The Musings of a Raven, a teen titans fanfic

The Musings of a Raven

Dedicated to Matt. Happy Valentine's Day and Premiere of Lost Season 3 Pt. 2.

February 14, 2007

Dear Piece of Paper I Will Soon Burn After Writing,

The following events took place between 1 pm and midnight of February 14.

It really started with a really stupid thing. A really stupid thing. It was just Beast Boy messing around with bubble wrap that really started this whole "feeling" thing. Not that I didn't admit that it had really been growing for sometime, but my stupid thoughts made me realize something. Something really totally not me. Something that I, Raven, part demon and heroine to Jump City, would never feel or ever consider. And would now rather die than tell anyone.

That I'm head over heels in love with Beast Boy.

I seriously need to get out more if it's Beast Boy I have thing for.

It started out rather simply. Cyborg went down to check to see if we had any mail. We usually didn't get anything after all the fan mail is sorted out and burned. How that came into being is a story for another time. I was calmly sipping my tea and wondering if I had been reading too many romantic novels. I also was thinking about how Beast Boy and I turned a bright red (making him look like a Christmas tree on fire) when we had grabbed the syrup at the same time. And when our hands had, sorta of touched. Though I will not admit (not even to myself) that my heart skipped a beat. I just counted my blessings that no one had noticed. Robin was too captivated by the smell of Starfire's new shampoo and Cyborg was too busy eating his own waffles. Starfire was worrying whether or not Robin had noticed her new shampoo. Pathetic if you ask me.

Though, I wonder if Beast Boy noticed the mascara I wore today.

No, bad thoughts. Bad thoughts. No Beast Boy thoughts. No Beast Boy thoughts. No Beast Boy thoughts. No Beast Boy thoughts. No Beast Boy thoughts. No Beast Boy thoughts. No Beast Boy thoughts. No Beast Boy thoughts. No Beast Boy thoughts. No Beast Boy thoughts. Beast Boy thoughts. Beast Boy thoughts. Beast Boy thoughts. Beast Boy thoughts. Beast Boy thoughts. Beast Boy thoughts. Beast Boy thoughts. Beast Boy thoughts. Beast Boy thoughts. Beast Boy thoughts. Beast Boy thoughts. Beast Boy thoughts. Beast Boy thoughts. Beast Boy thoughts. Beast Boy thoughts. Beast Boy thoughts. Beast Boy thoughts. Beast Boy thoughts.

Crud.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, Cyborg had gone to get the mail. Probably didn't want Beast Boy do see the letter he got BumbleBee. He really needs to hide his emotions more. I was surprised Beast Boy was too caught up with the bubble wrap to even comment on how Cyborg danced around the room. Maybe Beast Boy wasn't expecting it. Even if today is Valentine's Day.

NOT that I counted the days. (I'm not that desperate, thank you very much.) Starfire has just been taking about it since we took down the Christmas decorations. And then she spent three weeks trying to find a gift she hadn't already bought him for Christmas (Robin had gotten an extra twenty presents from Starfire this year) and was prefect in every respect. I can't remember what it was, but it may have been hair gel she eventually decided on.

Prefect gift is it not?

Moving on, considering I haven't even gotten to the bubble wrap part. So Robin had gotten this ridiculously huge box; he said it was filled with supplies needed for his gadgets and what not. We all knew it was hair gel. He really didn't need to bother, considering he uses so much that he needs to replenish his supply every two weeks.

I think just about all the villains would keel over if they knew just how much he uses. And the smell. Of course, Starfire just loves the smell. Considering she spent two hours just talking about it. I can't remember if that was before or after the discussion of whether I thought Robin had blue or brown eyes; I think I fell asleep or said I had to go to the bathroom. To throw up.

Unfortunately that would hurt Starfire's feelings, so I think I just meditated, like when Beast Boy talks about video games or something…

Wait, where was I again? Right, he had this ridiculously huge box. Basically he grabbed all the hair gel and made a mad run for the exit, like Kitten had escaped from jail and was going after him again. Well, that is if she had passed Starfire and lived. So, he left the box with all of the bubble wrap in it.

Then the following conversation occurred.

Cyborg: Dawg, he had a lot, dawg, holla, hair gel, dawg.

Beast Boy: Let's butt our noses into things that aren't our business and be stupid, idiotic, and immature, by looking through things that aren't ours.

Starfire (with confused look on face): But friends? Is it not unkind to do such things? We need to all be happy and cheerful 24/7! We need to pretend the world is a beautiful happy place where everyone dances and sings merrily. Oh look, the Barney special on mustard is on…

Raven is unavailable for comment due to fainting after too much eye-rolling.

I have just realized how long-winded I've been with this whole thing. I mean I've gone through like 6 pages or so just to get to this part. Maybe I should simplify it and get to the real part. The part when I get all mushy and talk about Beast Boy. Pathetic, I know, but… well, you will just have to wait till I get to it.

Beast Boy and Cyborg run over to the box. Starfire is able to plead on Robin's behalf thanks to commercial break during the Barney mustard special. Beast Boy and Cyborg pointlessly argue about who gets to tip over the box, in what direction, and how.

I now present to you the candidates for President…of the Association of Stupid Superheroes.

(Just think about the acronym for a second before continuing.)

Cyborg: Known for ditching ladies for video games, this cybernetic player is commonly associated with waffles and meat. He is known to slave over his 'baby' otherwise know as the T-Car. Beware of

His stand on the box crisis terrorizing our tower for the past minute: "I feel I should push it…as the most manly and good-looking guy here (makes muscle). I feel I should use my sonic cannon to knock it over to the left.

(In the backround: To the left, to the left, everything you own in the box to the left…)

And our next candidate, Beast Boy: Known for consuming large amounts of tofu a day, this fellow has had a few rocky relationships. Also known for changing into any animal form, he flaunts the attributes of green hair, skin, and eyes. With his fang and pointed ears, he makes the heart of a teen empathy skip a beat. Beware of his corny jokes and want to include you.

His stand on the box crisis, currently at a record of two minutes or terrorizing: I should be the one to push the box because I'm the coolest (snickers), smartest (snickers get louder), and best! (Snickers break out into full blown laughter). I should turn into a cool animal and knock to the right.

(To cast your vote, call 1-800-AN-IDIOT, today!)

Well, to cut an already long story short, someone knocked down the box. I shan't say who, but let's just say it involved a lot of boom (of the sonic variety) and green fluffy things. Rather typical of tower life, except it was over a box this time. Eventually the bubble wrap went onto the floor of course.

Now let us poll the one and only Teen Titans:

Cyborg: Oh man, I wanted hair gel black mail! (grumbles)

Robin (who has just entered the room showing off his hair gel hair style): WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!!! I LEAVE THE ROOM FOR FIVE SECONDS…

Starfire: Robin, please, do not be angry. Do you wish me to make the Pudding of Anger?

Beast Boy: Awesome! Bubble wrap!

Raven (In typical monotone): Would everyone please be quiet.

Beast Boy (In mocking monotone): Sorry, we should be quiet.

(Laughter breaks out.)

Suddenly snow fell on top of his head. Supplied by me of course.

"What the-?" Beast Boy said. I let a small grin escape.

"Oh, it's on," the green changeling said.

Oh, it was most definitely on. Thinking such a fight would be better suited outside...

…And people say superpowers could be bad.

I felt their chills as I transported them through my cloak. On second thought, I 'grabbed' the coats as well. We landed down onto the 'yard' of the tower. It's hard to say it was a yard considering it didn't really look like one. More like a beach covered in snow. Which was rather weird for Jump City, but we didn't really mind. It was snow, and it was there. That's it, that's all.

After a few moments of preparation, World War III was set to begin. Or at least, that's what Beast Boy called it. A smile flitted across his face as he said that. My heart skipped a beat. That was when the confusion began.

After several shouting matches and a few snowballs with a black aura surrounding them (the most of which was towards Beast Boy), it was decided that it would be boys against girls. This was only decided after Robin said the teams would be him and Starfire, Beast Boy and me, and Cyborg…who would be all alone. And he said it in a annoying controlling voice. Needless to say, only Starfire agreed with said plan. Fortunately, no one seemed to notice that I didn't protest about being paired with Beast Boy. Well, no one except my shocked self.

I mean, it's not normal to like someone who, a) you like to disagree with b) are exact opposites with and c) and if the person just happens to be Beast Boy. What would Starfire, Robin, or Cyborg think if we started…dating. A very alarming thought I assure you, but… And what does Beast Boy even think about me?

Does he like me at all? I know he likes me as a friend, at the very least, but… I mean, does he think I'm pretty, even beautiful? Does he think I'm smart of funny? Does he smile when he remembers something funny I said? Does he like my cooking? (Well, that would be a first. I don't hold much hope for that one.) Does he like my eyes or my hair? Does he notice when I put on makeup? Does he like it when I smile? Would he like it if I laughed? Does he remember when I hugged him? Did he like it? Does he remember blushing when our hands touch? Does he remember it blushing and with a small smile?

I really need to stop reading those romance novels…

Any way, the forts were built. I think the boys were jealous on how Starfire could blast snow into place and how I could just levitate it with ease. I could feel the glares and sense the jealously from over here. I couldn't help but let a small chuckle escape. I wonder if Beast Boy likes my laugh…

I'm doing it again, I know.

I never thought about how easy it is to make a fort when you have superpowers. Starfire and Cyborg could easily blast snow into place with starblots or with a sonic cannon. I can levitate it into place. Beast Boy can dig or pack with ease by changing into an animal. Robin…well, he can give orders and blast snow with his gadgets or something. Sorta odd that our leader is a just an obsessive controlling normal person.

Moving on.

Well, Starfire and I had a good system. She was the distraction. To most male teenagers she, clad only in her typical mini-skirt and midriff showing top and refusing any other means to keep herself warm, was already distracting. Plus Robin would rather admit how much hair gel he uses per day than throw a snowball at her. Starfire would gently throw starbolts at the snow to upset the snow onto them. They had already agreed that you could not use their powers to directly harm someone. You could use your powers to upset snow to hit someone, but it couldn't be too hard.

While they were distracted by Starfire, I would lie in wait. Then I would unleash a wave of snowballs aided by my powers. I would make sure a lot hit Beast Boy. I'd let Starfire get Robin. Cyborg was really no fun to get.

Then, I didn't know why I wanted hit Beast Boy. It was…fun, but my heart didn't tell me why. It just decided to beat faster while my stomach did belly flops.

And so we waited…You have no idea how long it would take for three male teenagers to agree.

Finally when neither of us could take it anymore, Starfire upset a mountain of snow on to them and I dropped about a foot of snow on to Beast Boy. When he looked back over at me with a bewildered look I had to do the best I could not giggle. My emotions are so out of wack.

Then came the boy's secret weapon: Cyborg.

First off, you have to kinda feel bad for the guy considering we all seem to pair off. While, not that I would ever expect Beast Boy to realize my feelings, I spend more time with him than Cyborg. Then Robin and Starfire, who are attached at the hip. Seriously, with the exception of the bathroom, they are practically always in the same room. It makes me want to barf, but I have become a master at holding it in. The only girl he's ever really liked is on the East Coast.

Second, he's an easy target to hit.

As I explained before, Cyborg could not use his powers to directly harm us. But Beast Boy found a loophole. Behind Cyborg, Beast Boy and Robin would make snowballs and load them into Cyborg, who would launch them through the air. It was a pretty good idea and the least likely person had come up with it. Beast Boy.

I could just feel Beast Boy's grin as a mountain of snow hit me.

Well, I wasn't just going to sit around and let him take all the glory, now was I? A few muttered words to Starfire and our plan was in action. I couldn't wait to wipe that smug grin off Beast Boy's face, just for the pure pleasure of being able to. I smiled and quickly pulled my hood over my head. Note to self: Meditate before looking at Beast Boy ever again.

Now to Starfire's credit she was a very good distraction. Even though a few more shots were aimed at Robin then I would have liked, I knew I probably would have done the same. Well, except towards Beast Boy. My heart again skipped a beat for no apparent reason. I was really sick of it. But as with all good plans, something is bound to go wrong. Beast Boy was are undoing.

Now, the male mind works differently than the female mind on all accounts. Now a typical male teenager, brimming with hormones, would no doubt be distracted by Starfire, am I right? Same as no one would be distracted by me. It's a fact of life I have come to accept. Like the fact I'll always be single on Single Awareness Day (other wise know as Valentine's Day). But before I get into a tirade about that, let's just say Beast Boy was not distracted by Starfire. Sure Robin was and Cyborg (who knew better than to drool) wanted to get her back for all the snow that was now on top of him.

But Beast Boy wasn't looking at Starfire. In fact he stopped working on loading the snowballs and instead seem to prepare to throw his own. I seemed he was trying to find someone else. I was the only other person he could hit that wasn't on his team, but I didn't' quite understand why he would want to throw a snowball at me. Sure, we fight, disagree, and are at each others throats constantly but throwing a snowball at me could have always have waited. He appeared as if throwing a snowball at me was his top priority. I didn't, nor do I know why.

Yes, I'm getting all worked up about a snowball.

The second most surprising thing (after Beast Boy appearing to want to only throw a snowball at me) was that it wasn't until I attacked that Robin realized I hadn't been throwing snowballs. I think most off his brain cells have died off since he and Starfire started dating. It may have been a little early but I needed to get my mind over the whole Beast Boy-not-being-distracted thing.

I concentrated and then…levitated the snow…and…

WHOOSH! a bunch of snow fell on the males of the Titan household. There was no denying that most of it went on to Beast Boy. At first he looked incredulous, like "OMG! Snow! On me!" And then my stomach did a flip flop as I thought it looked so adorable when he had that face. After I mentally scolded myself he began laughing and a small smile, which I did my best to conceal, graced my features. He looked over at me once he was done laughing his butt off and smiled. That enough made my heart skip a beat.

I was beginning to think this was going to be a problem.

Wet, soggy, wet, cold, wet, tired, wet, ticked, and very wet, we went back into the tower. I was mentally hating myself for allowing so much emotion to be shown. I knew something was wrong with me, but I wasn't sure.

After talking over the cold, soggy, and wet coats, we went to the Ops. Room. Now came the argument over who was going to make hot chocolate. As three people opened their mouth, I knew it was time to step in.

"I'll make it." I said automatically and walked off to the kitchen area.

In the back round I heard a soft "We do have insurance for the kitchen, right?"

I turned around to see Beast Boy elbow Cyborg. A smirk came across my features. Beast Boy turned around and smiled at me. My knees felt weak and my smirk turned to a smile. I looked into his forest green eyes. They were filled with hope and trust. His eyes sparkled as I stared into them. I felt happy. There was no other way to describe it. It was one of those feelings where you have no idea what to do with it or where it came from. My heart began to beat faster as the seconds flew by. It was if there was no one else in the world; it was Beast Boy, me, and the water spurting out of the facet that exploded behind me. I turned around to fix it and Beast Boy ran over to help. The moment was gone, but the feeling stayed.

After repairing the facet, I began to prepare the hot chocolate. This was going to be so easy. I thought to myself. Simply put the water in the microwave, heat it up, and put the hot chocolate mix in. Stir and repeat.

Well, then there was the issue of actually opening the packet and overheating the water. Beast Boy came to my rescue and made it for me. He actually tired to show me first, but that did not work out to well.

I was sipping my hot chocolate (we had just happened to be out of herbal tea right when I wanted it the most) when I found myself realizing something. I was in love with Beast Boy. It technically made sense to everyone but me. How could I fall for Beast Boy? He was annoying, tactless, brainless… sweet, funny, and prefect.

Something is so wrong with me.

I realized how much I loved his smile. It was just so adorable how his little fang jutted out and how he loved to do it. He could make me smile though I would never tell him. His happiness was just so contagious. It radiated off him and infected me.

I realized that I liked just about everything about him. I loved his ears because they were pointy. I loved his messy hair. I loved the way he played video games. I just found myself realizing that I had felt all of this way before and that I was just coming into terms with it.

Robin cleared his throat. "Hey, Star. It's 5:30 remember?"

Starfire shrieked and dashed into her bedroom, reemerging five minutes later (during which I analyzed exactly why I liked arguing with him). Robin said they were going out and I realized something. It's Valentine's Day. How ironic. I smiled and I noticed that Beast Boy looked at me and smiled to. I guess he decided that if whatever could make me smile did so, that it was worthy of his smile too.

Cyborg muttered something about having to work on the T-Car and dashed out of the room.

"He's probably calling BumbleBee," I said after a few moments. Beast Boy slouched forward in his seat and rested his head upright on his arms.

"So, you saw the card then, too?" he asked.

"Before or after the ballerina dancing?" I asked wryly.

He let out a small chuckle.

"Do you like Valentine's Day?" he asked after a few minutes.

"Not really. It's just not my type of holiday." I replied and leaned a little back in my seat. I paused before asking if he liked it at all.

"Well, I'm not fond of it, actually. I mean after that whole Terra thing, but there's…well, something else too," Beast Boy sat up and looked down at the floor.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," I added with finality. He have to share something if he did not want to. It might have been too painful. I didn't want to meddle in anyone else's business.

"Well, I want to." Beast Boy said simply. After a few moments he asked, "Do you want to go to the roof?"

"Why?" I questioned.

"Cause the sun's gonna set," he smiled. I so wanted to close my eyes and refuse. But his eyes seemed to sparkle with love and hope. They seemed so innocent, that it would have been mean if I had refused. Besides, I didn't really mind in the slightest.

"Sure," a ghost of a smile escaped. His smile deepened.

As we walked up the lonely stairs, I noticed that he was about three inches taller than me now. I nearly stopped in my tracks when I saw this. He also appeared more filled out and a tad less scrawny. He would also have that rather lanky appearance I supposed. I found myself liking it. I guess I just never really payed attention to such things.

As we reached the top of the steps, I gasped. It looked prefect. Well, the sunrise that is. A wave of pink seemed to dance across the sky and land at the sun. Steaks of red, orange, and light purple joined it as they passed over our heads. I smiled again. It was just so pretty, looking at it. Beast Boy had chosen such a prefect place where one could end the day.

Suddenly I wondered where he might be. I looked to the edge of the roof and saw him sitting there. I quietly walked over to him and waited for an invitation to sit down. After a few minutes, Beast Boy realized I hadn't sat down and looked up at me in bewilderment.

"You can sit down, you know," he said with a small smile.

"I was waiting for an invitation. I don't want to exceed your personal boundaries," I replied simply as I sat down.

A few more quiet minutes passed before either of us talked.

"Do you still want to talk about it?" I asked. Admittedly there was a touch of sincerity in my voice. I couldn't help it. His smile had evaporated as we had moved into silence and his lanky frame had drooped as minutes had passed. I couldn't help but want to help.

"Well, you all know that all of our parents are either dead or locked up in a trans-dimension prison," he began. I thought to myself, Only at Titans Tower can that sentence be said without intending humor. I nodded in response.

"Mine died on Valentine's Day,"

A deep uncomfortable silence fell over us as he said that. I truly felt horrible for bringing it up. It probably hurt to bring up such things. Talking about our parents' death or imprisonment wasn't exactly a great topic for discussion and most of us just really wanted to put it behind us. He really didn't need to tell me anymore

"They had spent the whole day with me. That was truly fun, especially considering it was the last time I would see them." Here he seemed to choke on his words. Then, not knowing what came over me, I put my hand on his shoulder in a way of comfort. After a few moments, he continued again.

"They said they wanted to spend the whole day with me because they loved me so much. I was eight then and didn't have any real friends then other than monkeys and snakes. They were my whole world.

"Lastly, we went on a boat ride. It sunset then too." He paused for a moment for continuing and moved my hand down to his and gave a comforting squeeze. I didn't know exactly why I did that, but it seemed to help and comfort him. And that was all I wanted to do. I didn't let go of his hand until later, and he didn't mind.

"We had…a boating accident. They told me to fly away to get help-I had my powers then too-at first I said no, but…" Here he stopped for another few minutes.

"As I was flying off the boat exploded and I never saw them again." He finished with an air that it let him let go of what had had happened.

His story hit me like a ton of bricks. For one, I was seriously going to need to meditate (which I should do as soon as possible) to control all these emotions. Then a few tears escaped. Worse, Beast Boy noticed. Letting go of my hand, he put it on my shoulder. The volleyball net crashed together and rolled into a ball.

"What's wrong?" he asked with a kindness and sympathy I felt I didn't deserve.

"It's just not right," I said while pulling my legs up into my chest. Before he could but in again I continued.

"You're always kind and sweet and thoughtful. You don't deserve such a horrible thing to happen to you. You shouldn't have to hide it or cover it up with humor. Your parents shouldn't have died." Another tear came down. Beast Boy let go of my shoulder and wrapped his arm around me, pulling me close.

"If it hadn't had happened I would have become part of the Doom Patrol, would have never become a Titan, and…" Here he paused and seemed to decide whether or not he should say what he wanted to say. I then became comfortable aware that Beast Boy's arm was around me and my heat was now beating at an inhuman speed. I leaned into him just a little and that seemed to startle him before he continued.

"I would have never met you."

A few quiet happy moments passed.

"Maybe I should have just not asked you," I said finally, though hating to break the moment I felt I needed to say one last thing.

"No, no. I'm glad you asked me. I like talking to you. It's nice." He smiled.

I smiled and a lightbulb downstairs exploded.

"I like it too."

Another three hours would pass under the sunset and then the stars as we just talked about random subjects. Eventually we realized how late it really was and reluctantly (or at least I hope he was reluctant, I know I was) let go of each others arms and said a purely friendly good-night before departing to our separate rooms.

As I finished writing this I heard someone pass by my door. Yawning, I crossed the room to see what it was. Who could possibly be up at this hour? I opened my door, while suppressing another yawn, to find a small letter and a bouquet of roses in a vase. On the outside was a ring of black roses, in the middle ring there were red ones, and in the very middle was a pure white rose.

Dear Raven,

I know how much you much hate Valentine's Day. I mean, it's not exactly a great holiday for single 'different' heroines. In fact I'm pretty sure you hate it. But I wanted to give you these flowers, because they remind me of you. The black roses on the outside mean (to me at the very least) that on the outside you look dark and happy. That you're not prefect or pretty or anyone who you would want to talk to. That your outside is just to hide what's really inside of you. The red roses in the middle mean that once you get her to open up a little that she is funny and smart. And you wonder why she can't show that side. The white rose means that inside, you're beautiful Raven, and I mean it.

Beast Boy

As I put the flowers in my room, and opened the shade to look at the same midnight sky Beast Boy was probably looking at, I saw that they had been put in a green vase. It struck me as odd. Beast Boy probably didn't notice as he put them in there. The green vase looked a little worn, but proud that it was there. It seemed left out, but it knew its job.

To hold the roses together.

-----

So I went from comedy to fluff to tragedy then to fluff. Whatever, I'm just glad to have this done. I need sleep…

I nearly died of laughter after I thought up the "few rocky relationships" part in BB candidate profile. It may be seen as cheap humor, but meh, I like it.

And admittedly I do not know what noise snow makes when it hits someone. My brother and sister refused to help me figure this out…

Raven may or may not have been a tad OOC (Out Of Character, FYI). I felt she could let out more of her emotions on to paper considering she couldn't say or express them. Please let me know in your reviews, thank you.