Title: The Springtime of Womanhood
Author: desbutterfly
Genre: humour
Characters: Team Gai
Rating: PG
Summary: Gai-sensei welcomes TenTen into the newest season of her youth. In front of everybody.

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"Before we begin today's training, I have an announcement to make."

Gai-sensei beamed happily at them as they gathered around him, Lee listening attentively while Neji worked at fishing a pebble out of his sandal and TenTen fiddled with the clasp on her weapons' pouch.

"Today," their teacher continued, "is a very special day for TenTen."

Both Neji and Lee looked over at their female team mate, who shrugged her shoulders. She didn't think she'd done anything to merit a special announcement lately. Granted, she had passed the Chuunin exams, but that had been last week and they'd already had a party for that.

Gai spread his arms wide. "Yes, my students, I received the happy news that this morning TenTen entered into the beautiful Springtime of Womanhood!"

TenTen's mouth dropped open and she made a strangled sound. On her left, Neji had abandoned the sandal and was now trying to become part of the rock he was sitting on. Lee just looked confused.

"Gai-sensei!" he said. "Could you explain just what this Springtime of Womanhood is?"

This time Neji made the strangled sound. TenTen was busy trying not to faint, as her blood supplies were already a little low and this was not helping. At all.

Gai grinned wider and patted Lee heartily on the back.

"Of course, my adorable Lee! The Springtime of Womanhood is when a young girl's body starts the process which will allow her to have children. It is a very important process called "menstruation". You see, every month from now until TenTen has her first child, her uterus will line with tissue and blood, which her body will then—"

"Oh god…"

Gai immediately slid a supporting arm around TenTen's shoulders and eased her into a sitting position. He frowned in concern.

"You should be increasing your intake of iron at this time, TenTen," he said. "Fortunately, I have just the thing to restore you to your usual vitality!"

She looked wearily at the thermos of foul smelling liquid he pressed into her hands. Lee was crouching in front of her face, smiling brightly.

"Congratulations on your menstruation, TenTen!" he said.

TenTen rubbed her fingers over her temples, trying to dispel the sudden headache that was quickly overtaking the pain in her abdomen.

"Gai-sensei," she said finally, "how did you know about my…um…"

"Your mother told me, when she gave me this." He held up a small bottle of aspirin and she stared in disbelief.

"...I hate all of you."

"Now now, that's just the uterine cramps talking. I'm sure after you've drunk that and taken an aspirin, you'll feel much better."

"Die in a fire."

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fin.

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