Disclaimer: I don't own anything from King Arthur
A/N: So here it is. This is the final chapter of In Times Past. I hope you like it. PLEASE read and review. I would really like to know what you think of it. It would be most appreciated!
Chapter Twenty-two: Epilogue
When I hit the ground and the light disappeared I looked around to find myself in the same clearing that I had left from. The canvas bag was held firmly in my hand. It had happened fast. I managed to grab the bag as the light intensified and I left the saddle. Zeus came to my mind and I hoped that he was alright, hoped that he'd return to the fortress. They would look after him well. I laid there and thought a moment, thought of what actually being back meant, having to deal with everything and everyone that I left behind. Tears sprung to my eyes and I ran my fingers through my hair. I rolled onto my side and for a moment I saw Tristan staring back at me. I closed my eyes knowing that it wasn't real, even though my mind wanted to believe. I got to my feet and made my way back to the cabin. The woods looked different to me. They seemed greener then I had remembered. There were patches of snow here and there. Time had continued on in my absence. I couldn't imagine how worried people must be about me…and Derek. I ran my fingers through my hair again and put the bags strap over my head, resting it on my shoulder. I walked to the cabin to find it dusty and the door left open, yellow tape crisscrossed across it. It looked like they had decided some kind of crime had happened. Now that I was back I realized that I had no story. I had no idea what I was going to tell people. Derek had been killed by men who lived centuries ago. I looked at the ring on my finger and wondered what people would say when I told them I was widowed. Widowed after Derek's death. Anger rose inside of me and I ripped the tape down, looking around inside. I didn't know what I was expecting but it had been mostly emptied out. It then dawned on me that I had a very long walk ahead of me. I decided to stay the night in the cabin. I wasn't sure what time it was but by the looks of the sun, it would be setting soon. I put my bag aside and when into the bedroom. I brushed the dust off of the bed and laid down. I stared at the wall. I stared at the same spot on the wall until the sun was set and my eyes grew too heavy to keep open.
Once the sunlight came through the window I got up and decided to head out. I would need the day to get back to the road and find a ride back to the nearest town. I didn't know what I was going to do but I needed to make some kind of contact. I needed to see Mark and Meg. I shouldered my bag again and left. It was a leisurely walk through the woods back to the dirt road that led to the main road. It took nearly half the day to get to pavement. I stopped at the edge of the dirt and looked both ways. Not a car in site. I sighed and headed in the direction I needed to go. Only a mere few hours later the first car passed me. It was heading in the opposite direction I needed to go. I kept going and as I got closer to the town I saw more cars, though none were going the same direction I was. When a car finally did head my way I tried the whole sticking out my thumb bit but it didn't stop. I gave up after the third car and decided just to stick to walking. It was probably safer that way anyhow. When I finally reached town I headed to the bus station to find out that the next bus wasn't until the following morning. I was lucky even to be getting a ticket so I didn't fuss about the departure. I didn't care anyway. I didn't care about anything. The only thing driving me was my sense of responsibility and the fact that I wasn't the only one that had gone missing. I had to worry about Derek's family, and telling them that he was dead.
I went to the small motel and picked the lock of a room door. I wouldn't have imagined doing anything like that before but I didn't feel guilty now. There was no car in the parking lot and the chances of them selling this particular room tonight was slim to none. I set the bag down on the bed before dropping on top of it. I opened the bag and slowly took the pictures that were drawn for me out of it. I unrolled them and stared at the one of Tristan. I ran my fingers over his face, smiling, missing him terribly. For a moment I could see him at the foot of the bed, slowly start to crawl toward me. I smiled and blinked, and just a matter of blinking he had disappeared. My smile faded and I felt tears coming to my eyes. It seemed he had followed me even to here. I rolled onto my side and grabbed a pillow, sobbing into it. I cried for a long time before the tears finally stopped. I took a series of deep breaths, calming myself. I looked through the pictures again and tried to sleep, though none would come to me. I stayed in the room until the sun had risen partially before leaving, making sure it was locked behind me. I walked to the nearest café and ordered a cup of coffee. I drank it thankfully and when I pulled out the little change I managed to find in the room the waitress told me that it was on the house. I thanked her and left quickly, before her boss could tell me any different. I walked to the bus station and sat on the small bench and waited. The bus was over an hour late but it didn't matter. I had all the time in the world. I was sure that I didn't have a job anymore and I didn't care. It was amazing how much I didn't care. Almost scary, I used to care about everything. Now nothing mattered. Once the bus arrived I boarded and sat in a seat without saying a word. I was the only passenger for nearly the whole trip, only gaining more when we neared the city. I got off before the bus became too crowded making my way to the house. When I stood in front of it, it looked unfamiliar and I was almost afraid to go inside of it. It was Derek's house, not mine. I didn't see a 'for sale' sign in the yard so I assumed that he still owned it. Or at least his name was still attached to it. I made my way up the walk and stopped at the door. I reached into the dead plants pot next to the door and took out the house key that was buried in it. I wiped it off before slipping the key into the door. It slid in easily and I turned it, pushing the door open. It looked the same as it always did, only it was cleaner than I remembered leaving it. But that might have been because I'd been gone for so long. It was quiet and I walked through the house, re-familiarizing myself with it. I went into the bedroom to see clothes set out on top of it. I opened the closet to see much less inside of it than when I had left. I frowned but it didn't really bother me, it was just peculiar. I sat on the edge of the bed and thought of what I was going to do. I picked up the phone to hear a dial tone, telling me that the phone was still working. I thought about calling someone but decided that I didn't want to. I laid back on the bed and stared into space, my mind taking me back to Rome. I thought of Tristan and how much I missed him. I thought of Dagonet and how he had died. Of Bors, Gawain, Galahad, and the others. Of Arthur and Guinn. Of Lancelot and how I had seen him change while I knew him. I looked around the room and saw nothing familiar anymore. Nothing seemed right. Looking at it all I wished that I had stayed with the knights'. I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to be in this place or see the people I had here. I started to cry, wishing that I had stayed in Rome. Wishing that I had the knights' with me now. Wishing that I had died in the Saxon battle with Tristan. Wishing that I could see him just one last time. I fell into an uneasy sleep, dreaming of Rome and the knights'.
When I woke up I raided what was left of the food in the house. Eating what I could. The coffee was still good so I brewed some up. It tasted like crap but it was something to put in my stomach. After I ate I decided that I couldn't put off calling somebody any longer. I picked up the phone and dialed Meg's number. It rang and I felt the need to hang it up. I was just about to when she picked up the phone.
"Meg?" I asked.
Minutes later there was pounding on the door and when I opened it she flung herself at me.
"Paige! Oh my God! I can't believe you're here! I thought you were dead!" She sobbed into me. "Where've you been?" She asked looking at me, my head in her hands.
"Derek's dead." I told her, getting to the point.
"What?" She asked, tears streaming down her face. "What do you mean he's dead?"
"He was murdered." I told her.
Mark arrived only minutes later followed by the police. Apparently it was a bigger deal then I had thought. I was questioned so many times by so many people that the story seemed faker than it really was. I made up a kidnapping story, not able to think of anything more creative. I told them that we were taken by someone in the woods. Derek tried to fight him off but he was killed in the process. I told them I didn't know what had happened to his body. I went on to tell them that I was taken to some shack in the woods and kept there against my will. I was tortured but treated fair enough. I managed to escape and found refuge among a group of men in the woods. I didn't know where they were, but I knew that the police would check it out anyway so I gave them just enough so it didn't look like I was lying. I did my best to make sure that it was believable even though I knew that there was no chance in hell that they would actually find men matching my descriptions. After they were done questioning me I questioned them about what happened while I was gone. I had been gone for months and a lot had happened. Mark and Sarah were married. Meg had a kid, and both Derek and I were claimed dead. They had a small ceremony for us, to remember us wherever we were. The cabin had been searched as well as the surrounding area but there was no sign of us. Not only was being back a shock but Derek's parents had been called and I had to deal with them coming to the house and seeing me. They knew that Derek was dead but they greeted me with open arms. His mom crying with her arms around me. I remained blank faced throughout the whole thing. They had a doctor come out and take a look at me. He was shocked by what he found. He could feel the bones that had healed on their own as well as the stitching marks and the scars that were left behind after my weeks in the dungeons and the battles I'd been in. I didn't let on to anything that had actually happened. They had no business hearing what had actually happened. I just wanted them all to go away. I wanted to be alone. The questioning and explaining went into the night and when I was finally done only Meg and Mark were left in the house with me.
"Are you okay?" Meg asked me.
"No." I told her flatly.
"Is there anything we can do for you?" Mark asked.
I looked at them. As close as we were before, I wasn't the same person I was and I didn't feel any connection toward them anymore. "Yes." I told them. "You can leave."
"Paige…" Mark said kneeling in front of me. "You don't mean that."
"Honey?" Meg said putting a hand on my back.
"I don't want either of you here. And if you could be sure Derek's parents sell the house that would be great." I told them.
"We'll be in the living room if you need us." Mark told me.
"Don't you understand?" I asked standing up. "I don't want you here. Just go." I told them. They didn't move. "GO!" I yelled at them.
"We can help you." Mark told me. "Just tell us what happened."
"You wouldn't understand." I told them.
"What wouldn't we understand?" Mark asked.
"Let us help you." Meg told me.
"You have no idea what happened to me and I'm not in the divulging mood. I told you to leave. What part of that was unclear?" I told them coldly.
"Paige, please…" Mark said looking at me sadly.
"GET OUT!" I yelled at them. "JUST GET OUT!"
They both stared at me, pain written on their faces. I looked back, my eyes pleading with theirs to leave. They nodded and finally did as I asked. I listened for the door to open and close and when I recognized the sound I rushed around and gathered anything I might need. I packed another bag and shouldered them before leaving the house. I didn't look back as I walked to the nearest ATM and drained my account. I had a decent amount and I bought a bus ticket for the next bus available. I didn't want to stay here and there was no way I was going to. I needed to get away. I needed to change my life, create a new one. I didn't have a destination but I did have a plan. To be alone. The last thing I wanted was to be with people. The only thing I wanted was to get away and to be alone.
Five years later
The snow had fallen heavily over the past few days. The cold air was nice compared to the log house's warmth. It had been five years since my time with the Legendary Sarmatian Knights'. Five long years. After I left the house after my return I used the money I had to find a secluded spot somewhere. I bought a small plot in the middle of nowhere in Montana. In a nestled place between the mountains. I had built a log house, big enough to live comfortably and small enough to fit in a nice secluded wood. There was barely a road leading to my home but it didn't matter. No one came to see me and I hardly left. I didn't have a car. While my home was being built I stayed in the single motel that was in the small town. I worked odd jobs until I had earned enough for everything I needed. It took me a little over a year to accomplish everything I had aimed for. I had my few pets for company and that was all I needed. I thought of the knights' often. They were never very far from my mind. Tristan was always with me. I'd see him here and there as I did things that reminded me of him. My wedding band never leaving my finger and if it did I put it on a chain around my neck. More times than not I still wished that I had remained in Rome with the men I had grown to love. I missed them and no one understood me as well as they had. Meg and Mark tried to contact me every now and again but I never replied and I didn't give anyone my address, mostly because I didn't really have one. I walked from the cabin to the barn, the snow covered pasture stretching out behind it. My two draft horse's greeted me, their heads poking out of their stalls.
"Mathias…" I said handing him his bucket of oats. "Diesel…" I said giving Mathias's brother his own bucket of oats. "Good boys." I said giving each of them a stroke on their necks.
These two boys were my only way of transportation. They were big and strong, able to do anything I asked of them. I'd ride to town and they'd be able to carry any supplies I needed back with us. I kept up my skills with the bow, hunting for meat. I was grateful to Tristan for teaching me. Just another reminder of how intertwined our lives were. I waited for the horses' to finish before letting them out and into the pasture. The day had barely begun and they were anxious to get their exercise for the day. I stepped on the tall wooden crate I had next to the stalls and pulled myself up onto Mathias's back. He nickered and walked to the doors. I pushed them open and they ran out into the pasture, me still on his back. I enjoyed feeding off of his energy in the morning. He was always so happy. Zeus was the only horse I ever saw better than these two. I found them when they weren't quite four and now that they were a little older and broken in they were perfect horses. When I was cold and the horse was ready to forage for grass and other things I led him to back to the barn and I slid from his back before watching him run back out to his brother. I smiled and returned to the house. I opened the door and immediately there was a warm body against my leg.
"Ludo, good boy." I said and stroked my dogs head. He was a St. Bernard mix, very large and very protective. I had very few guests but he always let me know when someone was here, well before they got to the door. Giving me time to prepare. A dagger was never far from my reach. I had trust issues to say the least. "Let's get some breakfast, huh?" I said and stroked the dogs head again.
We ate a hearty breakfast before I went to my office and sat down at the desk. Ludo curled up on his dog bed, heaving a happy sigh, holding his favorite stuffed animal in his mouth. I grinned at the young dog before opening up the stack of paper in front of me. I took out my pen and turned the pages, reading and making corrections.
I hadn't seen another human being in weeks. My only contact to the outside world was with my editor/publisher. Initially when I created a new life for myself I drank more than anything. Haunted by my experiences with the knights'. I wanted to be back there and I drowned myself in alcohol to try and dull the pain. I missed Tristan. I missed them all. Although I knew that alcohol was not the answer and I kicked the habit, not wanting to become too attached to it. I laid in bed for days, trying to figure out what to do. In the end I sat at my desk with a stack of paper in front of me. I took a pen and started to write down my experiences. Initially it was a diary, or a memoir if you wish. Then I changed my name and created a novel based on my experiences with the men. Making it sound like it was all fiction, only a few names matching up with the ones of legend. For whatever reason, possibly out of boredom or depression, I sent it into a publisher and it got picked up by the first one. Her name was Carol Figgins, a very sweet woman, who was not much older than me. She fell in love with the story, telling me how real it all felt when she read it. I'd just smile and thank her. I had only the last chapter to edit before sending it back to her. It was so close to being done. I had little money but enough to get by. This was also my way of earning enough money to live by, never having to leave my small sanctuary again. Or so I hoped.
"Nearly done Carol." I told her over the phone. "I'll send it to you by tomorrow night." I replied. "I don't want a computer. I don't need on. I like not having one." I told her. "Stop pestering me about my lack of technology. You're lucky I have this damn cell phone." I spoke. "Your number is the only one I need." She continued to give me a hard time. "I'll send it to you tomorrow. Goodbye." I said and hung up the phone.
The only reason I had the infernal thing was to call her. She was the only number in the phone. I hadn't talked to Meg, or to Mark in the five years since I'd been back. I thoroughly enjoyed my solitude. The only thing that nagged at me in the back of my mind was my promise to Tristan. He had wanted me to he happy, to have a family, but in all honesty I was happy, and my few animals were my family. They were all I ever really needed. If I could have anything else it would be to have Tristan back. Nearly every night I'd lay in bed and stare at my ring. I'd let the light reflect against the engraving, staring at the words, wishing he was with me. In a way he was with me. Sometimes I wouldn't just see him. Sometimes I thought I could hear him whispering to me. I'd be riding in the woods and I'd hear a whisper riding the wind. I could never truly understand what it was saying but a feeling of calmness and love would wash over me, a feeling that I had when I was with Tristan. The feeling would make me smile and I'd close my eyes, trying to feel him. Every once in a while I could almost feel him but it would go away as fast as it came. My smile would fade and I'd continue on, only to return home and continue my novel. It passed the time and I loved writing down my memories. I had been writing in my journal as well as in the novel. I changed very little in the novel. A few things that I truly regretted or that I had hoped had gone differently I changed for the sake of the book. When I had finally finished revising the last chapter I tied up the book and rode Diesel into town to send it to Carol. I returned home and sat on my small couch with Ludo in my lap, feeling like I had accomplished something. I stroked his head as I looked at the framed drawings on the wall across from me. My memories flooding my mind, making a smile cross my face.
Over a month had passed and everything was in order. I was forced to join Carol in Helena for my book opening. According to Carol it was supposed to be phenomenal. She was expecting a lot of people. The few critics and reviewers that got to read the book before it's release were going to be there and apparently they had a lot of good things to say about the book. I agreed, of course, why wouldn't I go to my own books opening? But I did convince her to allow me to bring Ludo. I loaded up the horses on food and water for the weekend, knowing I'd be back by then, and packed for my dog and me loaded the two of us into the car that Carol had sent for me. It was a horribly long drive but it could've been worse. I was perfectly happy with Ludo's company but the driver wanted to make small talk. It seemed that he was getting irritated with me. Every question he asked got a one word answer.
"There you are!" Carol grinned when Ludo and I arrived. "Ludo!" She said and patted the dog's head. "You're nearly late." She told me.
"I know. I'm sorry." I told her.
"Did I ever send the picture I picked out of you for the book?" She asked.
"I told you I didn't want a picture." I replied.
"Well, I picked this one." She said handing me a hardcover book.
It was a picture of Ludo and I. It was actually a good picture. "It's alright I guess." I told her.
"Now get cleaned up and be ready. People will be arriving within the hour."
We were in one of the city's bookstores. It was small but nice. It had a built in café and I went and got a cup of coffee. I got Ludo some water and hoped that today would go well. When people started to arrive I dreaded being there. I had to admit that my people skills had decreased over the past few years. I just hoped that I didn't say something that I shouldn't. As I weaved through the people, everyone was excited to meet me and everyone was very nice to my dog, and that was all that mattered. Anyone who even looked at him wrong was snubbed by not only me but my dog as well when they tried to apologize.
"Your book was fantastic." Some woman told me. "I cried twice, and that's something for me."
"Thank you." I told her, not knowing what else to say.
"Your book had so much feeling and description. It was as if you were really there." A man told me. "I hope you plan on writing another one."
"We'll see." I smiled.
I didn't know what to say to these people. I hardly replied unless I really needed to and even then it was in short sentences. I was so relieved when Carol pulled me aside.
"Thank you." I told her gratefully.
"You're welcome. Only you're probably going to take it back. I need you to meet this man."
"What?" I asked her. "Carol…"
"You don't understand." She said stopping and facing me. "You'll want to meet this one. He's name is Tristan, which is kinda weird. He was named after a great, great, whatever great uncle of his. He's really quite fascinated with your book and really wants to meet you. He's very attractive. So come on." She said dragging me forward.
A pit had fallen in my stomach and I really did not want to meet this man. I had hoped she was going to let me have a ten minute break. When we neared him all I could see was the back of his head. His hair was short in the back but I could tell that it was slightly longer in the front. He had turned his head and another pit fell in my stomach as I looked at his profile. I followed Carol and when she stopped and let me go I lowered my head, staring at my feet. Ludo was sitting next to me and his tail started to wag. As good a dog as he was he never wagged his tail for anyone other then me. I frowned at my dog before looking up into the face of the man in front of me. My breath caught in my throat as I looked into his face. He was clean shaven but his features were unmistakable. My knees felt weak and I could feel my body start to shake.
"Hi, Paige, my name is Tristan." He smiled. His voice all too familiar.
"Oh my God…" I said, shocked, unable to believe my eyes.
THE END