Title: 43 ½ Things Private Grif Wouldn't/Is Too Lazy To Do

Summary: Grif sees Donut's list, and gets inspired.

Rating: PG

Warnings: Grif/Simmons, Simmons/Sarge, brotherly Grif

Notes: You asked for it. Here it is. Gets kinda angsty when it comes to the Simmons/Sarge.

43 ½ Things Private Grif Is Too Lazy To Do

1. Spend my military money on anything but a monkey.

2. Quit smoking.

3. Learn the proper baker's dozen.

4. Quit eating snack cakes.

5. Work out.

6. Watch the Super Bowl with Sarge.

7. Let Simmons sleep on the left side of the bed. What? It's comfier.

8. Call Simmons by his first name.

9. Acknowledge that "Donut" is Donut's real name.

10. Learn what Sarge's real name is.

11. Let Sarge learn my first name.

12. Willingly hang out with the Blue Team.

13. Wholeheartedly attack the Blue Team.

14. Go a week without Donut's practically world-famous cherry pie.

15. Go a week without Simmons' "apple pie"... If you catch my drift.

16. Stop reading Donut's diary (bottom drawer, behind the condom wrappers).

17. Stop wondering why Donut's the one with the condoms...we all know Caboose is on top.

18. Let Simmons get on top.

19. Let Sarge get anywhere near me in that kind of context.

20. Imagine Sarge on top of Simmons, because I know that's what they do when they go "strategize."

21. Go anywhere near Simmons after he comes out of Sarge's room.

22. Bunk with Donut.

23. Let anyone see me jump when I hear thunder.

24. Count how many times it's rained in the gulch (even though I could do it on one hand).

25. Climb a rope. I've had enough of that in high school.

26. Let Simmons rust, the cyborg weirdo.

27. Care in the least about O'Malley.

28. Tell anyone I can play the piano.

29. Let anyone on the team even look at my sister.

30. Let my sister even look at anyone on the team.

31. Show anyone the NES I smuggled into the base.

32. Stop bragging about my Mario skills.

33. Stop "accidently" locking myself in the closet with Simmons.

34. Learn to share. With anything.

35. Hold Donut's ankles while he stretches his anything. Ever. Again.

36. Let Simmons hold Donut's ankles while he stretches his anything. Ever.

37. Show anyone this list.

38. Admit I'm a jealous person.

39. Admit I sulk a lot.

40. Admit I have a smoking problem.

41. If nothing else, admit any of these things to Simmons.

42. Let Simmons buy any other chapstick other than the strawberry-kiwi flavored kind that he has now. It tastes really good.

43. Let Simmons know I wait, Simmons, what are you doing in here? I thought you were oh crap, you're making me write down what I'm saying. Thanks a lot, kiss ass. What? But, Sarge's

Grif's list was left unfinished, as he was thoroughly distracted. And, though he wanted to finish number 43, he skipped it, and wrote one last thing down.

44. Show Simmons this list.