I decided to go back and revise this
This
Last Time
"Tai, you know. I've been
rethinking your initial idea of going to this party, and I've come to the
conclusion that maybe it wasn't such a..."
"Ah man,
I can hear the music wafting in from the backyard, and I can hear shouts and
splashing. Sending a quick prayer to whatever God resides above, I'm eternally
thankful that we didn't know ahead of time that Natalie had a pool. The last
thing I want to do is wear my swim trunks and show off my less than impressive
physic to all the members of the senior class. I grimace. And girls think they
have it bad with bikinis...
The oak front door swings open
and Tai bounces forward with his usual exuberance and gives the dark haired
girl a friendly hug. "Man, this place is hopping!" He shoots me a
grin and then disappears into the house.
I'm not going to panic. That would be stupid as well as illogical. These are my
classmates. There's no earthly reason for me to feel out of place here. I see
them everyday at school. This isn't that different.
What the hell am I thinking?
This is completely different.
Where the hell did Tai go? Trying not to look too obvious about it, I scan the
living room, but I don't see him anywhere. That...that jerk, I think furiously.
First he had to insist on dragging me here, and then he had to go and just
ditch me at the front door.
Calm down, I tell myself. You're a big kid. Socializing shouldn't be that hard
at all, I've been to parties that the
"Hey!
"Dude, what are you doing here? I mean, don't you usually, I
"Well, I was planning on working on my latest theory of sub particle space
and
"Oh, look. Isn't that
Jennifer over there? Sorry,
Uncomfortably, I shift on my feet as I stare out the sliding glass door. Where
the hell is Tai, and how the hell could he do this to me?
Ah, now that's a particularly
stupid question, I suppose. Squeezing my eyes shut, I rub my forehead for a
second.
In my best friend's mind, he's not doing anything out of the ordinary. For him,
this is easy.
Hesitantly, I open the sliding glass door and walk out into the hot humid night
air. Looking over at the pool, there's got to be at least thirty kids in there
yelling and screaming and laughing. There are a couple dozen more out in the
backyard, jumping on and surrounding the trampoline.
What am I supposed to do now? I try and take a calming breath, but it comes out
as more of a shaky panicked sigh.
Oh god. Why, oh why, did
I let Tai talk me into this?
***
"Probably rent a couple of movies and watch '
"Huh?" He looks over at me, his face confused, and I can hear the
death jingle for the video game sound as he takes his concentration off of it.
"Ah man!
"Sorry." I tell him rather unapologetically. "Why do you want to
know what I'm doing on Friday? Did you want to do something together or with
the other
He flops over on the carpeted floor of his family's computer room and he grins
up at me. "Well, see Natalie's throwing a graduation party this weekend,
and I figure, you know...we should go and all. It'll be fun and this'll be like
the last time we see everybody in our class before we graduate and stuff."
My decision was made the minute he said party. "No. No I don't think so,
Tai. I'm just
Besides, it's not like they'll miss me or anything. I never really did fit into
any of the little cliques. I know a couple of
"
"Forget it. Why don't you just go by yourself?"
"I don't
"No way."
"Don't be such a nerd. It's a graduation party. This'll be our last chance
to hang out and have fun before we have to start worrying about summer jobs and
college." I hesitate as he pleads with me.
"I don't know..." I say quietly.
"I don't see
"No.
***
I skirt the edge of the pool and walk out the screen door into the backyard.
Knowing Tai, he's probably jumping his heart out on the trampoline. His parents
won't get one because they've heard that they can be dangerous, and knowing
Tai, they were probably right to be worried. I imagine they figured that by
taking the precaution of not getting one, they were saving themselves a hike in
insurance costs. Tai's the only person I know who visits the emergency room on
a monthly basis. He doesn't need anymore incentive--or help--in hurting
himself. He does a perfectly fine job of it all on his own.
It's too dark to see much, so I cautiously pick my way past a row of bushes and
a couple trees.
"I think he went over to the swing set with Claire and the rest,"
someone answers in the darkness. I pick my way past some palmettos and an oak
tree. I can hear Tai's voice, but I can't see him. It's just too dark and there
aren't any lights in the backyard. The pool area is glowing from behind me, but
that just serves to make me blinder to my surroundings. My night vision never
really was that great...
"Man, you're no fun, Tai." I can hear the little flirty pout in her
voice. Tai thinks I'm nuts, but Claire is always hitting on him. He just can't
see it. And he thinks I'm dense. She slobbers all over him. It's disgusting.
And yeah, I suppose it makes me a bit jealous...If he ever did get a
girlfriend, chances are
"He's my best friend."
"Hey! He really is my best friend."
"No, seriously, Tai. Quit joking around. You and the rest of the guys are
"He...he's not really that bad."
"I may act like an idiot, but I'm not. Give me a break.
"He doesn't talk down to me that much." He sounds less than certain
about that. In fact, I can recognize that tone. It's his 'I'm going to be
polite and say this, even though I really don't think it's that true'
voice.
Oh god.
I don't want to hear anymore.
Swinging around blindly, I just start walking away. I misjudge the obstacles
that I went around on the way back here though, and I run straight into the
palmettos. Crashing down, I fall into them, and I guess that was just enough to
make this too much to handle.
Ignoring the scratches I now have running up and down my arms and legs from the
barbs, I make a dash around the side of the house. Coming out on the street,
all I can see are the rows of parked cars. Tai drove us here. It's too far for
me to walk home.
Stumbling, I make my way over to his beat up Toyota. He parked it half up on
Natalie's nicely manicured lawn, so I slide down onto the grass and hang my
head into my hands.
I don't belong here and I know it. What did I honestly think was going to
happen when I agreed to come here with Tai? I mean, what made me think that I'd
be able to fit in? 'Oh, I'll just hang out with him'. What kind of a naive
idiot am I?!
Why is he best friends with me? We don't move in the same circles, and we don't
have very similar interests. He's into soccer and sports and video games. I'm
in the computer club. I mean, I have more in common with Joe than I do with
Tai. So why does he hang out with me in the first place? It obviously isn't
because of my social skills...
I sneer down at the ground and I watch a fire ant crawl up over my sock and
onto my leg. I bet he laughs about it behind my back.
I'm an embarrassment to him. He runs with the bigger fish, but because I think
he's my best friend, he's required to talk to me during school hours. Poor Tai,
he's too nice to tell me to get lost.
The ant stings me, and irritably, I slap it. The scratches on my arms and legs
are beginning to throb, but I ignore them.
I don't expect people like Claire to understand why I talk to them the way I
do. I mean, it's not like I'm ever going to go up to them and explain that the
reason I spout all of that arrogance is because I feel so stupid standing next
to them. It doesn't make much sense even to me, why would they understand?
People like Claire have never had any problems just hanging out and talking
about the latest gossip or the latest trends. They know instinctively what to
do in any social situation. It's not hard for them. They've never stood at the
corner of the cafeteria, lunch tray in hand, desperately searching for a
friendly face to share the measly half hour with. They've never been the ones
standing against the bleachers in gym, watching everyone else have a good time
during the free hour. They've never sat in those dreadful fifteen minutes of
homeroom praying for the goddamned bell to ring so they don't have to listen to
the taunts of the jocks that sits around them.
So I talk down to them. Why shouldn't I? It's my one opportunity to get back at
them. To make them feel as tiny and as inadequate as I do. It's my one
opportunity to poke a hole in their egos.
Why did he insist on dragging me to this party?
"
"I just came out to think." I mumble numbly.
"Well come on back inside. Everyone's having a blast."
"You go ahead. I'm fine out here."
"Ah c'mon,
"I'm serious, Tai. Just go back in there and have fun. I'm fine." I
grind out behind gritted teeth. For a couple of tense moments, he just stands
there and I stare at his stupid sneakers.
"Something's wrong." He says finally. God damn him, anyway.
"Tai, just leave me
alone." I mutter.
I climb into the car, slam the door shut, and buckle up. I can't look over at
him though, so I stare out the window instead. It's not like this is anything
new for me. I get pensive a lot around him, so he won't know I'm onto him and
this prank.
God, I'm more than a little
paranoid aren't I?
Maybe he's just feeling sorry for me again.
"
"What happened?"
"Nothing, why?"
"You're just...
Watching the streets go by, I can at least comfort myself with the fact that
he's decided not to help the others play that prank on me. We are going back to
his place. I know the route well enough to tell.
He pulls into his drive way and I almost cringe. Do I ask him to drive me home?
Do I want to go home? Can't I just pretend that this night never happened?
When I think of all the times he and I have just sat out here like this, just
talking. Was that real? Or was he just humoring me then too? Slowly, I climb up
onto the hood of his car, but I don't lean back like I usually do. Instead I
just sit there, drawing my knees up against my chest and resting my chin on
them.
"Nothing happened. Why do you keep asking?" It's all I can do to keep
my voice sounding neutral, there's a stubborn little hitch in it that keeps
threatening to peep through. I thought he was my friend.
"
"
"Why does everyone keep asking me that?" He returns angrily. I can
physically feel my stomach drop, and I can feel one of those stupid tears slip
past my eyelid. Damn. I want to wipe it away, but I know he'd see...
"Just give me an answer, okay?"
"Because you're my best friend! Is that some kind of crime?
"Then why'd you ditch me the minute we walked through the door?" I
snap.
"Huh? I didn't ditch you. I thought you were behind me. When I stopped to
turn around you weren't there, and when I went back to find you, you were
already talking to Mike so I went outside to jump on the trampoline..."
"And then you went to talk to Claire." I finish for him. He looks a
tiny bit confused for a second, and then I can see the understanding dawning on
his face.
"Dare." I say finally. I've had enough of the truth for one night.
"Man, you've got balls." He laughs, and I roll my eyes. "If I
were going to get even for that 'underwear incident', now would be a great
time."
"No one made you accept the dare." I point out. Of course, there's an
irony there.
"My mother is never, ever
going to forgive me for going door to door in our neighborhood trying to sell
her underwear."
"C'mon Tai, what's the dare already?"
"I dare you to kiss me." I swing my head around, and gawk at him in
shock.
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me." He smirks, and I can practically hear him calling me
a chicken. So he doesn't think I'll have the guts to do it. So I'm just some
kind of
I bend over and lower my head until our foreheads are almost touching. He's
still got that shitty-ass grin on his face. He honestly thinks I'll back out of
the dare! That...
Closing my eyes, I lean in the rest of the way and press my lips against his.
And as I feel his hand brush against my cheek, I vow to myself that I'm
definitely going to find a way to get even with him for screwing around with my
feelings like this.