At the moment, many would say that Watanuki's current problem was nowhere near the level of the "bad things" people always feared. It was not a terminal cancer; he was not raped; he hadn't tried to cheat the government and was arrested; and he most certainly wasn't murdered.
In fact, at that particular moment, he wanted to be a murderer.
Doumeki never failed to inspire an almost terminal rage in Watanuki Kimihiro. All he had to do was open his mouth and out shot something that made every fiber of Watanuki's being focus on only the simple action of deny everything.
He'd never had any success in dealing with Doumeki over the years that he'd known him. Moreover, over the years he had a spectacular lack of success in getting the boy to even listen to what he wanted for five minutes. He'd tune Watanuki out and go spending all his blood to save Watanuki's life, or standing in the rain for ten hours straight.
It was enough to drive a man mad.
"This can't be happening to me," he muttered at what he saw in front of him. Yuuko was cackling somewhere in the background and he figured that if he looked around, she'd have tears in her eyes.
There was not one, but three Doumekis staring right at him. He blinked several times, rubbed his eyes, even banged his head on the nearest hard surface, but nothing changed the terrible, terrible thing in front of him. In fact, the last thing he did had given him six of Doumeki, which almost sent him into a state of catatonic schizophrenia.
"Wh-wh-what happened?" He frantically turned to the Dimensional Witch, wanting to shake the woman by her shoulders as if it would make all the answers come out. Doumeki had been fine at school, if absent. It had been a beautiful day and he'd had a lovely lunch with Himawari-chan alone. He had thought it would be fine the rest of the day until he'd reached the entrance to Yuuko's shop for work for the day.
"W-well," Yuuko replied, wiping tears of mirth out of her eyes and her voice still shaking with her laughter. "Yesterday, I sent him to fetch something for me. You'd already gone home and I didn't really think it would be…wise to send you, so I sent Doumeki-kun instead."
"You knew this would happen!" he accused with a piercing shriek and could only watch in fascinated horror as all at the same time, the three Doumekis lifted their hands to cover their ears.
"I didn't precisely know it, but I think it's a good thing."
"How is this monstrous, terrible, inexcusable and horrifying situation, in which there are three, count 'em three, incarnations of evil standing right in front of me, fall into the good. thing. category?!" he demanded, gritting his teeth on his murderous impulses.
"You get three times the protection, Watanuki! It's much better than having three spirit detectors and overworking poor Doumeki-kun. Especially since if even one of them dies, they all cease to exist."
It chilled Watanuki. The severity of the situation finally sunk in his stupefied mental state and its implications. Doumeki was in the nasty habit of saving him at great bodily harm. If one died, so did the rest. And though he thought the boy was annoying and evil incarnate, he did not want him dead. He'd never be that horrible to wish for someone's death with his whole heart.
"How do we get them back in one?" he asked soberly.
"Well, you could always try a four-some," she suggested brightly and almost…innocently. "But I want to be there to watch."
"…What?"
"You see, Watanuki, it will take something in which all three feel completely in agreement with and have strong feelings for, to put them back together. Since they all care for you, I'm sure, that having a four-some would have something they would entirely agree upon."
Watanuki wasn't sure what happened after that because all he could see was blackness as he fainted and the rush of wind past his ears as he passed out.
He had hoped it would be a dream, a horrible and frightening dream. And when he opened his eyes to his apartment, in his bedroom, he thought that was what it was. He was happy to describe it as such. He merrily got out of bed, joyful to be away from the cold claws of the nightmare, and stood up, only to blink as he saw himself in his school clothes.
Fear slammed into him. "No," he whispered in denial and lifted his head when he heard sounds in his apartment that were not his own. He did not feel fear that someone had broken in. He did not feel fear that it might be a spirit.
No, what he felt was an overwhelming denial of THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!
The three Doumekis were in his apartment and, no less, in his Most Sacred and Holy of Places Never To Be Defiled By The Touch of the Unholy Evilness That Is Doumeki Shizuka, a.k.a. his kitchen!
"What the hell are you doing?!"
One of them turned around and shrugged, a pleased expression coming across his face, as if he were happy that Watanuki was awake and okay. "We were hungry."
Before he could even form a coherent sentence, an arm draped around his stomach and dragged him back against a very firm chest. Warm breath passed over his ear and an almost seductive voice whispered, "I'd rather eat you."
"GAH! D-O-U-M-E-K-I!!" He squirmed away with a terrific amount of violence and turned to see a smirking face that made his heart thump once or twice more than necessary. "I always knew you were a pervert, you bastard!"
Given that he had located two of the three spawn of Satan, he suspiciously looked around for the third. The third was leaning against the wall with perhaps the most blank and controlled expression he'd ever seen. He seemed to give an ever so slight nod when Watanuki's eyes met his, but said nothing.
He thought he was getting it now. Doumeki-1, as he had come to name them, was the emotional of the pair. He had smiled and showed his expressions and didn't hesitate to say what he wanted. Doumeki-2 was obviously the homo sapien of the trio as he was currently trying to get his hands on anywhere Watanuki would let him touch. Sexual drive my ass, he thought sourly and fended off Doumeki-2 as vigorously as he could. Doumeki-3 seemed to be the control, the expressionless part of the stupid archer. The one who didn't say what he wanted, who thought all the time, and never listened.
Watanuki wanted them back in one as soon as possible. One was bad enough, but three?? He groaned, attempting to hide behind Doumeki-1 from Doumeki-2, and said, "Okay, since you all three need to agree on something, how about your favorite food?"
He had never known Doumeki was such a conflicted person, as Doumeki-1 and Doumeki-2 started arguing about which food was generally better than the other. He wanted to bang his head hard against the wall as their arguing seemed to escalate and refused to give in to the other, as if some sort of demented honor must be defended in the choices they made.
Doumeki-3 didn't say anything.
It was terribly annoying as time went on for the next two hours that he frantically tried question after question. Doumeki-1 and Doumeki-2 couldn't agree on anything, even the color of an orange. Very, very occasionally, Doumeki-3 put in his opinion, but the other two, which happened to also be the only time Doumeki-1 and Doumeki-2 came close to agreeing with each other, generally overruled it. And even then, they never really did agree on the reason for the overruling.
And by some general, horrible twist of fate, the three of them refused to leave Watanuki alone in the apartment. Doumeki-1 emotionally stated that since there were three of them, they should take advantage of the extra protection. Doumeki-2 clearly made his intention of why he wanted to stay obvious when he gave firm grip on Watanuki's behind. Doumeki-3 didn't say anything, only shrugged, but it was the look of fierce, fierce protectiveness that made Watanuki shudder.
It was this intense Doumeki-3 that bothered and upset Watanuki the most. The way he looked at the smaller boy, the way his attention focused solely on him at all times, made Watanuki think almost flippantly that he was the very center of Doumeki-3's whole world. It was this part, he thought as he stared right back at Doumeki-3, that caused Doumeki in general to protect him from every harm that might befall him.
Watanuki only hid under his covers that night and shivered, trying not to think about how that unsettling and intense stare had made him feel.
He had dropped off Doumeki-1 and Doumeki-2 back at Yuuko's before heading to school with Doumeki-3. Naturally, one of them would have to come. He'd written Doumeki-2 off the list entirely, refusing to let him anywhere with a mile radius of his person and he dared not think of the flirting and physical grabbing if Doumeki-2 went after Himawari-chan. It had come down to Doumeki-1 and Doumeki-3. He'd chosen Doumeki-3 because Doumeki-3 seemed the closest to real Doumeki as possible. He didn't want to shock the rest of the school by bringing a bubbling-emotion filled Doumeki-1.
Doumeki-3's eyes were on him again and it made Watanuki wonder how the boy could walk since his eyes never strayed from the slimmer boy's back. It was Doumeki-3 that was confusing Watanuki and he didn't like it one bit. It was a heady feeling, thinking that you may, in fact, be the center of someone's entire existence.
Unlike Doumeki-2, there was nothing at all sexual about that gaze. It did not undress him in the other boy's mind. It did not feel like Doumeki-2's impulse to just shove him against the wall and grind their hips together. No, it felt powerful and earnest. It almost felt like a physical presence, like arms surrounding him and making him safe from everything, even a paper cut.
"Stop looking at me like that," he hissed, blushing all the way to his ears, but Doumeki-3 just gave a tiny grunt and went on protecting Watanuki with his eyes, who was very unnerved and almost, in a strange way, elated. He was too unsteady with this intensity to even yell at Doumeki-3. It was though as if he turned around to demand an answer to a question, Doumeki-3 would tell him without hesitation and with a seriousness that outweighed even death.
It did not make for a pleasant walk to school.
At lunch, Watanuki explained to Himawari exactly what had happened and she seemed to find it completely fascinating. He didn't, but he did notice that Doumeki-3 seemed a hundred times more protective than Doumeki himself usually was. He was seated very firmly between Himawari and Watanuki and he always handled whatever Himawari might pass to him before it ever reached the bespectacled boy.
It was extremely rude to Himawari, but she didn't seem to notice. Or if she did, it didn't bother her. Tanpopo happily cheeped on her shoulder and she occasionally fed him bits from her lunch.
However, lunch wasn't as pleasant as it was the day before, and not because of Doumeki-3's presence. He could feel the eyes on him and these were malevolent. These wanted to do him harm, to rip into his flesh and devour his still beating heart. Ever since the spider queen had eaten his eye, word of what his body could give to the spirits had spread like wildfire. Even more were after his blood now, in the most literal sense of the phrase.
Himawari had packed up and headed back to her class when Doumeki-3 spoke, startling Watanuki out of his preoccupation. "What's bothering you?"
"None of your business," he tried to snarl, ignoring Doumeki-3, but the bigger boy had suddenly grabbed his chin and forced their eyes to meet. He quaked under that fiery and passionate stare and became even more confused. He was the object of such reverence, such adoration and loyalty, that it made him terrified even as it felt oddly good.
"What is it?"
"S-S-Something's b-been staring at me," he stuttered, not sure if he feared Doumeki-3 more or less than the spirit out there. Had it been Doumeki-2 here, he would have expected the intense moment to have degenerated, been pushed to the ground and kissed, but this moment was oddly asexual.
The bell rang and glad for a reason to escape, Watanuki rushed back to his class with red cheeks.
Doumeki-3 had skipped out on archery practice just to walk Watanuki anywhere he might want to go. The spirit's gaze had crept closer to him and while he couldn't pinpoint where it was yet, he knew that it would try to test Doumeki-3's protection before too long. Some were persistent like that.
If he thought he could get to Yuuko's before that happened, he was sorely mistaken. They had just rounded a corner, when the arguing voices paused. He groaned when he saw Doumeki-1 and Doumeki-2 waiting for them. Doumeki-1 jogged up to Watanuki and smiled, causing Watanuki to blush again, only this time because that smile was really…pretty.
Doumeki-2 sauntered more than anything else and an arm draped around Watanuki's shoulders. He whispered something that Watanuki couldn't even hear, since he was too busy registering the fact that Doumeki-2's hand was sliding very noticeably downwards.
Frantically, he fought off Doumeki-2 and Doumeki-1 immediately launched into scolding the other. A headache was forming between his eyes and Watanuki just wanted to go find a place to get away from all three for even five minutes. It was terrible enough with just one and he'd already tried slinking away before he realized what a bad idea that was.
As if waiting for this perfect opportune moment, the spirit's evil yellow eyes widened. They resembled a cat's in some strange way and he shivered when a triple-split tongue flashed out. If he wasn't mistaken, it seemed as if each end of the tongue were like a snake and they hissed at him. He swallowed and then in the stillness as both spirit and boy stared at each other, Watanuki turned in a split second and was pelting back to the three Doumekis.
He didn't get very far before there was a slice on his arm, ripping the shirt of his uniform and drawing shallow cuts of blood from his shoulder to his wrist. He stumbled because of the pain and it saved his life, as the next lash of the claws just barely missed his head. Watanuki's throat refused to work and the words 'help me' had never come easily to him anyway, since until recently, there had been no one to help him.
He watched in horror as the claws lifted again and it was like his eyes were stapled open. He thought he blinked when a blur of black hit him, but instead a body landed on top of him. A very heavy body and one that he had long ago learned belonged to Doumeki. He frantically clutched at the big shoulders and shook the archer, desperately wanting to know which of the three was hurt. And still, his vocal cords seemed frozen and only despondent little noises came out.
"Relax, Watanuki, he's fine. Look."
Yuuko's voice assaulted his ears and it was only then that he realized that in that split second where he thought he'd blinked, the spirit had been vanquished. Not by any of the Doumekis, though, since none had had a bow with them.
Whichever one of the three it was, Doumeki shifted and looked down at him. For a moment, he was sure that the injured one above him was Doumeki-3, because of that intense gaze that made him quake. Then his forehead became wrinkled as he frowned when that gaze changed ever so slightly so that while it was intense, it was slightly emotional and also slightly seductive.
"Y-Y-You're back to normal?" he demanded and pushed the archer off of him.
"Looks like it."
"How?!" He spun up onto his feet and turned on Yuuko, pressing for more information. "You said they had to agree on something or they wouldn't go back together!"
Yuuko laughed. "They did agree on something and one very powerful thing: the need to protect you, Watanuki. When they all dived in front of you, they became one person again."
He rounded on Doumeki, who was just standing up and wincing at a tiny injury to his shoulder. "You know, you are really messed up in your head."
"Probably," the other boy agreed blandly.
"You seriously need counseling or something, because you are not right in the head! You're always arguing with yourself and it's pretty bad when you're arguing with yourself."
Doumeki tilted his head. "And how is that any different from what you do?"
"Bastard! Shut up!"