collins' attempts at his language. All the professor could manage was "hello" and "what time is it?" Then of course there was Noah.
It should have been just another ordinary day at Leogetti's Pizza. Just another lunch. He would converse with Tito, wave to Millie…everything would be fine. Just as long as Noah took the day off. Collins looked into the window of the pizzeria and gulped seeing Noah's form. The tall lanky red head had a rolling pin in his hand, and seemed to be beating down pizza dough as if it had personally wronged him. Millie was behind cash register, her eyes wide. Tito would take the dough and roll it out slowly, wincing at every slam. Even the patrons seemed a little bit disturbed by the constant slugging of the rolling pin into mound after mounds dough.
"Good thing I wore my sneakers," Collins whispered to himself as he entered the pizzeria. Heads turned to greet the new customer. But instead of getting his usual lively welcome he was welcomed with silence. Millie looked down immediately not even willing to maintain eye contact with her professor. Tito sighed deeply and turned away to focus on the job at hand.
Collins slowly walked up to the cash register. "Can I umm.."
"The usual?" Millie asked quietly with a forced smile. Even though she spoke to him, her eyes still refused contact.
"Ummm…yeah sure." He pulled out his wallet from his jeans and raised his head to see that Noah had replaced Millie at the register.
He punched a few numbers into the cash register, pounding every key as he went. "That's two dollars and fifty five cents."
Collins fumbled with the money as he felt his cheeks get hot. He had to say something. That's why he came…he was here to make things right. Not for the pizza. For the past few weeks Collins' reason for coming to Leogetti's had shifted from the pizza to someone else.
"Wait…its usually two dollars and fifty cents…did you up the price?" Collins asked taken aback.
Noah didn't seem to shaken and held out his hand. "Extra veggies cost extra," He explained in a monotone voice. "Two dollars and fifty five cents…sir."
That last part stung. Collins looked up at Noah and said quietly, "We gotta talk, ok? I didn't come for the pizza and you know that. We have to talk."
Noah held out his hand further. "Two dollars and fifty cents. I mean fifty-five cents…" He said catching himself quickly. "Fifty-five." Collins placed the money in the red head's hand and replaced his wallet.
"Can we…please Noah. At least let me explain. Cause there is a damn good reason," Collins mumbled under his breath.
"There better be!" Tito called out.
Noah rolled his eyes and looked back at the 65-year old Mexican man. "Tito…I'm flattered but I can handle myself…" He turned to look back at Collins who was staring at the man with so much hope in his eyes. "Fine…" Noah whispered. "My office…Millie can you watch the-"
"You got it," She said quickly taking up her old post.
Noah titled his head towards the back of the pizzeria and headed towards it slowly. Collins studied the man carefully. It seemed like all of the rage that was in the pizzeria owner earlier had subsided. Or at least, found itself a new hiding place. Collins wondered if he was going to burst on him when they were alone. He couldn't blame him…he didn't understand. Even though Noah saw Collins every day since early 1991, they never really talked about their pasts. Collins knew vaguely that Noah was a writer who was down on his luck and worked at a pizzeria to make ends meat. The former owner had passed away a few years back and left it all to his favorite employee. The kid who couldn't hide his Irish heritage if he tried. A second generation Irishman owning a pizzeria. Only in New York City. And as for Collins, all he told him was that he was a philosophy professor. That much Millie could have supplied. So he didn't know…he couldn't have.
With no real sign of anger, Noah closed the door of his office leaving the two men alone. His office was where it all happened and the memory was enough to make Collins feel as ashamed as he knew he should feel.
"So…you came here to talk. So…talk," Noah said quietly while leaning on the corner of the desk. He was careful not to disturb the towers of papers that were piled on his messy desk.
Collins wrung his hands together. "You know…I didn't mean to…do what I did. I really didn't mean to…"
"You didn't mean to kiss me and then literally run out of the door. Two doors…this one and then the front door. You didn't mean to do that?" Noah asked. To Collins' surprise there was no bitterness in his voice. Only a sense of fatigue.
"Noah…" Collins looked away for a moment and said quietly, "You scared me is all. You don't know me, Noah. Sure you know…my personality. But you don't know…"
"Then tell me," Noah said quietly taking a step closer and looking at his hand for a moment as if he would take it. But the man stood still and simply watched Collins. "Tell me. Make me…understand."
Collins gulped and tried not to glance at the door. He had to remind himself why he was here. Who Noah was…and not who Noah wasn't. "I've had a shitty…horribly shitty and amazingly wonderful year at the same time. I mean…last year not this one. Ways…I don't know if you'd understand-"
"Stop saying that," Noah said finally gathering the courage to take Collins' hand. The philosopher looked down at them. Noah was almost a little taller than he was, and smaller in bone structure. But their hands seemed to almost be the same size and shape. Not like Angel's. Her hand fit into his. But Noah's, they just melted into his. It was different. 'Live for him…' Roger said in Collins' head. "Just tell me…cause if it's strong enough to make you run away…it must be somethin. Somethin strong."
Collins nodded slowly and continued, "I didn't believe in love. It seemed like a nice idea, but I was all logic." Noah smiled slightly knowing that to be true. They had an argument once on the proper treatment of meat in which Collins stated his vegetarian stance solely on logic. "But then…he came along. Well technically brutes came along to beat the ever loving shit out of me. And then this angel…Angel…found me. There I was a day later hopelessly in love."
The color started to fade from Noah's already colorless complexion, his head no doubt coming to the unsaid conclusion. "We were amazing. Hopelessly, ridiculously in love. And then…you know. That damn disease…he died in my arms. And I haven't really…liked someone since then. I loved him too much," Collins explained his voice cracking. Of course this wasn't the full detailed version. He couldn't have contained himself if he told that version.
"Why the hell didn't you tell me?" Noah asked quietly.
"Oh yeah," Collins chuckled to himself. "We really didn't have the normal probationary period for this. Apparently, I'm not fond of that. So when was I going to tell you? Mention it when he were sharing a slice of veggie lovers?"
Noah shook his head slowly. "I guess not. But if you told me…I wouldn't have placed." The red head's eyes went wide with the realization of the word he just said, "…never mind."
"Wait, wait, wait…placed what?" Collins asked pulling his hand away from Noah's to place it on his hip, "Were those extra veggies peed on or something."
Noah laughed, his shoulders shaking and eyes lighting up along with the laugh. "No…no just a few Irish curses nothing to worry about." He took Collins' hand in his own again nonchalantly.
"You did what now? You cursed me?" Collins asked laughing in total shock. "What did you do? Dance around the pizzeria and sprinkle oregano?"
The restaurant owner pushed Collins lightly. "No…it was paprika."
Collins squeezed Noah's hand a little bit too hard teasingly. "I didn't know they had paprika on the Emerald Isles…or wait is that Scotland."
"Bastard. Call yourself a college professor and you don't even know the difference between Ireland and Scotland," Noah balked poking Collins straight in the stomach with his free hand.
Collins winced and backed away but kept a hold on Noah's hand, "Was I right?"
"You are awfully damn lucky that you are right. Don't let that go to your head though. I know how you like to think of yourself," Noah replied shaking his head in pity. Then he paused and let their playfulness fade back to seriousness. "Collins…I don't wanna push you into something you don't wanna do. That never was my intention."
Collins closed his eyes. "I know, Noah. You were the innocent bystander in this one believe me. I was the perp…I just…I still love him. And I felt like I would be betraying him if I…"
"Moved on?" Noah supplied with a hesitant smile. "Well…you do have to live your life, Collins. You are always talking about living the life to the fullest and…you gotta take the chance when it comes," He added quietly. A pang of guilt hit Collins as he remembered another complication to all of this. Collins was HIV positive, he did have to take the good things when they came. And here was Noah right in front of him.
"You do make me laugh, you know," Collins practically whispered as he glanced down at their hands. "Remember the time when you burnt the pizza and was trying to get me to eat it? Telling me it was a delicacy in some made up country."
A gentle smile spread across Noah's face as he chuckled. "And you ate it. That's the amazing thing. You ate it while hysterically laughing. Tears and all…"
"I wanted to humor you," Collins explained.
Noah rolled his eyes. "You were flirting. Even though you weren't ready to kiss me you had no problems flirting. You never seem to have that problem…" The man paused and then added. "Really Collins…I'm leaving this up to you. I'm not…mad anymore. Just…homesick I guess?"
"Homesick?" Collins asked wrinkling his forehead. "You wanna go back-"
"No," Noah shook his head. "I mean…I love this place, Collins. I do. But I haven't been lost on the irony to the fact that I'm the last person that should be owning this place. Hell, you're more Italian than I am. I never thought I was doing what I should be. And then the strangest thing happened. You came around and I got comfortable. I brushed off the ethnic jokes that I used to dwell on. I had a confidence…that I'm pretty damn sure I never had before. And I couldn't for the life of me understand why I was whistling all of the time. I never whistle." Noah paused and then took a deep breath continuing, "But then I put two and two together. When was I the most comfortable in the day? Around one thirty. I looked forward to that time like a little kid wants to get out of school or something. And it took me a while to figure out why. It's because you smiled at me every time you came in. Even if you were in a bad mood. And especially when I was in a bad mood. Just that little gesture…became the start and finish to my day. I'm not trying to sway you…ok that's a lie I am…but if you can't kiss me than at least come in here every day and smile. I don't think I could live without it anymore."
Collins' dark brown eyes met Noah's green and he leaned in to press their lips together gently. The fireworks were there again, but this time, there was no guilt. Only a faint reminder of what used to be called love. And what love could be now.
Noah kept his eyes closed when they parted. Then he waited for a few moments and opened one of his eyes cautiously. "You…you didn't run."
"Yeah…I didn't. I wanna be happy again…and the only way that would be is if I can tease you, smile at you, and kiss you." They shared a fiery kiss, all of their wants and lust and need pouring into each other. And this time, Collins didn't hold back.
Three days later, Collins slowly made his way through the graveyard, his hands in his pockets. He paused at a familiar grave and leaned over. "Hey Angel…" Collins whispered as his fingertips followed the grooves that made up Angel's name. "Miss me? I know…it's only been a day. But it used to be a long time for us. It still is…." With a grunt, he sat down in front of the gravestone. "So…Roger made me come here and talk to you. Actually…Roger and Noah. Who's Noah you ask? Well would you believe that he owns a restaurant on New Mexico Avenue?" Collins looked up to see the red head standing behind him.
Noah reached out and placed a bouquet of daises by Angel's grave.
Collins smiled deeply. "Look, baby…you're favorites…how'd you know?"
"I asked Roger," Noah said with a slight wince. As if he should have known on his own.
Collins chuckled and then replied, "Oh so you didn't use your grandmother's curses to get your way. Ow!" He whined when Noah smacked him gently.
"Your lover is a wimp," Noah told the gravestone. Then he cleared his throat. "I never got to meet you. But…from what Collins has told me about you…you must have been one hell of a person. And I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for making him believe in love. I made a few prayers to my mother…and hopefully she's already told you all about me. The embarrassing childhood stories I'm sure…just another companion in heaven…I hope you don't mind." He looked over to Collins and reached out to brush away some of his tears.
"Thank you," Collins whispered taking Noah's hand and holding onto it tightly. The two men stood up and slowly walked away their hands clasped together.
Roger watched the new couple from April's gravestone. A small smile spread across his face, and he looked up at the sky nodding to Angel. Then he carefully placed a bouquet of carnations on the grave before him. "Here's to first loves…" He looked to his left to see Mimi greeting Collins and Noah. "And to new loves." Then Roger walked away from his beloved past to his beloved future.