Reason for Hurting
"Just tell me why? Why would you want to hurt me like this?" Liberty pleaded.
"Because you stole him from me. Because he was going to look for you when he was killed. Because it was your fault. Because I loved him."
"What?" the desperation in her voice changed and became mingled with confusion and anger. "Wait. You were making out when some chick during the entire party. How can you even say that?"
A laugh, a cold, icy laugh. One that contradicted and irritated the burning sensation in my throat and the tingling in my mouth. "You want to know why I was with her? Huh? Because JT thought we would be good together. He introduced me to her and told me to invite her to the party. He wanted me to be with her and I would have done anything for him." The words, the truth felt weird leaving my lips.
"You could have fought for him. If you truly loved him, you could have told him to stay with you, not go after me." It wasn't her fault. That was the message that screamed from her actions and cried from her words.
"He didn't love me." My voice was still deadpan even as her voice got desperate. "He loved you. " A simply fact, nothing special. "I always hoped that in the future maybe he would love me, or at least maybe I would be able to tell him how I felt. But no. Not anymore. Now there is no future." My body was on the verge of shaking but I tried to keep my voice as steady as possible. My hands tingled but as I tried to flex the numbness away my fingers burned and my actions stilled.
"Toby?" I didn't know what her question was. I didn't care.
"I loved him. More than you. More than Mia. Why wasn't that enough for him? Why did you steal him away, you murderer?"
With that Liberty left then, I watched her leave. I watched her walk over to the media table and hand them the type. I wanted to say something to her, to apologize for the words I probably didn't really mean. But I couldn't so I instead I walked over to the trash can a threw away the water bottle I had emptied moments before talking to Mia.
"Did you know," I whispered to some stranger as he walked passed me into the gymnasium, "That less than a grain of aconite can kill a person in under eight minutes of it being consumed." They only looked at me like I was an insensitive bastard before walking inside to celebrate the life of a boy they probably didn't even really know.
I followed into the gymnasium as well, leaning casually against the wall. My limbs were no longer capable of supporting my body and as I watched JT play with Isabella I felt myself slide to the floor. I glanced over at Liberty and smiled as I saw her cry. It was good that she was dealing with this. Because despite how much I hated her for killing my best friend I couldn't hate her, because JT loved her. Because despite how much she had made JT cry and hurt, she also made him laugh and smile.
My focus returned to the screen as I watched JT smile and joke. I was happy, even now because even though my eye sight was fading and the sound of music and people's tears became more distant, my mind was clear. My mind was not foggy and clouded like some other drug might have done. So even as my breathing slowed my mind was entirely on JT.
There were no memorials for Toby after that, he was not that popular
There was no classic Catholic ceremony, they did not support suicide
All there was, was a freshly upturned pile of dirt and a polished stone that read
Here lies a boy who cared more than most
And loved truer than any
LF: What possessed me to write this? I have no idea. I have been meaning to write a JT/Toby fic for years now and now that JT is dead this is my last chance. Hope it didn't suck too much.