A/N: I was pestering Steel to write a Tori/Aaya story with me, and we came up with this… interesting story.
We don't own any of the characters that appear.
How to Use a Small Girl's SoulBy Shikoku and Steel Flint
Hatori was minding his own business.
The business of doctoring.
Which was serious business indeed.
And a business he didn't take lightly.
Probably because Akito wouldn't let him.
He sighed. Ah well, at least he enjoyed it.
"Oooh Tori-san!"
"Kami give me strength." he muttered, rubbing the bridge of his nose.
Then Ayame Sohma bounced into the room. "Tori-san, it's been so long! You never call, you never write! "
Hatori sighed. "I'm very busy right now, Ayame." he said, not looking up from his paper work.
"But, Tori, you can't turn me away!" Ayame protested
"Watch me." The doctor pointed to the door.
"But I brought alcohol!" Ayame held up a bottle.
Hatori began rubbing his temples this time. "I'm at WORK, Ayame." he stressed.
"But I don't see any patients" Ayame started looking around Hatori's office as if the doctor had hidden them.
"Just because I don't have a patient at this moment, DOESN'T mean I'm not working!" He was rapidly losing his patience.
"But, Tori-san, I don't get to see enough of you anymore." Ayame pouted.
"Look, why don't you go bother Shigure?"
"Because I seduced Gure-san LAST week."
The pen Hatori had been holding suddenly fell onto the desk. Slowly, incredulously, he turned in his chair to face Ayame. "WHAT??"
Ayame just smiled back at him. "Well THAT certainly got your attention."
Hatori frowned. Was that some kind of joke?
"You really need to lighten up, Tori-san. You'll develop high blood pressure, and at such a young age!"
The dragon struggled to fight down his urge to throttle the snake.
"You should know me better than that by now, Tori. You're the only one I want to seduce."
Now Hatori fell completely out of his chair.
Ayame went to help him up. "Did I startle you?"
The taller man wasn't sure if he should take the offered hand, looking at it like it might some how jump off Ayame's arm and onto his crotch. He pulled himself to his feet.
"Tori-san… You've stopped talking.."
Hatori shook his head. His hearing must be going in his old age. He didn't understand a word Ayame said.. Wait, that was pretty normal for him.
"Ayame, just go away. I have too much work to do to deal with you right now."
Ayame sighed looking all dejected at Hatori.
Hatori went back to his work, ignoring Ayame.
Ayame stared at him, longingly, turned, then left.
Leaving the Sohma house behind, Ayame continued determinedly to Nerima, where he found a certain Chinese restaurant called the Cat Cafe.
He sat down and looked over the menu.
"Nihao!" A buxom purple haired Amazon bounced over to him. "You ready to order?"
"I'm here to see Cologne" Ayame said, setting his menu down.
Shampoo blinked. "You know Great-Grandma?"
"I've heard about her before" Ayame answered.
Shampoo eyed the obviously flamboyant gentleman. "Great-Grandma! There homo here to see you!" she called.
Ayame winced. "I prefer the term bishonen"
Shampoo only shrugged and pranced away.
Cologne opened the curtain and hopped out on her stick. She pogoed over to Ayame's table.
"Oh. It's you." She said, in her crackly voice.
Apparently, Ayame's reputation proceeded him.
"So queer boy, what I can do for you?"
Ayame sighed. Why must everyone pick on yaoi icons? "I've been reading a lot of Ranma 1/2 fanfiction lately, is it true you amazons possess "Passion Spice"?"
"I really need to start charging royalties..." the old woman muttered to herself.
"Please! I'm desperate! There's no such thing in my series, and I very much need some!"
"It's not cheap." Cologne warned.
"What will it cost me?"
"Hmmmm..."
Ayame hoped she didn't ask for something creepy.. like his soul.. or.. gasp a date!
"Your soul is too tainted." Cologne grimaced. "all those homosexual thoughts. Give me Chibi-Usa's soul. She isn't using it."
Ayame blinked. "You want me to steal an innocent young girl's soul?"
"Eh, it's Chibi-Usa, nobody will care." Cologne replied. "Or notice."
Ayame and Cologne pause to wait to be flamed by Chibi-Usa fanboys.
When nothing happened, they continued.
"How do I steal a soul?" Ayame mused.
"I don't know, you're the snake, suck it out of her." And with that, Colonge pogoed away.
Shampoo returned, and Ayame ordered some pot stickers. While he ate, he debated with himself if he was so desperate to claim Hatori as his own that he'd steal a young girl's soul.
Of course he was.
So he paid his bill, and headed to Crossroads.. or whatever the real Japanese name of Sailormoon's city, I'm too lazy to look it up right now.
Steel: Juuban.
Shikoku: Thank you.
Ayame was walking down the street, when a flashy sports car pulled over beside him. To his surprise, he recognized the driver and her passenger as a couple he often saw at his favorite nightclub.
He waved to Sailors Uranus and Neptune, in their Haruka and Michiru personas.
"What are you doing in this part of town, Aya?" Haruka asked, once the snake got in their car, and she was once again speeding gaily down the street.
"I'm looking for Chibi-Usa, actually."
"Whyever for?" Michiru asked, wondering how Ayame knew Chibi-Usa.
"I need her soul to buy Passion Spice from Cologne."
"Oh, you're finally going to seduce Hatori?" Michiru asked.
"I'm sure trying, but he's being unresponsive" Ayame sighed, despondently.
"Have you tried bondage?"
"Yes.."
Flashback to Ayame sneaking up on Hatori holding a rope.
Various flashes of leather, handcuffs and a gagball, and an Ayame dressed as Dr. Fankenfurter
"What are you doing, Ayame?" Hatori said, before Ayame could even touch him.
"Halloween?"
"Nice try."
"Darn."
With that Ayame slunk out of Hatori's office, dragging all his stuff.
"That's sad." Haruka said. "Maybe you shouldn't have cackled before hand."
"I guess so.. maybe in the long run it would be easier if I stole a young girls soul, so I cast a spell on my beloved."
"Worked for Mamoru."
"Oh?" Ayame looked interested. "How did he do it?"
"He took Miaka's soul and used the Passion Spice on Usagi."
"That's it! I can ask this "Mamoru" how to steal souls."
Michiru looked to Haruka. "I think he used a plunger."
Ayame blinked.
That sounded painful.
And kind of preposterous.
Oh well, whatever worked. "Drop me off at the hardware store. I need a plunger."
Haruka grinned proudly to herself. Finally they could all get rid of Chibi-Usa! Who said she couldn't control who her daughter dated?
The next thing he knew, Ayame was standing in front of Sears. He picked out the pink plunger, and returned to Haruka's car.
They then dropped him off at Usagi's house, snickering as they hightailed out of there, and planning on having Hotaru hook up with Card Captor Sakura.
Meanwhile, Ayame rang Usagi's doorbell.
Usagi's mother answered.
"Hello, madam" Ayame said grandly, taking her by the hand and kissing it.
He then proceeded to spout off some long rambling monologue where he asked to see Chibi-Usa in the most round about way possible.
And she fell for it.
Chibi-Usa was standing before him in minutes.
"Why, hello little girl" He then jumped on her and using the plunger, sucked her soul out of her ear.
Sadly enough, it was fairly easy.
He put the soul into a empty jar of facial moisturizer, then began the walk back to the Cat Cafe.
Haruka and Michiru could have at least waited till he finished the job.
Oh well, there it was now.
Once again he entered the Chinese restaurant. This time, however, Cologne and Shampoo were waiting for him. He handed them the jar and they handed him the packet of Spice. Done and done.
Gleefully, the snake skipped all the way back to the Sohma house.
"Hatori sex! Hatori sex!" he sang along the way.
He was so excited and happy, he wasn't watching where he was going.. and he'd never admit this to anyone ever, because he was supposed to be graceful, damnit, he tripped, fell over, and his passion spice went flying away.
"Noooooooooooooooo!" he screamed, even as it hit the back of someone's head.
"Oooh Passion Spice!" said Shigure, gleefully. He knew what to do with this! And promptly ran off with it.
Leaving Ayame crying for his lost passion spice.. and loss of an opportunity.
"Ayame." a voice said behind where he sobbed on the ground. "What are doing laying there?"
Ayame turned, and saw Hatori standing above him. This caused Ayame's eyes to well up more, and he launched himself at the doctor and started crying into his chest.
"What the hell?!"
"I lost my passion spice" Ayame finally distinctly wailed.
Hatori blinked. "Passion Spice?" The doctor had heard of it of course, even treated some of the nastier cases. "What do you need that for?"
"I was going to seduce you" the snake sniffed.
The taller man rolled his eyes. "You don't need Passion Spice for that, fool." His tone was soft.
Ayame rubbed his eyes. "Yes, I do. I can't ever seem to get your attention."
He didn't realize that Hatori was walking him toward the house he'd been laying in front of. "That's only because you bother me at work." he replied quietly.
"But you're always at work." Ayame let himself be led.
"That's called a JOB." Hatori opened the door and stepped through into his house.
"Okay, you're always at your job" Ayame rephrased.
"Someone has to put the kids through school."
Ayame blinked. "Now you lost me, Tori-san"
Hatori rolled his as they kept walking. "Where do you think the money comes from, hmmmm? High school isn't cheap you know."
"I never really thought about it.."
"You and Shigure barely make enough to pay the food bills, somebody has to pick up the slack." They were climbing stairs now.
"I thought you only had family members as patients."
Hatori arched an eyebrow. "What kind of practice would THAT be? I'd be out of a job most of the year."
"Well, somebody has to keep Akito-sama from falling apart"
"Yeah but he never pays me for it." Hatori snorted. He opened the door to his bedroom.
Ayame didn't notice, too busy being amazed Hatori actually did sneak in extra patients.
Unknown to most of the family, Hatori had a whole other practice OUTSIDE the Sohmas.
Well, that would certainly explain why he was always tired and grumpy.
"So.. when I came to visit you at work.."
"I really WAS working." Hatori stated, then shoved Ayame back down on the bed. "But now I'm not." And he climbed on top of the other man.
Ayame gazed up at him with wide eyes. "Hatori?"
"No more talking." And his mouth found Ayame's.
Shigure snickered and waited for the right moment.
Then, quick as a flash, dumped the Passion Spice into two cups of steaming tea.
"Yuki! Kyo! Tea time!"