Part Eleven
A Confessional Transgression

"I - I - I ..." Ashe stammered, unable to make her mouth form words. The trunk of one of the Feywood's enormous trees was scraping against the skin of her back, and Balthier's hands were roaming to places they had no business in anymore. His mouth was ravishing hers as if she was oxygen, and he couldn't breathe.

Ashe pushed him back with all the force she had in her tiny frame, desperate to clear her mind, her heart. How had this happened? Only a few short minutes ago, she'd been trudging through the seemingly never-ending Feywood towards Giruvegan. Her thoughts had been leaning toward the dark, the unfathomable -- Give up the crown? Give up the crown for a pirate? -- and that's when she had been accosted. She'd been pulled into a secluded trove of trees, out of sight from the rest of the party, the rest of the world.

She'd had no time to protest, not time to cry out, for Balthier's mouth had crushed hers immediately, in such a way that it seemed as though his life depended on it. And for just a moment, Ashe had been able to forget about everything and everyone else. For just a moment, the world had been right once again.

But now her senses were returning to her, and all she felt was fury. "Balthier!" she hissed, trying like mad to straighten her disheveled appearance. "What is the meaning of this?"

Balthier leaned nonchalantly against a tree, an almost bored expression on his face. "Well, Princess," he began, "as I see it, it was you who chose to walk away from this." He held up his hand when she started to protest. "Ah, ah, ah. I'm not finished, and by gods you're going to let me have my say this time." Ashe clamped her mouth shut at the angry tone in his voice -- a tone she'd not heard from him before.

"I should have left you alone," he continued. "I admit it. But breaking the rules, it's what I do." He shrugged. "And at first, that's what this was about. Doing something -- in this case, you -- just to prove that I could."

Ashe nodded ever-so-slightly. She couldn't be angry, not when her first thoughts about him had been much the same, though it shamed her to admit it now. She'd just wanted to do something selfish, something that was just for her, and not for Dalmasca or the "greater good". She'd had no idea it would ever go so far ... She looked back at her companion. "And now?" she asked him, wanting to hold her breath, not wanting to hear the answer.

"Now?" Balthier laughed sardonically. "Now you're all I bloody think about. And if you choose to walk away, that's your decision. But I'm not giving you up without a fight." He put his hand on her shoulder, leaned over so that his lips brushed her ear as he whispered, "and I fight dirty."

Ashe shivered, almost imperceptibly. "As evidenced by your present behavior," she said coolly, struggling to hold on to what little dignity she had left around him. "Nothing you do is going to change my mind, Balthier. It's over."

He grabbed her arm before she could walk away. "You're wrong, Princess, and you know it. This won't be over until we're both dead and buried. Keep that in mind."

She glared at him. "You presume far too much about my feelings." She said it icily, praying he wouldn't push her, wouldn't force her to admit it aloud. Her will to say no to him all hinged on one phrase ... if he said it, or made her say it ... she feared there would be no walking away.

His hazel eyes flashed. She recognized the look. She had inadvertedly challenged him, and he never backed down from a challenge. "Presume too much, do I?" he retorted. "How can you possibly expect me to believe that? I've been with you." He lowered his voice now, his eyes glowing darkly. "I've been in you. I've heard ever whisper, every moan, every sound you've made, even the ones you didn't know you were making. Especially those. I know your feelings, Ashelia, because they are mine, too."

Ashe's breath had hitched in her throat and she closed her eyes, too tired to fight. "Do you love me?" she said quietly.

"What?" Balthier said, not quite sure that he had heard her correctly.

"You say our feelings are the same. Well, if they are, then you would ... you would know. You would have to know that I ..." she trailed off. She opened her eyes, saw the bewilderment on his face.

"Ashe ..." he said softly. He made no move to touch her, afraid that she would run away if he did.

She met his eyes squarely. "I didn't want to. I thought that my chance for that ended when Rasler died. But then -- you, and ... I have to think that there's a reason for all of this, but I haven't figured it out yet. I just know that, if it were up to me ..." She paused, looked away, willing herself not to let the tears fall now. "If tomorrow I woke up, and I could have whatever I wanted most in the whole world, with no regrets, no worries ... If I could, then by the gods, Balthier, I would choose you." She blinked and the tears fell soundlessly down her cheeks. She didn't even bother to wipe them away. "Can you let that be enough?" she asked in a voice that was barely audible. "Please, don't make this any harder." She touched his cheek softly, and then turned and left him alone.

He stood there, reliving the past few moments in his mind. She loved him, but she wanted him to walk away, leave her alone. The girl must be crazy if she thought that was in any way possible for him.

She'd seen the best of him -- she knew the worst. And yet, she still chose him. That alone was worth more to him than all the treasures he'd ever acquired.

Walk away now? Not bloody likely.

A/N: OMG what are the odds of me updating twice in two days? I know, crazy! But anyway, here's the next chap. No plot movement here, as you can see. Just more angst-ing. Which is always fun, right?

Actually, this chap has a line in it that I've had in my head since I started this story. This chapter broke my heart to write, really. I hope you guys enjoy this. I promise to take this to a sunnier place in the future ... but I haven't quite decided how we're going to end this yet. Guess you'll have to stick with me to find out!