1Disclaimer: I don't own South Park.

Authors Notes: Everyone please read and review? Thanks :)

It was madness inside South Park school. The big dance was coming up in just a few weeks. It seemed that every hallway you looked down, new couples were forming left and right. No students male or female were rejecting offers to get together with other classmates, even though everyone knew the relationships probably wouldn't last beyond the final song of the big dance. Indeed, the closer it got to the night of the dance, the more everyone who was single was scrambling to find a date.

Well, almost everyone. Some guys chose to stand back from all the insanity. Those guys slowly became known throughout the school as the Dateless Crew. It wasn't the most original or scathing of nicknames, but what could you expect from the products of a school system that literally named their upcoming big dance "The Big Dance."?

More commonly, the Dateless Crew were referred to by their actual names: Stan, Kyle, Cartman-since hardly anyone called him Eric, and Token. Once they realized they were the few boys at school not preoccupied with the big dance, they formed a bit of a pact and ate together at lunch each day. The taunting from other students only brought them closer. They purposely talked about everything but the stupid dance, and had a great time doing so.

Then one day it happened. A certain male student announced he had a date. A student that shouldn't have been able to even talk to a girl, let alone ask one out. It sent shockwaves throughout the school-and the ranks of the Dateless Crew. In an instant, everything came crashing down for the proud group of loners. Although with such an oxymoronic social title, dissension was bound to occur.

"TIMMY!" the boy said on the day of his big announcement. The Dateless Crew whipped their heads around in simultaneous disbelief.

"You have a date?" Token asked the boy in the wheelchair.

Timmy nodded his lightbulb head. "Timmy!" he repeated excitedly.

"You have a date?" Cartman asked. His emphasis on the new word drew glares from both Stan and Kyle.

Timmy held out a small piece of paper, confirming the information non-verbally. It turned out he was telling the truth. The paper had a simple question on it. "Do you like me?" Some girl had put a checkmark inside a box simply labeled "Yes." Timmy took his paper back and wheeled away, presumably to continue bragging about his accomplishment. After a small shocked pause to let the new information sink in, Cartman responded on behalf of his group.

"This is bullcrap! How the hell does Timmy get a chick before I do?"

"Because no one likes you," Token said matter-of-factly. "But what about me? Timmy has a date and I don't? I'm rich! I have an image to protect. That does it. I'm out guys. I need to get a date."

"Me too," Cartman said. "And people do so like me you black asshole!"

"Hey, come on guys. Now you're getting caught up in the stupid dance like everyone else," Stan said.

"Stan, if I show up without a date and friggin' Timmy has one, I'm gonna really look like a loser," Cartman said.

"You already are one," Kyle said with a scoff. "Like you'd even find a date anyway."

"I could find a date if I wanted. Fuck you Kahl!"

"Well you'd better hurry up," Token said. "Almost every girl in school is taken now."

"And you're not exactly the best looking guy in the world," Kyle pointed out.

"You kinda smell bad too," Stan observed.

Eric closed his eyes and sighed, wondering why his friends were all against him. "There can't be that many guys left to compete with."

"Well now you're competing with me, and I can't waste time talking to the enemy," Token said before he walked off.

Cartman rolled his eyes as he watched the black boy depart. "Who does that prick think he is?"

"The richest kid in our school," Kyle answered. "Just let it go dude. Any girls still available are gonna flock to Token and his money."

Cartman shook his head. "I'm not letting it go. That son of a bitch said no one likes me."

"That's because they don't!" Kyle exclaimed.

"I can get a goddamn date, Kahl!"

"No you can't!"

"Can too!"

"Hookers don't count," Stan informed his fat friend. He and Kyle shared a laugh at the remark.

Cartman glared at his remaining friends. "Well then, if you're so sure I can't get a chick, how about we make a little bet?"

Stan shrugged. "Fine."

"Okay" Kyle agreed.

"Fine! I'll bet you guys I can get a date to the big dance before Token."

"No way" Stan and Kyle said in unison.

"Fifty bucks? Each?"

"You're on," Stan agreed.

Kyle nodded his head. "But no cheating Cartman! I'm serious. No hookers, no bringing your mom as your date, no pretending to be gay and bringing a guy. I'd say no bribing girls, but that's probably what Token's gonna do."

"And he has more money to give them," Stan said.

"Fine, assholes! You're on!" Cartman said, agreeing to the rules set forth.

A bell rang. The boys went their separate ways as all of the students departed from the cafeteria. Cartman confidently strutted into the school halls, already looking around for any available women he could get with. He looked one way, seeing Sally and Heidi Turner chatting it up with Bill and Fossie. He looked the other way, only to find Anne Polk and Kevin Chang sipping out of the same cup through two different straws. Cartman turned the corner toward his next class, seeing couple after couple walk by him holding hands. He stopped moving altogether and looked around frantically. Everywhere there was a female, there was a male right next to her.

"Oh, son of a bitch."

To Be Continued