Authoress: Moondalian
Editor: Mystic Dodo
Summary: Post movie. Ed still blames himself for what happened when he and Al tried to bring their mother back to life. Believing Al will be better off without him, he pushes the other away. Al only thinks Ed hates him because of it. Will they get past this?
Pairing: Ed x Al
Warnings: Incest, but I think that was obvious with this pairing. If you don't like incest don't go reviewing me saying my story sux because of that. If you so desperately want to flame me, go read the story and actually find something to comment on.
Hello there everyone. This is my very first FMA story, so I hope I don't utterly suck at this since I'm in love with the pairing. The inspiration for this fic came from the song 'brothers' which I am currently in love with, so blame it on that for me writing. The title is my favourite line out of the entire song, so yeah. Anyway, have fun and R&R!
--: My brother the fault is mine :--
"Al… No, not him… Please, no…"
Edward Elric turned and tossed in his sleep, his eyes scrunched closed and golden-blonde hair laying in tangles beneath him. He groaned in his sleep again, muttering softly about his younger brother. Another toss and he lay on his back, his head thrown back and his body strained.
"Al…No!" Ed shot up with a jolt, his golden-brown eyes wide and his body covered completely in sweat. His heart was beating fast in his chest and he couldn't help but glance down at his arm and leg. The normal sight met his eyes; one arm and leg made of flesh and blood, the other leg and arm made of automail.
Ed grunted and let himself fall back into his bed, staring up at the ceiling with only half-lidded eyes because of fatigue. He'd been having that same dream for the past two weeks now, and it was slowly starting to take its toll. It was always the same, the night they had tried the greatest taboo alchemy had ever known. The night Ed and Al had tried to bring back their mother.
"The night I almost lost him…" Ed's words had been nothing but a whisper, but it filled the room like loud screaming to his ears. He shook his head and glared at the ceiling. This really had to stop. He had to stop blaming himself the entire time… even though it really had been all his fault…
Ed groaned again and turned around to lie on his stomach, closing his eyes to try and sleep again. As soon as he did though, he could once again see the night it had all happened. The way they had carefully prepared everything, the transmutation… how he'd lost his brother his body…
Ed scrunched his eyes again. No, he'd given Al his body back. He had to stop thinking this way or he wouldn't be able to work in the morning. And money was needed now that he was no longer a state alchemist that received money for really no apparent reason.
He tried to desperately empty his head and go back to sleep but it wouldn't work. So like every night for the past weeks, Ed sighed and sat up again, glancing at the alarm clock to see that it was indeed far too early to get out of bed or even consider it, before just laying there for the remainder of his time in bed. Getting out of bed at 4 AM really wasn't that good of an idea, and he might wake up Al. He didn't want the other to be worried.
He didn't know how long he'd been staring at the ceiling like that, but at one point he heard the door creak and he looked up, suddenly alert for anything that might happen. His eyes scanned the door opening but softened as he met hesitant sliver-bronze eyes staring back at him.
"Hey Al, what are you doing here?" Al smiled a bit and came into the room further, sitting down on the bed and looking down at his hands in his lap.
"I woke up and I couldn't sleep anymore. I don't even know why I woke up." Al sighed and looked at his brother, "I didn't really expect you to be awake, Brother. Why aren't you asleep?"
"Nightmare, nothing serious." It was only a half-lie. He really had woken up to a nightmare… it was just a lot more serious than he made it seem now. "So why did you come here if you thought I was asleep anyway?"
Al shrugged, "I just had a bad feeling, and I thought something might be wrong."
Ed's stomach twisted as he laughed it off, "A nightmare is hardly life-threatening, Al." He smiled, trying to make it look as convincing as possible and not tired and forced like it really was. "Why don't you go back to bed and try to get some more sleep huh?"
He could see the disappointment flashing in those beautiful sliver-bronze eyes, and he had trouble containing the urge to pull Al in a hug. He really didn't want Al to leave, but he didn't want to hurt the other anymore than he had already done. If he just pushed Al away he'd get a life of his own and then he'd be happy… much happier than he'd ever be with Ed. And then, of course, there was the other reason…
Ever since Al had been restored, Ed had been having very… wrong ideas about the younger one. It could just be him, but the last time he checked wanting to kiss your little brother hard were not normal big brother feelings.
That's why Ed did nothing as Al nodded and got up off the bed, walking back to his room and closing Ed's door behind him. The sad look in his brother's eyes was breaking his heart, but he just couldn't be selfish on this one. Al would get over this and get a better life.
It was just too bad he doubted his own thoughts, or didn't want to believe them by any chance.
He let himself fall back to the bed, cursing himself softly for being so selfish. He glared at the alarm clock as it chooses that moment to start blaring music.
Six o'clock, time to get up and go to work.
Wonderful.
Resisting the urge to transmute the alarm clock into a pile of dust – not that he could in this world anyway – Ed slammed his hand into the annoying alarm to make it shut up, before getting up to get ready.
He stood still and grabbed his head for a second as a wave of dizziness hit him, but he simply blamed it on getting up too fast. He dressed, ate something even though he wasn't hungry, brushed his teeth and combed his hair, all the way ignoring the dizziness still there. He refused to believe that he was getting sick; Edward Elric simply didn't get sick.
Just as he was about to leave he heard footsteps coming down the stairs. He hesitated for a second as he heard Al call out for him, before quickly stepping outside and closing the door silently, hoping his brother would think he'd left already. He quickly wrapped his coat a bit tighter around him against the cold – stupid winter, stupid snow – and walked towards the bus stop, the freshly fallen snow cracking under his feet with each step.
Inside, Al reached the living room and glanced around, sighing as he couldn't see his older brother anywhere. He'd heard the front door closing softly, so he knew Ed had only just left. Why was the other pushing him away so much? Al had of course known it wouldn't be like when they where looking for the Philosophers stone and Ed had been focussed on him, and him alone, but Ed wouldn't let him come closer even the slightest bit. Figuratively, and literally.
Did Ed resent him for coming with him to this world? Didn't the other want him around anymore?
He'd been here for a month now and at first everything had seemed fine. Ed had seemed happy that Al was back with him. But about two weeks ago Ed had slowly started to push him away. Now Ed was even avoiding him.
Did his brother hate him?
Holding back tears at that thought and refusing to start crying over such a ridiculous thought, Al made his way to the kitchen to make breakfast. Of course Ed didn't hate him. Ed wasn't the type to tolerate people who he hated. He'd start yelling at them in no time, and so far Ed hadn't yelled at him. Besides, Ed was his brother and they'd spend four years together looking for the Philosophers stone. If Ed had really hated him he'd have left him during that period.
A bit more reassured by his own thoughts – though doubt was still nagging at the back of his head, questioning why Ed was trying to get away from him if nothing was wrong – Al sat in the living room to listen to the radio some while eating. He'd have to go out for shopping later, so he figured he'd enjoy the warmth of the house as long as he could. One glance out of the kitchen window had told him that it had snowed and the sky only predicted more to come.
The day went by as any normal Friday would. After breakfast he went to the store for groceries, then he went back home to put everything away and then vacuum the house. Seeing as Ed made all the money, Al did all the housework. That was the deal they'd made when he'd been in this world for a couple of days. It was only fair in both their opinions, and Al still had more free time than he wanted at times. He'd missed his brother for three years, the only thing he really wanted to do was spend time with the other… maybe in more ways than one…
At that thought Al blushed and shook his head furiously. Ed was his brother, nothing more… right? Right.
Al quickly resumed his cleaning to distract his thoughts. Even if he did want them to maybe be more than just brothers, friends, than still Ed obviously didn't want that. He'd just have to forget about it.
Around five Ed finally came home, a worn out expression on his face and shivering drastically. Al's eyes widened as he saw that his brother looked more than just a bit tired from work. He had bags under his eyes from not sleeping enough, his face was flushed slightly and not just by the cold, and he looked like he could drop to the ground any minute. Al wondered why he hadn't noticed this all before, but decided that taking care of his brother was more important than scolding himself for not seeing this coming any earlier.
"Brother! Are you okay?" Ed would've loved to answer the question with: 'Of course Al, why wouldn't I be?', but his head was spinning and he felt like just laying down and doing nothing. His stomach had been revolting against the little bit of food he'd forced into it throughout the day, and it seemed like he was losing the battle to keep it in fast. He looked up into worried silver-bronze eyes to answer the question that had been asked, but before he could say anything, he fainted.
With a soft groan Ed slowly opened his eyes, glancing around the room and seeing that he was in his bedroom. As soon as he tried to sit up, his head started to spin again and he quickly lay once more, deciding that it was probably a better idea to just lay there and do nothing.
He tried to remember how he'd gotten to his bed, but could only remember standing in the hallway. Al had asked him if he was okay… and then nothing.
"Damn, I must've fainted…" Okay, so maybe Edward Elric did get sick… But at least it wasn't often.
Hearing the door open, Ed snapped his head to the side – once again being hit by a dizzy spell and groaning softly – as Al came in with some food. His stomach once again revolted at the mere sight of the food, but the look of relief on the other's face made Ed smile. Damn, his brother looked far too cute like this.
… And damn it he really needed to stop thinking like that.
"Brother, you're awake again." Al smiled brightly and sat down next to the other. He handed his brother the bowl of chicken-noodle soup he'd been carrying.
"Yeah, though I feel like crap. What happened?" Ed absently took the bowl offered to him, his stomach once more protesting against even the mere smell.
"You fainted." Al's face turned back to worried like it had been in the hallway. Ed had to resist the urge to throw the soup aside and hug his little brother. Instead he started eat the soup, trying to distract himself.
An awkward silence hung in the air. Ed really did want to say something, but if they started to talk now it'd be like the old times in no time at all. If that happened, Ed would have to start pushing Al away again all over, and it would've all been in vain so far.
Al on the other hand, was fidgeting nervously with his hands in his lap. He wanted to talk to his brother, ask why he had been pushing him away lately. But he was afraid his brother might snap at him and they'd get into a real fight, so he didn't dare bring it up.
More silence, only broken by the sound of Ed slowly eating his soup, until Al finally couldn't take it anymore. If he didn't break this silence somehow he'd go insane. He mentally took a deep breath, before raising his downcast eyes to look at his brother again.
"Brother…" Ed looked up at him, but Al suddenly didn't want to continue anymore. He bit his lower lip but kept quiet.
"What is it, Al?" Al gulped, but forced himself to continue now that his brother was looking at him.
"Why have you been acting so strange?" Ed mentally flinched – though he'd of course never admit it – but kept his appearance cool. He should've known that this question was coming… but so far he hadn't thought of an answer yet that would either bring them back together, or hurt his brother so much the other would hate him.
"What do you mean?" He tried to look innocent. Maybe if he pretended that he wasn't acting any different from normal Al would just drop the subject. On the other hand, Al wasn't one to stop when he'd started something.
Al sighed, looking back at his hands once more fidgeting in his lap. "You've been slowly pushing me away, and this morning you left when I called if you were still there. I know you were still at the door Brother, because I heard the door closing right after that." He took a deep breath before looking into his brother's eyes with a sad and desperate look on his face, "Do you hate me?"
Ed's heart wrenched. Al thought he hated him? He could say that it was true. It would hurt Al more than anything, but it would make sure he'd stay away. On the other hand, he didn't want to hurt his brother that bad. It would probably kill him to say he hated Al. So what was he supposed to say now?
Letting out a sigh, Ed put the bowl with soup on the desk next to the bed, and looked back into his brother's eyes. "I don't hate you, Al. I could never hate you. It's just…" 'You'd be better off without me before I do something else I might hurt you with.' He couldn't finish his sentence out loud even though he knew what he wanted to say.
Tears welled up in Al's eyes as Ed looked away stubbornly. "Then what? I'm not the person anymore that you remember? That other Al living in this time was better and you'd prefer having him back? What?!"
Ed's self-control snapped and he finally pulled the now crying boy into his arms. The sudden movement made him wince as his head started to hurt, but he ignored it. Screw the fact that he could get Al hurt even more. Screw the fact that he had a stupid crush on him. Screw everything. Right now Al was hurt anyway so what did it matter?
"It's nothing like that. I just don't want you to get hurt because of me like when we tried to bring back mom!" Ed hadn't even noticed he was yelling, but the neighbours had probably heard that little outburst. Al stilled in his brother's arms, tears no longer flowing down his face. His brother was actually trying to protect him by pushing him away?
Typical. Ed had never been good at thinking things through. Of course he wouldn't have realized this would hurt Al more than anything Ed could pull probably.
He pulled away a bit so he could look at his brother's face. The other had a defeated look on his face, but worry was there more than anything else.
"You can really be an idiot at time, rother." Al couldn't help but smile at the glare immediately on the other's face. That was more like the Ed he knew; short-tempered as always.
"Gee thanks. I try to keep you out of trouble and I get called the idiot." Ed's glare was more mocking than meant, and by the smile on his brother's face Al knew this. And of course the other looked cute again like this.
Sighing mentally, he gave up on denial. Even he couldn't keep denying that he had a crush on his brother, maybe more than just a crush. Damn, and denial had been such a good thing.
"You know, ever thought that pushing me away would hurt more than getting me into trouble again? Besides, how are you going to get me in trouble here? No alchemy, so you'd have to start stealing or killing…" Al gave the other a suspicious look, and Ed snorted.
"Oh yeah, I killed the neighbours just this morning before going to work, and in my lunch break I robbed the city bank." He grabbed the pillow from behind him and threw it at Al. Of course seeing as he had to move a bit slower than usual so his head wouldn't start spinning or pounding Al easily caught it. The other pulled out of his arms and threw the pillow back into his face.
The difference? This one hit its mark dead on.
A pillow fight ensued that Al easily won. His brother's sick state helping a lot of course, but Ed had never won a single spar so it was been likely that Al would've won anyway.
The younger boy pinned his brother to the bed with a large grin on his face, the older glaring up at him mockingly for once again winning. The drama of only minutes ago had seemingly been forgotten by both of them already.
Al smiled innocently as he simply lay down, resting his head on his brother's chest. When they had been little, they had done this over a thousand times, so Al figured it wouldn't be suspicious. Or at least he hoped Ed would draw that conclusion.
"Ne, Brother; are you going to stop being an idiot now?" Ed snorted at the question.
"Remind me never to try and protect you again." Al laughed and looked up. Their faces were only mere inches away from each other. If he were to lean down just a little he could-
'What am I thinking?! I can't let Brother know I like him that way. If I do that I'll screw everything up and he'll actually have a good reason so stay away from me!'
On the other hand, it was very tempting right now.
Ed was thinking along the same lines, though he was scolding himself for maybe hurting his brother that way. They'd just made up and he was going to just throw this all away because his hormones wouldn't leave him alone? No way.
Though it really was tempting.
Without either of them noticing it, Al had leaned down slightly as Ed had leaned up. Their foreheads were already touching, lips less than an inch apart. They silently stared into each other's eyes, silver-bronze meeting golden-brown, trying to find any sign of protest, disgust, or maybe acceptance. Neither could find anything though, since they were both trying to hide it as best they could.
'Oh screw this. If Al is going to hate me after this I at least can't hurt him anymore.' With that thought, Ed leaned up the last bit, pressing his lips to Al's. His automail hand trailed up to pull Al even closer, the other resting on the other's back. Al immediately pressed back, both lost in the moment and their hormones.
It took several minutes before they pulled away, Ed finding himself on top of Al now, one of his hands under Al's shirt, the other in his hair. Al had his hands tangled into Ed's long golden hair and his lips slightly bruised. Ed couldn't help but lick his lips at the sight under him.
"B-Brother? You're still sick and-"
"Just shut up and kiss me." Al had no trouble complying, even though Ed was still sick and probably needed his rest. Oh well, his brother was too stubborn to listen to reason anyway right now, so who was he to disobey?
There ya go people. And since I know some of you are going to ask for it: No, I'm not doing a lemon. It would completely wreck the fic in my opinion. °sweatdrop° Anyway, please Review!