Bella didn't dare to look me in the eye as she spoke. It was as if she couldn't trust me with her secrets; the only reason she was telling me them was because I pestered her. When she's done, she will deny we ever discussed the issue.

"What do you feel when you talk about him?" I forced myself to speak.

"I feel remorse. But I also feel love and hope. And faith that one day he will come back to me. Not as the old, cruel, regretless Edward but the Edward I know and love; the one I trust to return to me."

Her words brought tears to my eyes; she still had conviction that her true love would return to her arms, still believes that there will be a happy ending to her story. I felt like I knew better; I am her daughter, I have seen her through another's' eyes. She doesn't sense her own discomfort or sorrow, only I can.

"I hope your wish comes true, mom."

OoOoO

What happened next I am neither ashamed of nor delighted by… Jim continued to provoke Edward; he pushed him over the limit. I longed to warn him, I wanted nothing more than for all of us to walk away but I was somehow frozen in time; like I was watching a scene from a third person view.

"Edward. Leave now."

My clear voice cuts through the dust but he ignores it completely. By the scruff of Jim's sweaty collar, Edward hoists him into the air and stares him in the eyes.

"You treat women like they're toys. You treat your mother like your slave and as for your sister, not a day's thought goes towards her. You deserve nothing more than this; let me assure you so maybe you can rest with the knowledge that you brought this upon yourself."

It's like a speech he is giving himself; he speaks to himself as if he is the devil himself but he knows no better. He looks into his empty mirror and sees an empty corpse. No, much worse than an empty corpse; a living body with an undeserving soul inside. How can he think such a thought? For he is almost life itself. He gives me my every wish and he leaves me without a doubt in my mind that his love is created for me. And so he suffers.

"What are you gonna do? Toss me out into the lake? They'll find me and then they'll come after you. You hear me?!" Jim manages to choke out a few last words and then the most horrific thing takes place. Edward closes his eyes and clenches the hand holding Jim's collar into a fist.

"Yes."

His head does not even turn; it is unnatural, forced and rigid. Not at all an Edwardian thing to do. His wrist flicks like a coiled snake towards the forest and Jim's body is flung into the thick woodland. There is no regret in the way Edward smirks or the way he traipses slowly and deliberately towards me. But my heart burns for him for he is surely to be sent directly to Hell.

"I came here to tell you, my Bella, that I love you and I hope that you can forgive me for what I do next."

I stand there in momentary shock, simply soaking in his words. They float for a while, thudding dully off the sides of my mild existence. His voice is like poison, seeping into my bloodstream; deadly but so lovely.

"You don't need to understand now, Bella. You will find out soon."

OoOoO

Rosalie grasps my wrists and captures me between her arms and torso. And then she turns back to town and dashes to the horizon.

"We have to leave, now, Bella. I do not trust Edward and I need you to believe in me," she rasps into my ear.

I sense fear in her tone and it evokes a question deep within me. Is Edward dangerous? Has he come to kill me or God forbid Rosalie?

"I believe in you, Rose." But it is not me who says this. It is a voice once so familiar to me that I could pick it out in a rumble of deep sounds. Rose whimpers into my shoulder blade but I cannot comprehend.

"Edward?"

"I told you not to run from this, Rosalie, but you didn't believe me. I warned you of what I would do but you went ahead with your insolent plan. You bring this upon yourself!" he screams at her in frenzy. I feel Rosalie shake beside me; just shuddering in fear and trauma.
"Stop it, Edward! Stop scaring us! What do you want?!" I demand and clutch Rose's hand between my own warm one, rubbing warmth into it. I want to bring Rose back to life even if time goes back and she hates me again because I can bear her cruel, cold stares, I can bare her ignorance towards me, I can bear anything she wishes to send me but I cannot bear it when she stares at me with empty eyes or fingers one of Emmett's belongings with invisible tears pouring down her cheeks to pool in a puddle on the floor. I need my Rose.

"Oh, I don't want anything from you, Bella. All I want is Rosalie here. Rosalie Lillian Hale."

It is an alternate universe, my mind forces me to believe, an alternate universe in which Edward is evil but he is not! He is kind and perfect and all things great. He is my Edward.

"You can't have her."

He looks at me, not into me as usual; he looks at me and sees someone else. My heart burns for him still.
"Lies. You cannot deceive me."

Rosalie shrieks beside me, from beneath me, from within me, like a thousand piercing needles sticking into my skin. And then she is gone. It's like the red in my body is gone and there is no point in living. My love for her is unlike anyone else's. My love for her is special, complex. My love for her even overpowers my love for Edward for unlike him, Rosalie gave up her absolute world for me.

"Edward! No, Rose," my cursing screams fill the air and like a star shower, they rain back onto me; empty. "Please, Edward. Just give me my Rose and I will be yours."

But my pleas are useless. Edward is no longer pure of heart for his mind has been taken by the devil or something alike. I turn to stone and stand there for hours or days, I am not sure. Waiting and waiting for breath to return to my lungs, for all that I thought I would have when I was 16 to return to me. Eventually, I realize that it will never come back to me. God has decided that I am not deserving of his attention and care.

On the 23rd of May, I meet with the town doctor to diagnose my mysterious sickness; I cannot bear to live anymore. She tells me with a cheery smile that I am with child.

"I'm sure that you and the father would love to celebrate this surprise! I suppose it's best for me to let you go but a few things first; I know who you are, I know you love and I will hunt you down and kill you."

No, it's not the doctor speaking; it's a voice inside me, churning and whispering things to me. The doctor is all things good and kind; all that I am not.

"I'll follow your instructions, don't worry but I have a brunch I have to go to with some friends. I'll tell them the news there. Thanks for your help, Doctor."

I rush out of the stuffy room before she can return the careful gesture and breathe in the suddenly salty air. Air is not life.

I now hold Emmett's child; a daughter no doubt. He has thrust this predicament upon me as I did to myself coincidentally. Lord, save me. I am carrying the child of Satan and now his line prevails.

OoOoO

"That was me. You thought I was the daughter of the Devil?" I couldn't help but scoff at her unruly suggestion. The daughter of the Devil? Surely not; what a preposterous idea even for my mother.

"That I did and I ask you to not laugh at me, Isabella, as I was not in my right mind." Her icy voice cut through the air and she pinned me to the wall with her aggravation.

"I'm sorry, mom."

"As am I, my love."

"So you became pregnant? Were you scared?" I continued to push her, to find out a little more but in the end, it was not my choice as to whether or not she continued her tale; she still had more to say.

OoOoO

For the next few months, I feel nothing at all except for a burning in my lower abdomen. I writhe in my sleep and listen for the wails of my sister but none come. The doctor advises me that I return to Forks to seek out my father but I must refuse. I cannot face him after all I have done. I left him with a broken heart and a state of mind unfit for a man of his age.

"Doctor, I don't think my family will welcome me back to their home. In fact, I am sure they will not."

"Don't be so fast to past judgment; from what I have gathered, you ran away from home, no? It was your choice and therefore I am sure they miss you everyday still."

Her wise words make me think for some time. For months I deliberate over what she says; to return or to stay. On the 7th of February, I am rid of my burden; instead a daughter is forced on me. My first reaction is to cringe when I hold her but soon I learn to stroke her face and memorize her cries of love, joy and pain. She holds not only a part of Emmett, but a part of Edward, a part of Carlisle, a part of Jasper, a part of both Alice and Esme but also a part of Rosalie and I must thank the Lord for every day he grants me with her.

OoOoO

She loves me. For all those years, I always thought she thought she had to love me but now I have more knowledge to think about.

"I love you, mom."

She smiled a forlorn smile down at me leg but didn't say anything.

"That sure was the first half of your life in a nutshell," I attempted to make her laugh but she only squeezed my hand and rose from her sitting position on the linoleum.

"I know I'm not the best mother in the world but after this little talk, I hope that you can see that it is simply impossible for me to be so."

Her words made me cry and they continue to make me cry to this day.

"Of course I understand, mom."

I walked out towards the living room and follow her as she sits down on the couch. Her eyes are wet and glistening with tears of grief. I cannot grasp how much pain she is in, I do not even know if she has accepted her fate.

"We should find him, Edward, I mean. Mom, we must find Edward."

My proposition lingered in the air and then she touched my wrist with her fingertips and stared into my eyes.

"I am nearly 66, Isabella. I am 66 in less than a week and you want us to go searching for my long lost lover? You've not lost your mind, have you?" She smiled at me genially and her eyes softened. "I tell you I have not lost faith because I haven't. I believe in my Edward but that does not mean that I will sacrifice everything I have built to find him in this enormous world."

"But we can find him, mom. I can help you!"

"My darling Isabella… Oh God. You don't understand what I am saying. I left Edward. He found me and then he left me even more desperate. Yes, I love him still and yes, I yearn for his touch every minute of the day, but I love you most and would never give your happiness up for him."

It was like an angel had touched my heart; an angel that's name was Bella and was plain as day. My mother was my angel and she claimed I was hers.

"Thank you…" I whispered to her, "But I need to do this for you. This is yours, Mom. This is your life and all you have ever wanted even if it only happens 49 years later."

"I can't go with you then. My bones are brittle. I am dying. And I'm melodramatic… Just go without me; it can be like the… road trip of your life. Go ahead but bring me all your tales when you return. And promise you'll return. I can't bear to live without you."

OoOoO

And so the daughter of the angel within says good bye to her doting mother with a kiss on the cheek and a whimper into her shoulder. The mother cries herself to sleep that night because she knows her daughter will not return in time. She has decided something that goes against the laws of nature, the laws of love and the wishes of all that care for her.