Galatea: Remix
Track 04 – Clearest Confusion
"The spirit is indeed willing, but the flesh is so weak."
The Bible, Matthew 26:41
When Satoshi had finished rinsing off his dishes in the sink after a filling afternoon meal prepared by the being turning out to be his new cook, he headed for the bathroom in the hall, then thought for a moment and turned to his counterpart. "Ne—Krad." A blond head poked out of the kitchen where he'd been putting up his own plate. "You can shower first, if you want—I'm going to fill out these Change of Status forms for the school to hand in tomorrow."
Stepping out of the kitchen area into the living room, Krad queried, "'Change of status'? What are you changing to?"
Thin shoulders shrugged lightly, "I think…I'm going to just stay on and tutor now… For some reason I don't have the same desire to attend classes anymore like I did when I first came on, before the whole thing with you and Dark started. Just seems more like a waste of time now, I've already gotten any enjoyment out of it I can. And I…I think I like helping others more than just going myself." He turned and stepped back into the hallway towards his room.
"Ah—Satoshi!"
"Hn?" He stopped and faced the blond again, who appeared slightly abashed, eyes turned toward the floor as he wrung the dishtowel he'd been holding nervously in front of him, "What is it?"
"I…I don't really…" A pause, and he seemed to gather his strength, "I don't really…know how…to shower."
Satoshi almost did a double-take. "You don't know…how to shower?" The blond head shook, "…Never? In three-hundred years?"
This got him a bit on the defensive, "Well, I never needed to! I'm not subject to things like—like body odor when I'm astral. And I've never been corporeal long enough to need to wash myself!"
Satoshi frowned slightly, "But all the time when you're with your host, they shower. Didn't you learn then? I know you've been awake when I've showered before—"
Something clicked in his head, though, and the same thought brought out a feral grin in the blond, "Do you really think I ever paid any attention to the water when you were in there?" With that comment, the boy was inventing new shades of red and displaying them proudly on his face.
"I—I…" He felt he had to concede defeat at this point, as any further comments would most likely open his mouth further and let him stick both feet in. "Fine—I'll…I guess I'll show you how to, then…" Were they still in one body, he might have felt the mental leap of joy the blond let out—but since they were separate, he of course didn't. Then again, if they'd still been in one body, he wouldn't be stuck in this embarrassing dilemma in the first place.
Krad tossed the dishtowel back into the kitchen and followed the boy into a room which jutted off of the hallway. He'd been in here numerous times, seen it both from Satoshi's point of view as well as his own while in astral form, so stepping into it was not that big a deal, except for now he actually registered how small it was.
"It's kind of cramped," Satoshi commented, as if reading his former curse's thoughts, "But it's actually bigger than most bathrooms nowadays. If there's one thing I can thank Hiwatari for, it's that he spared no expense in getting me this apartment—even the tub is twice as big as a normal one. I can actually say I have a decent sized bath and shower. And there are few in Japan who can say that."
Settling down onto the side of the tub, he leaned forward and began fiddling with the knobs, letting the hot water run for a minute before turning the cold on as well, then plugged the drain when it reached a suitable temperature. He heard a soft rustling from behind him and turned to see what Krad was—
"KR—KRAD?!" Hmm, he was fairly certain his voice hadn't risen that high for a few years now thanks to puberty. He quickly whipped his head back around and stared intently at the rising water, then snatched a bottle of bubble-bath mixture from the other side of the tub and began saturating the water with it. Yes—yes…bubbles were good…Lots and lots of bubbles. They covered up…things.
Golden eyes blinked innocently, wondering what the fuss was, as he toed off the boxers he'd been provided with the previous day, now stark naked and wondering what the bath would feel like. Most of his hosts had been exceedingly wealthy, or at the very least quite well off, and a bath was simply a part of their daily regimen. They seemed to look forward to wasting away the minutes or hours soaking in water, and Krad couldn't quite understand what the attraction was. Satoshi was more like him in that respect—a quick shower, that was enough. Get clean, get out, and move on with your life.
"Y-you can—" Satoshi cleared his throat, trying not to be obvious as he struggled to maintain control over his vocal chords, "You can get in now…" To emphasize the point, he reached over to the knobs and turned them off, breathing a sigh of relief that the water had been transformed now into a sea of foamy fluffy bubbles, completely hiding anything below from view.
He pretended to further fiddle with the faucet when he sensed Krad beside him sliding into the bath, but couldn't help whipping his head up and around when he heard a slight yelp. "What?"
"It's—hot…"
A soft smile, and he found it not so embarrassing as long as he focused on Krad's face and not his— "Well what did you expect it to be? It doesn't feel good if it's cold—go on." Krad slowly complied, hesitantly testing the temperature again with his toe, before stepping in fully with one foot, then the other, and finally settling down in a seated position.
Satoshi let out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding. "All right…I guess the first thing we can do is get your hair wet. It's…wow, this might take a while." He eyed the mass of golden locks that dripped like lava in rivulets down the smooth back, winding over the well-muscled flesh before disappearing into the bubbles—
"You're drooling, Satoshi."
"I—I AM NOT!" Krad smiled knowingly, having fun riling the boy up. "I was just—trying to think about what to do next, that's all!"
"I can think of a few fun things…" the blond conjectured innocently—well, as innocently as he could, being Krad—and instead earned a smack on the top of the head.
"I was about to get the showerhead down, since you're taking a bath right now. This way you can wash your hair and not worry about the bubbles."
Krad looked down at the foamy whiteness he was surrounded by, "Speaking of which, why are there so many bubbles in here?"
Satoshi blushed. "Don't—worry about that. Now, for the shower—"
"Ah, I'll get it." The blond braced himself against the side of the tub and made as if to stand, but he was quickly pushed back down.
"No—no, you just relax!" Damn, that crack was getting back in his voice! "I'll take care of everything!" Before Krad could protest any further, he'd already reached up and removed the showerhead from its hook, pulling it down so it could be used in the bath. With a turn of the nozzle, a warm spray flowed forth, ready to be used, and he handed it over to the blond. "Here—wet your hair with this. I'm going to get some shampoo." It was evident the little bit he usually used wasn't going to be enough, but luckily he kept a few extra bottles around—he'd have to pick up a larger size next time he went to the store.
He stepped out into the hallway and began rummaging through the medicine cabinet as he heard the spray soften as it drenched Krad's body. Another moment later, and he wandered back in with two new tubes of both shampoo and conditioner tucked in the crook of his arm, and couldn't help but smile at the sight which greeted him.
Krad looked…like a big wet dog. A very unhappy big wet dog—unhappy because he was soaking wet and this bath was not fun, and what in the world did humans find so damn enjoyable about it?! Admittedly, the water did feel good now, loosening his muscles and sending warm shivers up through his torso. But this was nothing like anything his previous hosts had done; they'd always relaxed their whole bodies in the tubs, sometimes for over an hour. None of this half above, half below business. "Satoshi…" he whined pathetically. "Can't I get out yet?"
"Idiot—you haven't even washed your hair." Setting the conditioner over to the side, he popped the cap off of one of the shampoo bottles and poured a liberal amount of the goop into his palms. "Now, hold onto that shower head, 'cause we're going to be using it again in a second, and lean over here so I can put this stuff in." Krad complied dutifully and let his Tamer go to work.
Oh… So this was what the humans liked so much… This…wow, Krad could deal with this… His amber eyes glazed over and slid shut, relaxing into the heavenly sensation as the Hikari boy's fingers massaged the soapy formula into his scalp, running all over his head and scratching itches he'd never knew he had. It was mesmerizing, these ministrations…
Too soon, though, the fingers pulled away and traveled down the length of his hair, thoroughly saturating even the most remote portions of his mane, and all the while he made sure the blond could repeat this process himself in the future, "Make sure you work it all in; with hair like yours, it wouldn't be good if you started getting split ends or anything like that." A knowing grin, "We might have to shave it all off."
"Sh—shave it?!" Krad cried out, and the boy laughed lightly, continuing to work the shampoo into the last of the strands.
"Here, hand me the showerhead." A moment later, and more soapy suds joined those already in the water, with the blond sputtering in protest.
"Ah—you're getting soap—it's in my eyes!" No response, "Satoshi, you're—OW! That's my hair!"
"Yes I know," the boy snapped, "You've got a lot of it, so it's quite difficult to miss—and I wouldn't pull it if you'd stop squirming. And shut your eyes if you don't want soap in them!" Krad made a move to glare, but just got more soap in them when Satoshi sprayed the crown of his head. He was starting to doubt that it was an accident on his Tamer's part.
Next came the conditioner, and Krad was exceedingly glad that this wasn't as soapy as the shampoo, so none of it dripped into his eyes. Then, though, followed the actual washing of the body itself. He stared uncertainly at the white fluffy…thing he was supposed to use, which his Tamer called a "loofa".
"…What kind of a name is that? Loofa…It sounds like…well, I'm not quite sure what it sounds like actually…"
Satoshi smiled and snatched the foamy pad from him, "Call it whatever you like then, it's just to help wash with. Here—I'll get your ears and neck since you don't have a mirror, but you can wash the rest of your body." With that he reached over and began sudsing up the crook where shoulder and neck met, working his way up until he passed over one ear, sending a tickling sensation ripping through the blond. Well—it tickled at first, until apparently Satoshi found a speck of dirt stuck to the sensitive cartilage, and began scrubbing harder. "Ow—ow! Satoshi—it's clean! It's—OW! That's my ear! My ear is clean!"
"It's not—there's something right here—or is that a mole? I don't—ACK!" Any further inspections were silenced as two strong arms swiftly snaked around the thin waist and pulled him into the by now lukewarm water, positioning him under the straddled form of his curse. "What're you—ah, you're getting these bubbles in my eyes!"
"Turnabout is fair play, you know. Serves you right!" The boy flailed valiantly but futilely, unable to move from his position on his back. "Now see how it was for me?"
"I never jumped you and pushed you into the tub though!" he sputtered pathetically, trying to keep the soapy water from getting into his mouth.
"Who's to say," Krad grinned cat-like, letting his eyes wander freely over the body beneath him, "That that's not what I wanted you to do?" Satoshi's struggling eased up, and even all this time living with Krad's innuendos had not jaded him to their effects, still leaving him to blush. The golden eyes paid no heed and instead drank in every bit of the boy's body.
He was soaked through and through by now, pale blue hair clinging limply to his forehead and temples in little clumps, with droplets of water making his eyelashes stick together noticeably. His shirt, a thin, flimsy button-up cotton one he'd changed into that morning so as not to be wandering around half naked all day (much to protests of other residents of the apartment), had turned all but transparent when submerged in the bathwater. Uptight, prudish Satoshi when dry, now rendered teasing and tantalizing when wet.
Uncertain blue eyes searched his face, trying to discern what exactly the blond's plans were now, and then trying to determine whether or not he would go along with those plans since he had a fairly good idea where Krad planned to take this sudden movement. True to form, a pair of eager lips wasted no time in swiftly descending on Satoshi's own, massaging them with the same care and delicate attention that the boy's own fingers had just paid his scalp.
When he moved over across a flushed cheek to flick his tongue over a sensitive earlobe, it took Satoshi a bit of time to find his voice and squeak out, "Umm, Krad I think—I think we need…to get…to get out…"
Krad still would not stop. "Of those clothes? I agree…"
"Of the TUB!" he finished in a huff; as expected, no effect. "The water—the water's getting cold, and you haven't finished w—washing…"
"Mmm…" was all he got in response, and Krad's hands now joined the fray, running like spiders over the smooth cotton shirt, before sliding up underneath to do the same to the skin the shirt was covering, drawing out goosebumps. His hair snaked inside with his hands where it could, feeling impossibly smooth and fluid against the flesh—like wet silk, crawling up inside his collar and down over his chest.
The fingers abandoned their posts underneath the shirt to now reach up and address the buttons barring them from full exposure to Satoshi's torso. No no…they absolutely had to go, and Krad would make sure that they did. Plip—one gone, plip—another, plip—and another. While his hands attended to the few remaining ones, his lips trekked downwards, tracing a line of angel-kisses across the sensitive flesh of Satoshi's neck, and on down to his collarbone. His senses were flooded with smells from the bath—the soapy floral scent of the shampoo, the bubble-bath, even the water itself seemed to possess an inherent smell now, a combination of the shampoo, conditioner, and soap.
But all he was focused on now was taste—he could taste his Satoshi, could taste the soapy water in the skin, could taste that floral essence, could even faintly detect the salty sweat that was sheening over his body in response to Krad's actions. And he wanted to taste…more.
The last of the buttons fell away, exposing Satoshi's chest fully to the open air, which now felt a little chilly since he was soaking in lukewarm bath water. Ah, the better to ravish now. But his hands—they had nothing to do now! Well, may as well keep going…
It was quite evident what the boy's body wanted the blond to do next—and since his mouth was only releasing the quiet gasp every now and then, not protesting in the least, he assumed that it would be fine to continue on. With deft fingers, he took hold of the zipper on the black slacks which were now hugging the boy's waist more tightly than when he'd first been pulled into the tub, sliding it down ever-so-slowly to gain access.
But with Krad's attentions focused on Satoshi's lower half, he completely missed it when the blue eyes shot open at full attention, worry streaking through them and completely dispelling any cloudiness brought about by the situation. Krad did not miss it, though, when he was about to snake a hand into the halfway open pants, only to find himself shoved backwards violently, upsetting him from his post straddling his Tamer.
He had not a moment to protest or question the action, though, before Satoshi scrambled out of the tub, turned his back on Krad and shot out the door, into his own room.
Golden eyes blinked once, twice, three times, brows knitting together in confusion.
"What…was that about?"
A few more silent minutes passed as Krad collected himself, trying to take stock of just what had happened. He was kneeling, nude, in the bathwater that was rapidly turning chilly, still confounded by what had just passed between himself and Satoshi.
Racking his mind frantically, he went over the events again—he'd pulled Satoshi into the bath with him, a bit of kissing, a bit of touching, no problems, Krad had moved to divest the boy of all these garments blocking them from touch—
"…Damn." What a grand fool he was. He hung his head low and pushed himself up, carefully stepping out of the tub to dry off. How could he have been so blind, so caught up in the moment to let his actions run away with him? Had he not barely twelve hours before urged the boy to watch out for him, to stop him from going too far?
He eyed the pajamas Satoshi had set out for him morosely, toweling himself off before slipping into them and bemoaning his soaked mane. He'd have to let it dry the human way now.
However, his hair was the least of his problems right now. He hung up the towel again and poked his head out—no one in the living room or kitchen. Assuming Satoshi hadn't fled the apartment, that meant he was moping in the bedroom, and probably didn't want to speak to Krad anymore.
"…Satoshi?" he tested cagily, eyeing the form situated huddled on the floor at the foot of the bed with worry. "…Are you all right…?"
"…I'm fine…sorry…" The voice was low and rough, muffled by the fact that he had his knees drawn up to his chin and had buried his face in them. "I didn't…it's all right now…" He looked up finally, face pale. "You didn't do anything wrong, it was…it's all right," he repeated.
Krad dared a step in, shutting the door softly behind himself, and knelt down to Satoshi's level. "I told you to stop me…" he breathed wearily, though the reprimand was lost somewhere between his thinking and speaking. "I never…never…"
"It's my own fault," Satoshi corrected staunchly, pushing himself up. "Too much modesty, I can barely even change in front of someone else—it's not right. Not now." His shirt still had the first three buttons undone, and he reached now for the fourth one to continue it, with Krad looking on in some confused muddle of horror and uncertainty. "I said I was all right," he reassured the blond, though it sounded more like it was to reassure himself, and his fingers were on the last button. "We can keep go—"
"No!" Krad snapped his hands out to grip the boy's wrists and pull them away, holding them at his sides. "What are you…?"
"Let me go, Krad," he responded calmly, eyes blank, "or make yourself useful and finish it for me."
"No," the blond repeated firmly, maintaining his grip. "I'm not going to release you until you promise me you'll cease these efforts to denude yourself any further." He frowned, then amended, "Or rather, button yourself back up—you'll catch cold. You're soaked." He pushed himself up now and turned to the closet, jerking the boy along with him for good measure. After rifling through the contents a moment, he pulled out a robe and wrapped Satoshi in it. "Honestly…"
Satoshi's pout was resolute, but at least he wasn't stripping. "First you want to…then you don't… I really wish you'd make up your mind what you want from me."
"I could say the same of you!" Krad snapped a bit too harshly in response, and flinched along with the boy. "Just—why? Why do you…let me tread so far? Why do you let me get you where it's so hard to stop…when you don't want it?"
"Because I do!" he moaned in response, cradling his head in his hands as he slipped onto the bed in defeat. "Or…I do when it happens… I…I like it—all of it. You…kissing, touching…everything. But when…just, when we went that far…"
So innocent, so pure…but far from naïve.
"It's pathetic…we can finally touch each other…and this comes up." He drew his legs up and buried his head. "It was different before…I didn't like you watching me all the time…but I never gave it any thought. Because…because I…hated you. Not letting you watch me was just…a way to get back at you, really, not because I cared… It wasn't…sexual. But before—what happened just now…"
"Satoshi…" The boy looked up, only now realizing that Krad had made his way over and taken a seat beside him. "…What are you doing berating yourself like this?" He shook his head and clucked his tongue in disapproval. "If I felt irritated that you were balking at this…would I have told you to stop me?"
"…I guess not…but still—"
"You…are beautiful…" he assured the boy, "…but I don't want your body if I can't have your heart along with it…understand? This…" He let a hand rest on Satoshi's chest. "…Over this." The hand slid down to rest on his hip now.
"…You're gonna regret those words before long…" Satoshi assured him. "You'll get frustrated with me—I don't know when I'll be ready to…to go further. It might be tomorrow…it might be a year from now."
"And apparently you don't realize that for me—just being able to hold your hand is more than I could have ever dreamt possible. You've already granted me plenty; give anything else time. I'll wait; I'm quite good at that, you know. With three centuries behind me…what's another year or two?"
Satoshi allowed a small smile to grace his lips. "I've no idea why you're so patient…you could step onto the street and probably have your pick of lovers, you know." He raised his palm to Krad's cheek, letting it rest against the smooth skin as he stroked. "I wouldn't blame you, really…wanting someone who can…who can give you what you need…"
"Need?" The blond blinked a few times, then chuckled softly. "I'm not the one who's supposed to be a hormonal teenager here—why on earth would I need this? I certainly wouldn't be averse to…going a little wild with you, but—no…it's not a need."
"But you—you've at least had experience with it before—"
"If, by experience, you mean I've seen it, then yes. Not all my hosts were quite as modest or monogamous as you appear to be."
"No—I mean, with others…yourself…you've…"
"Satoshi, look at me…" The boy's eyes had drifted away, but snapped back at the command, wary. "No. Never."
"Never—?"
Krad raised his head haughtily, "Never. When one's constantly focused on eliminating a thief like Dark or eradicating the Niwa clan, one has little time for such frivolities. Most of my Tamers were far from virgins…but never I." He brought his forehead forward to rest against Satoshi's. "You…are so many firsts for me, you know. How many times I've said 'I've never…' in the past twenty-four hours alone, I've lost count. I most definitely know…what to do. But I think you would understand well enough that knowing how to do something…and actually doing it…are two quite separate matters."
Satoshi flushed angrily, but what he ground out wasn't really mean-spirited. "Damn synchronization…"
"So no more of this self-berating, correct? There's nothing else I need to know to stay clear of? And you will stop me should it ever come to this again, right?"
"Yes, yes…" Satoshi agreed reluctantly, relaxing into Krad's embrace, "…I'm sorry I just…jumped out like that… There was probably an easier way to get you to hold on…"
"I think my 'holding on' was what the problem was mounting up to be," the blond leered, pleased to see the familiar blush creep back onto Satoshi's face. "And I'm sorry I let my senses get away with me. I suppose I'll have to work on controlling myself—it's not really been a problem before seeing as I've not usually been on the physical plane for any longer than an hour or so before. Not usually enough time to…get worked up like that."
"Such is the curse of humanity," Satoshi sighed, "Being controlled by the senses, being tricked by them… Sometimes it's welcome; many times it's not. Sometimes they strengthen you and other times they weaken, but…always they're there, and you can't turn them off." He slipped sideways to where he was lying down on the bed, hair dampening the pillow beneath his head.
Krad did the same, spooning behind him and stroking the strands that were clumped together. "I remember…lying here just like this only a few nights ago…and wishing I could do this." The boy's lids drooped, mesmerized by the attention. "Such a simple act…and I couldn't do it… Couldn't run my fingers through your hair…or trail them down your arm—" he did so, "—or kiss the nape of your neck," and again he did so. "I used to wonder to myself…that if I were given a single moment's flesh…a single chance to share this plane with you…what would I do?"
"…And…?" Softly mumbled, just barely coherent.
Krad stilled his fingers' running and pulled the hand up, threading their fingers together and letting his lips rest feather-light in a soft kiss on the back of the boy's hand, demure as a courtier in some royal palace. "Only that. I was never an imaginative one, you know…"
Satoshi awoke with a start some time well after dark and shifted his upper body upright, head turning to and fro in a sleepy stupor as he tried to remember where he was—in his bed, that's where he was right now…but this wasn't how he'd fallen asleep, this much he remembered.
As another moment passed he recalled the long, taxing talk he'd had with Krad earlier that evening, after the fiasco-formerly-known-as-Krad's-shower. He remembered crying, he remembered hating himself for being so weak and cowardly, and he distinctly remembered strong arms around him reminding him that he was none of that—and that those same strong arms would be there for him always, regardless of the boy's decision on how far to take their relationship. If they forever simply touched…then that, Krad had said, would have been more than enough to make him happy.
He remembered, also, the blond trying to retreat to the couch again as he'd done the night before, and remembered him finally giving in to Satoshi's pleading—even given the fact that hardly an hour before, the boy had been scared stiff of being touched by his former curse. No, no, Satoshi had assured him—everything was fine now, and he was most definitely not sleeping alone tonight, and if Krad tried to stop him, he'd hang on and never let go. He was a former police officer—waiting was part of his job description, and he'd stakeout Krad's body for as long as necessary until he finally gave in. Which he did.
After all, how could anyone resist those pleading blue eyes, at once adorable and intoxicating? It was certainly not a feat Krad was capable of accomplishing, and in a flash he was under the sheets with his Tamer, holding the boy close—or rather, being held close, as it seemed Satoshi was doing all the holding.
Yes, he remembered all that…so that begged the question: Why was he here in his bed…alone?
He rubbed the remaining bit of sleep from his eyes, running thin fingers through his hair and tousling it as he tried to think about his situation. Had he, perhaps, woken coincidentally when Krad had risen to get a drink of water or use the bathroom? Straining his ears, he frowned when he was returned simply the silence of his apartment.
Flinging back the coverlet, he let his feet drop to the floor and padded across the hardwood floor into the living room, being careful not to stub his toes on any pieces of furniture—a bout of night-time cursing wasn't conducive to sneaking about and finding Krad.
When he got into the den area, he blinked in the darkness, waiting for anything to come into focus, and warily fumbled with the lamp on the table at the end of the sofa, searching for a light-switch. Eventually running his fingers across it, he flicked it on, and instantly the room was filled with a soft orangey light—and only light. Krad was not on the couch, nor was he anywhere within sight by the lamplight. Instead, Satoshi found something even more disturbing:
His front door was open.
Not very wide, mind you, like a robber had forced his way in—no, it was more like someone had snuck out and had just barely closed it behind them so as to keep quiet.
Satoshi eased it open again and wandered out into the dark hallway, eyes turning right and left as he tried to discern which way his guest might have headed. Left was towards the elevators—he could mark those off immediately, since they didn't run after midnight, and it had been after then that the two had fallen asleep. Any residents wishing to get in or out of the building and up to their floors after that time had to take stairs.
That narrowed down which way Krad had gone—he sprinted down the hall in his house shoes and eased the heavy steel door at the end open with a loud creak. His apartment was on the sixth floor—the top level, save the roof—so the blond had to have gone down, and Satoshi turned a corner to head down the flights, until he noticed moonlight streaming in from an opening above him.
The roof entrance was open as well.
Taking a chance, he took the stairs two at a time, and shuffled out onto the landing, heaving from dashing about so. Immediately, though, he straightened up, when he spotted a welcome form standing over by the far ledge across from him. Chest tightening up in panic, he forced his legs to speed him to Krad's side, choking out, "No! No—Krad! Don't—!"
Golden eyes blinked and turned around curiously, widening slightly when they took in the form sprinting towards them. "S—Satoshi!" Launching his lithe form at the blond to keep him from doing whatever it had been he was about to do, thin arms snaked around the waist and held on for dear life.
"No—you hear me? No!"
Krad fumbled for words, "'No'—? But, Satoshi, I—"
"I said no!" His voice was slightly muffled by the fact that he was burying his face in the fabric of Krad's sleepwear, and he was fairly certain he was starting to tear up again. "I'm not letting you leave!"
Crap…Krad had been found out.
"I don't know what I have to do to make you stay…but tell me and I'll do it! Anything!" he pulled back, and the blue eyes grew more serious, driving home a point, "Anything…if that's what will make you stay."
Krad smiled sadly and untwined the arms from around his waist, setting the boy back at a safe distance from him, "That's not the problem, Satoshi…not hardly that…I told you already, remember?"
Confusion spread over the fine Hikari features, "Then—then why?! Why would you…resort to…to…suicide?!"
Krad's face now reflected the same confusion of his Tamer, "Wait…suicide? Who? When?" He glanced at his surroundings, earning a glare from the boy, "…Me?!"
There was no reply, only a harsh continuation, "If you jump off this roof…I'm jumping after you!"
Krad laughed softly at the naïveté—it was quite sweet, though. "Satoshi…if you did that, you'd die—"
"YOU WOULD TOO!" the voice erupted, broken with a slight sob at the end.
More blinking on Krad's part. "I…wh—what…?"
"You—you were standing on that ledge when I came up! You looked…like you were going to jump."
Pausing, Krad gathered himself and corroborated him, "Well…I was. But—," he laughed, "I wasn't committing suicide!"
The glare simply hardened, and Satoshi's voice rose a few decibels, "Then how exactly were you planning on surviving a six-story fall?!"
Krad sighed—really, was his Tamer that dim? "Satoshi—wings of course…" How on earth had the boy forgotten that? After all, he'd used them himself before!
Satoshi shook his head in disbelief, eyes narrowing now, "Krad…you're human. You don't have those wings anymore! You're not Astral—you're like me now!"
…
"Idiot…" Satoshi spat when all Krad found the strength to do was open and close his mouth in rapid succession as he fumbled for words—he really had completely forgotten about not being able to use Astral anymore, even after the incident the previous day when he'd tried to summon clothing. "Don't scare me like that!"
Suddenly something twigged inside Krad as his Tamer pulled away and tried to calm down, "But—why would you do something like that? Here I am trying to slip out quietly so I couldn't hurt you anymore, and you would've thrown yourself down with me! Completely defeats the purpose of my leaving in the first place…"
Satoshi's eyes widened twice their normal size, and before he could stop himself or even realize what he was doing, his right palm shot out and slapped the tender flesh of Krad's cheek, shocking the both of them into silence.
Eventually, though, Satoshi was the one to find his voice first and continue on with his tirade. "How dare you still try that—after all I've said!" he hissed in fury, "You've always always been with me—you can't leave now! I—I couldn't take it…if you leave me…then I'll truly be alone…"
Still in a state of shock from being slapped, Krad managed to find his tongue and argue feebly, "But—being alone…might be for the better… For if I weren't here with you, then consequently I wouldn't be here to hurt you either… It would just be…the lesser of two evils. So long as I am here, I can and inevitably will still hurt yo—"
"I don't care!" he snapped hastily, "I don't! I would bear it, any pain! Just for you to be here!—You think you're hurting me, taking away my happiness…when you are that now! And if you leave me again, I swear I'll—I'll never forgive you!" He hardened his glare and clenched his fists into little balls at his sides, "I'd hate you just as much for that as I would for being hurt by you!" And then, the statement that pained Krad most:
"I'd hate you like before!"
There was a tiny gasp, and Satoshi realized it had come from himself, and struggled to add something to soften the statement, not really meaning to have said that much. "I just…no, it wouldn't be like before, I wouldn't hate you that way, I couldn't… Only, I'd be so mad and frustrated if you left, it would seem like that…is all…"
At this point Krad wasn't sure what had shocked him more—the earlier physical slap, or this verbal one he'd just received.
Satoshi continued speaking, though by now he'd gotten control of his voice and steadied his tone, coming off much more calm and collected—much more normal Satoshi. "Everything—everything you did…trying to seal yourself, trying to leave me now, all those stupid speeches about us needing to be separated…you did it all saying you wanted to protect me, so that you wouldn't hurt me…"
Then he exploded again in a passionate protest, "What if I don't want to be protected, though? What if I want to hurt sometimes? What if I want you here, with me, so that when I do hurt, it won't feel so bad, because I'm not feeling it alone?!" He bit his lip, "You want to leave because you think it's for the best, but—you're just, just RUNNING AWAY! Always so damn selfish!
"You never once thought about my feelings—never thought about how I would feel, how much it would affect me if you left! You always only thought about how much better you would feel, away from me!
"You can't protect me from every pain or hurt I'll come across—you're only human! But you can help me by staying! If you're not here…if you leave…I'll have no one. No one! Can you still…still abandon me…when I'm standing here begging you not to…?"
At this point, he literally fell to his knees in place, reaching forward to grab the loose material of the pajama bottoms Krad was clad in, eyes falling to the ground as he leaned against the legs for support, clinging onto them as his back heaved, unable to hold back anymore, "I…please…please…don't leave me…please Krad…"
And all Krad wanted at this point was to stop the poor child from crying the tears he had made him cry even though he no longer felt them resonating inside him as before. He hastily squatted down to embrace the boy's form and ran thin fingers in comforting ministrations up and down the heaving back, whispering soothing nothings in his ear.
"…I don't…know what to do, Satoshi…" he admitted after a moment, still rubbing the back beneath his hands, "I do want to stay, but there's always something in my mind, something pulling me, saying I shouldn't be here still…I don't…know—"
"Just—for once…for once in your life, Krad…don't do what's ingrained in you…don't follow your fate or whatever the hell you want to call it…do what you want to do…! Please!"
When the blond didn't immediately respond with a positive or negative answer, Satoshi plunged into an explanation of all the mundane reasons Krad could not leave, "I—who'll cook for me? Who'll get mad at me when I won't rest even though I'm sick? Who'll dance with me and not get mad when I step on their feet? Who'll keep me company when schoolwork gets too boring? Who'll…" A pause, "…Who'll always be there in my head…even though we're not together…?"
At this, Krad collapsed and clutched the boy even closer, burying his head in the crook where shoulder met neck, "Me…me…I want it…to be me…dear gods I want it to be me…"
There was no way for him to fight it now…Satoshi had won him over, body and soul—no force in heaven or earth could pry him from his Tamer's side at this point, and he noted distantly that this sensation of…being home had washed over his entire being, resonating softly and warmly between himself and the body he was still embracing.
They stayed that way on the rooftop for another few minutes before Krad noticed that Satoshi, exhausted from the ordeal, had slipped back into the land of slumber, and was sleeping soundly in the blond's arms, cradled close for warmth.
Smiling softly, he stood as quietly and slowly as he could and crept down the stairs back into their apartment, padding softly into the bedroom at the rear of the abode. He gently eased the boy down onto his usual side of the mattress, smoothing away a stray lock of hair as he pulled the coverlet back over the form, already shivering slightly at the loss of body contact. Well, that would be remedied soon enough.
Just as he had promised—no, all but solemnly sworn, Krad stayed by Satoshi's side that night, and intended to every day after for so long as the boy would have him. He pulled the covers back slowly on the other side of the bed and slid in, head hitting the pillow facing the angelic sleeping-face of his Tamer. His precious Hikari Satoshi…his beloved, who had stated defiantly that he would have died before he'd be separated from the blond.
My how things had changed…
Things had changed, and not just their relationship…Thanks to that boy, he was doing something tonight for the first time in his entire existence.
He reached over, pulled the body closer(which didn't offer much resistance anyway), and slowed his own breathing as he entered a sleep cycle. Doing for the first time what he wanted to do—not what he was expected to do, not what he was commanded to do.
What he wanted to do.
And right now, he wanted nothing more than to stay by Satoshi's side. So he did just that.