"That's…that's all I wanted, was I…was I too selfish, Gai-sensei?"

( o.o)

On October 19th, he committed suicide by jumping off the roof of his small house. According to his suicide note he could 'No longer feel love' and felt 'Completely alone' and was 'Lost in an ignorance created by pain.'

Shattered by the loss of his one and only true friend, Gaara could now feel the emotions that Lee had described. Lee had hid it all so well, his feelings of loss and turmoil, hidden behind facades of laughter and false smiles. Lee was the last person Gaara expected to do something so rash. Now, walking, eating, and being alone, Gaara too contemplated taking the easy way out.

(o.o )

Standing alone in the shower Gaara let the warm water soak into his hair and roll over his pale skin. He closed his eyes in an effort to relax, letting the warmth of the water enter his mind. He felt the blood flow from a freshly made cut in his arm and gripped the razor tightly, ready to make another scar.

The blade held in his hand was that of his sister's. It wasn't so bad. Gaara enjoyed the pain created by running a sharp piece of metal glide across the skin. It was like art. Gaara opened his eyes and stared at the many numerous cuts that decorated his pale arm. He took the razor and above his previous cut, let the sharp metal slide across his skin, peeling apart the skin and leaving behind a thin line of red that soon flooded down his arm.

He missed Lee. He missed him a lot. Cutting had become a sort of game to them. Whenever they took a shower, they would take turns cutting each other and the first person to swoon because of blood loss was at the mercy of the other. Lee had usually won this game but didn't take advantage of Gaara too much.

But now, cutting himself was a tedious chore he did in order to remember his fallen friend. Gaara suddenly felt angry, how could he have been so ignorant to his friends pain?

"It should've been me, not Lee!"

He threw the razor down to the floor and watched the water mix with his blood creating a pink tint. The tears that had been unable to flow at Lee's funeral flooded out now and mixed with the water the shower head sputtered out at him. He rested his head against the shower wall and stood there sobbing for quite a while.

He was only awakened from his sobbing state when he heard pounding on the bathroom door. He heard his sister's voice, but could not hear the words. He assumed that she wanted to get in the bathroom, so he turned off the water and stared at the drain as the pink water flowed down it in the shape of a miniature whirlpool.

He stood in the shower a little while longer to let the water on his thin body drip to the floor. He wrung out his hair and stepped out of the shower. He wiped off his cuts and rubbed his bright red hair to be rid of those tiny droplets of water that clung to various locks of his hair. He then put the towel around his waist and gazed down at his arm casually to view his labor of love. In rather large messy strokes, Lee's name could clearly be read above Gaara's thick blue vein.

(o.o)

Despite Temari's desperate pleas, Gaara had made up his mind. He was going to drop out of school tomorrow. Gaara prepared for his last day of school by wearing the most gothic clothes he could find. He pulled a fishnet glove over his right arm which had Lee's name cut into it. His black baggy pants with chains hanging off had neon yellow stripes and had billowed out over his feet. His feet were comfortably enclosed within black, steel toed lace up boots that gave him an additional 5 inches n height. His shirt, which was also black, wrapped tightly around his thin frame, making it all the more evident just how thin he was. He placed his ninja band around his waist, just as Lee used to do. Wearing his ninja band wasn't something Gaara normally did, but in a desperate effort to remember his friend, he had taken up the habit.

He grabbed his school bag, which was very light since he didn't bother to carry his numerous text books around with him, and headed towards the door which gave him an exit from this hellhole he called home.

"Hold on, Gaara! You can't go out like that!" Temari called after him.

He neither turned nor gave any recognition that he had heard her, but stopped with his hand on the door handle.

"If your going to wear fishnets on your arms, at least wear one on the other arm! Now, where's your other glove?"

In a hard voice that didn't seem to fit the pale boy, he answered gravely:

"Lee has it."

Saying no more than that, Gaara walked out the door and head on to school.

( . )

The sky was dark and gray as it tried to rain, sending random spasms of rain and powerful gusts of wind to whip around his facing, waving his hair around madly. He narrowed his eyes and walked away from his home, leaving Temari to argue with Kankuro. He walked on a sidewalk and to the left, a small rural road and to the right, a lawn full of dead grass. A crowd of kids from his school stood up ahead, waiting for the bus. Speaking of, came at that moment, making a horrid squeaking sound as it positioned itself in front of the kids. Gaara waited, unwilling to walk through the large crowd. Two boys fought at each other for position to get on the bus first.

"Move it, Naruto!"

"No!"

Gaara rolled his eyes to the heavens above and in an effort to make it to school on time, decided to shove his way through the crowd, purposefully steeping on peoples feet to make them move aside.

"Hey man, watch where you put those clod hoppers."

Gaara paid no attention to this comment and continued on his way. The voice was calm and cool, semi scratchy but with a relaxed tone of mood. He felt a firm grasp on his shoulder and Gaara reluctantly turned to face the speaker.

He found himself eye level with a boy his own age whose hair was pulled up into a lopsided pony tail sitting tilted on his head. Gaara glared at the ignorant boy and shrugged the hand off. His mind was now working to fix a name with the boy.

"Don't walk off when I'm talking to you. What're you supposed to be anyway?" The boy obviously disproved of Gaara's odd fashion sense.

Shikamaru

Yes, that was the arrogant boy's name.

"I am my own person." Answered Gaara with a stone edge in his voice.

Shikamaru shrugged.

"Alls I'm saying is, watch where your going next time."

The doors to the bus closed behind Shikamaru's head and the bus, obviously tired of waiting for Shikamaru, rolled away.

"Hey, wait! You forgot me!" He called out to the bus. He tried waving it down but the only response he got was that of the blonde boy making a face at him from the bus' emergency exit.

"Dammit, why didn't you tell me the bus was leaving?!"

The edges of Gaara's mouth twitched as if to smile, but that would be unheard of, so he kept his sinister frown.

"It was no concern of mine whether you decided to ride the bus or not."

As he spoke, the sky finally made up it's mind and began to rain, rather hard, too.

"Shit…now it's raining…how troublesome…"

Gaara turned and walked away, leaving Shikamaru to grumble and complain about the rain. Gaara brushed a few locks of his red hair to the side, to reveal his kanji heart.

From behind, he could hear footsteps running after him, splashing through puddles and sending water everywhere.

"Hey, wait up! I don't know how to get to school by walking!"

How troublesome…thought Gaara. He didn't know why, or what me him do it, but he paused and waited for the other boy to catch up. As Shikamaru approached, he popped the collar of his shirt in a futile effort to stay warm. He walked beside Gaara and they continued on in silence.

That silence, however, did not last.

"So…we're in the same art class, aren't we? Funny, but I don't know you name…mind telling me?"

With ice and annoyance in his voice, he told him.

"Gaara"

Shikamaru rubbed his bare arms as the rain and wind continue falling and flailing about in a torrent around the two of them. The occasional car passed by, sending sheets of water on to the two boys. Gaara didn't mind much, water didn't hurt him, but it gave Shikamaru something else to complain about.

Shikamaru groaned as he was once again sprayed by a car that had just drove by.

"Man, I hope this water doesn't ruin my sketchbook…Troublesome rain…"

Gaara didn't pay much attention to Shikamaru's rambling and turned a corner and walked down an alley, which had proved to Gaara to be a short cut to school. Shikamaru hesitated slightly as the darkness of the alley loomed in front of him.

"Hey…Gaara…are you sure this alley is…"

Gaara gave an irritated sigh.

"Is what?"

A cat jumped from a nearby trashcan lining the building to the left, causing Shikamaru to jump and trail after Gaara rather closely.

"Safe?"

Gaara frowned and didn't answer.

"Gaara?" Shikamaru persisted

Pathetic…Gaara stopped walking which forced Shikamaru to thump into him.

"Look," began Gaara, "I'm more dangerous than anything you'll ever hope to me, got it? Grow up already."

When Gaara was agitated, his tongue became a ruthless weapon that could easily bring down the mightiest person. But, Shikamaru's personality had changed so easily and fast, Gaara was surprised. 15 minutes ago, he was playing the cool tough guy, but now? He was a whiny baby afraid of the dark! How did this happen? Gaara glanced back over his shoulder at Shikamaru who was timidly glancing around, trailing closely behind Gaara.

(o.o)

"Okay, kiddo's! Today we'll try experimenting by making sculptures out of clay! Won't that be fun?"

The art teacher's voice was high pitched, yet, it was barely above a whisper. She glanced around at the students in her class, looking for some form of enthusiasm. Shikamaru was the only one who looked vaguely excited and had begun sketching ideas into his sketch book.

"Okay, lets all migrate," she put in extra emphasis on the word migrate and gestured with her thumbs into the direction she indicated, "To the other side of the class."

With an occasional groan the students packed up their stuff and headed to the other side of the class where 7 long tables were set up with a thick cloth covering the tables' surfaces.

Gaara took a seat all the way in the back of the class at the last table, as was his custom. He closed his eyes and tipped the chair back onto it's back two legs. Shikamaru took a seat beside him and took out his sketchbook, and began to draw. In his odd voice he questioned Gaara:

"What're you gonna sculpt?"

Gaara didn't like talking and merely shrugged his shoulders in a weak response with a bored expression outlined on his pale face.

"Come on, don't you have any ideas?"

Gaara frowned and with a frustrated sigh decided to give his voice a workout.

"Look, I'm probably going to be dropping out tomorrow, so it doesn't really matter if I have any 'ideas' or not."

"Really now, think about this…"

Gaara tuned out Shikamaru's voice and continued to let his eyes remain closed and began to think about Lee

"Okay, kiddos! Here's what we're gonna do…"

Lee leaned in close from across the four person desk to whisper to Gaara.

"Listen to this! I think her ass is so big, if she bent over it'd eclipse the sun!"

It wasn't that funny, but because it had come from Lee, Gaara smiled. Lee had been able to make Gaara smile so easily, but to smile now, was a freedom Gaara didn't feel he deserved.

Shikamaru who had then sat behind Lee, made a face but returned to sketching in his book.

Even though Lee usually respected his teachers and elders, everyone, absolutely everyone made fun of the art teacher. Except for a select few.

"Stay in school, ok?"

Shikamaru's voice brought Gaara back to the present and was forced to open his eyes. He looked at Shikamaru who was gazing at Gaara with a curious expression. Shikamaru slowly closed his sketchbook and put his pencil down and spoke to Gaara with that oddly cool voice again:

"Ok? Stay in school."

Automatically Gaara nodded his head and then turned his attention to the lump of clay that had been set before him.

"I'll hold you to it then." Said Shikamaru, and with that, took the clay in his hands and began to softly mold the clay.

(.) 'I don't own Naruto.' - GW